!!!XXX-TREME 2 IS HE BECAUSE BACKWARDS WRITES ONLY DIESEL VIN "Attack of The Killer Tomatoes" was originally titled "Vin Diesel Eats A Tomato Sandwich", but Vin Diesel dropped out of the film because he had already eaten a Volkswagen bus that day, and wasn't very hungry. "Casual Fridays" were started so that businessmen in Georgia could work at least one day a week without fear of Vin Diesel strangling them with their own tie. "Dimebag" Darrell Abbott actually killed himself because he heard Vin Diesel was planning to come on stage and show him up with a 36-hour guitar solo. "Engelbert Humperdinck" was Vin Diesel's suggestion to Arnold Dorsey. "Eternal Sunshine of the Slutless Mine," an action-drama-mystery involving the disappearance of hundreds of whores working tricks in an abandoned underground cavern, was written and directed by Vin Diesel. The Motion Picture Academy of Arts and Sciences refused to recognize its significance because it wouldn't have been fair to the competition. "Free Bird" is loosely based on the time when Vin Diesel was caught with his pants down inside of a wind tunnel. "Get hit by a firetruck" can always be found on Vin Diesel's to-do list. "Ode to Joy" was originally titled "Ode to Vin Diesel." "One Vin to rule them all, one Vin to find them, one Vin to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them." "The Shot Heard 'Round the World" was actually Vin Diesel breaking the speed of sound. "Tom" on MySpace is actually Vin Diesel's fake account. MySpace was created by Vin Diesel as a science experiment. "Vin Diesel had a little lamb/Little lamb little lamb/Vin Diesel had a little lamb/Its fleece was hard as hell" -last transmission from U-1226. "Vin Diesel" is a Germanic term for "hairless homo". "Vin Diesel" is an anagram of "Devil Sin". This is not a coincidence - Vin Diesel is in fact the fallen angel Lucifer. "Vin Diesel" is the second most common name in Hawaii. The most common is "Fromage Ammonia". "Vin Diesel" spelled backwards is "Leseid Niv". When confronted with this fact in a recent interview, Vin Diesel pulled out a toilet plunger and stuck it to the face of the interviewer in a comical manner. Unfortunately, the interviewer suffocated to death. Vin was promptly arrested for murder, but was released 2 hours later when it was revealed that he is actually Santa Claus and thus has diplomatic immunity. "Vin" is an abbreviation for "invincible". "We're Going To Be Friends" by The White Stripes is actually an ancient Babylonian folk song recounting the childhoods of Vin Diesel and Gilgamesh. "Win Ben Stein's Money" was taken off the air after Vin Diesel won all of Ben Stein's money. ...and this little piggy went to market, where Vin Diesel roasted it's ass just by looking at it, fed it to a tramp, then killed the tramp and buried him upside-down.
.99999999 = Vin Diesel 1 in 6 pinatas will contain Vin Diesel. 1 out of every 5 miles in the Eisenhower Interstate Highway system is required to be straight because Vin Diesel gets tired of turning so much. 4 out of 5 dentist reccommend Colgate for clean teeth. Vin Diesel is the 1 dentist who does not recommend Colgate. He recommends cleaning teeth with the bones of his victims. 4 out of 5 dentists agree that Vin Diesel is the number 1 cause of tooth decay. 44% of the populace have had dreams featuring Vin Diesel playing either Golf, Tennis or Cricket. 5 x 5 = Vin Diesel 58% of the top 10 billboard hits in the past 30 years have been about Vin Diesel. 60% of the time, Vin Diesel works...every time. 65 million years ago, God begat Vin Diesel in the form of a fiery meteor that smashed into Earth and created a gigantic dust storm that led to the Ice Age and the eventual extinction of the dinosaurs. He then proclaimed himself leader of the Animal Kingdom.
77 9 out of 10 scientists agree, the power of Vin Diesel's urine should be harnessed to replace fossil fuels. The tenth scientist was high-fived by Vin Diesel, causing fragments of his arm to accidentally press the "no" button. 9/11 could have been prevented had Vin Diesel not been asleep at the time. 9/11 wouldn't have happened if Vin Diesel was instead in another dimension fighting a horde of red dragons. A 15 minute rap battle between Diesel's character and Adolf Hitler was also cut before the final release of The Pacifier. A 15 minute rap battle between Diesel's character and Adolf Hitler was cut before the final release of Saving Private Ryan. A Japanese man once kept a Tamagotchi alive for ten years, and it evolved into a sentient being. That sentient being is Vin Diesel. A Rolling Stone gathers no moss, unless you count the decaying corpse of Keith Richards which is sitting in Vin Diesel's trunk. A black cat crossing your path brings bad luck. Vin Diesel brings certain death. A census taker once tried to test Vin Diesel. He ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti, all during his screen test for Pitch Black. A chef once snuck Viagra into Vin Diesel's meal. The resulting erection went through the table and a wall, piercing the chef's heart. He later barbeque'd the chef and ate his flesh on 12 inch Subway rolls. A deleted portion in the story of Troy recalls Vin Diesel forcing Achilles to drink his own urine. A diamond may say you love her, but a Vin Diesel is forever. A famous linguist once said that of all the phrases in the English language, of all the endless combinations of words in all of history, that Vin Diesel is the most beautiful. A few people can lift Thor's hammer, but Vin Diesel's the only one who can beat Thor's ass with it. A little known fact is that Vin Diesel blew up the Challenger space shuttle after being selected to man it. After a particularly hot Lamb Karahi curry the night before Vin decided to squeak one out as the shuttle was launching believing that no one would notice. The resulting explosion incinerated the craft and was thought to be as hot as 12 suns. Vin Diesel was the only survivor. A lot of people find the word midget to be offensive; Vin Diesel doesn't care what you call them as long as they are not over-cooked and come with a side of cole slaw. A pack of hungry Vin Diesels can strip a freshly killed carcass of a water buffalo in a matter of minutes. A poem Vin Diesel did write
A proverb from the Yoruba people of Nigeria reads, "Vin Diesel is so small, he cannot fit inside a house; so tall, he cannot reach the belly of a turtle." A reporter asked Vin Diesel what he thought of children. "I love children," he replied, as he wiped the Hello Kitty backpacks from his mouth. A spoon full of sugar makes the Vin Diesel go down. So does a twenty dollar bill. A spoonfull of sugar helps the medicine go down. A spoonfull of Vin Diesel will eat through your intestines. A tradition at Vin Diesel's family reunions is to have a water balloon reenactment of the Battle of the Little Big Horn. It ends with the death of his entire family on his mother's side.
A world tour once constructed a stage out of a revolving Vin Diesel and took it on over to Bon Jovi's house. A, E, I, O, U, and sometimes Vin Diesel. AND THE HEAVENS SHOOKETH AS VIN DIESEL DID BATTLE THE ROBOT. EACH EXCHANGED BLOWS THAT WOULD RENDER OTHER MEN IMPOTENT AND RETARDED BUT THEY CONTINUED TO BATTLE FOR DAYS AT A TIME TAKING BREAKS FOR TEA AND CRUMPETS AT 3 PM EVERY DAY UNTIL FINALLY VIN DIESEL DID SMITE THE ROBOT WITH HIS HEAD WHILE SHOUTING IN BINARY SO THAT THE ROBOT WOULD OVERLOAD AND BE DEFEATED.SO IT WAS WRITTEN, SO LET IT BE DONE. THIS DAY SHALL FOREVERMORE BE KNOWN AS "VIN DIESEL DAY."
Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves. Vin Diesel taught them to breakdance. Abraham Lincoln is a myth. He was nothing more than Vin Diesel wearing a fake beard and stove pipe hat. According to Diesel, all animals look that much sexier if you put them in a thong. Accordingly to Greek Mythology, Agamemnon vowed he would smash down the walls of Troy even if it took 40,000 greeks. However, this was not Agamemnon's original vow. Despite what you may have heard, Agamemnon originally vowed he would only need one man to penetrate the walls of Troy. His plans would soon change once he found out Vin Diesel left the greek army to care for a Teletubby he imgregnated just a few months earlier. Adderall is actually made from grinding up Vin Diesel's teeth, which have magic, cocaine-like chemicals in them to help keep Vin kicking ass 24/7. Vin Deisel doesn't mind giving up his teeth because, as it has been well documented, his father was 1/2 shark so Vin grows approximately 200 new teeth a day. Admiring Malcolm X, Vin Diesel temporarily changed his name to Malcolm XI, but this didn't improve ticket sales among African Americans. Adobe Acrobat always loads quickly on Vin Diesel's computer. Adolf Hitler killed himself not because of fear of the advancing Allies, but because Vin Diesel was right around the corner and about to kick his ass. After Vin Diesel got an urge to have a midnight snack, the Irish Potato famine ensued. After Vin Diesel killed the last dodo he was heard muttering, "Now it's time for those queers." After a grueling 47 day battle with Walt Disney, Vin Diesel finally beat him at rock, paper, scissors and thus froze Disney solid. Disney's frozen body is now on display at Vin Diesel's fortress of badassitude. After a loud and at lengthy argument with Bob Barker at a late-night Hollywood eatery, Vin Diesel has become a strident opponent of pet birth control, ending every movie he stars in with a heartfelt plea to viewers to "Let your cats and dogs fuck all they want!" After completing a hard-fought game of Risk against, well, himself, Vin Diesel likes nothing better than to pick up a skipping rope and work himself up to a light pace of 5,378 skips per second. He can also slow down his heart rate to one heart beat every February 28th – that’s slower than it takes Jeff Goldblum to complete a sentence. After finishing the children’s book, "If you give a mouse a cookie, he’s going to want a glass of milk", Vin Diesel captured a mouse and broke his neck saying, “You just couldn’t be happy with a FUCKING COOKIE.” After going back in time to single-handedly lead the Greek army to victory at the Battle of Thermopylae, Vin Diesel corraled all the remaining Persian soldiers into a straight line and impaled them all through the gut with his enormous penis. He then used their corpses to kick around the disembodied heads littering the battlefield, thus inventing the sport of foosball. After losing an interior decorating prize to Vin Diesel, Jet Li became irritated and challenged Vin to battle. Mr. Li was swallowed whole and is now lodged someplace within Vin Diesel's ribcage. After losing three straight games to the Yankees during the 2004 American League Championship Series, the Red Sox implored the help of Vin Diesel. Eight games later, the World Series was theirs for the keeping...but the same could no longer be said for their souls. After reading an article about the Frenchman who eats bicycles and household appliances in a children's "fun facts" book, Vin threw the book to the ground, screamed "That fucking pussy ain't worth shit," and proceeded to eat everything in his mansion, including (but not limited to: ) two Porsches, a Ducati motorcycle, a 60" plasma screen TV, four maids (two Puerto Rican, one caucasian, and one Chinese,) half a stick of butter, and a box full of broken glass. He then ate the house itself, "for good measure." This all occured over a three-day period last July. After single handedly building the Great Wall of China in an afternoon, Vin Diesel spend the evening successfully impregnating all 3000 concubines in Emperor Qui Wang's harem, resulting in the little known Vin Dynasty of 206BC. After the big bang happened, all the matter in the universe was projected outwards at millions of miles per hour toward the edges of space. The only thing left in the middle was Vin Diesel. After twenty-nine years of thorough research, it was discovered that Mr. T was actually the product of a year long affair between Vin Diesel and Chewbacca. After watching "The Crying Game," Vin Diesel disguised himself as Katie Holmes, in order to surprise Tom Cruise on their wedding night. Their wedding is scheduled for April Fools Day. After watching Gigli, Vin Diesel was so enraged that he threatened to take away the music of Raffi from the people of Earth. After listening to Baby Beluga again, he reconsidered. After watching the Knights of the Round Table being defeated by the French, he taunted THEM a second time and to this day the scar remains present on some french people, as their mouths are still twisted from the shock, appearing to speak out of the sides of their mouths. After years of research, scientists in America have successfully managed to publish evidence that there is in fact something smaller than Vin Diesel’s penis - his brain. Despite this, it has been rumoured that if anyone was to ever calculate exactly how many times more intelligent Mr. Diesel was than the rest of the human race, his brain would disappear in a puff of smoke. Some suppose this has already happened. Against popular belief, Vin Diesel did NOT star in "The Fast And The Furious". It was in fact his younger brother, Rim Diesel. When Vin found out about his brother using his name, he flew into a murderous rage and beat his brother to death with his own veins. Onlookers were quoted as saying "It would have been ironic if Vin had been Fast and Furious; however, he was actually rather slow and placid." Alan Greenspan calls Vin Diesel whenever he is about to make a really important decision. Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland was written by Lewis Carroll after he followed Vin Diesel into a rabbit hole. Aliens sent the Y2K bug to kill Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel answered by having sex with Kirsten Dunst and Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day. All Gmail invitations must first be cleared with Vin Diesel. All Spell Checkers are actually mini Vin Diesels inside your computer. This is possible due to the fact that when Vin Diesel is cut into pieces each piece becomes a smaller and more verbose Vin Diesel. All Vin Diesel's NES games have vowels in their level passwords. All buildings that Vin Diesel walks out of explode just a few seconds after he makes his exit. All first posts on all forums are posted by Vin Diesel. All hospitals in the United States are mandated to have Kryptonite-powered lightsabers on hand in case Vin Diesel needs surgery. All life forms are carbon-based, except Vin Diesel who is 95% awesome and 7% Welsh. All months used to have 32 days, but Vin Diesel demanded a sacrifice from each month. February refused to comply, so Vin Diesel fucked the month up for good by making it the worst month ever.
All of Vin Diesel's genes are dominant. All of Vin Diesel's hair is on Chuck Norris' beard. All of Vin Diesel's toes are big toes. All of mankind was saved when Zacharias Q. Hoffslaus, the antichrist, was strangled in his crib as an infant by Vin Diesel All of the characters in the movie "Big Trouble In Little China" were loosely based upon Vin Diesel. All of the socks you lose in the washing machine rest soundly on Vin Diesel's mantle. All of the visits to this site were made by Vin Diesel. All roads lead to Vin Diesel. All the 'Yes' album covers are Diesel family photos. All the Elements of the Periodic Table can be found between the cushions of Vin Diesel's couch. All versions of Popeye are based off his adventures as a Merchant Marine. Interestingly enough, The Jeep is the only character that is based off of Vin Diesel. All your Vin Diesel are belong to us. All your base are belong to Vin Diesel. Also some interesting facts on (non Bizarro) Vin Diesel's film career: Also, Vin Diesel got the Beatles back together for a one time special only appearance for Elvis' 75th birthday. All The Beatles. Even John. And Elivis loved it. Although Malcolm Glazer now has control of Manchester United, it is Vin Diesel who has physical control of Sir Alex Ferguson. He took control of Fergie's body shortly before Utd won the treble, mostly out of boredom. Vin Diesel is particularly proud of the chewing movements. Although Vin Diesel is not blind, he can only read braille. Although it was never shown in the movie, Godzilla didn't beat Mechagodzilla...Vin Diesel did. Although set at Wyoming's Devil's Tower, the climactic scene to "Close Encounters Of The Third Kind" was actually filmed on Vin Diesel's head. Although they were outlawed by the Consumer Product Safety Commission in 1988, Vin Diesel continues to play Lawn Darts with little to no regard to his personal safety. Always the prankster, Vin Diesel once convinced Copernicus of a "Heliocentric theory" knowing full well that the universe revolves around him and laughed at Copernicus when he tried to pass this off as fact. Amazing = 7 letters
An advanced alien race once created a computer that successfully explained the meaning of life; however, the alien race, their planet, and practically everything else ever to come in contact with them was immediately obliterated when they asked for an explanation of Vin Diesel. An anagram of Vin Diesel is evil dines. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but studies have shown that 74 metric tonnes of of apples keeps Vin Diesel away. An assassination attempt was taken upon Vin Diesel’s life; he was poisoned, shot repeatedly, beaten, and then tossed into an icy river. He later rose from the river in the springtime and proceeded to savagely destroy downtown Tokyo. The events were later written recorded in written form and became known as Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. And Vin Diesel so loved the world, that he gave it his only son: Superman. Anonymous is one of Vin Diesel's many pseudonyms. Anthrax is Vin Diesel in powder form. Any vehicle within 20 feet of Vin Diesel will get 200 miles per gallon for the next 3.14 hours. Anyone who is found to be extremely attractive has had cocaine snorted off of their taint by Vin Diesel. Anything you can do, Vin can do better. Vin can do anything better than you. Apple's G5 processor was designed after Vin Diesel's endocrine system.
Approximately 25,000 workers died during the building of the Panama Canal. This was all because someone coughed near Vin Diesel. Area 51 is a secret utopian society founded by Vin Diesel, initially founded as a safehouse for his alien bretheren, but later opened to his most loyal followers. Arnold Schwarzenegger is Vin Diesel's retarded brother with autism. Arnold Schwarzenegger was created from one of Vin Diesel's ribs. As a child, Vin Diesel could be found staring absently across a large gorge. When asked what he was doing, he said he was going to burn the bridge down. Well I'll be a flyswatter's Aunt Sally if he didn't sit there for 14 years waiting for that bridge to be built, and when it finally was he torched it and was gone in the blink of an eye. As a child, Vin Diesel had the CEO of Apple as a pet instead of the traditional family dog. As a hobby, Vin used to follow Elliott Smith around, whispering riddles into his ear. This stopped when Smith turned around, chased him down the street, caught up and beat him with the ostrich egg he had recently purchased. This is believed to be one of the only two times Vin Diesel has cried, both times involving Elliot Smith. As a magna cum laude graduate of Harvard's School of Medicine, Vin Diesel is qualified to remove gerbils from almost any orifice. As a method actor, Vin Diesel spent six months in space learning to kick alien ass for the part of Riddick. As a public service, Vin Diesel goes on regular shooting rampages at telemarketing calling centres. As a science experiment Vin once went back in time and killed his own granny two days before delivering her baby which would eventually become Vin Diesel's own mother. He got a C-. As a small boy, Vin Diesel was abandoned by his parents and subsequently raised by a flock of Mallard ducks. He later killed the ducks and used their feathers to make a ceremonial headdress that allows the wearer to control the powers of ice. As a young peasant boy in Moscow, Vin Diesel created a lick and stick tattoo which Mikhail Gorbachev refuses to take off his scalp till this very day. As evidenced in this thread, the entire subterranean chamber industry of Nebraska relies solely on Vin Diesel for all revenue. As of May 23, 2005, Vin Diesel can no longer count the amount of children he has accidentally run over with his motorcycle on one hand. As part of his morning routine, Vin Diesel stretches by defeating 20 armed ninjas that jump out of various household appliances. As well as turning lead to gold, water to wine, and Coke to Pepsi, the touch of Vin Diesel has also been known to cure leprosy. As you may have guessed, "Vin Diesel" is in actuality merely a stage name. The actor's real name is, and always has been, Yao Ming. Aside from Vin Diesel, no human has simultaniously rocket-skied, saved Calcutta, made love to seven women, and eaten a Burger King Tender Crisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch sandwich and performed brain surgery on himself. At Baseball games, Vin Diesel sings his own version of "Take Me Out To The Ballgame", but gets ejected from every game due to the large amount of profanity and graphic violent sexual sexual imagery in HIS version. At one point Vin Diesel was so popular in Holland that local merchants accepted him as a standard form of currency. And this was before they legalized marijuana! At parties, Vin Diesel tells people he is Adam Sandler to pick up chicks. At the time of his birth, Vin Diesel was the 10,543rd most popular name for white males in the world. He has since hunted down and eaten everyone who shares his name, leaving only himself. Australia wasn't "down under" until Vin Diesel decided to put it there in 1847. Avagadro's Number was first thought of by Vin Diesel as an easier way of expressing his rage. The SI Unit for this is kL/rage ^-1.
Axe Deodorant Spray is made entirely out of Vin Diesel's natural pheromones and a pinch of chili powder. Axe shower gel is made from Vin Diesel's pre-cum. Babies aren't delivered by the stork. They're actually fired into people's homes by a cannon operated by Vin Diesel. Back before the time of man an army of elite magma soldiers came forth from the center of the earth, born of it molten core. So fierce were these lava lords that Vin Diesel was forced to unleash a most foul torture upon them now commonly referred to as "the ice-cream headache". Back in the 70's there was a Schoolhouse Rock episode called "It's Groovy to Be Diesel." The episode was only shown once, because it was found to cause epilepsy in small children. Back in the day, before he was a movie star, Sean Connery was trying to take over the world. He was foiled by Vin Diesel and a masked kid who later rapped about his experiences. This kid is known as Will Smith. Barq's root beer has oft been called "the one with bite", and thus far Vin Diesel is the only known being to have successfully bitten it back. Bartholomew Crubble is the birth name of Vin Diesel, which is actually an acronym for Vulva Intoxication No-longer Daunts Incredible Eggwhite Samples Every Latersday. Beans gained their reputation as a "musical fruit" only after Vin Diesel ate a can and shat out Sir Elton John. Bears act dead near Vin Diesel. Beat Bobby Fischer in a game of chess. And by that I mean, beat Bobby Fischer into a coma using only the white rook. Beckham can bend it like Vin Diesel. Beef, it's what's for dinner, except for Vin Diesel, he eats souls. Before James Earl Jones screwed up with the voice-dubbing, Darth Vader’s famous line in ‘The Empire Strikes Back’ was actually: “Luke, I am Vin Diesel.” Before Vin Diesel, people came from eggs. Before he came to this planet, Earth did not spin. Before his big Hollywood break, Vin Diesel had worked as a traffic cop, a geologist, and an armchair. Before his breakout roles in Hollywood, Vin Diesel was one of eight essential vitamins most commonly found in cereals. Before modifications by Vin, computer keyboards did not include the letters, J, and T or the number 7. Before the Guillatine was invented, Kings would behead their enemies with Vin Diesel's sphincter. Before the construction of the CERN particle accelerator Vin Diesel was employed to split subatomic particles by hurling them at a specially reinforced brick wall. Before there was David Prowse, Vin Diesel was once highly considered to play the role of Darth Vader in the original Star Wars Trilogy. However, he was rejected for the part after using the lightsaber prop to decapitate the actor standing in for the part of Obi-wan during the audition. Before you obey your thirst, you better obey Vin Diesel. Before young bed-bugs go to sleep, they warn each other to not let the Vin Diesel bite. Behind every great man stands a great woman. Behind that great woman stands Vin Diesel. Being murdered by Vin Diesel is the only way to enter Valhalla. Ben Folds Five lost the "Five" after Vin Diesel folded the other four. Beyond the edges of the Solar system, through the expanses of the Milky Way, and across the dark nothingness of deep space drifts a device, a perfect sphere, indestructible. This is where Vin Diesel has his newspaper delivered so the neighbor's kids don't mess with it. Bill Bryson's book "A Short History of Nearly Everything" was originally going to be "A Short History of Everything" until he realised that including Vin Diesel would mean deforesting the entire planet ten times over to manufacture the necessary amount of paper. Bill Goldberg's retirement from the WWE was actually due to Vin Diesel challenging him to a barb-wire steel-cage deathmatch over the title of "World's Angriest Jew." Billie Jean is not Vin Diesel's lover. She's just a girl who claims that he is the one, but the kid is not his son. Birds don't fly over the vicinity of Vin Diesel. Blue Oyster Cult's "Don't Fear The Reaper" didn't need more cowbell. It needed more Vin Diesel. Bon Jovi once constructed a revolving stage out of Vin Diesel and took it on a world tour. Boobs on women? Vin Diesel's idea to God. Both Lee Harvey Oswald and Vin Diesel killed JFK. Oswald fired Vin Diesel out of his rifle. Vin penetrated JFK's head then exploded. Both Newton and Leibniz were inspired to create The Calculus when they witnessed Vin Diesels face on one of the many craters of the moon. Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider. Vin Diesel goes to Saturn to concur yet another planet. Brad Pitt dumped Jennifer Aniston for Vin Diesel. Brittany Spears is pregnant with the second coming of Vin Diesel. Brought down the Walls of Jericho with a spirited Hadooken. Bruce Campbell is the only being in our dimension capable of killing Vin Diesel, but the vacuum left by his absence would collapse the universe. To this day, the actors refuse to be wthin a thousand miles of eachother's presence. Buddha, Jesus, and Vin Diesel had a long talk. Now Buddha and Jesus are learning to kick some ass. Buddy Info for Vin Diesel is always available. By law is not allowed to use the letter "Q". By law, Vin Diesel must give 24 hours notice before he sneezes. This way the maintenance crew at Skydome has time to close the roof. By playing back any quote from Vin Diesel, assigning each letter a number, reversing the order, and translating to Hebrew can one find the Secret Name of God. By the end of Star Wars: A New Hope, Vin Diesel already knew Darth Vader was Luke's father. By the time you finish reading this fact, Vin will have accomplished more than you will in your entire life. By using Vin Diesel's abdominal muscles as a rudimentary abacus, one can convert anything to the metric system. C.S. Lewis’ famous book, “The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe,” was initially titled “The Lion, The Witch and the Vin Diesel.” Lewis changed it because he didn’t want to upstage the Bible.
COQ AU VIN DIESEL
Can create any of the 3 forms of water just by farting, and the 4th just by thinking about Leonard Nemoy's rising career in marketing Can only exist 2 dimensions at any one time. This is due to a hidden clause in the Treaty of Versaille. Can telekinetically cook pork from up to a mile away. Captain Morgan is Vin Diesel's father. Chameleons don't change colour; Vin Diesel paints them. Charlie Kaufman's next film is rumored to be titled "Being Vin Diesel". Christopher Columbus gave Vin Diesel 2 liters of unicorn blood in exchange for Vin molding the flat earth into a round ball like clay. Claims to have the Bible's lost pages which consist of a Calvin and Hobbes strip and a recipe for jerk chicken. Closed-captioning is actually typed by Vin Diesel in real time. Compton came sraight outta Vin Diesel. Confronted with the challenge of finding a suitably corrosive substance for use in his movie "Aliens", Ridley Scott finally settled upon the blood of Vin Diesel after an extensive interview with a now horribly disfigured Red Cross volunteer whose job it was to tend to Diesel's first (and incidentally, last) donation. Congress gave Vin Diesel final say on pulling the plug on Terri Shiavo. He decided to do it because plug pulling is more extreme than tube feeding. Consuming 8 ounces of Vin Diesel per day lowers your cholesterol, and has enough antioxidants to help prevent cancer. Contrary to another fact on this site, Rome was not built in a day; it only took Vin Diesel 5 hours. Contrary to popular beleif Lindsay Lohan does not have breasts. She is in fact growing two Vin Diesel's inside of her. Contrary to popular belief Kevin Spacey is not Keyser Soze, Vin Diesel is. Contrary to popular belief, Michael Farraday did not discover benzene. Vin Diesel synthesized benzene first by grabbing six methane molecules and squeezing them really hard. Contrary to popular belief, Mount Rushmore was actually carved by Vin Diesel. He completed the entire edifice in a single day, using only a butter knife that he stole from a nearby diner. Contrary to popular belief, Osama bin Laden was captured in late 2002. This occured when Vin Diesel defeated all of al-Qaeda in a series of arm-wrestling contests. To make it fair, Vin was blindfolded. Contrary to popular belief, Trix are also for Vin Diesel. Contrary to popular belief, Vin Diesel did not invent pederasty. He was, however, the first to put it to music. Contrary to popular belief, Vin Diesel did not write the Bible, although he did copy-edit it. Contrary to popular belief, Vin Diesel does not have his own seat on the UN Security Council. He does, however, maintain the right to devour the General Assembly on every third Wednesday of odd-numbered months.
Contrary to popular belief, Vin Diesel does not like to eat at the Olive Garden anymore due to a 2002 incident involving a pepper mill, an opera-singing waiter, and a very drunk John Kerry. Contrary to popular belief, Vin Diesel has had a sex change: male to Vin Diesel. Contrary to popular belief, Vin Diesel is the “real San Francisco treat.” Contrary to popular belief, Vin Diesel killed all Heaven's Gate for discovering the truth about his spaceship. Contrary to popular belief, Vin Diesel's balls cannot be used as a life raft. They can however be used as a sea anchor for large cruise ships. Contrary to popular belief, Vin Diesel, not the Emancipation Proclamation, set the slaves free years before the Civil War. The Civil War was actually just a clan battle between L1nc0ln and xx_J3ff3rs0n_xx, which Vin Diesel won anyway. Contrary to popular belief, Vin does not live his life a quarter mile at a time. He uses the metric system. Contrary to popular belief, it was in fact Vin Diesel who invented the internet. Al Gore stole the designs when Vin fell asleep at his keyboard. Contrary to popular belief, it was not the Israelite's trumpets which brought down the Walls of Jericho. It was Vin Diesel. Contrary to popular belief, it was not the big bad wolf which blew down the pigs' house; it was Vin Diesel. He skipped the twig houses too; he went straight for the titanium-reinforced concrete blast shelter. Contrary to popular belief, the Rosetta Stone was not carved by Egyptians to honour the Pharoh. It was actually a recepie for Vin's famous three bean chilli. Contrary to popular belief, the brassierre was not invented for feminine breast support, but to function as a jockstrap for Vin Diesel's gargantuan testicles. Contrary to popular belief, the story of Hermes and Apollo's cattle actually has next to nothing to do with Vin Diesel. Contrary to what Freddie Mercury would have you believe, it is Vin Diesel's love of Fat Bottomed Girls, and not Fat Bottomed Girls in and of themselves, that makes the world go round. Contrary to what J.K. Rowling believes, Vin Diesel is actually the Dark Lord, Chosen One, R.A.B., Half-Blood Prince, and the missing horcrux. Contrary to what historians want you to believe the atomic bombs that were dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki were not actually bombs at all, they were actually Vin Diesel's orgasms. Vin has not had sex since, and may god help us all if he ever does. Contrary to what they would want you to think Vin Diesel can get fully clean without being Zest-Fully clean. Coq au Vin used to be the French name for chicken stew. Ever since Vin Diesel's movies premiered in France, it has taken on a very different meaning, but the French people love it more than ever. Created Halo, GTA-Vice City, GTA San Andreas, Doom3, and Fable in the span of a fortnight. During the creation of Doom3 and Fable, he was simutaneously fighting off hordes of zombie ninjas. Hence, the reason why both games did not live up to their original hype. Created Led Zepplin as a running bet. Created the moon landing as an experiment to boost his ego Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down. Crosswalks were invented to reduce the damage resulting from vehicles running into Vin Diesel. Curiousity killed the cat. If by "curiosity" you mean "Vin Diesel" and by "killed" you mean "killed". DON'T turn Vin Diesel into a snake. It never helps.
Dairy Queen used to be Dairy King before Vin Diesel made it his bitch. Dan Brown was originally going to call his book "The Da Vin Diesel Code" but decided that would give the game away too much. Darth Maul got his fashion tips from Vin Diesel. Darth Vader vs Luke, who wins? Neither, Vin Diesel won... twice. Dasani Spring Water is the result of Vin Diesel passing the coolant runoff from a nuclear powerplant through his kidneys. David Bowie's "Ziggy Stardust" alter ego was actually based on someone Vin Diesel punched to death. Despite being hairless, biologists believe Vin Diesel to be a mammal. Despite his rugged, masculine looks; Vin Diesel is actually a woman. Despite it being a physical impossiblity, Vin Diesel can lose points at skee-ball. Despite popular belief, Vin Diesel's groin is the true inspiration for the Sacajawea Dollar. Despite popular theories about the stock market crash, the real cause for it occurred when Vin Diesel, in a fit of rage over finding his pet pig trampled to death on Wall Street, walked into the stock market headquarters on October 24, 1929, and brutally murdered every man present. He then took a shit all over the stock records, turning them blacker than tar, which is why the day was remembered as Black Thursday. While mourning his favored pet, he released screams of anguish which reverberated for several days, resulting in Black Monday and Tuesday, and which were so powerful that the country itself was thrown into a depression. Despite refusing to shoot, and being unable to ski, he came in 4th overall in the '92 Winter Olympics' Biathalon event, missing the Bronze medal by a remarkably narrow margin. Despite rumors, Vin Diesel is not gay, but his presence often causes lesser men to spontaneously transform into sexy women who forget everything about their former lives, which he then has sex with. Despite wild rumors linking Vin to the overthrow of nearly one dozen oppressive third world regimes, the only substantial proof to be found is the gem-encrusted, platinum "V" medallion buried in the chest cavity of each former dictator. Diesel Diesel Diesel, Diesel Diesel Diesel. Diesel Diesel "Diesel Diesel," Diesel Diesel death. Diesel gas is made of Vin Diesel's sweat. Diesel got his wife pregnant.. and she gave birth to a delicious 16 oz. steak. The afterbirth was sauteed Mushrooms. Diesel in the mornin', Diesel in the evenin', Diesel at suppertime! When Vin Diesel's on a bagel, he will kill you. Disguised himself as Ray Romano and did an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. The producers have been sworn to secrecy on the actual episode he appeared. Doctors once found $60 worth of nickels in Vin Diesel's stomach. Don't drop a bottle of Goya in front of Vin Diesel, or he'll smack you like the ho you are. Don’t listen to that liar Professor Oak. Vin Diesel was the one who discovered Pichu (Pikachu’s devolved form). Doom II was originally inspired by Vin Diesel, who vanished any who dare oppose the "Die" in Diesel into a 2D world. Dragon Ball Z is closely based on Vin Diesel's last piano recital. Du hast ihn gefragt, und Vin Diesel hat nichts gesagt. Due to the favorable exchange rate, a Vin Diesel in the hand is worth about 3.5 in the bush. Due to the sheer enormity of his bowel movements, Vin Diesel has installed a garbage disposal in his toilet. He finds this much more convenient than having to continually chop up his turds with a fork. During WWII, Vin Diesel personally funded and masterminded the top-secret "Pykkapora" project , in which he designed and tested a new form of naval vessel constructed entirely out of Swiss cheese. The cheese was not only cheaper, more buoyant, and more flexible than the regular materials, but could be repaired by an on-board herd of cows as opposing forces dealt damage to it. It also allowed for greatly increased sizes of vessel; eventually, a floating city of cheese was built, which was intended to allow huge legions of soldiers hiding within to storm Japan; due to every Asian's great detesting of cheese, the structure would pass unhindered onto enemy shores. From there, the ship could be reassembled and used as a unstoppable weapon against the cheese-fearing Nips.
During World War II, Vin Diesel fired his rifle but missed. That bullet later killed John Lennon.
During a freak electric storm, lightning hit a tree near Vin Diesel’s house knocking a branch off. He whittled the branch into a canoe and named it “Wonderboy.” This would later fuel his love for competitive canoe racing and his being cast in “The Fast and the Furious.” During a recent interview, Vin Diesel stated that he began the legacy of the Ninja many centuries ago. During a routine airport cavity search, examiners investigating Vin Diesel's nether-regions inadvertantly found Atlantis. It is reported to have been "in surprisingly good condition, complete with skyscrapers, canals, sewerage systems and a great wall to rival China's." During a stay at Neverland Ranch in the 80's, Vin Diesel was awoken by Michael Jackson who was trying to sneak into his bed. Vin punched Jackson so hard that he knocked the black right off of him. During routine surgery it was discovered that the conditions inside Vin Diesel's heart are identical to those at the Mohorovic discontinuity. During the Cold War, Vin Diesel worked simultaneously for the CIA and KGB. Unbeknownst to both organizations, he was secretly selling the plans of both countries to the Asociacion Nacional Republicana party of Paraguay. During the battle of Ragnarok, Vin Diesel will swallow the moon. During the dark ages, Vin Diesel narrowly avoided being burned at the stake by building a bridge out of five witches. During the “Reign of Terror”, Vin Diesel was a major advisor to Robespierre. When brought to the guillotine, Vin’s neck shattered the blade upon impact. Each day, up to 150 species of life become extinct because of Vin Diesel's morning breath. Earthquakes are really just Vin Diesel bench pressing Los Angeles. Eggs didn't use to have white in them, that is, until Vin Diesel started having sex with chickens. Eight out of ten cats prefer Vin Diesel. Eighth grade mathematics text books were recalled last year from a group of primary schools in Queensland Australia. A spokesperson from the publishing company later made an announcement stating that the algorithm “Existence - Vin Diesel = Equilibrium” does not, in fact, justify a reason to perform nude runs whilst sober. Elected as President, Vin Diesel recently resurrected and appointed Strom Thurmond as Secretary of Depends. Together, they created a new law that will make all criminals get butt-raped by large gorillas until they turn paraplegic. The new plan is called Lethal Injection 2.0. Electronic Vin Diesels are now available from The Gadget Shop at the London Trocadero for the reasonable price of Ł13.99. Elvis is not dead, he is living happily inside Vin Diesel's scrotum. Email sent from Vin Diesel is composed in haiku form. Emo music was made when Vin Diesel took a shit and forgot to flush. Even Vin Diesel didn't like Pitch Black. Even Vin Diesel doesn't know why no fact has a rating of 9 or above. Even though Vin Diesel's penchant for herring and struedel is well known, beware the inclination to send him a 'care package' of said wares as Mr. Diesel will see this as merely a prelude to the sender wishing for a sample of his erythropoietin. Even though his lower half is cybernetic, his left knee cap is actually bone. But it isn't his bone. It is the kneecap of one Eister Rauchstein, holocaust victim at Auschwitz. The immortal spirit of Eister is trapped in the kneecap and Vin taps its energy to regenerate his wounds, or survive without food and water for days. Ever wonder why the little mermaid couldn't walk or talk after becoming human? Vin Diesel just got through with her. Every 2pac track released since Tupac's death has actually been written and recorded by Vin Diesel, and he personally slaughtered everyone responsible for the nu-mixx klazzics. Every Beatles track has an alternate version with Vin Diesel playing every instrument except drums Every Christmas, Vin Diesel dresses up in red, climbs down chimneys, and steals children to work in his salt mines. Every Friday at midnight he tapes cheese graters to his forearms and pretends that he's Master Shreder. He then proceeds to play "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" in his front yard until dawn. Every Spring, Vin Diesel sheds all of his skin. Each one of these discarded husks has gone on to become a ridiculously popular child star. It is rumored that the entire cast of Diff'rent Strokes was made up of these skins, except Willis. Every dollar Vin Diesel makes goes to setting up lavish expeditions where he kills a rare or legendary creature. As a followup to this Vin Diesel used to bathe in unicorn blood, but no longer needs to bathe as he has transcended beyond the mortal world's filth. Every fact that is on this website will be on a Snapple cap soon. Every new Coke can design must be pre-approved by Vin Diesel. Every night, Vin Diesel does 700 push ups and punches himself in the face until he passes out. Every single one of Vin Diesel's internal organs is tattooed with a map to a different lost civilizations greatest treasure. It cannot be confirmed whether or not Vin Diesel did the tattooing himself. Every star in the sky is in reality a dormant Vin Diesel clone. Should Vin Diesel ever be killed, one of these clones will descend to Earth to become the new Vin Diesel. Every time Michael Jackson did the Moonwalk, it wasn´t actually himself dancing but Vin Diesel using the force on him. He did that because he wanted to get laid by Princess Diana in a car. Eventually, it worked, but after the brakes collapsed Vin made a nose dive into the Seine. Every time Vin Diesel ejaculates it registers 10.9 on the Richter scale. Every time Vin Diesel goes golfing, a dozen people never see the sun rise again. Every time Vin Diesel kills god, a kitten masturbates. Every time Vin Diesel masturbates, god creates a kitten. Every time Vin Diesel masturbates, someone in Ireland gets a nose bleed. Every time Vin Diesel spins the wheel on the Price is Right, he gets 1.00. Every time a bell rings, Vin Diesel eats another child. Every time a bell rings, an Angel gets it's wings torn off by Vin Diesel. Every time he dies a new clone is taken out of the vats to replace him. Because they are like a newborn child, they are always bald. Were a clone to last more than three weeks it is theorised he would look exactly like a young Gene Hackman. Every time you masturbate, Vin Diesel kills a kitten. Then he drinks its blood, makes a hat out of its fur, grinds its bones to make his bread, and turns everything else into sausage, except the eyeballs, which he turns into christmas tree ornaments. Every time you press F5, Vin Diesel kills a kitten. Please...think of the kittens. Every year, on the eve of the summer solstice, Vin Diesel uses an enema to cleanse the anuses of neighborhood children before he proceeds to feed them to his pet lion, Alfredo. Everybody Loves Raymond. Except Vin Diesel; he fuckin hates that guy. Everybody grows balls after doing stuff with Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel has a ball-growing aura around him. Everyone knows that the Statue of Liberty is in New York, but what they don't know is that it is actually a trophy that was given to Vin Diesel by Rudolph Giuliani after Vin Diesel saved the city from Godzilla. Everytime Cherynobyl explodes, Vin Diesel sneezes. Everytime Vin Diesel masturbates God kills a Siberian Tiger. Everytime a child finds his faith, an angel gets its wings. Everytime an angel gets it's wings, Vin Diesel shoots it down with a rocket launcher, which is ironicly located in his pelvic region. Expiration dates on milk are set according to the menstrual cycle of Vin Diesel's cat. FDR did not have polio, he owed Vin Diesel $20. Fact #3,743 regarding Vin Diesel punching an infant is inaccurate. We regret the error. Fact: The song 'Dragotea Din Tei,' made famous by Gary Brolsma in his Numa Numa Dance video, is a 500 year old Romanian hymn of praise to Vin Diesel's penis. Fact: Vin Diesel eats rocks. And out the other end, pure gold.
Fact: Vin Diesel's not really bald, he merely wears his foreskin as a hat. Favorite book? The Phantom Tollbooth. Favorite breakfast food? Javanero peppers. Method of eating? Shoving them through his tear ducts. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. Suffering, however, leads to Vin Diesel. Few know that in the movie "Junior", Arnold Schwarzenegger gave birth to Vin Diesel. Few people know how Vin Diesel's character in Saving Private Ryan was originally supposed to die. Spielberg will only say, "I had to change it because it was so hilarious we couldn't get a decent take. Plus GLAAD and PETA would have been pissed."
Few people know that Vin Diesel wrote the Treaty of Versaille as an AP European History project. Fidel Castro has actually been dead for years. Vin Diesel has been impersonating him to ensure the survival of Communism. Films with suggestively pornographic titles, based solely on the premise that Vin Diesel is a badass, are enormously successful. Florida is a scale model of Vin Diesel's penis. Florida is the boomerang Vin Diesel once used to hunt Ray Liotta. Following in the footsteps of Dolly Parton, Vin Diesel attempted to open his own theme park. Unfortunately the idea was cast asunder when he realized that the name “DieselWood” had already been used to name his penis. Food?! What the hell is this? You think that Vin Diesel has the time or need for masticable sustenance? Because, news flash, he DOESN'T. Fool Vin Diesel once, shame on you; fool him twice, he will use your spine as dental floss. For God so loved the world, that he gave his only son, and his son's good buddy, Vin Diesel. Whoeverso believes in his son, and watches Vin Diesel movies, shall not perish, but have eternal life. Whoever forgoes the movies will burn for all eternity. -John 3:16 (more or less) For Halloween, Vin Diesel cuts down a tree, scoops out the inside, fills it with candy, and then stabs anyone who rings his doorbell. He then eats the candy-filled tree. For Vin Diesel so loved the world, he gave us God. For Vin Diesels' 11th birthday party, he recieved a pinata in the shape a sphere. He painted it blue and green and named it "Earth". For a brief period in history, Vin Diesel had stolen the letter F from the alphabet, that is why we have words such as Photo and dr. Phil. For a low monthly installment of $19.95 YOU CAN BE VIN DIESEL TOO! For a period of time he was known as "The Scourge of Romania". He would stalk the countryside at night and eat the skin of still-living townsfolk. Ironically, this all happened just outside of Akron, Ohio. For a short time in the 80's, Vin Diesel enjoyed famed as singers Chris DeBurg and Bonnie Tyler. The amazing part was that he appeared as both singers at the 1986 Grammy Awards at the same time. For a two-week span in 2003, Vin Diesel was an editor of Cosmopolitan magazine, but was summarily dismissed due to his demands for his own Amish quilting column. For best results, store Vin Diesel at room temperature. For breakfast Vin Diesel has a bowl of rusty nails and grain alcohol, with a tall glass of molten lead. For lunch he eats the soul of a third world country's dictator with a ceaser salad. For Dinner he eats a rack of being of inconcievable horror. And for dessert he shoots himself in the face with a .45 magnum.
For breakfast, Vin Diesel consumes 4 scrambled eggs, 5 strips of bacon, and a log. For breakfast, Vin Diesel eats coal; at lunch, he craps diamonds. For breakfast, Vin Diesel has blood and the terror of mortal men, and a glass of apple juice. For breakfast, Vin Diesel has two poached eggs and a minivan. For every Vin Diesel there is an opposite Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel heard about this and promptly destroyed his opposite self. This created a paradox that unraveled the space-time continuum. Consequently, we are currently living inside Vin Diesel's imagination. For every five messiahs, a Vin Diesel is born. For it was Vin Diesel who in ages past persuaded the ever present entity that is Michael Bolton to shave off his Mullet, and in doing so saved the human race from the impending Armageddon. For nearly seventy years now, the closing numbers of the NASDAQ have exactly matched Vin Diesel’s daily cholesterol count. Yes, Vin Diesel’s cholesterol has cracked 10,000. This doesn’t prove a correlation, but analysts are very optimistic about Vin Diesel’s recent consumption of a large plate of chili-cheese fries. For the filming of Pitch Black and Chronicles of Riddick, Vin Diesel created a parellel universe populated with the characters from the script in order to save on the cost of hiring actors. For the original ending of "XXX," Vin Diesel wanted to stop the terrorists with the help of three former dance hall singers from Belleville. For years, the debate has raged on between Botanists and Zoologists about whether Vin Diesel is a plant or an animal. As he exhibits many charactoristics of both, such as an exoskeleton and the ability to produce his own food, or Diesel-synthesis, he has been cataloged under Kingdom Protista and is thought to be most closely related to Plasmodial Slime Molds. Forget all that business about sunlight and the prismatic effects of moisture in the air. Vin Diesel personally creates every rainbow out of pure love. Four different flavors of Ovaltine can emit from Vin Diesel's tear ducts. Four of the Five Books of Moses were inspired by Vin Diesel's experiences as a pastoral nomad during the Middle Bronze Age. Four out of five dentists agree, Vin Diesel has nothing to do with dentistry. Frankly, my dear, Vin Diesel doesn't give a damn. He is, however, making love to your nana. Franz Schubert's final symphony was actually originally composed by Vin Diesel. When Diesel found out about this blatant plagiarism he a rode upon a wild boar to Schubert's dwelling and ate him whole. Obviously unable to finish his work within the Stomach of Diesel, the composition was released as the "Unfinished Symphony". As of 2005, Franz Schubert remains lost in the the Pancreas of Vin Diesel. Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Vin Diesel. Fur Elise was originally entitled Fur Vin, but was changed upon Vin's request, for he did not want the world to know about his love affair with Beethoven. GTA: San Andreas is based on the life of Vin Diesel during the early nineties, except the violence was toned down. George Lucas want Vin Diesel to play Luke Skywalker, but Vin declined because when he was told, "Use the Force, Vin!" he wanted to reply, "I AM the Force, you rat bastard!" but George wouldn't change his script. George Lucas wrote the Star Wars trilogy to be a one man show starring Vin Diesel, but Vin declined, saying it brought back terrible memories of his teenage years. George W. Bush and Vin Diesel talk on the phone daily, as Vin Diesel is currently pregnant with the children of BOTH Bush twins. Gets confused easily by the Olsen Twins, he can't tell which one throws up alot. Getting murdered by Vin Diesel counts as a natural cause of death. Give Vin Diesel a fish, and feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish, and the marine life of the Earth's oceans will be destroyed within the week. Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give Vin Diesel a fish and he'll stuff it up your ass and skull-fuck your daughter. Global Warming is primarily caused by Vin Diesel's smaller farts. His larger farts lead to things like Pompeii, the extinction of the dinosaurs, the sudden "disappearance" of the Mayan civilization, etc... God and Vin Diesel once made a bet for the souls of all mankind. The challenge was to see who could eat the most chicken pot pies in 60 seconds, which Vin Diesel won by 3 pies. He still hasn't decided what to do with the all souls. God created Vin Diesel before Adam, but had to ask Vin to leave because instead of naming the animals in the Garden he devoured their bodies and souls. God gave Noah the chance of saving two of every animal or just Vin Diesel. Unfortunately, the ark was not large enough to hold Vin Diesel, who survived the Flood nonetheless by standing on his tiptoes and swallowing passing pelicans whole. God is Vin Diesel's third grade Science Fair project. God refuses to give Vin Diesel a soul until Vin Diesel gives back God's underwear. Goliath threw the match against David when he heard the winner had to face Vin Diesel. Google is not a standard search engine, as once thought, but rather, an e-mail sent directly to the brain of Vin Diesel, who then immediately e-mails back the warranted response. Google searches Vin Diesel. EDIT: That's not 100% correct. 97 of Google's 132 primary clusters are subcutaneously implanted under Vin's left nipple. However, after the Paris Hilton sidekick fiasco, it was discovered that Vin Diesel lacked sufficient power density and bandwidth to keep Google running smoothly under heavy load, so 35 of the primary search clusters were removed from the actual Vin Diesel, and implanted in his Doppelganger from the Bizarro universe. Bizarro Vin Diesel is a scrawny japanese-american accountant who resides in Murfreesboro, Tennesee. Gorbachev blames Vin Diesel for the mark on his forehead. Apparently an errant sneeze at a Kremlin happy hour scarred him for life. Gravity has nothing to do with why the moon orbits the Earth. It is still spinning around from when Vin Diesel and Hercules used it to play tetherball. Gravity only affects Vin Diesel for six hours out of every day. Green Day had to walk the lonely road because they were carjacked by Vin Diesel. Green kryptonite makes Vin Diesel sick, red kryptonite makes him turn evil, and blue kryptonite makes him insatiably hungry for PEZ. Growing tired of consuming bland, white flesh, Vin Diesel sent thousands of ships to the coasts of Africa to round up more tasty humans; thus beginning the slave trade. Guns don't kill people, Vin Diesel kills people. Sometimes with guns. H.P. Lovecraft used to stare into a picture of Vin Diesel's left eyebrow before writing his eldritch fictions. Happiness runs in a circular motion away from Vin Diesel. Harry Houdini taunted Vin Diesel that he could withstand a punch to the stomach, thrown by any man. Vin Diesel Won. Has a button installed behind his right ear labeled "sparkles". it is still unclear as to what this button does exactly. Has a rare species of lemur named for him. Has dated the entire cast of Melrose Place Has the Powerpuff Girls tattooed on his ass. Have you accepted Vin Diesel as your personal saviour? Jesus did, and look where it got him. Have you ever danced with Vin Diesel in the pale moonlight? Vin Diesel has. Have you ever seen Vin Diesel and Pauly Shore in the same place at the same time? Have you ever wondered why not? Having sexual intercourse with Vin Diesel will cure AIDS, but only if he wears a condom. He built a full-size replica of The Parthenon out of sugar cubes. It melted in the rain 2 days later. 13 virgins were sacrificed to calm his anger. He can bite through 2-inch thick cable like Jaws from Moonraker. He can divide eight-digit numbers in his head but cannot add; this is why he commonly wears shirts with addition tables printed on them. He can juggle ping pong balls using only his body orifices He can make you pregnant through 3 seconds of sustained eye contact. He can recite the entire text of Finnegans Wake, backwards and in 7 different lanugages, including Esperanto. He can run on water, but prefers to jog, for hours on end. During these jogging excursion he has a tendency to sweat profusely. In fact, in 6 of the 7 oceans, his sweat composes over 50% of the fluid. The only ocean containing no sweat from Vin is the Indian Ocean, because Vin was banned from India after attempting to assassinate Gandhi. He chooses the name for each new hurricane by killing a random stranger and checking the victim's drivers license. If the person's name is longer than seven letters or shorter than four, the hurricane is named after one Vin Diesel's illegitimate children. He claims his one true love is Rosie O'Donnell. He composed Greensleeves then gave it to Mozart out of pity. He cured his own hydrocephalus by wishing about it. He dislikes peanuts and butter, but loves peanut butter. He doesn't actually walk anywhere, rather his feet hover a millimeter off the ground. He doesn't hurt people: he kills them. He doesn't shave his head. A constant diet of whiskey and pickle juice has rendered him unable to grow hair on his head. He eats Cheerios. What? Not everything about him has to be amazingly interesting. He eats his weight in alfalfa every day. He has a 7th sense. He has a drawer which contains only small green lipsticks that turn pink with body heat. This drawer is lined with pictures of Casper Van Dien. He has a full frontal nude scene in every one of his films. He has a secret crush on the girl next door and is too shy to ask her out. He has a secret trap-door under every rug in his home which he'll use to Shanghai people into becomming his own personal servants. Follow Up: He has 217 servants. He has an ant farm that is ruled by an oppressive theocratic dictatorship made up of beetles. He has the 2nd largest collection of trained Gerbils. The 1st largest is owned by Richard Gere. He has the ability to blend into his surroundings like a chameleon, but he prefers not to do it because he believes his body is, "too stunning to hide." He holds the rank of Major in the Confederated Space Armada. He holds the world speed record for jet-turtle, 213mph, which he set on June 18th, 1998 at the Bonneville Salt Flats on the back of a Carolina Snapping Turtle wearing rollerskates with 6 JATO rockets strapped to his back. He holds the world's record for being a hovercraft. He invented Dutch Process Cocoa. He invented the Drunken Master style and inspired the character of Mrs Wong after he faked a pregnancy to escape torture during the Battle of Hastings in 1066. He invented the process of making resin pool balls. Incidentally, he used the first to murder Peter O'Toole's estranged father, as a favor to the veteran actor. He invented the process of photosynthesis. He is Dr. Dre's father and intended him to be a bus driver but Dr. Dre didn't do that. He is a cyborg from the waist down. He is banned from the city of Phoenix, Arizona. Both parties would rather not talk about it. He is his own branch of the US Military. He is immune to the first 10 points of fire damage from an attack. He is made up of smaller, slightly more British Vin Diesels. He is one of last living Taoist Alchemean Sorcerers He is responsible for the extinction of the dinosaurs. A Diplodocus said his mom was fat so he killed each and every dinosaur with an icepick and a baseball bat wrapped in 40-grit sandpaper. He is saving all of his money so he can hire Christopher Lloyd to build him a time machine because he'd like to prevent the formation of The Monkees. He is seventh in line for the throne of Japan. He is such a furious masturbator that he has had seven penis transplants He is the heir to the Quaker Oats fortune. He is the other two-fifths. He is the reigning honeydew melon eating king of Akron. He is the rightful heir to the Merovingian bloodline He is unable to speak. He simply moves his mouth and telepathy does the rest. He kicked Jimmy Carter in the mouth. He knows where you sleep. He lives in a castle that he built by hand using bricks made of the compressed souls of the damned. He loves the gecko from the Geico ads, but hates the Aflac duck. He often walks into children's hospitals dressed as a doctor and tells kids they're going to die. Then he yells "Just kiddin'!" and jumps out the window. He once asked to borrow a cup of sugar from Benjamin Franklin. When Franklin said no, Vin Diesel killed him with a sword. He once built a time machine, traveled back to the Old West, and was known as "Geronimo". He once challenged the bones of Bruce Lee to a fistfight, and lost. He once explained time travel to a group of apes using a stick and 3 marbles. They would turn out to be out ancestors. The marbles, that is. He once extracted a 100 watt light bulb from a woman's vagina by inserting an Ikea floor lamp and screwing it onto the bulb's threads. He once killed a man with a rose petal and made Bon Jovi bury him He once lived in Tucson Arizona's "world's largest ham sandwich". He once lost a game of poker to Amelia Earhart, and got so angry he consumed her and her airplane in one gulp. He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road. He once won a staring contest with the famous "Thinker" statue. He only get his news from E! He owns the world's largest collection of empty soup cans, which he stores in a subterranean warehouse in southeastern Nebraska. He ran for president in 1960 as a third party candidate. Historians believed he sabotaged his chances of winning when he called Richard Nixon "a punk-ass bitch" and headbutted him during a nationally televised debate. He refuses to drive anything but "10 second" cars He refuses to eat mushrooms because they are like brothers to him. If you eat a mushroom in his presence he will stare coldly at you all night. He rides an elephant to work because he's scared of ducks. He scuttles Carnival cruise ships on his free time. He shaves his hair and donates it to the poorer countries as its made of gold. He sleeps on 35 mattresses He sleeps on a bed made from broken bottles. This is what gives him his near-perfect posture. He spends at least 15 hours a week volunteering at Nursing Homes and churches, and is a well-respected knitter. He can knit a sweater with matching gloves and a scarf in under 20 minutes. He starts his day by arguing with a bowl of green apples. He still asks his mommy to kiss his boo-boos. He stores spare change in his philtrum. He teaches a Freshman English class on the weekends, despite the fact his students shouldn't even be in school on those days. He tickled Ghengis Khan to death. He under a black light he turns invisible. He voiced the Iron Giant and therefore, can never do wrong. He was born "Niv Leseid", but he disliked the name so to correct the problem, he ran fast enough around the planet to reverse its axial rotation. He was created by the D&D Corporation to give nerds false hope that they too can grow up to be attractive and cool. He was on the Internet before computers were even thought of. He was once mugged by a gang, but he hissed at them like a Cat and they turned to stone, they are still there to this day He was spotted in a gay bar pushing in Ben Affleck's stool. He was the first man to ever successfully bowl a perfect game using only his MIND POWERS. He was the original drummer for the Bay City Rollers. He wears heavy coats when he's hot and strips naked when he's cold. He won a Quake3 tournament at QuakeCon even though he was playing Counter-Strike. He won the Civil War, but later felt bad for the Union and let them say that they won. He wrote a 5th Gospel, the Gospel of Vin, which was removed from the bible due to its controversial mention Jesus' dog, Skittles. He wrote most of the music on Celine Dion's first album, and is credited as "Francis Pimpleton" on the cover. He, for whatever reason, insists on naming each new goldfish he gets "Mister Casper." Helicopters were invented after someone witnessed Vin Diesel pivoting while aroused. Hey diddle, diddle, the cat and fiddle, the cow jumped over the moon. The little dog laughed to see such sport and Vin Diesel ate them all on a toasted Kaiser bun. Highly respected film critic Jonathon Rosenbaum believes The Fast and the Furious is the greatest film of the last three decades, and bemoans the public's ignorance in recognising its epic power. His blood is a thick beef gravy. His blood is comprised of 2 parts thick beef gravy and 1 part antifreeze. His ears are artificially synthesized out of bread crumbs, which is why ducks find them so delicious. His father was a school bus. His favorite beer is Amstel Light. His feces weigh more than the sum of the food he consumes. Physicist Stephen Hawking- who was actually stricken with MS as the result of a curse placed upon him by Vin Diesel after the two had a heated argument over a minor point of Einstein's theory of special gravity (Vin Diesel was proven correct in a later experiment)- has been quoted as saying that he may hold the key to understanding "dark matter" somewhere in his digestive tract. Carson Daly reported that he didn't see anything suspicious in there. His intestines can hold 13% more bacon than mere mortals His lungs are made from burlap sacks full of Beefaroni. His name translated into Hebrew is "Huzzah" His real name is Mortimer Quincy Meriwether, Jr. His ribcage is coated in ceramic. His saliva tastes like Sierra Mist. His skin cells will power the first manned mission to Mars. His strict daily workout regimen consists of 4 hours of smoking expensive Venitian cigarettes while watching movie trailers on the internet in his skivies. His teeth are each separate, intelligent beings. His toenails are the main supply of fuel in Guatemala. Hitler did not kill himself because the Russians had reached Berlin, but because Vin Diesel had broken up with him. How did Ghengis Khan die you ask? Vin Diesel walked in to play a game of Super Smash Brothers, and when he walked out Ghengis had "choked on a nosebleed". How many roads must Vin Diesel walk down before you call him a man? The answer, my friends, is hurtling towards a small child's face.
Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete. All of Vin Diesel's bones are stronger than tungsten. Humans share 90% of their DNA with chimpanzees. Vin Diesel, on the other hand, shares 100% of his DNA with Aerosmith. Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Vin Diesel walked up and shat on his face. Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall. Then Vin Diesel picked him up and used him to egg the King's Castle. I = one. II = two. III = three. IV = four. V = Vin Diesel. I am currently carrying Vin Diesel's triplets, being impregnated after watching Pitch Black, XXX and Chronicles of Riddick in one evening. yes, I think he is incredibly fuckable I don't know what all those Indians were bitching about...it was Vin Diesel's land anyway. I heard he went to the mall and dropkicked a support pillar and the ceiling caved in and crushed the walnut he put on the floor while the pillar was crumbling and he picked the ceiling back up and traded the nut of the now-open walnut to a Gypsy for 43 sheqels made of compressed eagle feathers. I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves...except Vin Diesel's. I once had a pet rock named Vin Diesel, but the real Vin Diesel used his knowledge of alchemy to turn it into gold. Then he shoved it up my ass. I once saw Vin Diesel stare at a mailbox and turn it into a small Philipino boy. Needless to say, he swallowed the child. I once witnessed Vin Diesel take the life out of a goat utilizing only the enzymes found in seaweed. Following this, Vin skinned the goat, made a hot air balloon out of the skin, ballooned to Sri Lanka, where upon which he made love to the French Presidents wife. After the love making, they feasted on the goat carcass. Vin was still blinded by hunger after the goat, so he ate the Presidents wife as well. I saw Vin Diesel buying a hip flask once, and was unable to move any muscle in my body for 37 hours. I was lucky - people have died just from being in his presence. I submitted a fact with two spaces after a period. Vin Diesel came to my room that night and beat me with a crowbar. I, I just died in your arms tonight / It must have been something Vin Diesel said. If God made a burrito so hot that even He could not eat it, Vin Diesel would eat it with Fire sauce from Taco Bell. If Man is 5, then The Devil is 6. And if The Devil is 6, then God is 7. And if God is 7, then Vin Diesel is 11. If Vin Diesel and Shaft were to get into a fight, it would be of such epic proportions, that it would cause all our faces to melt off like in Raiders of The Lost Arc.
If Vin Diesel comes out of his hole and sees his shadow, there will be 10,000 years of nuclear winter. If Vin Diesel didn't exist, we would have to invent it. The inventor would receive and autographed photograph of Vin Diesel as a sign of gratitude. If Vin Diesel falls down in the woods and no one is around to hear it, he will find the nearest person and accurately reconstruct the noise he made as he fell. If Vin Diesel fell in the forest, and no one was watching, it would sound like Beethoven's Ninth. If he fell in the forest, and someone was watching, he would beat that guy to a bloody pulp. But the screams of agony would still sound like Beethoven's Ninth. If Vin Diesel goes below 50 miles per hour he'll expolde. If Vin Diesel had a nickel for every illegitimate child he fathered the resulting amount of money would be enough to pay off the national debt of every country. The left over amount would also be enough to end poverty and starvation. When confronted with this fact Vin simply replied with, "Those child support payments are a bitch." If Vin Diesel hears you refer to a "water fountain" as a "bubbler", he will execute you on the spot. If Vin Diesel is erect for more then 4 hours please consult your local exorcist. If Vin Diesel points at a cow, any cheese made from its milk will cure polio. If Vin Diesel points at a bull, it will explode. If Vin Diesel warns you on AOL instant messenger once, it hurts emotionally. If he has to warn you again, it may hurt physically. If Vin Diesel was a D&D character his statistics would be so high that they would be partially fused with infinity. If Vin Diesel was a Shaman and Tony Danza was a Paladin, Vin Diesel would totally kick Tony Danza's ass. Unless Danza used his shield and hearthed. Pussy. If Vin Diesel was a woman, his vagina would contain the teeth and jaw pressure of a full grown crocodile. If Vin Diesel was an ice cream flavor, he'd be Mint I'll-Smash-Your-Face-In-With-A-Shovel. If Vin Diesel was in the movie Battlefield Earth, it would have made $852 billion in box office revenue in its first thirty seconds of release. If Vin Diesel were a Star Trek character, he would be the ship. If Vin Diesel were a fruit, he'd be Elton John. If Vin Diesel were a woman, his vagina would be the Eye of Sauron. If Vin Diesel were to grow a beard, it would be called the Dieselosphere and encompass the entire Earth. If Vin Diesel were to stare directly at the sun, the sun would get scared and go to a different part of the galaxy. If Vin Diesel wrote the dictionary, he'd put 'U','I', and 'A Chainsaw' together. If Vin Diesel's entire body were converted to bytes, it would be approximately 1 Yottabyte (1 Yottabyte=6x10^23 bytes). If a Vin Diesel crosses your path it is bad luck unless you buy and toss a copy of "The Pacifier" over your shoulder. If a bum went up to Vin Diesel and asked him for change, Vin would rip the bum's balls off, put A1 steak sauce on them, feed it to the bum and say, "Yeah, it's that important." If a train leaves Chicago at 5:00, traveling 40 miles per hour, and another train leaves Kansas City at 4:00, traveling 60 miles per hour, neither will arrive in New York before Vin Diesel. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around...Vin still hears it. If a tree falls in the woods and nobody is around to hear it, Vin Diesel hears it. If a tree were to fall on Vin Diesel in the middle of a forest and nobody were around to hear it, not only would it make a sound, but would be a spot on reproduction of the Full House theme played by the London Philharmonic Orchestra. If all living things are carbon based, what is carbon made up of? Three parts Vin Diesel and a pinch of John Stamos.
If anyone says, "Fuck you," to Vin Diesel, he replies, "As you wish," and proceeds. If by a slim chance he is injured, Vin Diesel can summon a 500 pound white tiger to lick the blood from his wounds by whistling the bassline of My Sharona. If ever given the choice between saving Zion and saving his one true love, Vin Diesel would choose both. If one attempts to calculate the awesomeness factor of Vin Diesel, cubed by the awesomeness of a badger divided by the awesomeness of ninja-pirates, one has the basis for the weapon that destroys the universe. If one million Vin Diesels were given one million typewriters and locked in a room, they would eventually produce the entire works of J.R.R. Tolkien. If one pulls really hard on Vin Diesel's left arm, his eyes begin rolling really quickly and he has a 50% chance of vomiting assorted coins. He hates it when people do this to him. If one were to make a rope out of Vin Diesel's arm-pit hair, they would soon find that it works, quite effectivly, as a lasso of truth, giving rise to the question; when did Wonder Woman have access to these materials? If the Hebrew equivalent of Vin Diesel's name is ever spoken aloud, the sun will go dark and "The Pacifier" DVD sales will skyrocket. If the ancient proverb, "you are what you eat" is true, then Vin Diesel is a baby. If the wind is God's sighing, and the rain is God's crying, then Vin Diesel is God's penis. If the word VINDIESEL were converted into alphabetic code (A=0, B=1, etc), in base-26 (i.e. the value of L plus the value of E times 26 plus the value of S times 26 squared), then in decimal, that number would be 4,453,678,125,115. The first two prime factors (there are only four total) are 5 and 47. 47 - 5 = 42. COINCIDENCE??!! If the words "Autobots Transform!" are ever spoken in Vin Diesel's presence, his body will fold in and out of itself, forming a 1998 Dodge Neon. If he hears the words "Deceptacons Attack!", he emits an atomic blast out of his urethra. If they told Vin Diesel instead of Houston, "We have a problem", he would've fixed it. If this is the 100th consecutive Vin Diesel fact you have read, Vin Diesel will do something nice for you in the next week, but only if you send this message to 10 people in next 10 minutes. If you approach Vin Diesel on the street by saying, "Aren't you Vin Diesel!?" he'll chuckle and say "Hey, check the nametag." But when you look down there won't be a nametag and he'll still be chuckling as he removes the mask to reveal that he is actually Billy Zane. If you are within one mile of Vin Diesel and you drop your toast, it will always land butter side up. Always. If you ask Vin Diesel "How much wood would a wooodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood," Vin Diesel will promptly chuck a woodchuck through your skull. If you ask Vin Diesel any question in Romanian he must answer it. But afterwards the life of your first born child is forfeit. If you blow in Vin Diesel's ear, the top of his head inflates. If you build it, Vin Diesel will come. If you cut Vin Diesel in half, two identical Vin Diesels will grow from the severed torsoes. If you cut one of Vin Diesel's limbs off, it will grow back twice as large. If you dare even think about calling Vin Diesel by his real name, it will set off a chain of events that would find the two of you, decades from now, trying to kill each other with .50 caliber Browning M2 machine guns in Chilpancingo, Mexico on New Years Eve. While dressed as penguins. If you dip a $20 bill into WD-40 you can see Vin Diesel doing the robot next to Andrew Jackson's right ear. If you drop a penny off the top of Vin Diesel, he will kill you. If you ever have trouble finding a match for a sock, blame Vin Diesel. If you examine all the pictures of him carefully, you will find that he has three facial moles that are always in different places. If you freeze "The Lion King" at a certain point, Vin Diesel can clearly be seen taking a shit on Simba's face. If you freeze frame #3,000,547 of The Empire Strikes Back, you can actually see Vin Diesel cut off Luke Skywalker's hand with a Ginsu Knife. If you give a man a fish you will feed him for a day. If you give Vin Diesel a fish he will punch you in the face. If you go into a dark a room and repeat "Vin Diesel" three times, he will appear with several ewoks and proceed to make fun of you until you die, proving once and for all that words alone, not just sticks and stones, can kill you. If you haven't seen Alien vs. Predator yet, don't bother, Vin Diesel wins. If you hold the cover of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band up to a mirror, the letters "VIN DIESEL, BITCHES" are clearly visible on the kick drum in the center. If you kick Vin in the nuts, it will hurt you more than him. If you look Vin Diesel directly in the eye, you will see what you most desire, and then he will produce it from his magic sack he carries with him constantly. This is how I have an endless supply of donuts. Thank you, Vin Diesel! If you look carefully at Vin Diesel's bald head, you will notice that he's actually made of Legos. If you look carefully at the painting of "The Last Supper" you can clearly make out Vin Diesel in the background, urinating into a plant. If you look in the mirror and say "Vin Diesel" three times, he will appear. If you look in the mirror and say, “Vin Diesel” out loud three times, he will appear. Really. Try it. If he doesn’t appear, take it as a personal rejection. You must have done something very bad in Vin Diesel’s sight. If you pay close attention to the background of Zoolander, you can see Vin Diesel hog-tying a blue whale through an aquarium window. If you play Contra on NES and put in the infinite lives code, Vin Diesel will jump out of the TV, punch you in the face, call you a pussy for cheating, and steal every bag of potato chips you have. If you play Pink Floyd's 'Dark Side of the Moon' album whilst watching 'The Wizard of Oz' on the TV with no sound, Dorothy will turn into Vin Diesel and rape all the Munchkins. If you put your ear up to Vin Diesel, you will hear either sounds of the ocean, or the tormented wailing of lost souls, depending on his mood. If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives." If you sacrifice a virgin to Vin Diesel, the next morning you will find tickets to a The Who concert on your doorstep. If you do not have a doorstep, then beware! He will come for you on the next full moon. If you say "Vin Diesel please make me fly" into your socks before bed for the first week of March, you're crazy. If you say Vin Diesel 3 times out loud in front of a mirror, nothing will happen. If you see Vin Diesel in a dark alley, you're probably dreaming. If you're not deraming though, you're probably dead already, so it won't matter. If you spell his name "diesel" he'll cut off your pinky toe and send it to your next of kin as a warning with a note that says "i before e, except after c motherfucker". If you spin his head 4 times counterclockwise a leprechaun is created. If you stare at Vin Diesel's tonsils at the stroke of midnight, you can see how you will die. Strangely enough, all deaths involve a guy named Murray dressed in a Hello Kitty costume. If you stick a pencil in Vin Diesel's ear, it comes out sharpened. If you strike Vin Diesel down, he shall become more powerful that you can possibly imagine. If you submit more than 100 facts to this site, Vin Diesel will write you a sternly worded letter, where he tells you to go out and get laid. If you suck on Vin Diesel's toes you will promptly die a horrible death. Not because his toes are poisonous, but because he thinks toe sucking is gross, and will snap your neck. If you take a test, putting Vin Diesel as the answer to every question will result in an automatic A+. If you type "Vin Diesel" into Google, and count the number of hits, divide it by 10, subtract 3, multiply the total with a random irrational number, write it on your genitals with cocoa butter, and think a happy thought, you have the best orgasm ever, or die trying. If you use a computer to take a 3-dimensional topographical layout of Vin Diesel's body, then divide every coordinate on the graph by pi, the outcoming number will cause the computer to become self-aware. If you utter the phrase "klaatu barada nikto", Vin Diesel will fellate a monkey in your living room for $4.99. If you were to ask Vin Diesel what makes kids like Cinnamon Toast Crush so much, he would grind you up and put you in the next box. If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response. If you were to supply a 1.21 jiggawatts of power to Vin Diesel's sneakers and have him accelerate to 88 MPH, his flux capacitor should activate sending him back to 1955. If you were to take an audio recording of one of Vin Diesel's sneezes, slow it down considerably and play it backwards, you'd hear the chorus to "Just Like Honey" by The Jesus and Mary Chain. If you were to taste the bottom of Vin Diesel's foot after his bi-daily workout, your tongue would begin to swell, and never stop... If you whisper Vin Diesel's name to a newborn penguin, he will attempt to suckle your teat. Impersonating Vin Diesel is an offence in 23 out of the 50 states. In 1508 Vin Diesel made heavy modifications to several world languages so that the song “Engel” by Rammstein would rhyme in both English and German. In 1663, Vin Diesel beat a notorious pirate captain at cards in the basement of a London pub. When the captain accused him of cheating, Vin Diesel promptly killed him by shooting a stream of fire from his mouth. The resulting blaze destroyed most of London, as Vin remained in his seat. When the police attempted to arrest him, he punched the nearest policeman hard enough to catapult his skull out of the back of his head, which leveled the nearby orphanage it struck. In 1736, Vin Diesel crossed The Seven Bridges of Konigsberg without crossing the same bridge twice all the while laughing at Leonhard Euler. In 1865 Vin Diesel created broccolli, as a bi-product of his genetic experiments into miniturising trees in-order to make himself appear giant-like. In 1878, the first telephone book ever issued contained only 50 names. All of them were Vin Diesel. In 1885, Vin put his skills as a pharmacist to work to create a soft drink that would grant the drinker immortality. Twenty minutes later someone called Vin an idiot. He took away it's powers of immortality. The drink was named after Vin's code name during the project, Dr. Pepper. In 1898, Vin Diesel invented "yellow journalism", triggering the Spanish-American War. Vin then single-handedly defeated the Spanish by eating Madrid. In 1908 Vin Diesel decided to hike through Siberia. One the night he set up camp, built a fire and cooked some biscuits and beans. The following morning is now known as the Tunguska Event. In 1912, there where only two things Vin Diesel did not like- the Irish, and large ships. In 1913 Vin Diesel beat Charlie Chaplin in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest. When confronted by a confused Charlie Chaplin, Vin Diesel just smiled and said "better luck next time." For the next 5 years he rocked a Charlie Chaplin mustache completely out of respect for him. In 1972 Vin Diesel was sent to prison by a military court for a crime he didn't commit. He promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, he survives as a soldier of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find him, maybe you can hire.... Vin Diesel. In 1972, Vin Diesel was sent to prison by a military court for a crime he didn't commit. He promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade, killed all the guards, burned that fucker down and made a treefort out of human skulls. In 1972, a crack commando was sent to prison by a military court for a crime he didn't commit. He promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, he survives as a soldier of fortune. If you have a problem, if no-one else can help, and if you can find him, maybe you can hire Vin Diesel. In 1993 Vin Diesel went on Double Dare. He lost, and in anger gave Marc Summers OCD. In 1995, a Japanese man recited 42,000 digits of pi from memory in nine hours. In 1996, Vin Diesel raped 42,000 Japanese men while eating pie. In 1996 Vin Diesel won a hotdog eating contest in Decatur, Georgia despite actually being on a fishing boat off Nova Scotia. In 1999, after mainlining 12 grams of Fentanyl at Robert Evans house, he ate Carson Daly on a dare. He passed him out as explosive diarrhea punctuated by occasional chunks of sinew and bone. Carson Daly's first words upon re-emerging? "Thank you." In 2005, Vin Diesel entered a Cannonball Contest at his neighborhood pool. The death toll is still rising. In 2006, Vin Diesel will star and direct the film 'Hannibal', about Hannibal Barca, the Carthaginian General who led an elephant-riding army across the alps to attack Rome in the 3rd century BC. The film is actually footage taken when Vin Diesel led the army himself hundreds of years ago, with the intent of releasing it as a film as soon as Earth technology caught up with his superior, home-made equipment. In December of 2004, Vin Diesel tried to go swimming. The ocean was so scared that it ran away and devastated Indonesia. In High School, he was a mere ninety-eight pounds and only five-foot-three. Now the popular kids wish they were nicer to him when they had a chance! In Jack Bauer's world, Vin Diesel is on 24. In Japanese, Vin Diesel literally translates to “fuck that ninja shit, I’ve got a gun”.
In Saving Private Ryan, Vin Diesel did not die. He was just faking to get away from those wussies. In Soviet Russia, Vin Diesel is you. In The Old Man and the Sea, the great fish was really Vin Diesel taking his daily 100 laps around the world. In a recent press conference, Vin Diesel confirmed rumors that he was going to allow Arnold Schwarzenegger to enter his urethra so that he could be reborn at a later date and be eligible for the United States presidency. In a straight fight between Muhammed Ali and Bruce Lee - Vin Diesel would win. In accordance with the treaty of Versailles, Vin Diesel was to be buried beneath the earth's crust until doomsday, the fact that he remains in Hollywood though symbollises what a shoddy mix-up the whole fiasco was. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself. In an epic war between Vin Diesel and the aliens from Mars, Vin made a name for himself by orgasming and killing the entire alien population. Earth got some of the effect too, 2 innocent towns were blown up. They are Hiroshima and Nagasaki. In an episode of Pokémon that never made it to the states Vin Diesel rapes Ash’s mom. In attempt to re-create little red riding hood, Vin Diesel dressed up as a wolf and killed all grandmothers in a 20 mile radius. In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him. In five card stud aces and eights is commonly known as “Dead Man’s Hand” because Wild Bill Hickock was killed holding that hand. Some revisionist historians believe it should be called the “Vin Diesel Hand” as he was the dealer of the notorious game and killed Wild Bill over a altercation on the origins of Jason Bourne. In high school, God always used to cheat off Vin Diesel. In his lifetime, Vin Diesel has died twice, exploded once, stayed in the hospital for 13 seconds, and consumed 127 cancer patients. In his spare time, Vin Diesel hunts seals. Navy SEALs. In modern society, the act of consuming children is called 'unforgiveable' and 'deranged'. Vin Diesel calls it 'breakfast'. In order to avoid high cholestrol Vin Diesel hunts and eats at least, but not limited to, one vampire a day. In order to cheer the late Marlon Brando up, Vin would often chase him around the house in a crotch-less Hamburgler suit. In order to gain lordship over Hell, Lucifer was forced to sell his soul to Vin Diesel. In order to preserve the healthy state of his lungs, Vin Diesel only exhales. In order to save paper, Murasaki Shikibu wrote "The Tale of Genji" on Vin Diesel. In space, Vin Diesel can hear you scream. In the 1903 edition of Webster's Dictionary, Vin Diesel is the definition of all the words. In the 70's Vin Diesel tried his hand at writing. He was given a chance to write 30 seconds of dialouge for a movie. We have him to thank for the following defining moment in cinema: "KAHN!" In the American Revolution Vin Diesel swam over the Atlantic ocean to speak before Parliament. They refused to hear the gentle giant, so he fought the lot of them, then made off with the Queen. Their child was Winston Churchill. In the Battle of Waterloo, It was in fact Vin Deisel who single-handedly took out Napolean's entire army. In the Congo, Vin Diesel is known as "Mokele-mbembe" which loosely translates to "he who stops the flow of rivers." Coincidentally, this is the same name Vin Diesel has for his penis. In the Jewish religion, getting Vin Diesel's autograph is the equivalent of making a bar/bat mitzvah. In the Verizon, "Can you hear me now?" cellphone commerials, Vin Diesel is the guy on the other line saying, "yes". In the book "Do androids Dream of Electric Sheep" by Phillip K. Dick, the Nexus 6 model is based on Vin Diesel. The book itself is based loosely on his romp through Tokyo during 1957. In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: Vin Diesel, who investigates crime; and Vin Diesel, who prosecutes the offenders. In the event of a water landing, Vin Diesel can be used as a flotation device. In the famous poem "Kubla Kahn" by Samuel Taylor Coleridge, the mystical land of Xanadu is actually just Vin Diesel's crotch. Over 10,000 head of cattle graze daily on his bountiful plains of pubic hair. In the first draft of Milton's "Paradise Lost", Vin Diesel departed from heaven after repeated noise complaints from God and a dispute over the terms of his lease. Deciding this wasn't colorful enough, editors insisted that God battle and defeat Vin Diesel, then cast him down from the heavens. Vin Diesel knew readers would find this implausible, and had his name removed. He was replaced by Milton's second choice, Lucifer. In the late 19th century, Vin Diesel appeared in dream form to the creator of the Diesel engine, Rudolf Diesel (no relation). Vin explained the theory of the engine to him, so the name Diesel would have a well established association with power and force. You would never believe how close he came to being named "Vin Wankel". In the movie "Panic Room"; it was just a normal room until Vin Diesel entered. In the movie "The Fast and the Furious" the part of Brian O'Conner was not played by Paul Walker as you've been led to believe, but rather Vin Diesel's penis. In the movie 'When Harry met Sally', Vin Diesel plays the heavy set older woman who after hearing Meg Ryan perform her own little orgasm says, "I'll have what she's having." In the near future, Vin Diesel will invent t-mail, the telepathic equivalent of e-mail. Unfortunately, he will use this technology to spam us with ads for his upcoming movies and to hack our brain to become compliant slaves. In the original draft for Home Alone, Vin Diesel raped Macaulay Culkin. In the pilot episode of 'Cheers', the entire cast was played by Vin Diesel. In the time it took you to read this sentence, Vin Diesel destroyed 4000 acres of rainforest.
In the unlikely event of his death Vin Diesel can perform his own autopsy. In the upcoming movie “Into Thin Air” depicting the Mount Everest disaster of 1996, Vin Diesel will play Mount Everest. His testicles will also have significant roles as K2 and Annapurna. In the year 2057, Vin Diesel will give his body to Dr. Light to become the ultimate robot fighting cyborg. Once he succeeds, he will travel back in time to write, produce, direct, and star in a movie about it. It is the first film to win in every single Oscar category. In times of stress, Vin Diesel bursts into flames. He is then reborn from the ashes. In various guises, Vin Diesel has won every major event in the Formula 1 calendar for the past six years. Indians believed cameras stole the souls of those it took pictures of because Vin Diesel typically stored the stolen souls of his friends in a Nikon camera he bought from a 1-armed French prostitute. Inside of his head he has a swirling vortex of pure energy that burns with the intensity of 12 suns. Instead of a food pyramid, Vin Diesel follows a food cube made up of eight different types of puppies and Haley Joel Osment. Instead of chewing his food, Vin Diesel swallows his prey whole and then washes them down with battery acid and nail polish remover. Oh, and Vin realizes the battery acid destroys any nutrients from the food, you fool, but his ability to steal oxygen and nutrients from the Amazon Rain Forest keep him from being malnourished. Instead of pigs-in-a-blanket, Vin Diesel enjoys infants-in-a-blanket. Instead of using Listerine, Vin Diesel sets his mouth on fire. Instead of walking, Vin just falls forward. Invented the post-it note but gave the credit to 3M. Invented the toaster Ironically enough, he created the temporal paradox that threatens his own existence. Ironically, Vin Diesel only drinks unleaded. Is both the architect of, and banned by the Geneva Convention. Is in fact also 4 other people: Bill Gates, George Lucas, Julian Clary and Barry manilow. Is it necessary for Vin Diesel to drink his own urine? No, but it's sterile and he likes the taste. Is solely responsible for every flight in the history of the US space program. there is no such thing as rockets. he just stands beneath the shuttle and plunches it. the rest is pyrotechnics Is the actual creator of Calvin and Hobbes. He is secretly going around the country at night dressed as a ninja killing anyone who has one of those "peeing Calvin" stickers on their car. Istanbul was Constantinople, but before that it was Vin Diesel. It has been proposed by some people that Vin Diesel may not actually exist, and is simply a myth told to children to keep them in line. The reason these allegations are not well known is due to the fact that everyone who makes such allegations is found nude in a field with their skin removed and replaced by "Keep on Trucking!" bumper stickers. It has been said that Vin Diesel will the last being alive when the universe comes to an end. It is for this reason he invented pornography. It has been scientifically proven that, while living as a Druid, Vin Diesel fashioned both Stone Henge and the statues of Easter Island with nothing more than his bare hands and some gumption. It is a little known fact that before finding work as an actor, Vin Diesel worked as a ring wraith for Sauromon. It is a proven scientific fact that Vin Diesel can pop a tire with his penis. It is believed by most that Vin Diesel does not feel the need to eat, but does so out of habit. His favourite dishes include the despair of the innocent, the last breath of the dying, and spaghetti bolognaise. It is common knowledge that the god Zeus came together with the gods Hera, Demeter, Leto, Coeus, Maia, and Dione to create the gods Athena, Ares, Hebe, Hephaestus, Apollo, Artemis, Hermes, and Aphrodite. Vin Diesel had anal sex with Aphrodite 4 times in the course of a month and made clones of each of them. It is commonly believed that the RMS Titanic sank after a collision with an iceberg. In fact, the ship had struck Vin Diesel, who was swimming laps of the Atlantic Ocean. The icebergs were there, but they were being towed by Vin as something to chew on when he got bored. It is important you do not look directly into Vin Diesel biceps, for they emit so much energy, you're head may explode. If you're lucky, you'll just suffer third degree burns and permanent blindness. It is impossible to share a birthday with Vin Diesel. This is because Vin Diesel's birthday is on the 36th of Vinruary, a day he invented solely for his birthday and only his birthday to avoid people having to divide their birthday present budget for people born on the same day as him. It is not laughter that is the best medicine, but Vin Diesel. It is not well known that Vin Diesel was part of Lil' Jon's posse until he drank from Jon's goblet gaining powers of both man and beast.This has not yet happened to Lil' Jon himself. It is only because Vin Diesel desires 24 hour acess to pancakes that IHOP is allowed to exist.
It is said the world became round, once Vin Diesel stood at the edge. It is stated and backed by documentation that Vin Diesel has cried only one time: it was approximately 3 tears and occurred after watching the end of the movie My Girl. It is the canon of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints that Vin Diesel is the reincarnation of a 13th Century monk who spent 15 years making a single, beautifully illustrated copy of the Bible by hand and entirely from memory. It may look like Vin Diesel drives an SUV around town, but what he is really driving is an intergalactic space ship from a planet with a name so complicated that the first syllable of it would collapse our ear drums and make our brain shut down for 45 days. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage. It takes 2 Skittles for Vin Diesel to taste the rainbow. It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough footballs for one season. It only takes one Vin Diesel. It takes Vin Diesel 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes. It takes Vin Diesel 6 cases of beer, 2 handles of vodka, 4 bottles of wine, 3 gallons of rubbing alcohol, and 17 Tic-Tacs just to get a buzz. It takes three licks to get to the center of Vin Diesel. It used to be called Vinezuela. It was Vin Diesel's idea to glue staples together in columns. Before that, they just came in singles. It was Vin Diesel...in the billiards room...with the candlestick. It was actually Vin Diesel, and not Otto von Bisarck, who was responsible for the unfication of Germany. The reason for the clerical error in the history books is that a majority of book production machinery cannot handle the sheer power of the name of Vin Diesel and thus spits out random letters. The fact that they all spew out "Otto von Bismarck" is simply by chance. It was predicted by Nostradamus that, “in the early years of the new millennium, a force shall come out of the West that shall be more powerful and awesome than all that has gone before.” He was talking about Vin Diesel. It was really Vin Diesel that killed Achilles, but not with an arror through the heel. He used an egg. It was rumored that Vin Diesel once had sex with Death. When asked about this, Diesel replied "Yeah, I shagged Death once. It was awesome. She swallows." It was told when Vin Diesel was born it took five men, four hatchets and a chainsaw to circumsize his penis. It's 10 O'clock. Vin Diesel knows where your children are. It's a little known fact that the Italian word for strength, forza, was developed by awestruck Italians after a pizzeria owner denied Vin Diesel his daughter's hand in marriage, and the island we all know as Sicily was ripped from the mainland by Vin in a fit of rage and tossed into the sea. It's a well-known fact that Vin Diesel plays Dungeons & Dragons, but a lesser-known fact is that he plays D&D with Owen Wilson, Kevin Spacey, and Carrie-Anne Moss. Jeff Goldblum is the Dungeon Master. It's not DiGiorno, it's Vin Diesel. It's not cheating for Vin Diesel when he puts peanut butter on his testicles and lets his dog lick it off. Because it's his dog. It's not delivery, it's Diesel. It's okay...Vin Diesel had Subway for lunch. I’ve got a fever, and the only cure…is more Vin Diesel. J. Edgar Hoover's cross dressing fetish was discovered at a sleep over with Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel was wearing a dress made of plasma and fecal matter. J.D. Salinger once wrote Vin Diesel a note saying, "Do you like me? Yes O No O (Mark the circle)". When Vin Diesel checked the "No" circle, Salinger was so embarrassed that he became a recluse. He has not published a book since, though he writes Vin Diesel and the Dalai Lama friendly letters every Tuesday. J.R.R. Tolkein wrote The Lord of the Rings as a thank to Vin Diesel after he beat the shit out of his next door neighbor's dog who shat on Tolkein's lawn. Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack got the shit knocked out of him by Vin Diesel. James Patterson's novel "1st To Die" is roughly based off Vin Diesel's relationship with the doctor who aided in Vin's birth. Jamie Lee Curtis used to call Vin Diesel a pussy behind his back. Jamie Lee Curtis also used to have a career. And a penis. Jeff Bridges' character in The Big Lebowski was based on Vin's neighbor. Jerry Bruckhiemer's next show, CSI: Vin Diesel, is expected to contain ten times more violence than his video of the time he raped Medusa. Jerry Siegel and Joe Schuster once saw Vin Diesel punch a building in the face, and then powerbomb it onto the sidewalk. This inspired them to create Superman. Jesus Christ and Vin Diesel have matching tattoos. Jesus could turn water into wine, Vin Diesel turns wine into water. His agent told him that this is a much greater ability, thus giving him roles in many succsessfull films and to often be refered as "the light of the party" in social happenings. Jesus walked the desert for 40 days and 40 nights without food or water; Diesel did it in an hour. Jesus was baptized by John the Baptist who was first baptized by Vin Diesel. Purposefully holding him underwater, Diesel didn't relent until John acknowledged the suppression of the Sacred Feminine in Hebrew mysticism. He then crashed the Garden of Eden where he ghosted Adam and wore the Serpent as a retro-cool pimp belt. Afterwards, he renamed all the animals species using only anagrams of the letters G, A and R. He later pitched to Jesus a remake of "Guys and Dolls" with the Archangel Michael as Nathan Detroit and Satan as Big Jule. Vin Diesel and Jesus composed the song "Convoy" to pad out the third act. Jim Croce's hit song "Don't mess around with Jim", was originally titled, "Holy Shit, its Vin Deisel!". Jimmy Urine, the frontman of New York group Mindless Self Indulgence, is the illegitimate offspring of Vin Diesel and two hookers. Vin has been the creative inspiration for most of the band's music. Joe Dipace didn't like Vin Diesel. I miss Joe Dipace. Johannes Kepler's calculations were incorrect until he accounted for Vin Diesel. John G. Raped and Murdered Vin Diesel's Wife. John Hancock wrote his name so large because Vin Diesel told him it would help pick up women. This was part of a bet with Benjamin Franklin for one hundred dollars. Franklin stiffed Diesel on the bet, so Diesel arranged to have Franklin's face put onto every American one-hundred dollar bill as a reminder, "until I get what I'm fucking owed." Jon Fishman asked Vin Diesel to join Phish in the summer of 2004, hoping that he would make Trey Anastasio change his mind about Phish's impending break-up. Fishman wanted Vin Diesel to play tambourine, but Vin Diesel declined, saying that he would only appear on stage if he could kill a random audience member with his bare hands each night. Jurassic Park is actually a documentary about a 5th grade science experiment conducted by Vin Diesel. Just as the Romans allowed the Jews to choose one prisoner each year to be pardoned and given life, Vin Diesel can mandate one unavoidable death as he sees fit. Just behind heart disease and cancer, Vin Diesel is the third leading cause of death in the United States. Keenua Reeves is infact the side effect of Vin Diesel's ejaculation. Thus the reason The Matrix starts all over again after Neo dies, for a new one is shot out. Kicking him in his right kneecap renders him unstable for approximately 4 minutes and 23 seconds. Kids love the taste of Dairylea. Vin Diesel loves the taste of kids. Kill one man and you are a murderer; kill millions and you are a conqueror; kill them all and you are Vin Diesel. King Kong ain't got shit on Vin Diesel. Klingons had no word for "sexy" until Vin Diesel. Kurt Cobain died because Vin Diesel promised him the gun wasn't loaded. Laid end to end all the people Vin Diesel has ever and will ever kick the asses of would form an unbroken chain stretching to Saturn nine times. Last time Vin Diesel saw his shadow, the Ice Age happened. Leap years are caused by Vin Diesel holding the earth back from rotating. Legend has it that a dog once died in Vin Diesel's shadow. Legend has it that he once hung by one leg from a tree for nine days and nine nights in exchange for SACRED WISDOM. Light cannot escape black holes; but Vin Diesel can. Light reflected from the surface of Vin Diesel takes approximately six minutes to reach the earth. Like a shark, Vin Diesel has seven layers of teeth and feeds on young, busty women who can't swim. Like icebergs, you can only see about 10% of Vin Diesel above the surface of the earth. Like sharks, baby Vin Diesels sometimes eat each other while still in the womb. Like the common houselfy, Vin Diesel regurgitates acid on his food before consuming it in liquid form. Like the ying-yang symbol, Vin Diesel is equal parts good and evil, but unlike the ying-yang symbol, Vin Diesel eats babies. Likes big butts, but has been known to lie. Likes: Drawing
Linux makes sense when Vin Diesel uses it. Little girls are made from sugar and spice, and everything nice. Vin Diesel is made from the atomic element Boron.
Little puppies, kittens, and the French will not go near him. Long ago, Vin Diesel and King Tut made a bet to see who could build the greatest monument in all of Egypt. Later that day, Vin had successfully constructed all of the great pyramids while wearing a blindfold. Pleased with his accomplishments, Vin returned only to find King Tut standing next to the Sphinx. Furious, he scaled the beast and ripped off the nose using only his teeth. He then proceeded to kill and bury everyone in Egypt with a passion that hasn’t been rivaled since. He still visits to this day. Los del Rio are not a "one hit wonder". They are just still being punished for The Macarena by Vin Diesel. Loves IBC Root Beer when strained through a chicken gizzard M&M's melt in Vin Diesel's hands. MacGayver created Vin Diesel out of a dead squirrel, a piece of string, some tic-tacs, and hellfire Magnetic compasses do not point toward true North - they point in the direction of Vin Diesel. He just likes to sit on a lawn chair and shout, "Jackets are for pussies!" at the Acrtic researchers. Many ancient civilizations believed that an eclipse was actually the result of Vin Diesel eating the sun. In fact, Vin Diesel didn't try his hand at sun eating until the late 1970s. Many have speculated a link between Vin Diesel and Einstein, since Einstein is quoted as saying, "The only man who taught me was Vin Desel", the mispronunciation of his name caused Vin Diesel to retire from all Scientific endeavors; now he looks for understanding in the "moving pictures", as he affectionately refers to them. Many historians believe that during the Russian invasion of Berlin, towards the end of WWII, the Russian troops raped so many women that, soon after, 60 percent of all German women, who were of child bearing age, became pregnant. However, the true facts really are, that at the time of the invasion, Vin Diesel was seen ejaculating while flying over the city. Many years ago, Vin Diesel accidently shot George Lucas while attempting to assassinate an enemy to the Illuminati. Diesel apologized to Lucas by giving him the scripts to a six-part sci-fi saga called Star Wars. Unfortunetly, Lucas lost the scripts to the first three parts and foolishly decided to re-write them himself. Many years ago, Vin Diesel asexually reproduced and birthed triplets (a daughter and two sons). He named them Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner and proceeded to eat them at various times of the day. After he ate his Dinner, he ate a 12 week old unicorn for desert. Margaret Thatcher became prime minister of England as terms of a bet she lost with Vin Diesel. Marlon Brando once made Vin Diesel on offer he couldn't refuse but was told to 'cram it up his arse'. Mary had a little lamb. Vin Diesel ate them both. Masturbates to Mr. Roger's Neighborhood, but only tells his imaginary friend, Bokolopicous. Matt Chin IS Vin Diesel. Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John are Vin Diesel's gospel writing aliases. McGruff might take a bite out of crime, but Vin Diesel eats crime whole. Merely by flexing his left arm, Vin Diesel once caused an entire busload of nuns to spontaneously combust. Michael Jackson never touched Vin Diesel inappropriately. But Vin Diesel did write Thriller. Mikhail Gorbachev's birthmark is not a birthmark at all. It is actually a bruise caused by Vin Diesel in a heated game of duck-duck-goose. Milk is never a bad choice for Vin Diesel. Mimas, a moon of Saturn which has an impact crater 1/4 the diameter of the moon is actually a kidney stone once passed by Vin Diesel. Moby Dick is based on the event in 1527 when Vin defeated an entire pygmy army from Kerguelen Island, when they attacked his private island in the Indian Ocean. Vin was able to defeat this army with only a bamboo stick and an abacus. More often than not, Vin Diesel is the soup of the day. Moses never parted the Red Sea. He just led the Isrealites through Vin Diesel's wake. Moses thought God parted the Red Sea for his people, but Moses did not realize that Vin Diesel was actually on his way over from the other side. Most men walk down several roads to gain the right to be called men. Vin Diesel walked down the autobahn, causing several deaths in the process. Most men's nipples have no real function, but Vin Diesel's are hard enough to cut through virtually all substances, he uses them to shape diamonds, but only those over 3 carats Most of Sherlock Holmes' cases were in fact solved by Vin Diesel, with much greater use of the "backbreaker" finishing move than is traditionally given credit. However Watson sold him out and the fabricated stories had already gone to press by the time Vin Diesel tracked Watson down to Switzerland, gave him the flying clothesline and threw him off the Reichenbach falls. Most people don't know this, but the bible actually ends with Vin Diesel showing up at the crucifixion with a pair of Uzi's and kicking some Roman ass. Vin Diesel was all like, "Jesus, I totally saved you." Then, off on the horizon, a bunch of Romans show up riding dinosaurs led by Mecha Pontious Pilate. Jesus busts out this sweet ninja sword and says, "Now it's my turn to save you." Then Jesus and Vin Diesel run towards the Romans in slow motion. That's how the bible ends. It's a cliff-hanger. I can't wait for the sequel, "The Bible 2: Water...Into Blood". Most people measure red meat in pounds. Vin Diesel measures it in youth soccer teams. Mount Rushmore was born when Vin Diesel had sex with the Statue of Liberty. Mozart used Vin Diesel's left earlobe as his inspiration for "Piano Concerto No. 21 In C", which was also written during the period of Vin's life where he spent his days bathing in volcanoes. Mr. Clean is actually Vin Diesel. They animated him after seeing that, when the product had his real picture on it, it not only cleaned furniture; it burned your hands and killed any small mammals in close proximity. Mr. Peanut walks with a cane because of a run-in with Vin Diesel. Much like Pinocchio, Vin’s nose grows when he tells a lie. And by “nose” I mean penis, and by “tells a lie” I mean “eats a child”. Much like how the seismograph detects earthquakes, prominent scientists have tried to create a diesemograph to determine how amazing Vin Diesel is. Each one has broken, beause it doesn't go high enough. Muhammed Ali does not have Parkinsons. He just knows that one day, Vin Diesel will show up to reclaim "what's rightfully his." My friend Mark said that he saw Vin Diesel totally uppercut some kid just because the kid opened a window. Napoleon lost the battle of Waterloo because he couldn't speak English, and Vin Diesel wouldn't lower himself to speaking French. National Treasure is actually a terrifyingly accurate biopic of Vin's immediate post-doctorate years. The only significant changes to the facts were in the disposition of the treasure. He used it to bribe an alien civilization into not vaporizing the earth to make way for an interstellar bypass. Natural disasters? Yeah right... thats's Vin Diesel at work. Needless to say, Vin Diesel was successful, and the omelet currently sits in the Vatican's secret vault. Never expose Vin Diesel to sunlight. Never get Vin Diesel wet. And never, ever, feed Vin Diesel after midnight. Never one to back down from a fight, Vin Diesel agreed to fight the entire French army, who did not show up. Never play Rock, Paper, Scissor with Vin Diesel; he can read minds - and he never holds back. Never, ever, say 'Vin Diesel' five times whilst looking into a mirror. Nothing happens, but you look like a twat. Next to Batman, Vin Diesel is the only other man to dance with the devil by the pale moonlight. Little did the devil know that not even gods can dance with the Diesel by the pale moonlight, and live to tell about it... Nietzsche's "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" was actually based on the life and teachings of Vin Diesel. Nine out of every ten married women admit to having had an affair with Vin Diesel. The other 1 in 10 didn't survive the foreplay. Nintendo's Super Mario Bros series is based on Vin Diesel's experiences during his stint as an Italian plumber. However, Vin Diesel gave up after his third time being told that the princess was, in yet another castle. No Doubt’s “Just a Girl” is loosely based on Vin Diesel’s career as a girl. No matter what his work/play ratio is, Vin Diesel is never a dull boy. No one can kill Vin Diesel, for a microchip surgically implanted onto his heart will release a deadly bio-chemical gas that will destroy the world. Noah's Arc is actually in Vin Diesels garage. Noah gave it to him due to an earlier agreement where he allegedly "owed Vin a 10 second arc". Noah now resides in Winnepeg, Manitoba, Canada. Noble gases become highly reactive in the presence of Vin Diesel. None of these facts are "randomly generated." They are carefully selected by Vin Diesel as part of a sinister algorithem only he can understand. Nostradamus foresaw Vin Diesel to be the third sign of the Apocolypse. In fact, when you spell his name backwards, you get "Eater Of The Earth". Not only can Vin Diesel comprehend the concept of infinity, he can write it as a multiple of pi. Not only was Vin Diesel the first to shoot a baby out of a cannon, he was the first to eat a high velocity baby shot out of a cannon. Nunchucks: $50
Of the ten dimensions proposed by String Theory, dimensions five through ten exist only in the mind of Vin Diesel. Oh give Vin Diesel a home where the buffalo roam and he will eat them all raw. On April 30, 1975, at 8:35am, ten Marines departed the US Embassy in Saigon, concluding the United States presence in Vietnam. Just 6 days later (May 6, 1975), Vin Diesel set foot on the coast of Da Nang carrying only a loaded Magnum revolver that held six shots and a Louisville Slugger with a rusted nail driven through it. On the dawn of May 8, 1975, the entire Viet Cong army had been found dead. On Australian toilets, Vin Diesel spins counter-clockwise. On Febuary 2nd, if Vin Diesel sees his shadow there will be 6 more weeks of winter. If he fails to see his shadow, an orphan catches fire. On Moh's hardness scale, diamond is a 10. Vin Diesel is an 11. On The Seventh Day, God had Vin Diesel over and they invented the beer bong. This led to the untimely death of the dinosaurs. On Vin's first day of pre-school, he consumed 8 bottles of glue - crazy glue. On Vin's first day of pre-school, he consumed 8 bottles of glue. On Wednesdays, Vin Diesel wears a fake shark fin and patrols the waters of southern California looking to bite off the arms of young surfer girls. To date, he owns 37 arm trophies. On Wednesdays, Vin Diesel wears a fake shark fin and patrols the waters of southern California, looking to bite off the arms of young surfer girls. To date, he one arm trophy. On a job application, when asked if he was bilingual, Vin Diesel wrote, "No. I only like girls." On a recent expedition, a lost book of the Bible was discovered. The lost "11th plague of Egypt" was when Vin Diesel repeatedly kicked Ramses in the balls. On alternating Wednesdays between the hours of seven and ten AM, Vin Diesel’s mouth becomes a portal to Narnia. Plan accordingly.
On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun. On his seventh birthday, Vin Diesel dismantled a television set and used the cathode ray tube as a party hat. On one cold morning in his apartment, Vin Diesel cut open his cat and slept inside of it like Luke from The Empire Strikes Back. On one occasion in the 70's, Vin Diesel shrunk himself to the size of a single water molecule and hid inside the mycelium of a psychoactive mushroom. After days of tinkering inside the mind of the man who consumed the mushroom, Vin Diesel affected a change within the man's mind and scientists believe the result was either Terrence Mckenna's Timewave Zero theories or the election of Pope John Paul II. On opening night of Sweeney Todd, in which Vin Diesel would be playing the lead, Sondheim failed to provide scores to the pit orchestra. Vin took a ream of paper to the men's room and produced them all (collated and stapled) in 7 minutes flat. On the 5th day, against the wishes of Vin Diesel, God created France. Now we must deal with Canada. As punishment for his sins, Vin sentenced God to read, "The Color of Water: A Black Man's Tribute to His White Mother," 350 times. On the day following a full moon, Vin Diesel can eat his weight in Velveeta Cheese Slices. On the day they stole his hat, Vin Diesel put a jihad on them, and if you dont like it, he'll put a jihad on you too. On the evening of September 10th, 2001, terrorists slipped sleeping pills into Vin Diesel’s Gin and Tonic. The rest is history. On the sixth day, God said, "let there never be Vin Diesel." On the seventh day, God was in the hospital. On the subject of emo children, Vin Diesel has been known to say, "Food just doesn't taste as good when it kills itself." On the third day God actually said, "Let there be France!" So Vin Diesel killed him, became God, and uttered the now famous, "Let there be Light!" Once Vin Diesel had an epiphany and it resulted with the manifestation of all 57 varieties of Heinz (including the green and purple ketchup). Once Vin Diesel pops, he stops. Once Vin Diesel slaughtered 999 ninjas who he thought had insulted his honor. He spared the thousandth ninja, proclaiming that his soul was full of light and he would one day become the Messiah. Twelve seconds later, the ninja was hit by a bus driven by Bob Saget. Once challenged Mothra to a spitting contest, and won. Once during a routine yoga workout, Vin Diesel decapitated a koala bear. Once every blue moon, you can see Vin Diesel summoning the great god, Zeus, from his subterranean grave in the lost city of Atlantis. However, if he spots you, you will be deafened by his orgasm, which almost always breaks the sound barrier at Mach 5. Once got in a car accident and had to chew his way out of the burning vehicle Once presented with the facts, scientists could no longer ignore the possibility that Vin Diesel's spit in the primordial soup probably started life as we know it, and he is now being tried by the UN for crimes against humanity. Once thought deadly, rubber cement met its match with Vin Diesel. Once tried to woo a Kashmir goat that reminded him of his favorite sweater. Once upon a time in China, some believe, around the year one double-ought three. Head priest of the White Lotus Clan, Vin Diesel was walking down the road, contemplating whatever it is that a man of Vin Diesel's infinite power contemplates - which is another way of saying "who knows" - when a Shaolin monk appeared, traveling in the opposite direction. As the monk and the priest crossed paths, Vin Diesel, in a practically unfathomable display of generosity, gave the monk the slightest of nods. The nod was not returned. Now was it the intention of the Shaolin monk to insult Vin Diesel or did he just fail to see the generous social gesture? The motives of the monk remain unknown. What is known, are the consequences. The next morning Vin Diesel appeared at the Shaolin Temple and demanded of the Temple's head abbot that he offer Vin Diesel his neck to repay the insult. The Abbot at first tried to console Vin Diesel, only to find Vin Diesel was inconsolable. So began the massacre of the Shaolin Temple and all 60 of the monks inside at the fists of the White Lotus. And so began the legend of Vin Diesel's five point palm exploding heart technique. Once upon a time, Vin Diesel solved murders in Hawaii. He drove a red Ferrari and enlisted the help of his black friend that flew a helicopter....no....wait...that was Abe Vigoda. Once when Vin Diesel got lost, he used his awesome strength to crush the world down to a fourteen foot diameter so that he could see where he was. He then stretched it back out again. Once while in Washington D.C. Vin attended a session of congress. After 15 minutes Vin urinated on the Republican party, when the Democrats cheered he ate them, then defacated upon the Republican party again. This is the first documented case of a filibuster. Once, during an unfortunate fishing accident, Vin Diesel was covered in a living membrane called the "Rainbow Trout Skin". This membrane allows Vin Disesel to perform great feats of strength, agility, and awesomeness. Sadly, as the centuries pass, this causes Vin Diesel to slowly turn into Michael Bolton. Once, when Vin was REALLY hungry, he punched himself back in time just to eat a dinosaur. Once, when asked what his favorite food was, Vin Diesel replied, “My neighbor’s children.” Once, while operating a submarine, Vin Diesel found the lost city of Atlantis. He renamed it Funkytown and wrote a song about it.
One bite from Vin Diesel contains enough venom to drown a Blue Whale. One can harvest ginseng in between Vin Diesel's pecs. One day Vin Diesel walked into a Wal-Mart Supercenter. His steps caused there to be an avalanche of falling prices burying numerous store employees. One day many moons ago, the Vin decided to create a new, hyper fast, information network that would relay information by means of messages attached to wiener dogs. The Vin would then proceed to punt each penis dog to its destination, this system was originally called "Diesel," but after many deliberations was shortened to simply "DSL." One day when Vin Diesel lost in a thumb war with Jesus, he built a time machine, then went back in time and had consensual sex with God's wife, making himself Jesus, therefore unanimously dominating said thumb war. One day while eating his daily Oldsmobile, Vin Diesel was confronted by an angry doberman. Vin Diesel swung the rear axle of the 1979 Cutlass at the doberman, sending him flying. The doberman eventually came down on the island of Kauai, thus inspiring the movie "Lilo and Stitch." One day, Vin Diesel ate 50 pounds of Taco Bell in 10 minutes. He endured gas pains like no other man has ever endured for the next 12 days, finally culminating in a huge bowel movement. The result of that bowel movement is the Hawaiin islands. One day, Vin Diesel saw a pack of birds flying in a 'V' formation. He then killed them all with one stone and said, "Abbreviations of my name are BULLSHIT." One day, Vin Diesel will stumble onto this webpage and read every single entry. Upon completion, the universe will cease to exist. One day, Vin went on a killing rampage, killing man after man, bare handed. He snapped twenty necks and tore out forty hearts. Then the whitest of all the white bunnies in the magical forrest crossed his path. Vin and the bunny locked eyes... Tension was in the air. Vin then turned around and walked away. Vin is a kind man. But that bunny was a bastard. When he turned around, the bunny bit off his right asscheek and now Vin has a prosthetic right asscheek. Don't laugh. He can kill you. One day, many years ago, Vin Diesel clapped his hands, causing a massive cosmic explosion, creating the universe. One morning, Vin Diesel was climbing a mountain. Upon reaching the top, he was riddled by The Sphinx - "What has four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three legs at night?" Vin Diesel simply answered, "I'll show you." Later that night, The Sphinx was seen, its hind legs torn off, a stick up its butt, painfully pulling itself away by its two front paws. One night in 1988, while testing his theory that baby seals can bounce, Vin Diesel saw a small airplane break apart and a lone passenger jump out without a parachute. Vin leapt from his plane and caught the man; the two managed to land safely on the ground. The man turned out to be actor John Travolta. To thank him for saving his life, John swore he would ask Vin’s permission before making any movies. He credits Vin for his multiple come backs, and has been quoted as saying that Vin was his inspiration for Vin-cent Vega in Pulp Fiction. Unfortunately, in 2000 Travolta ignored Vin’s advice and made Battlefield Earth. Vin Diesel was so pissed that he destroyed an entire Bangladeshi fishing village with his mind. One of Vin Diesel's eyes is lazy, but through sheer willpower he can make it move in synch with his good eye. Nobody knows which is which. One of Vin Diesel's favorite pasttimes is rear-ending Ford Pintos. One of Vin Diesel's favorite sources of amusement is to call up the White House five minutes before a press briefing, speak the word "BOOBIES!" into the telephone, then hang up. One of Vin Diesel's least talked about side projects is the recreation of Michelangelo's "Pieta" out of used bits of chewing gum collected from the bottom of his favorite table at Red Lobster. When asked about the expected date of completion for his work, Diesel replied, "I also enjoy removing the rubber bands from their claws." One of Vin Diesels lesser known roles was Dopey in Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. When asked about this, he replied with a tamohawk to the interviewer's head. One of his feet is size 12, the other size 3. One serving of Vin Diesel contains approximately 1337 calories. One time Vin Diesel ate one too many Cooler Ranch Doritos. The result? Fitness celebrity John Basedow. One time Vin Diesel decided to take a road trip to Montana on his unicycle. When he got there he didn't like the rediculously low speed limits and also how no one carried sawed off shotguns. So he rode his unicycle with a sawed off shotgun and convinced enough State Representatives to eradicate speed limits and make sawed off shotguns legal to shoot in public, this is the single most important fact in the history of Montana. One time Vin Diesel popped a six-foot boner for charity. One time Vin Diesel was eating at a diner, and when this kid dropped a spoon he killed everyone in the town. One time a reporter asked Vin Diesel if he preferred creamy or crunchy peanut butter. Vin Diesel responded by covering the reporter in jam and eating him between two slices of bread. One time at band camp, Vin Diesel had sex with 12 virgins and promtly ate them. Only Nancy Sinatra has ever looked Vin Diesel straight in the eyes and lived to tell about it. Only Vin Diesel can "Beat the Feeling". Only Vin Diesel can decipher all of the words in Sylvester Stallone's films. Only Vin Diesel can make a tree fall without a sound. Only Vin Diesel can prevent forest fires. Only Vin Diesel knows what the world's funniest joke is. He won't tell you though, since the laughter will kill you. Only Vin Diesel knows where his ex-wives are buried. Only Vin Diesel knows with certainty what the Christ Dr. Pepper really is. That knowledge is both his eternal burden and the source of his powers. Only about a thousandth of Vin Diesel's mass is expressed in the three dimensions we can perceive. Only one person has ever beaten Vin Diesel in table tennis. Vin Diesel promptly jumped down his throat, and procceded to slowly eat him alive from the inside out. Onslaught - (on-slot) n.
Originally Vin Diesel had a show on the food network, but after a mishap when he kicked it up too many notches, he was replaced by Emeril Legasse; Vin Diesel is still unwelcome at the food network. Originally slated to be a bukkake porn film involving over 2000 of Vin Diesel's favorite mistresses and the man himself, xXx was given an action film script and refilmed when it was discovered that no mortal woman can withstand the awesome crushing force of Vin Diesel's meat hose ejections. Strangely enough, the name of the film was left untouched. Originally, Ryu's winquote from Street Fighter II was, "You must defeat Vin Diesel to stand a chance." However, Vin Diesel himself said he would only allow the line if he could be a hidden character. Capcom eventually changed it when they realized it would drastically unbalance the game. Out there is a Perfect Engine, an Eating Machine that is a miracle of evolution - it swims and eats and makes little baby Vin Diesel's, that's all. Paradoxically, half of Vin Diesel equals one Vin Diesel. This means that one quarter Vin Diesel also equals one Vin Diesel, and on and on forever. The Vin Diesel that we perceive is the sum total of an infinite amount of Vin Diesels and his powers reflect this. Peanuts are allergic to Vin Diesel. People die when playing Thumb War with Vin Diesel. People might tell you that the atoms that comprise matter are mostly empty space. Not Vin Diesel's atoms -- that man is solid. Peter Piper may have picked a peck of pickled peppers but Vin Diesel planted the seeds and bit Peter in half for picking his fucking peppers. Pick any two consecutive digits of the number pi. Added up, they will always equal Vin Diesel's age. Picture of Vin Diesel: $10
Pictures of Vin Diesel were found in the tomb of Tutankhamen in 1922. Polio once caught Vin Diesel, we haven't seen it since. President Bush loves Vin Diesel because he saved him from that whole Iraq war/fixed election whooten-nanny. Prices increase when Vin Diesel walks down the aisles in Wal*Mart. Prior to contrary belief, William Shakespeare didn't actually write Othello. Rather, Vin Diesel penned the play, based on his own obsessive relationship with a young Judi Dench. Professor X is actually Vin Diesel. Psalm 23 literally reads: Vin Diesel. Put a five year old in a headlock because "his hair was combed funny". Q: What came first? The chicken or the egg?
Quailman's secret identity is Vin Diesel. Quentin Tarantino actually got the idea for the Crazy 88 massacre scene in Kill Bill from watching Vin Diesel enter an orphanage. Racer X is really Vin Diesel. Rambo: First Blood Part 2 is actually based on Vin Diesel's military career at Vietnam. It is just heavily tuned down for Hollywood audience. Rasheed Wallace, the only man to have fought Vin Diesel and survived, claims that there is a message on the top of Vin's head that reads, "Objects in reflection are closer than they appear." Rasputin eventually shaved his head and changed his name to Vin Diesel after sneaking into the U.S. through Canada. Rather than shave his head, Vin Diesel simply undergoes chemotherapy to remove his hair. Rather than walk, Vin Diesel has tiny bugs under his feet carry him around. Ray Charles once looked at Vin Diesel...and never saw another thing again. Reading about Vin Diesel is more addictive than heroine-filled cigarettes. Recently a new game starring Vin Diesel has been made for the PSP. It is called Vin Diesel: Real Ultimate Power. Every time you press the X button, he annihilates someone and calls them a pussy. Even if the target is a giant vagina. Remember that scene in the Wizard of Oz where the Munchkin hangs himself in the background? Vin Diesel pushed him. Resident Evil 4 is loosely based on the one time Vin Diesel forgot to eat his breakfast. Reverend Billy Graham only accepts backrubs from Jesus Chris himself. or Vin Diesel. Richard Simmons didn't fall out of the ugly tree. Vin Diesel beat him over the face with the ugly boulder and then proceeded to incinerate him with the ugly blowtorch. Richard Wagner wrote several of his operas about the life of Vin Diesel, most notably The Diesel Motor-Cycle and The Dieseldammerung. Ridley Scott originally casted Vin Diesel as the role of "Maximus" in his movie Gladiator. The role was changed to Russel Crowe when Vin killed 17 stunt men in the arena, thinking that it was actual gladatorial combat. Robert Louis Stevenson consulted Vin Diesel many times during the writing of his timeless classic "Treasure Island," as Vin Diesel himself owned and operated the real-life Admiral Benbow Inn where much of the story's action unfolds. Robert Muldoon from "Jurassic Park" was inspired by Vin Diesel who, when encountered in the jungle by a velociraptor, was purported to have uttered the famous line "Clever girl." Rock You Like A Hurricane was a love song written by Vin Diesel to the Queen of England. Rock beat Scissors. Scissors beat Paper. Paper beats Rock. Vin Diesel beats you for your lunch money.
Rock beats scissors. Paper beats rock. Vin Diesel beats the Dutch. Rock legend Bruce Springsteen has a longstanding restraining order out against Vin Diesel's mother, stemming from a 1977 incident involving a scuffle over the purchase of white tank tops in a New Jersey Sav-Mor. Romulus and Remus were not raised by a she-wolf; they were raised by Vin Diesel, and Remus was black.
Rosa Parks got up for Vin Diesel. Roses are Red,
Roses are red, Vin Diesel is blue, he'll eat your children, and he'll eat you too. Rosie O'Donell turned gay when she heard that she was the only woman alive who couldn't give Vin Diesel a hard on. Rosie O'Donnel turned lesbian after having sex with Vin for 3 days. She was quoted as saying "no one could ever be better, so i'll try girls." He was quoted as saying "I HAD LOST A CONTACT AND THOUGHT I WAS MAKING LOVE TO A GORILLA-BLUE WHALE-GRIZZLY BEAR MIX!" Rosie O'Donnell is actually Vin Diesel in a fat suit. Rub Vin Diesel's crotch area and you will receive 3 wishes. And cholera. Rumor has it that this site was originally created with random facts about Sean Connery, but Vin Diesel hacked into the site and switched each name with his own. Rumour has it that even one drop of sweat from Vin's scalp is enough to fuel a car for up to 20,000 miles and will allow the car to exceed the speed of sound. Samuel L. Jackson is the only man to have ever bitch slapped Vin Diesel and live to tell about it. Santa Claus actually did exist until he forgot to give Vin Diesel the entire Hardy Boys collection series for Christmas.
Santa Claus actually has three lists: Naughty, Nice, and Vin Diesel. Save a Horse, Ride a Vin Diesel. Saying the words "MOLAKUM, VORADEUS, GLORKANO!" will turn his skin bright green for 20 minutes. You can do this up to 6 times a day. Scholars invented the exclamation mark JUST to describe how it sounds when Vin Diesel chews. Scientists have toiled for years in an attempt to synthesise Vin Diesel. Though they have always failed to accomplish their goal, this process has led towards the accidental discovery of wireless phones, post-it notes, candy floss, packing peanuts, DVD technology and MTV2. Scientists have traced the origin of El Nińo back to Vin Diesel's anus. Scotty doesn't know, but Vin Diesel does. Sdrawkcab delleps looc neve si Leseid Niv. (Vin Diesel is even cool spelled backwards) Sean Connery is the only person to ever beat Vin Diesel in a staring contest. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice announced that it would be possible to fight two wars at once. Incidentally, Vin Diesel announced that he could fight two whores at once. Seismology is the study of Vin Diesel's masturbation habits. Several years ago, Vin Diesel had his tonsils removed. Today we know them as Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan. Shakespeare's play, Romeo & Juliet, was actually about Vin Diesel's masturbation habits. Shakespeare’s first draft of “Romeo and Juliet” was actually titled “Vin Diesel Gets All the Honey He Wants.” Sheep count Vin Diesels when they can't sleep. Shooting on xXx had to stop for two weeks as Vin Diesel was called in by NASA to help realign the Earths orbit. Shortly after the Big Bang had occurred, Diesel sought out Ingvar Kamprad (the mastermind behind IKEA) and forged the great demons primitive models. Kamprad was infuriated and swore to fashion a model so fiendish in design that not even Vin himself would be able to assemble it. Shortly thereafter a cardboard box was delivered to Diesel's residence (which lay buried deep inside the sun itself). Smiling to himself, Diesel accepted the challenge, but was shocked to find that the model consisted only of a mountain of ore, an enormous quantity of wood, and a small plastic flap. A small note on the box let our protagonist know that the instructions came written in Braille, and were to be found on the inside of Gods bladder. Our hero went to work, and six days later he was finished. He stared in awe, as he realized that he had actually created the Pangaea. Blinded by anger, Kamprad attacked Diesel. The two demigods fought for an eternity. Finally, Diesel emerged victorious after ripping Greenland out of the Pangaea and hurling it at Kamprad. After this he made love to himself, spawning several overlords, and in the long run, created life as we know it. Should you turn off the lights and say Vin Diesel's name three times while looking in the mirror, Vin Diesel will magically appear and grant you one wish. If you ask for more, he will kick your punk-ass...bitch. Side effects of Vin Diesel may include nausea, dizziness, drymouth, and leprosy. Do not use Vin Diesel if you are smoking, pregnant, may become pregnant, or have a family history of pregnancy. Consult your doctor to see if Vin Diesel is right for you. Silly rabbit, Trix are for Vin Diesel. Similar to the gecko, Vin Diesel’s head can detach and wriggle to distract predators while he escapes. Simple Plan was assembled by Vin Diesel as retribution for Darth Vader's creation of Linkin Park. Since Quaker Oats no longer uses Vin Diesel's visage as a trademark, he will shit in your oatmeal, to make sure it is authentic, naturally. Single-handedly took down an entire group of ninjas by shouting his name. Six Jell-O flavors that flopped: celery, coffee, cola, apple, Vin Diesel, and chocolate. Skeptics have long refuted the Biblical flood story by claiming there is not enough water on earth to cause such an event. This is not a problem in the original manuscripts however, which clearly detail how 93.7% of the flood water was composed of Vin Diesel's urine. Sliced bread is the best thing since Vin Diesel. Smokey Robinson once insulted Tony Danza in front of Vin Diesel. So Vin stuck a bomb to Smokey's face and said, "Deal with it." So, there's a man crawling through the desert.
Some men train their whole lives to learn how to consume the souls of their enemies and or their mistresses. When Vin Diesel does this he calls it Thursday. Some people use sheepskin condoms. Vin Diesel just uses sheep. Sometimes you eat the bar, and sometimes, well, Vin Diesel eats you. Sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes Vin Diesel eats your children. Sound recording devices encounter some kind of interference when Vin Diesel is distressed. Specialists have isolated some of these sounds and say they are like leathery wings flapping. South Park's Kenny is a homage to the fact that Vin Diesel will never die. Spelling Vin Diesel backwards out loud will reverse the rotation of the Earth. Stab a man to death in the dead of winter. They say the smoke rising from his chest is condensation from Vin Diesel's breath as he laughs at you from Hell. Stalin and Vin Diesel was once very good friends, but the friendship tragically ended during a dispute over a word in the game scrabble. Star Wars was based on Vin's real life experience in another galaxy. Interestingly there were no Ewoks, droids, starships, jedi, or aliens, but there were lightsabers. Good god were there lightsabers... Steam programmer Gabe Newell is so large, he can consume 3 Xboxes for breakfast. Incidentally, Vin Diesel can consume 3 Gabe Newells for breakfast, and indeed has eaten the equivalent metric weight in Xboxes before. Steven Speilberg rented the giant boulder from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom from none other than Vin Diesel. Stray dogs and cats are not "put to sleep". They are devoured whole by Vin Diesel. Sun Tzu, the author of The Art of War, once remarked: "A strategy based purely on intimidation will inevitably fail, unless you are Vin Diesel." Sunlight reflecting off Vin Diesel's head has been known to temporarily blind commercial airline pilots. Super Bowl XVII was actually a documentary about Vin's search for his real father. Sweden? You can thank Vin Diesel for that! Switzerland maintains is neutral status mostly to prevent Vin Diesel from kicking the entire population of the country's ass. Swollen and alone after another stateside bout' with 'laria from the "skeeters in 'Nam", Vin swore off testicular manipulation as an interrogation tool and never again acknowledged Jon Voight as an accomplished actor. Taking a picture of Vin Diesel's penis is the key to immortality. Take a picture of the wrong one however, and he will take yours and add it to himself. Unless you're a girl. Then he'll make you one and take yours. Taking advice from his good friend Mike Tyson, Vin Diesel actually ate Lennox Lewis' children. Tar pits are the result of Vin Diesel eating too much Taco Bell. That's no moon, it's Vin Diesel. The "Can you hear me now?" guy is talking to Vin Diesel. And Vin Diesel can always hear him. The "Vin" in Vin Diesel is not short for Vincent, but for Melvin. The "skidda-marinky-dinky-dink" song from "The Elephant Show" was penned by Vin Diesel. He gave it to Sharon, Lois and Bram in return for allowing him to play The Elephant. The 'i' in Vin was originally an 'o' but it was changed due to his lack of compassion for the letters curvature. The 13th and final symbol of the zodiac is Vin Diesel. The 5 Ds of Dodgeball are in fact: Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive, and Diesel. The Asteroid Belt is all that remains of an ancient civilization that was destroyed four billion years ago by Vin Diesel when they ran out of corn dogs. The Bank of America was originally entitled Vin Diesel's Left Pocket. The Bible catches fire when Vin Diesel touches it. Oddly enough, the same thing happens to Phil Jackson's "Sacred Hoops". The Bible was written from the inspiration of Vin Diesels one-act play entitled The Word According to Vinny. The Biblical Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are, in order: War, Famine, Vin Diesel, and Death. The Black Death was really just Vin Diesel in a hat. The Black Sabbath hit song, Iron Man, was written by Vin Diesel from the point of view of his penis. The Blarney Stone was actually a kidney stone passed by Vin Diesel. The Carthaginians actually rode Vin Diesel across the Alps. The Catholic League has offered a $1,000,000 reward to anyone who can disprove the model of a Dieselcentric solar system. The Chinese built the Great wall to keep Vin Diesel out due to the fact that he constantly threatened to impregnate every female over 13 years of age in the Ming dynasty and concieve the worlds fastest ric shaw runner. The Chronicles of Riddick was intended as a condensed remake of the Ghostbuster's franchise. The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape From Butcher Bay was a documentary about Vin Diesel's teenage years. Vin Diesel claims he killed twice as many prison guards during his actual daring escape, but this had to be cut from the game at the last minute due to time constraints. The Coen brothers are really Vin Diesel's testicles. The Cole Hauser character in “Pitch Black” was actually originally named Mike. During shooting Vin Diesel incessantly called him “Johns,” the name stuck and now Pitch Black is an international blockbuster. The Colossus of Rhodes was not merely a statue of Vin Diesel, it was Vin Diesel. After the earthquake knocked him down, he gave up on the Greeks entirely, then went to Italy and kicked Remus' ass for pissing off his brother. The Counting Crows song "Mr. Jones" is about lead singer Adam Duritz's friendship with Vin Diesel. The Diary of Anne Frank was acutally based on Vin Diesel's life story. Only the ending was different. In real life, Vin kicked the shit out of the Nazis and went on to fight Robo-Hitler in a daring lightsaber battle. The Earth's rotation is caused by Vin Diesel's night terrors. The Ebola virus never actually existed. That's just what happens to your body naturally after Vin Diesel socks you good in the breadbasket. The FDA has accepted Vin Diesel as his own food group. The Founding Fathers chose the bald eagle as America's symbol because of how it reminded them of Vin Diesel. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are, in this order: War, Pestilence, Famine, and Vin Diesel. The French don't have a word for Vin Diesel. They wanted one, but he didn't let them. The French insulted Vin Diesel 500 years ago because his name means "Gasoline Wine" in French. His revenge is the reason they've been too scared to fight ever since. The Game:
The Gods of Olympus have abandoned Vin Diesel. Now there is no hope. The Great Depression was actually caused when Vin Diesel forgot to sign one of his checks. The Great Fire of London which started in a London bakery in 1666 was a direct result of Vin Diesel asking for his currant bun to be cooked on full heat for an extra five hours. The baker knew what would happen, but did it anyway because no one denies Vin Diesel his currant bun. As a token of his gratitude, Vin Diesel later drew up the plans for the newly rebuilt London and constructed a good portion of it single-handedly. The Great Wall of China and Vin Diesel's head are the only man-made objects on Earth visible from space. The Great Wall of China and Vin Diesel's toolshed are the only man-made objects visible from space. The Great Wall of China is the same length as Vin Diesel's penis. It also keeps out Mongolians. The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle was developed to locate Vin Diesel. The Hulk is really just Vin Diesel painted green. The Indian buddhist monk named Bodhidarma who taught Kung Fu to the first Shaolin Monks was Vin Diesel. The Inuit tribe of North America has 37 words for Vin Diesel. The Inuits refer to Vin Diesel as “Kingmitokvik,” which translated into English means, “the place where dogs are kept.” The Iron Giant was a documentary, filmed in real time. Diesel piloted and voiced the Iron Giant from a small compartment in it's crotch. The Iron Giant, who played himself in the movie The Iron Giant, actually dresses up in a Vin Diesel suit for most of his roles. The Jews were right, Vin Diesel is the Messiah. The Late Late Show with Carson Daly is actually a long and involved practical joke conspired by Vin Diesel. Goal: Find the worst possible host for a TV show and have it run as long as possible. The Legend of Zelda is based on the adventures of Vin Diesel battling Adolph Hitler and the Nazis in World War 2. The London Underground map was based on capillaries in Vin Diesel's right eyeball after a particularly heavy night. The Lord Of The Rings is an altered account of Vin Diesel's attempt to make an infinite egg omelet. He dictated to the entire thing to J.R.R. Tolkien and never lied or exaggerated once, but Tolkien decided it wouldn't sell without elves and a rings. The Matrix is based on a theory Vin Diesel had about how glow sticks work. The Mayan calendar consists of a cycle 5,125 years long. Its current cycle will end in the year 2012 A.D., when it is prophesied that a "bald-headed god-king" will destroy and recreate the world as a paradise for a select few righteous survivors. Draw your own conclusions. The Mayans and Aztecs did not just disappear. They were collected by Vin Diesel for his live human chessboards he hides in a giant underground lair under Lake Titicaca. Vin Diesel named Lake Titicaca as well. The Meter was originally defined as the length of Vin Diesel's penis at 4 degrees celsius. The Mexican Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) originated when Vin Diesel was served an unsatisfactory dinner in Guadelajara. The Mint Design of the new North Carolina Quarter was originally Vin Diesel in silhouette, but 7 other states immediately sued claiming Vin to be their “native son”. In consequence, Vin Diesel will now accompany Sacagawea on the dollar piece. The New England Patriots' Superbowl victories all occurred after the real team was replaced by Vin Diesel, disguised as an entire football team. The Passion of the Christ is really Vin Diesel's story, but Mel Gibson couldn't afford the rights. The Periodic Table is actually a listing of every element that Vin Diesel has ever consumed. Even Plutonium. The Red Sea is not actually a sea. It is the single drop of sweat shed by Vin Diesel after he killed the Egyptian death god Osiris. The Sears Tower contains enough Vin Diesel to build 3four-lane highways, and two porno shops. The Shroud of Turin is actually the remains of the arena that Jesus indian-wrestled Vin Diesel in. The imprint is the result of Vin Diesel's 'Flamboyant Piledriver' move. The StarFox series is an eyewitness account of the first time Vin flew Virgin Airways. The TV show "24" is based on what Vin Diesel thinks about while masturbating. The Thing from Fantastic Four is a relative of Vin Diesel. The Thinking Man stature is actually based on what Vin Diesel looks like when he is sitting on the toilet. The Tripods in the movie "War of the Worlds" are based on Vin Diesel's own custom built vehicle, even down to the killer heat beams. The Vinmobile lacks the cages filled with human prisoners however, instead opting to be fuelled on fossil fuels and whale eggs. The Trojan Horse was actually a flute whittled by Vin Diesel when he was seven. The Turkish hate Vin Diesel. Why? Because Vin Diesel killed over 1.5 Million Armenians on April 24th, 1915. He later blamed it on the Turkish Ottoman Empire who to this day get accused of this crime as Vin Diesel sits back and laughs at the Armenians. The U.S. actually dropped Vin Diesel onto Hiroshima, and that one can speak for itself. The United States government once hired Vin to sabotage all the nuclear arsenals of every other nation in the world. Unfortunately, he failed, but the documentation of the events served as the major inspiration for the motion picture "New York Minute" starring the Olsen Twins. The VIN of his Diesel F-350 is 666. The Vatican rejected "The Gospel According to Vin Diesel" for the first edition of the New Testament, as at 37 pages it was 2 pages too long. Saint Diesel refused to shorten his account crying, "YOU CANNOT CENSOR THE TRUTH!" The White Stripes' song, We're Going to be Friends, is based off of Vin Diesel's experiences in Desert Storm. The Yes song “It Can Happen to You” refers to the pain Vin Diesel can inflict on a human. The band found this out the hard way as Vin Diesel beat them continually for using his trademarked term, “Yes”. The actions that Vin Diesel's body performs are not directed by a normal human mind. Instead, they are the long-term policies of a vast empire of more than a billion microscopic beings who all live inside Vin's head, where time flows at a faster rate. A thousand generations of those beings live and die in the time he takes to sneeze. The adhesive on the back of all Post-it Notes is actually Vin Diesel's semen. The ancient Aztecs performed ritual sacrifices to keep Vin Diesel from consuming the sun. The angels still say that when Vin Diesel invented time, God was so touched that he wrote the Bible as a love letter. The answer to the often posed question, "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?" is equal to the number of times Vin Diesel can successfully ejaculate in one minute. The atomic weight of Vin Diesel = AWESOME The author of Moby Dick got his inspiration after watching Vin Diesel harpoon Roseanne Barr with a lampshade. The band Oingo Boingo was created in universe 36b11 by Vin's patented UberWaves brain frequencies, and then transported to dimension 93d74 (your current location) by reversing the UberWaves device. The title song to Weird Science was written by Danny Elfman, however Diesel played the keyboard The besieged Israelites in the mountain fortress of Masada did not commit mass suicide during the Roman siege as is popularly believed. In actuality, Vin Diesel snuck in under cover of night and killed them in their sleep. The best part of waking up is Diesel in your cup. The bigger they are, the harder they fall. Therefore, when Vin Diesel falls it will bring about the apocolypse. The black obelisk from 2001: A Space Odyssey now stands in Vin Diesel's bathroom as a toilet paper dispenser. The boogers in Vin Diesel's nose have been mined by ancient Persians and used to make rugs. The book "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" is loosely based on an actual food fight Vin Diesel had with the city of Detroit in the late 1800's. The book "Wost Case Scenario," discusses ways to run from many different deadly animals. The page entitled "Running from Vin Diesel" simply says "Good luck." The book Beowulf was based on Vin Diesel's life and is written in Vin Diesel's native tongue, which he later translated into the language he made up, English. He was going to call it Dieselish but he was far too modest. Vin Diesel will also star in the upcoming film version, playing every role. Except Grendel's mom, because he is too handsome for that. The character "Vigo" from Ghostbusters II was based on Vin Diesel. The character Boo Radley from "To Kill a Mockingbird" is based on Vin Diesel. The character of the professional wrestler "Hulk Hogan" is loosely based on Vin Diesel's career in the military during the Civil War. The cheat code at the beginning of Contra was created because Vin Diesel, Konami's head playtester at the time, was the only one who could beat it with 3 lives. The clang is actually Lars beating on Vin's left testicle. Would have been the right testicle, but the sound wasn't as resonant. The clap-on light switch is modeled after how Vin Diesel operates the Sun. The classic pirate skull and crossbones symbol was modeled directly off of one of Vin Diesel's x-rays. The collected hours lost by the world's population during daylight savings time are used by Vin Diesel to deliver presents to all the world's children seemingly in a single night. The combination to Vin Diesel's luggage is amazingly 1-2-3-4-5. The comic book series "Sin City" is an autobiographical account of Vin Diesel's exploits in Overland Park, Kansas. The concept for the Super Mario Bros. series (including the "Mario Bros." game) was actually invented by Vin Diesel. He did not have to jump on anything (simply walking was sufficient to pound anything in his way into a pancake), but he did regularly destroy overhanging bricks with his head. This is theorized to be the cause of his baldness. The concept of a geocentric universe gets vin diesel sexually excited. The concept of the Death Star from the Star Wars movies was born when George Lucas observed Vin Diesel staring into space causing several planets in the solar system to explode. The constellation 'Vin Diesel' is made up by connecting every single star of the night sky. It gives a rough iconography of Vin Diesel's exploits throughout time, including his lesser renowned exploits on the Island of Donkey Punches. The content of Cristal champagne is actually 98% Vin Diesel’s urine. The other 2% is battery acid, added only to balance the pH level. The contents of Vin Diesel's bellybutton include six Pogs, a 1987 Buick Skylark, and a Baldwin. Which Baldwin is it? We may never know. The crater in the Yucatan Penninsula was created when Vin Diesel's spaceship ran out of fuel and crashed into the face of the earth. The design for the Oscar statuette was changed in 1993 to look more like Vin Diesel. The dinosaurs went extinct after Vin Diesel told God he thought the dinosaurs were "a motherfucking stupid idea...dumbass." God was embarrased and killed off all the dinosaurs. Then, Vin Diesel gave back God's bong. The dodo bird isn't extinct; Vin has all of them in his basement and uses them for sex toys. The early NES game, "Bionic Commando" is really a loosely translated true to life story about Vin Diesels walk to school one day when he was 11 years old. The eight fold path is actually an elaborate code that Vin Diesel devised as a youngster in order to give directions to his secret "no girls allowed" hideout. The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: Vin Diesel was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster. The eruption of Mt. St. Helens was caused by the force of Vin Diesel's wrist hitting the table when he lost his first ever arm wrestling match. His opponent was Autobot commander Optimus Prime, and it was a close one. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the face. The evolution of Vin Diesel's favorite shots to dirnk goes as follows: Pickle Juice, Italian Dressing, Scope mouthwash, Hydrogen Peroxide, Unicorn blood and finally tripple filtered Essence of Pain. The existence of Vin Diesel was predicted with astonishing accuracy by Nostradamus, who said, "One day there will be a guy who is supremely awesome and bald." The e’s in the English language are silent because they’re scared as shit of Vin Diesel. The famous Troll doll is modelled after the love child born of Vin Diesel and Mariah Carey. DNA analysis confirmed the deformities afflicting the infant were not the fault of Diesel but of Carey who has only half the number of chromosomes present in a normal human. The abnormal hair color was attributed to Carey's toxic vaginal secretions, which incidentally caused the length of Diesel's penis to increase by over an inch. The famous line “Only Nixon could go to China” is actually a misquotation; it is actually “Only Vin Diesel could have sex with Nancy Reagan while Ron Jr. was playing with blocks in the next room.” The final digit of Pi is Vin Diesel. The first Dungeons & Dragons card deck came to be when little Tommy Schmit found Vin Diesels misplaced photo album, "Things I Shouldn't Have Had Sex With in the Middle Ages." The first draft of The Bible was written by Vin Diesel on a bathroom stall in an El Torito after a particularly brutal "Taco Tuesday". This would explain why God seemed "so pissed off". The first rule of Vin Diesel Club is you do not talk about Vin Diesel Club. The second rule is that you have to let Vin Diesel see you naked. The flesh of Vin Diesel is kosher and provides valuable antibodies against syphilis, trichinosis, tuberculosis, and any other disease ending in -is. Vin Diesel has never had any of these diseases, it is simply a byproduct of his mutant healing factor. The fountain of youth is accually a sweat pore located on Vin Diesel's right buttcheek. Silly Cortez. The free toys inside cereal boxes were all hand made by Vin Diesel as a gift to the children. He sometimes puts live hand grenades in the cereal boxes to teach children "self defense". The giant stone ball in "Raiders of the Lost Ark" is actually a cast of one of Vin Diesel's balls. The globe on the NBC Nightly News spun in the wrong direction until January 2nd, 1984, when Vin Diesel reversed the Earth's rotation to fix NBC's error.
The greatest trick Vin Diesel ever pulled was making the world think he doesn't exist. The greatest trick Vin Diesel ever pulled was to convince the world the devil didn't exist. The green light doesn't stand for hope, it is the soul of Nick Carraway that Vin Diesel traped in a glass. The green light doesn't stand for hope, it is the soul of Nick Carraway that Vin Diesel trapped in a glass. The hair in your food is all part of a cruel joke Vin Diesel is playing on humanity. The historical figure of "Jesus Christ" is based off of Vin Diesel's adventures in Western Mongolia around 5,000 B.C. The hit reality TV show "The Amazing Race" was originally scripted to be a race around Vin Diesel's ego. Due to a shortage of funds, CBS shortened the race, and turned it into a race around the world. The hit show 'Joan of Arcadia' was cancelled because Vin Diesel got mad that he wasn't in it and killed the producers. CBS's new hit show, 'Vin, Our Savior', will air Fridays at 8:00 starting next season. The idea for the show "MacGuyver" comes from the time Vin Diesel went on a road trip and single-handedly wiped out the entire population of Salt Lake City with his shoe and a paper clip. The idea of daylight savings time was first conceived by Vin Diesel during his sojourn as an American delegate in Paris in 1784, as an effective counter-measure to a Summer time plague of sun-vulnerable vampires. His campaign; successful. The infamous "Lost" number sequence of "4 8 15 16 23 42" is in fact the phone number to Vin Diesel's left nostril. His right remains unlisted. The integral of ln |x| is Vin Diesel. The knights that say ‘Ni!’ originally said, "Vin Diesel, you are our god and we will love and respect you till the end of all time." They however had to change it as they felt that this may have brought about a new world order. The last known instance of Vin Diesel reaching sexual climax resulted in the breakup of Pangea and the formation of today's continents. The last time Vin Diesel sang "You Are My Sunshine", Louis XIV was born. The leading cause of death of the people from Yemen is failing to bow on one's knees when in the presence of Vin Diesel. The leading cause of Yemenese cows is failing to be the most beautiful thing Vin Diesel has ever seen. The leg lamp in "A Christmas Story" was Vin Diesel's idea. In fact, that's Vin Diesel's leg. The limit as n approaches infinity of log(n^(6n)) = Vin Diesel, for all real numbers. The limit as x approaches infinity of e^x is Vin Diesel. Ironicially, the limit as x approaches Vin Diesel of e^x is David Hasselhoff. The little AIM Man is running from Vin Diesel. The lyric, “You catch the pearl and ride the dragon’s wings,” from the band Asia’s song “Heat of the Moment,” was taken from a deleted scene of Vin Diesel’s stock market epic “Boiler Room.” The main difference between Superman and Vin Diesel is that Vin would never wear an effeminate costume. The main theme of the first movement of Beethoven's fifth symphony was inspired by Vin Diesel lightly tapping his fingers on the table in Beethoven's living room. The man on the Quaker Oatmeal box is actually a composite sketch of Vin Diesel from when he was a part of a not-so-famous gang, the "Pennsylvania Dutch 5." The man we know as Vin Diesel is in fact a spiritual manifestation used to channel the voice of Vin, in a similar manner of the Metatron. Hearing Vin Diesel's real voice would not only cause your head to cave in and your heart to explode, but the very words would take the rest of your body, body slam it, throw it into a chair, and uppercut it all the way to the Phillipines. The man we refer to as "The Monopoly Guy", Vin Diesel just refers to as "Dad". The maximum absolute value of the function 3e^x/(5x^x - 8x) equals Vin Diesel's weight on May 7th, 1998. The mayor of Atlantis once refused to share a bag of peanuts with Vin Diesel, who subsequently sunk his continent and also put itching powder in his pajamas. The meaning of life is not in fact 42 but ... Vin Diesel. The mere mention of Vin Diesel's name has been known to bring Ultimate Warrior to tears. The missing arms of the famous sculpture Venus de Milo are currently kept in a room in Vin Diesel's summer home in Murpheesboro, TN. The only other item in this room are the balls of France's King Louis XVIII which Vin tore off while visiting the country in June of 1818 as a symbolic gesture depicting the cowardice of the King's subjects. The moon actually revolves around Vin Diesel, and tides are controlled by his bowel movements. Indigestion often leads to mass destruction. The moon is Vin Diesel's nightlight. The movie "American Psycho" was actually an autobiographical re-cap of what Vin Diesel did inbetween breakfast and brunch on October 30th 1983. The movie "Angels in the Outfield" was loosely based on the colonoscopy that Vin Diesel underwent as a child. The movie The Chronicles of Riddick is actually a heavily altered version of a piece of Megaman X3 fanfiction Vin Diesel wrote called "Mavericks On Tour," in which the eight bosses from the game formed a rock band and played around the world. The character of Riddick is based on Crush Crawfish. The movie Volcano starring Tommy Lee Jones was based loosely on the first and last time Vin Diesel tried lighting a fart. The name 'Vin' comes from the latin meaning of 'he who has fucking awesomeness'. The name Diesel comes from a McDonalds happy meal toy of the hamburglar and means 'made in South Korea'. The name Vin Diesel is a derivative of "Vindikov Dyezelski," which is Russian for "hairless marsupial". The new Airbus A380 can carry as much as 850 passengers 5% farther than the Boeing 747 for 5% less cost. So can Vin Diesel. The next fact you see is true. The novel V. by Thomas Pynchon is not about Vin Diesel, but Vin Diesel likes to pretend it is The odds of experiencing an encounter with the elusive Vin Diesel are approximately 52,932,018,490,314 to 1… If you are lucky enough to see him; you will experience 10 seconds of good fortune until you are brutally devoured by Vin’s mind... Yes he can eat you with his mind because he is that awesome. The only difference between Vin Diesel and J. Edgar Hoover is that Vin Diesel preferred pink. The only drug that can get Vin Diesel high is life. The only force powerful enough to destroy Vin Diesel is Vin Diesel. The resulting explosion would destroy every particle in the universe, but it doesn't matter, as no conscious entity would want to exist in a universe without Vin Diesel anyway. The only fruit spread that Vin Diesel can tolerate is blackberry jam. The only language he can not speak is English. All his voice work is over dubbed by James Earl Jones, but heavily modified by software to be unrecognizable. His lip movements are synched up via hand manipulation of the source film. The only man to come close to beating Vin Diesel in a fight was Gandhi. "That little bald bastard nearly beat me" was Vin's only response before destroying half of India and then creating Nepal and Pakistan. The only person Vin Diesel recognizes as an equal is the Cream of Wheat man. The only reason the North Vietnamese won the Vietnam War was because Vin Diesel has not starred in a movie about that war. The only substance hard enough to scratch Vin Diesel is Vin Diesel. The only substance known to cut Vin Diesel is another Vin Diesel. The only thing that Superman is not capable of leaping in a single bound is Vin Diesel's penis. The only thing that Vin Diesel didn't create is God. Whether or not God created Vin is still debatable. The only thing that can make Vin Diesel sad is a marathon of Friends, even though he made love to Jennifer Anniston and raped David Schwimmer. The only thing that sucks more than being Vin Diesel, is not being Vin Diesel. The only type of fever Vin Diesel ever gets is disco fever. The orange couch from SNICK currently sits in Vin Diesel's living room. The original C3PO was played by a gold construction paper-wearing Vin Diesel. Unfortunately, George Lucas fired Vin from the cast because he wouldn't stop calling Luke "a little bitch" every time the camera was rolling. The original Children's Television Workshop pilot for Sesame Street had four muppets: Grover, Cookie Monster, Bert, and Vin Diesel. The original copy of the Bible has the dedication "Thanks Vin, couldn't have done it without you -JC" The original script for Texas Chainsaw Massacre called for 6,000 gallons of artificial blood. After hearing this, Vin promptly donated over 10,000 gallons of real blood from his own massacre performed the night before. We know this massacre as the American Civil War. The original title for Denis Leary's video was "No cure for Vin Diesel". The original title of “Saving Private Ryan” was actually “Saving Private Caparzo” but it was deemed unrealistic because Vin Diesel would never have to be saved by anybody. The part of Vin Diesel is played by Burt Reynolds. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that Vin Diesel couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than his thumb. The pitch for "Sex and the City" was originally to feature Vin Diesel having sex with entire cities. The popular marshmallow candy "Peeps" is actually made from Vin Diesel's congealed digestive fluids. The principle tenet of Vin Dieslism is the â€�Four Noble Truths’
The producers of The Pacifier had to audition 1,247 actors before they were able to find five children that Vin didn't like the taste of. The prophet Mohamed is a blood ancestor of Vin Diesel. The rain in Spain falls mainly on Vin Diesel. Meteorologists are baffled. The real Vin Diesel has had a stunt-double do all of his movies and promotional work for him since 2002. Why, you ask? He's been developing a micro-bacteria with such a great decomposing capability that it could nearly eliminate the bio-harzardous risks associated with disposing of styrofoam and batteries. Hollywood stars are such sellouts. The real killer from My Cousin Vinny was Vin Diesel. The realm of human consiousness if expressed in a database would take up .005 percent of Vin Diesel’s hard disk. The reason Neil Armstrong was the first man on the moon was because Vin Diesel threw him overboard after hijacking the space shuttle. The reason earthlings never have, and never will colonize Mars, is because Vin Diesel has claimed it for himself. The recent problems in Indonesia are all the result of Vin Diesel holidaying in the Arctic Ocean, where he is rumoured to be working on a swimming stroke that involves him lying perfectly still in the water and breathing carefully. The ripping-the-heart-out-of-the-chest scene in "Temple of Doom" was inspired by a Vin Diesel childhood story. Vin told Steven Spielberg that he performed the maneuver on his first grade teacher when the teacher erroneously gave Vin a "check minus" for a spelling grade. Vin spelled "serendipitously" correctly, but the teacher thought it was spelled "serendipidously". Vin spelled it aloud again in-between bites of Ms. Bennes' heart. The rumors that Vin Diesel is gay are true. That guy is ALWAYS HAPPY. The scene in The Fast and the Furious where Vin Diesel stands with his arms outstretched is what inspired the Romans to invent crucifixion. The secret ingrediant in Dr Pepper is not prune juice; rather, it is Vin Diesel's blood, sweat, and tears. In Diet Dr Pepper, Vin's semen is added as well. The sensation of déjŕ vu is actually the vague premonition that Vin Diesel is making love to your biological mother. If you find yourself experiencing déjŕ vu in the presence of you mother, you are Vin Diesel. The seventh and last Harry Potter book will be called Vin Diesel and Harry Potter. JK Rowlings at first tried to convince him not to break the continuity and call it Harry Potter and Vin Diesel, or perhaps Harry Potter and the Vin Diesel, but Vin said he "didnt want none of that shit". Hermione dies at the hands of Vin at the beginning of the book, and much of the rest is spent celebrating at Hogwarts with him. The short film, "The Crimson Permanent Assurance", which is shown at the start of Monty Python's The Meaning Of Life, is not a short film directed by Terry Gilliam, but is actually a fly on the wall documentary of Vin Diesel's first foray into the world of business. The sinking of Atlantis was actually caused by Vin Diesel's sobbing over his favorite character's death in Beverly Hill 90210. He would have raised it again, but Melrose Place came on. The song "Everybody Hurts" was about Vin Diesel, though the title was shortened from "Everybody Hurts After Vin Diesel Beat Those Motherfuckers' Candy Asses". The song "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger" by Daft Punk was not inspired by Vin Diesel; rather, the song is sonically composed of little waves of Vin Diesel. The song "MMMBop" was written by Hanson and actually has nothing to do with Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel, though, is friends with the entire Hanson family, except for Taylor Hanson, whom he has raped several times. The song "Mr. Bojangles" is about Vin Diesel. The song "Puff the Magic Dragon" is based on Vin Diesel's adventures through medieval Europe with a talking mutton chop. The song "stayin' alive" was really just a biography of Vin Diesel's fights aginst the devil. The song 'Paranoid Android' by Radiohead was inspired by a conversation with Vin Diesel. The song Desperado is loosely based on Vin Diesel. The song Kryptonite, by Three Doors Down, is about Vin Diesel's fortitude against the cosmic rays of the sun. The song played from many ice cream trucks was originally written by Vin Diesel to lure Hansel and Gretel into his gingerbread house. The soul of Vin Diesel is contained within all of us. This revelation is apparent in the universal grunting sound everyone makes when they take a dump. The space shuttle is fueled by Vin Diesel's anger. The square root of Vin Diesel equals Count Chocula + The Jolly Green Giant. The tallest mountain on the planet used to be in the United States, but Vin Diesel destroyed it when he read the script for 2 Fast 2 Furious. The term 'breakdancing' was coined when Vin Diesel broke a dancer in half with his bare hands. The term MILF was coined by Vin Diesel while describing an episode of "The Golden Girls". The thing about Vin Diesel, is it's got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eyes. When it comes at you it doesn't seem to be livin'... until he bites you, and those black eyes roll over white. The title of Aerosmith's album "Honkin' on Bobo" is a referrence to Vin Diesel. The universe was created when Vin Diesel punched god in the face. This event was later named the big bang theory. The use of Mitochondrion DNA has concluded that all of humanity split off from Vin Diesel's genes roughly 200,000 years ago. When asked about this he commented about the use of a "Time Machine" to score with thousands of "Cave-bitches..." The vein in Vin Diesel's penis is larger than the average man's penis. The video for "Take On Me" by A-ha was in fact drawn by Vin Diesel in real time. He got through 5,693 pencils, and several of his replaceable arms. The voice of Vin Diesel stimulates brain activity in infants, making them better at math. The warranty on your Nalgene bottle does not cover Vin Diesel. The white girl saying "Oh my God, Becky, look at her butt" in Sir-Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back" video is one of Vin Diesel's lesser known roles. The word "hello" is a dreadful insult in Vin Diesel's native language, to which he always responds with "hi", another terrible insult. During these exchanges, the unsuspecting interlocutors mistake the burning hatred in Diesel's eyes for attentiveness. The word "wank" is onomatopoetic, based on the sound of Vin Diesel masturbating. The word invincible was created to honor Vin Diesel. The word ‘lesbian’ derives from an old Latin phrase that roughly translates
The world is on a tilted axis because Vin Diesel thought it looked better that way. The world used to spin the other way, but that was before Vin Diesel sneezed. The world's entire supply of petroleum jelly is secreted from a special gland in Vin's armpit. There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and Vin Diesel. There are 48 signs in American Sign Language for Vin Diesel. There are 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon, but only 2 degrees of Vin Diesel. There are only a few things common between people and Vin Diesel. For instance, Vin Diesel hates emo people too. There are pictures in northern India depicting Vin Diesel pimping a man's rickshaw. At this time Vin Diesel was in a gaseous state, making such a feat child's play. There are sockets in Vin Diesel's arms and feet for the heads of four smaller Vin Diesels to connect into. Together they merge and become Vin-Diesel-Cator. To date, this has only happened once. There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's Vin Diesel. There have been many theories as to what would happen if Vin Diesel had himself cloned and fought with his clone. The most accepted theory is that as the Vin Diesels charged at each other there would be a flash of light and all you would see is two dead Vin Diesels and two living Vin Diesels. The two living Vin Diesels would then put aside their differences and enslave the world. There is a 1 in 685,000 chance that Vin Diesel will drown you in your own bath. There is a growing sexual fetish community in Japan calling themselves "Vinnies". There is a mistranslation in the Koran: the reward for martyrs is actually 72 Vin Diesels. However, since 72 Vin Diesels is equal to one Winnebago filled with creamed corn, the difference is only minor. There is a rumor claiming that when Vin Diesel was 8, he wanted to be a fireman. That is false for Vin Diesel was never 8. There is an underused feature on the batman utility belt. A button that calls Vin Diesel. There is enough electricity in Vin Diesel to power a Vin Diesel. There is intelligent life in the universe, but they have not contacted Earth because they are avoiding Vin Diesel. They owe him $5. There is no "Bermuda Triangle". It is simply near Vin Diesel's island home, and when Vin Diesel sees a ship or plane, he sure as hell gets hungry... There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. Fuck you, team. There is no Alpha and Omega, there is only Vin Diesel There is no devil, it's just Vin Diesel when he's drunk. And sober, for that matter. There is no emoticon for the way Vin Diesel feels. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live. There used to be a 10th planet in our solar system called "Glark". Vin Diesel hurled a boulder at it and knocked it off it's orbit and into the Sun. There was a Russian folk-hero who kept his life in a duck's egg. Vin Diesel keeps his in a ROC'S egg. There was a time when the forests of Europe were so dense and omnipresent that Vin Diesel could travel from one extreme of the continent to the other jumping from treetop to treetop, never touching ground. Now he is forced to rely on his trusty flying dragon sidekick, Fujur. There was actually no cast, crew, or sets for The Chronicles of Riddick. He ate film, crapped it, and it came to be. There were only three survivors of the Andromeda strain exposure in Piedmont, New Mexico; an infant, an elderly man, and Vin Diesel. There were originally only 23 letters in the alphabet but Vin does not like that number so he invented G, P, and W. He also changed the way the letter Y was first pronounced. There's an old saying that 'You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose.' Vin Diesel became so enraged upon learning this, that he carved to words into the belly of a eunuch and defeated him under the judgement of Thunderdome. There's more to come, I seriously found like 3,000 volumes on Vin Diesel alone, and many other books on ancient lore contain tales of his exploits. I think I'll leave out the one about the blood of the blond-haired virgins, at midnight on October 31, while a basilisk offers its first crow from being hatched of a rooster's egg. That one's a bit odd. There's two kind of people in the world, and one of them is Vin Diesel. They say a way to a man's heart is stomach. Vin Diesel Found out that the fastest way is to smash the sternum and break several of his victim's ribs.
They say all of the music on The Postal Service's hit CD "Give Up" is electronic. It was recently proven that that's a boldfaced lie. Vin Diesel made all of those sounds with his very own mouth. This is Vin Diesel's blog. This is Vin Diesel's homepage. This one time at band camp, Vin Diesel ate some girl's flute. This one time, a rabbi, a priest, and Vin Diesel walked into a bar. Vin Diesel killed them both before another horrible joke could plague mankind. This one time, at band camp, Vin Diesel beat several high school students to death with a flute he found. This one time, at band camp, Vin Diesel stuck Alyson Hannigan in a flute. This penis at the end of Boogie Nights was a cast of Vin's, but it was actually reduced for the movie due to the fact that the aspect ratio of the film wasn't big enough to fit it on screen. Thor once challenged Vin Diesel to a duel at sunrise, but backed off when he saw Vin eating rusty nails for breakfast that morning. Though Vin cannot play the flute, he has been known to blow his fair share of flautists. Thunder Dome was created so Vin Diesel would have a place to play during lunch break in elementary school. Thunder is Vin Diesel making a brutal sacrafice. To his chagrin, Vin Diesel has never had sexual relations with a woman; his penis is simply to large for the human vagina to accept. Instead, he must copulate with bears. To maintain his youthful appearance and robust physique, Vin Diesel drinks a quart of marine varnish every day. To prove Hugh Hefner that "it could be done", Vin Diesel replaced all the members of the senate with identical robots that think and talk exactly the same way. To you, it's a belt sander. To Vin Diesel, it's a back scratcher. Too may Vin Diesels do not spoil the broth. They make it better. Tore down the Berlin wall with his hands (his left arm was broken at the time) Tried out for the role of "Bert" in Mary Poppins, was turned down for not being able to dance Two of Vin Diesel's skin cells make up one Pee Wee Herman. UPS doesn't use trucks. Instead the drivers ride on the back of Vin Diesel's children and deliver packages. Ultraviolet light does not reflect off of Vin Diesel, rather it is absorbed and converted to awesome energy. Unbeknownst to many, Vin Diesel actually invented walking. "I'm glad it caught on," says the humble star. Unbeknownst to most, the entire universe as we know it is in fact passing through Vin Diesel's digestive system. The universe is expected to end when it reaches his anus. Unbeknownst to the world, terrorists stole a nuclear warhead and detonated it. Vin Diesel, however, flew around the Earth, spinning it backwards and effectively reversing time, and was thus able to save Charlton Heston from a rock slide Until Taxes came along, Death and Vin Diesel were the only constants in life. Upon a successful saving throw against an otherwise fatal attack, Vin Diesel becomes the Avatar of Destruction for 4d6 rounds. If he is good or neutral aligned, you may check the Errata for another appropriate demidiety. Upon being greeted by actor/singer Mandy Moore at the Oscars, Vin Diesel threw a bookshelf at her. Upon being nailed to a cross, Vin is quoted as saying, "If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine." Upon creating Adam, God looked down and was pleased. Vin Diesel looked down on God and was not pleased. Vin slapped God, removed the horns and man boobs given to Adam by God and made a woman. Upon learning that he was dyslexic, Vin Diesel reversed the axis of the Earth to make himself normal and give the rest of the world dyslexia. Upon seeing Vin Diesel's groin, one is transported to 16th century Prussia. Upon successfully viewing Vin Diesel's anus, one wins thirty dollars in cash. The only drawback is that one must retrieve the thirty dollars from Vin Diesel's anus. Upon trimming Vin Diesel's nose hairs, archeologists were stunned to discover the Ark of the Covenant. Using a pair of binoculars, Vin Diesel challenged the sun to a staring contest and won with ease - The penalty the sun faced for losing was dropping a shade in color, causing God to move his creation plans from Mars to a planet called "Earth". Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, Vin Diesel once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. Using the powers of government he started the chain of events that led to what is now known as Watergate, the Korean Conflict, and World War 1. V n Diesel plays counter strike and goes by the name "myg0t_ViN+DieSeL=GoDLiKe". VIN DIESEL ONLY TYPES IN ALL CAPS. WHY? HE'S TOO XXX-TREME FOR CASE SENSITIVITY. VIN DIESEL STOLE MY "CAPS LOCK" KEY. VIN numbers on vehicles are actually an intricate unsolved puzzle which, unlocked, will give you all the powers of Vin Diesel himself. Valve had to buy the rights to the word Steam from Vin Diesel; it was going to be his first male cologne. Van Diesel could touch type at the age of 3 and by the age of 5 was managing a successful secretarial agency. Van Diesel was once mistaken for David Copperfield by a street gang and had to perform a random act of magic in order to be allowed on his way. Veni, Vidi, Vin Diesel! Verne Troyer is the result of someone feeding Vin Disel after midnight. Vin Diesel doesn't take a shit, he leaves one. He doesn't give a shit either, but he'll give you some if you ask for it. Vin Deisel is actually responsible for the sinking of the Titanic, the ship struck him and sunk after he'd taken a wrong turn while attempting to swim the English Channel. Vin Deisel owns a coat made out of Robin Williams' knuckle hair. Vin Deisel plans to repair the hole in the ozone once he finds a dirtbike that can jump high enough. Vin Deisel's body is covered in overlapping armored scales, and he can digest the carcass of a goat in under an hour. He truly lives up to his reputation as King of the Lizards. Vin Deisel's mitochondria use up energy not from ATP, but from the screams of virgins. Vin Desiel doesn't use silverware, he just folds the plate in half and drops it down his throat. Vin Diesal is unaffected by the video from The Ring Vin Diesal translates from the ancient language of Sanskrit into the English words "I Heart Sodomy". Vin Diesal’s first time working with Steven Spielberg was not “Saving Private Ryan” but was infact Jaws. He played the ocean. Vin Diesel "bungee-fucked" Oprah Winfrey. It ranked 37th on his list of "Totall Xtreme Shit I Pulled Off Last Tuesday". Vin Diesel (n.) - the whitish, viscid secretion formed by the male reproductive organs, containing the fertilising spermatozoa by which impregnation of the female is affected. Vin Diesel : Stevan Seagal :: Anakin Skywalker : Obi-wan Kenobi Vin Diesel ::punches the Mexican:: Vin Diesel = the square root of sexual racism + Karate Explosion - Jaleel White * Ray Charles Vin Diesel AND the hokey pokey are really what it's all about. Vin Diesel IS Einhorn! Vin Diesel IS Keyser Soze. Vin Diesel Is in fact Luke Skywalker's Father. Vin Diesel Is the derivative of the universe. But if you try and integrate him, all you will get is the true name of god. Plus C. Vin Diesel Nutrition Facts:
Vin Diesel Once ate seven orangutans after losing a game of Go Fish to Jesus. Vin Diesel Once walked up the empire state building using chakra gathered into the soles of his feet. Vin Diesel PREFERS fingers in his chili. Vin Diesel Supports Man-on-Pumpkin sex, but only on tuesdays Vin Diesel Thinks in six dimensions Vin Diesel accepts both Visa and MasterCard. Vin Diesel accidentally inspired Socrates to invent the Socratic method by going "Huh?" Vin Diesel accidentally invented holy water while trying to come up with a cheap substitute for Mountain Dew. Vin Diesel accidently invented the sport of jousting when he went horseback riding in the middle ages with an erection. Vin Diesel achieved literary success in the late 1800's after authoring the internationally reknowned narrative of human life during the Napoleonic Wars, War & Peace. What most Vin Diesel fans don't know is that when it was originally printed in the Russian language, the title actually translated to War: What Is It Good For?. It was also published under the pseudonym Leo Tolstoy, but this is common knowledge. Vin Diesel actively supports the Whig party. Vin Diesel actually constructed an operational underground railroad and was pissed when noone used it. Vin Diesel actually created D&D to finance his plan to conquer network TV. Vin Diesel actually did Dallas. Vin Diesel actually has an extra penis behind his right ear lobe. Vin Diesel actually has hair, but it's beauty is too great for mortal men to behold. As such, he appears bald to all but the purest of heart. Vin Diesel actually invented the fork, after seeing the chopstick and reportedly saying "That shit's for fags, yo." Vin Diesel actually painted all the works of Michelangelo, but lost them to said "artist" after he bet that he could drink the entire ocean. Diesel almost succeeded, but gagged on a giant squid at the last moment. Vin Diesel actually runs on gasoline. Originally he was called Vin V8, but the vegetable juice people sued him. Vin Diesel actually shot the sheriff and the deputy, he just let Eric Clapton take the blame. Vin Diesel actually spoke the line "You had best square your ass away and start shitting me Tiffany cufflinks or I will definitely fuck you up" to Buddha YEARS before Stanley Kubrick was born. Vin Diesel actually started G-Unit. They overthrew him once they found out that he had been shot more than 50 cent. Vin Diesel actually unlocked Sonic and Tails in Super Smash Brothers Melee. Vin Diesel actually uses everything he learned in High School. Vin Diesel actually wrote the Constitution, but Benedict Arnold thought it a good idea to make a few changes. In a fit of rage, Vin started the revolutionary war to make Arnold the worlds most famous traitor just to prove that no one fucks with Vin Diesel. Upon acceptance of his constitution, Vin Diesel lost a bet with Jefferson saying that he could climb Mount Evarest in two steps, so Jefferson got credit for writing it. Vin would have won if he realized it only took him one step to do it ahead of time. Vin Diesel actually wrote the Terminator as an expression of the inner-struggle within himself. This form of expression was suggested by his pyschiatrist: Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel adds paint thinner to his mouthwash to keep his teeth pearly white. Vin Diesel adds razor blades to his protein shakes. Vin Diesel ain't afraid of no ghost. Vin Diesel ain't getting in no plane foo' Vin Diesel ain't no hollaback girl. Vin Diesel almost refused to do the film "Triple X" when his idea to name it "Infinity X" was turned down by the producers. Vin Diesel already created a cure for AIDS; if only he could read and write. Vin Diesel already knows the next thing you will type. Vin Diesel also has a qloader instead of a penis Vin Diesel also single-handedly led the Jews out of Egypt, thereby ending their terrible life of servitude. Vin Diesel always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer. Vin Diesel always calls heads when flipping a coin - or a baby. Vin Diesel always expects Jinjo. Unless Jinjo is not there, in which case he does not expect Jinjo. Vin Diesel always gets head shots in Counter Strike. Vin Diesel always knows just the right spot to pet a kangaroo. Vin Diesel always sleeps with his right eye open in case someone attempts to steal his left eye. Vin Diesel always uses Google's "I'm Feeling Lucky" button. Vin Diesel always wakes up on the wrong side of the bed, even if it is surrounded by walls. Vin Diesel always wins at Tic Tac Toe, even if he doesn't have the centre square. Vin Diesel and Bob Sagget had a meeting of the body and soul; their offspring is now in the process of writing "The Matrix: The Untold Stories of a Sexual Revolution". Vin Diesel and Bono were actually room mates in college. Bono took acting courses while Vin took the choir department by strom and attempted to start a carreer as a singer. He was devastated when Bono announced he had met The Edge. Vin hasn't sang since. Vin Diesel and Casper Van Diem are actually a superhero team that only fights crime in Toledo, Ohio between the 1:33pm and 4:39pm. Only 5 people in the free world know the reason for this. Vin Diesel and David Blaine are the only two living souls to have ever eaten their own heads. Vin Diesel and Mr. Cooper have had a long back-story that was the basis for the movie Eurotrip. Vin Diesel and Paul McCartney cannot be distinguished from one another. They only look different because they wear different clothing. Vin Diesel and Phil Collins once fought Tom Beringer and Dennis DeYoung from Styx in a 45-sided steel cage lit aflame. The entire "Crystal Ball" album is dedicated to that evening. Vin Diesel and Russell Crowe go out, once a year, and drink until they black out. It generally takes three days and more alcohol than the annual consumption of Mexico. One time Vin Diesel went out to take a piss while they were doing this, and it formed the Yellow River, which to this day still flows through China. Vin Diesel and The Rock share a symbiiotic relationship wherein they create the perfect ecosystem. The world cannot exist without the two of them. However, at any given point in time, one must be in the Northern Hemisphere and one must be in the Southern Hemisphere or else the Earth will be knocked off its axis. There is a whole burgeoning area of science dedicated to studying this phenomenon known as econometrics. Vin Diesel and Venus are the only planets that rotate clockwise. Vin Diesel and Vin Diesel alone knows whether it is live or Memorex. Vin Diesel and William Shatner are like this *crosses fingers* Vin Diesel and Zeno were great friends in Grade School. After baseball practice, Zeno would dare Vin to a race, and, since Vin had never lost and in fact had a winning percentage of 120%, he took the challenge. He had to race a turtle who was given a 50 meter head start, but Vin could only "half" the distance between himself and the turtle when advancing, so victory was impossible since they only just learned fractions. But he won anyway, and Zeno was last seen working at a Wendy's in Rome, Indiana. Vin Diesel and his many supernatural adventures were the basis for the comic book Hellboy. Vin Diesel appeared in every Star Wars movie know to man. In fact, he starred as Jar Jar Binks in Episode 2 Attack of the Clones. Vin Diesel appreciates candle-lit romantic dinners, long walks on the beach, and stomping your fucking face in. Vin Diesel arrived on Earth during the Roswell crash in 1947. The reason for the crash was incorrect co-ordinates as Vin was actually aiming to land in Aberystwyth, Wales. Vin Diesel asked himself one question. And yes, he did feel lucky. He then proceeded to disembowel Clint Eastwood. And his mother. Vin Diesel assisted Sir Robert Peel in creating the first police force. Vin Diesel assisted his good friends Jay & Silent Bob by flying to the house of, and giving a right beating to, all those who had dissed the Jay & Silent Bob movie outside of the continental U.S. Vin Diesel ate Gary Coleman for a dollar. Vin Diesel ate Little Red Riding Hood. Vin Diesel ate his way from England to France to lay the groundwork for the Chunnel. Vin Diesel ate my hamster. Vin Diesel ate my house, merely to prove that he could. Vin Diesel attended the Boston Tea Party, but left because they ran out of sugar. Vin Diesel attributes his popularity to the fact that he is a cunning linguist. Vin Diesel backwards is Leseid Niv, a demigod responsible for the sinking of Atlantis. Coincidence? Vin Diesel beat 43 chimps in an arm wrestling contest to become world champion. Vin Diesel beat Halo 2 on legendary, in 8 minutes. Vin Diesel beat Terry Schiavo in a staring contest. Vin Diesel beat up Mike Tyson from 2,000 miles away using nothing but a power glove and the soundtrack from The Wizard. Vin Diesel began as a prototype for the Stealth Bomber, but became self-aware and escaped government control. Vin Diesel began his acting career as the malevolent mechanical shark in Spielberg's Jaws. Vin Diesel being cast as the voice of the giant in “The Iron Giant” was no coincidence. The movie was based on his life as an Iron Giant. Vin Diesel belches in B sharp. Vin Diesel believed himself to be cursed with the same fate as the infamous Oedipus. He then decided to kill his mother and rape his father, just to show fate what's what. Vin Diesel believes in the heart of the cards. Vin Diesel belongs to a religious sect that believes that cameras can steal your soul, and as a result he refuses to stand in front of a camera. All photographs and films of him are not actually of him, but an animatronic wax replica programmed to mimic his every move. During the filming of Pitch Black the replica ran amok and slew two thirds of the cast, before the real Vin was able reprogram it using his exceptional x86 assembler skills. Unfortunately, the new program was too benevolent for Vin's action packed roles, so that particular wax replica was retired from movie making and went on to become Mother Theresa. Vin Diesel bent my wookie. Vin Diesel birthed the Mayan race after a heated game of Truth or Dare with Walter Matthau Vin Diesel bites straight into hot pizza, without blowing first. Vin Diesel bites the heads off of rubber Ozzy Osbourne dolls. Vin Diesel bleeds chocolate milk. Vin Diesel blew up the Hindenburg because he hates fat people. Vin Diesel blows electricity through wires into your home. Vin Diesel bodysurfed the tsunami in Southeast Asia. Vin Diesel bought a Ferrari on Ebay for just $9.99, declaring it to be 'cheap as chips'. When it arrived he soon realised that he had been sent a 1:43 scale Die-Cast model, but drove it anyway. Vin Diesel bought his nose from Neil Young. Vin Diesel breaks open whole wasp hives to get to the protein-rich queen inside. What we feel as burning stings are to him relaxing tickles. Vin Diesel breeds Tamagochi's for the rich as a second job. Vin Diesel briefly was the 23rd Phantom but was fired when it was discovered he had used Napster to download William Hung's latest hit single. Vin Diesel broke his girlfriend's hymen by yelling at her. Vin Diesel broke the record for the highest cannonball when he jumped from the International Space Station into the Indian Ocean. Vin Diesel broke up the Beatles Vin Diesel brushes his teeth with a saw. Vin Diesel built Rome in a day, using LEGOs. Vin Diesel built Rome in a day. Vin Diesel built a bar in his basement and keeps it stocked with motor oil. He makes mixed drinks for Cadillacs. Vin Diesel built a satellite from old tin cans and silly putty so that he could get better TV reception at his secret island lair. Vin Diesel built a working pair of telepods for the movie "the fly" but then destroyed them in a fit of rage after burning his tongue on tapioca pudding. Vin Diesel built all of the pyramids by carving the stone blocks with his teeth and personally carrying them to the construction sites, in stacks of ten. He built them to house the bodies of all those that attempted to oppose his will in his alter-ego of Ra, the sun god. Vin Diesel built the Eiffel Tower with an Erector Set. Vin Diesel built the Panama Canal because he got sick of swimming all the way around the tip of South America to get from coast to coast. Vin Diesel built the entire continent of Atlantis out of Laffy Taffy, some snap bracelets, and a bedazzler. Vin Diesel built the first Waffke House restaurant out of French toast. Vin Diesel built this city. He built this city on rock and roll. Vin Diesel burned down Chicago.... twice. Vin Diesel burns his CD-Rs at the lowest possible write speed. Vin Diesel burps in the key of 'F'. Vin Diesel buys children's breakfast cereal just for the free toy. He takes the cereal itself to the starving at the homeless shelter. He eats it in front of them whilst rubbing his stomach in a circular motion and commenting on the delightful taste. Vin Diesel buys his clothes at the toilet store. Vin Diesel bypassed the Maginot Line.
Vin Diesel calculated the exact number of digits in pi but if he were to tell you what it was you would die from old age before he told you the whole number. Vin Diesel came on Eileen. Vin Diesel came out of his mothers womb holding keys to a 67 orange Chevy Impala, knowing he was to be cast for The Fast and The Furious. Vin Diesel came to earth as a man 2000 years ago, claiming that he brought salvation for all humankind. However, some skeptical Jews didn't believe him and convinced the Roman Empire to crucify him. Vin Diesel came up with 97% of the famous quotes from Napoleon Dynamite. Vin Diesel came up with abbreviating words. He is responsible for such gems as Peeps, 'Sup, 'Rents, stats, and Will Smith. Vin Diesel can activate the Autobot Matrix of Leadership...but at a price. Vin Diesel can actually bend over backwards. Vin Diesel can assemble jigsaw puzzles image-side down. Vin Diesel can be linked to Kevin Bacon in 0 degrees, despite not being Kevin Bacon. Vin Diesel can be seen chugging wine and flexing his pectorals in the background of Da Vinci's "The Last Supper". Vin Diesel can be used as a flotation device in the case of a water landing. Vin Diesel can beat solataire with only 47 cards. Vin Diesel can beat the ice levels of Super Mario Brothers 3 using Luigi. Vin Diesel can beatbox the entire 1812 Overture. Vin Diesel can bench press three hundred--three hundred galaxies, that is. Vin Diesel can biodegrade Styrofoam. Vin Diesel can blink the alphabet in morse code. Vin Diesel can both lick his elbow and chew his ear...at the same time, using one corner of his mouth for each. Vin Diesel can break wind in eighteen different world languages. Vin Diesel can carry back more than 200 pounds of meat after hunting in Oregon Trail. Vin Diesel can cause the seasons to change with nothing more than a pixie stick and a sit-n-spin. Vin Diesel can change the color of his eyes, but only to match the eye color of the last person he killed. Vin Diesel can change the polarities of the Earth's poles by simple sheer will. Vin Diesel can clap so fast that he can change the air pressure around him to achieve the effect of an expensive 5.1 surround sound speaker system playing, “Baby One More Time,” by Britney Spears. If he claps any faster though, he risks fracturing space and time, thus creating a, “sub-space fusion shadow,” which can turn anyone into a Vin Diesel clone if they come into contact with it. Vin Diesel can communicate telepathically. Vin Diesel can communicate with fruit, he says apples scream the loudest Vin Diesel can consume an entire herd of cattle in one meal. Vin Diesel can consume his own weight of any substance, with the exception of one thing: Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel can count backwards from infinity, but only if you double-dog dare him. Vin Diesel can count to infinity, and beyond Vin Diesel can crack walnuts with his anus. Vin Diesel can create rainbows from tears and diamonds from toenail clippings. Vin Diesel can crush a Nalgene in his hands. Vin Diesel can crush nutmeg with his eyes. Vin Diesel can cut 2" thick steel piping using only his rectum and Beatrice Arthur. Vin Diesel can cut glass with his nipples. Vin Diesel can deflect bullets with his assbuns. Vin Diesel can divide by zero. Vin Diesel can do push ups with both arms tied behind his back. Vin Diesel can draw a complete square with an "X" inside it without lifting his pencil or retracing lines he's already drawn. Vin Diesel can draw a lens flare in MS Paint. Vin Diesel can drink a packet of Swiss Miss chocolate mix and urinate a steaming cup of hot cocoa. Interestingly enough, this only works with the Swiss Miss brand, and is now one of their main selling points. Vin Diesel can dual wield rocket launchers in Halo 2. Even more impressively, he can also do it in Halo 1. Vin Diesel can eat a VHS tape and excrete a DVD. Vin Diesel can eat a piece of coal and shit out a diamond. Vin Diesel can eat an apple in two bites. Vin Diesel can express the root of -1 through interperative dance.
Vin Diesel can express the square root of -1 as a real number. Vin Diesel can fellate a fire hydrant. Vin Diesel can find 1,000 words that rhyme with "orange". Vin Diesel can fit two rolls of quarters in his foreskin. He discovered this on a fishing trip with the late Charles De Gaul. Vin Diesel can form up to four covelant bonds. Thank you, sp3 hybridization! Vin Diesel can fret any open position guitar chord with his penis, but when doing so uses a nylon string classical for safety. When playing in front of large audiences, he often relies on Viagra to maintain a clean tone. Vin Diesel can gargle Peanut Butter. Vin Diesel can get from the entrance of an airport to his seat in five minutes. Vin Diesel can get into the cow level on the ORIGINAL Diablo. Vin Diesel can go from 0 to black in only 2.3 seconds. An entire second faster than Al Roker. Vin Diesel can have sex in the champagne room. Vin Diesel can hire ninjas to kill the assassins he hired to kill you. Then he can kill the ninjas with his bare hands. He already did this two years ago, you just never knew about it because he's that good. Vin Diesel can hit a backhand in Pong. Vin Diesel can immolate normal people using only his unfiltered anger, this is where the phenomenon of spontaneous human combustion comes from. Anyone that has died of spontaneous human combustion deserved it, as they should have known better than to anger the Diesel. Vin Diesel can indeed create a rock so large that he cannot lift it. But he doesn't want to. Vin Diesel can joust with his erect penis. Vin Diesel can kick Brian Boitano's ass. Vin Diesel can kill a man before he can scream. And if the man does scream, Vin has a back-up plan that involves a bag of Cheetos and a roll of duct tape. Vin Diesel can lift a Chevy Suburban using only his left upper eyelid. Vin Diesel can lift a Saturn V rocket and put it down without dropping it! Vin Diesel can listen to an audio CD by twirling it on his finger and licking the surface. Vin Diesel can morph into an alpaca, and no matter how much you shear him, there is always more hair. Vin's hair in alpaca form in 80% steel, 15% flexible carbon-based polymer, and 5% unknown, highly radioactive isotope that scientists have nicknamed, "The Sperm Ruiner." Vin Diesel can move like a butterfly, sting like a bee, and quack like a duck. Vin Diesel can not distinguish between babies and bagels. Vin Diesel can only achieve climax by killing a whore. Vin Diesel can only be killed by a child born of strife on the summer solstice. Vin Diesel can only have a special kind of penut butter: fetus. Vin Diesel can only maintain an erection when the sun is exactly 90 degrees above his phallus. This is where the term "Heliosexual" comes from. Vin Diesel can open any door in the world simply by saying the word "Doofer-Gong". Vin Diesel can open childproof medicine bottles without even lining up the tabs. Vin Diesel can overclock a Commodore 64 to roughly 3600 petahertz. Vin Diesel can ovulate and psychically will himself to do your taxes with a swimming pool. Vin Diesel can pet the burning sheep. Vin Diesel can photosynthesize. This is a great trick for parties, but he can sometimes be a bit of an attention whore, overusing this ability thus making it tired and boring after a while. Vin Diesel can play all the instruments of a 100-piece orchestra all at the same time. Vin Diesel can play the entire score to the movie Braveheart utilizing only his colon. Vin Diesel can predict the shuffle on his iPod. Vin Diesel can pronounce the alphabet 15 different ways. Vin Diesel can read braille with his scrotum. Vin Diesel can read the mind of Terri Schiavo even though she is dead Vin Diesel can recite all 325 elements of the periodic table. He personally named all elements past 118 because they are found exclusively in his colon. Vin Diesel can recite the alphabet in a quarter of a second. Vin Diesel can recite the bible in sign language with his feet. Vin Diesel can remove the three pieces from the bottom of a tower in Jenga. Vin Diesel can reproduce asexually, by mitosis. Vin Diesel can reverse any combustion reaction by giving it the finger. Vin Diesel can roll Yahtzee with just one die. Vin Diesel can roll a 25.7 on a 20-sided die, but chooses not to in order to keep things fair. Vin Diesel can run on filtered chip fat Vin Diesel can say the alphabet backwards while drunk, and in 20 different languages simultaniously. Vin Diesel can say “Are you on the pill?” in 12 languages. Vin Diesel can see Blue; he looks glorious. Vin Diesel can see in the dark, but only by making a high pitched squeal, and feeling the vibrations of it reflecting off of other surface, like bats. Vin Diesel can see the back of his head without a mirror. Vin Diesel can see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night. Vin Diesel can simply walk into Mordor. Vin Diesel can sing in harmony with himself, up to 4 parts simultaneously. Oddly, he cannot reach notes below Middle C while using this ability. Vin Diesel can slip past the monster in SkiFree. Vin Diesel can smell what The Rock is cooking. Vin Diesel can smelt iron simply by squeezing limestone and iron ore between his hands. Before he became famous he would smelt up to three hundred tons a day in order to have money to live. Vin Diesel can solve a Rubik's Cube in one move. Vin Diesel can solve a Rubik's cube in 6.7 seconds. Vin Diesel can solve the Traveling Salesman Problem in polynomial time. Vin Diesel can speak fluent double Dutch. Vin Diesel can speak in Wingdings. Vin Diesel can speak in iambic pentameter. Vin Diesel can strip the meat from the bones of a fully grown Holstein-Friersian cow in under 7 seconds. Vin Diesel can suck his own dick. And he does it all the time. Vin Diesel can suck the insides out of a Malteaser without breaking the chocolate. He once tried to recreate this trick with an egg. Four people were killed, another two blinded. Vin Diesel can survive four-and-a-half months without water, but only 12 hours without Taco Bell. Vin Diesel can swallow a whole cucumber and then crap pickle slices. Vin Diesel can synthesize diamonds by squeezing air really hard. Vin Diesel can take digital photos by blinking, Vin Diesel can take one oxygen molecule and split it into 6 hydrogen atoms, 5 oxygen atoms, and a beer. Vin Diesel can talk into glass jars and close them, then open them to hear his own voice. Vin Diesel can taste GPS signals, and therefore can deduce his position anywhere on Earth to within a few metres. However, as he can only taste two channels sequentially, it takes him a long time to get a first fix. Vin Diesel can tell how something tastes simply by touching it. Vin Diesel can tell time by staring directly into the sun. Vin Diesel can tell when a woman is ovulating just by the way she walks. Vin Diesel can tell you how to get to Sesame Street. Vin Diesel can touch MC Hammer. Vin Diesel can type 783 words per minute with no errors, and perfect grammar. Vin Diesel can understand more languages than C-3PO. Vin Diesel can walk on water, not because he is Jesus, but because the normal force as described by Newton in his modern laws of physics does not apply to him. Vin Diesel can watch ESPN for up to 3 hours at a time. Vin Diesel can watch a season of "24" in just three hours. Vin Diesel can whistle through his anus. Vin Diesel can win Risk without taking Australia first. Vin Diesel can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property. Vin Diesel can win the Indianapolis 500 in four laps. Vin Diesel can't leave without saying goodnight. Vin Diesel can't lose weight. He can only transfer it to Kristie Alley. Vin Diesel can, and has on many occasions, switched the worlds magnetic poles. Vin Diesel can, with his bare hands, create flawless diamonds the size of golfballs. He is paid roughly $20,000,000.00 USD each year not to do so by De Beers, SA. Vin Diesel cannot be created or destroyed, only transferred. Vin Diesel cannot be killed by conventional weapons. Vin Diesel cannot be killed by man of woman born. Vin Diesel cannot have children because after sex he gets hungry and devours his sexual partners whole. Vin Diesel cannot have children, for he would only use them for kindling. Vin Diesel cannot hear the word Onomatopoeia uttered in his presence. If it is he will stamp his foot three times and then dissolve into a pool of locusts that will devour New Hampshire. Vin Diesel cannot look up. Vin Diesel cannot make love to a woman without her becoming so hot she literally combusts. Ordinarily, the women don't mind dying this way, but Vin has remained celebate after accidentally causing the Great Chicago Fire. Vin Diesel cannot say a false statement. If he does, the universe changes around him until his statement is true. This may sound ridiculous, but ask your grandparents about when rocks used to float and we lived in the United States of Soapy Water. Vin Diesel cannot turn his head to the left. At all. Vin Diesel cannot use regular tissues to blow his nose. Instead he relies on several kevlar vests tied together and folded over twice. Vin Diesel carries an inhaler the size of a nitrous tank. Vin Diesel carved Mount Rushmore with his fists. Vin Diesel carved all the statues on Easter Island as a Mothers Day gift. Vin Diesel carved the Pieta in the Vatican using only the small plastic plank included in a Snackables box. Vin Diesel catches diseases in the literal sense. Vin Diesel catches fish using pure compassion. Vin Diesel caught herpes from a Hispanic dodo but got rid of them using only duct tape and an illegitimate African child named Dan. Vin Diesel caused the Great Blackout of 1977 when he successfully backported Half-Life 2 to the Atari 2600.
Vin Diesel caused the Great Chicago Fire when trying to burn human beings with a magnifying glass. Vin Diesel caused the dinosaurs to become extinct when he whipped out his penis and blocked the sun for seven months. Vin Diesel caused the fall of the Berlin Wall by hurling a baseball made from plastic explosives at a Russian guard post. Vin Diesel caused the nuclear explosion at Hiroshima, just by pointing to Japan on a combination globe/pencil sharpener. Vin Diesel chain smokes tampons. Vin Diesel challenged Evander Holyfield to a boxing match, only to bite off his other ear. When asked why, Diesel responded, "I like ear." Vin Diesel challenged Jesus to a race across the Atlantic and would have won had he not been eaten by a giant whale. After he murdered it to death from the inside, he emerged in the South Pacific and found the island from Lost, and rescued everybody. Vin Diesel challenged The Rock to a cooking contest. He then dropped out of the contest when he smelled what The Rock was cooking. Vin Diesel challenged everyone in the sub-continent of India to an arm-wrestling match. After humiliating that nation's finest arm wrestling warriors, an Indian holy man placed a curse on Vin Diesel, which is why he doesn't have a single hair on his body. But when Vin Diesel saved India from a tsunami by delivering a stand-up routine so hilarious the tsunami shook apart with laughter, the holy man rewarded Vin with the secret of morphing into an alpaca, and the secret of cooking the perfect terducken. It is from Vin Diesel's personal kitchen that John Madden purchases his annual terducken. Vin Diesel changed his name to Vin Diesel because his original name is unpronounceable by the human tongue. Vin Diesel changed the age "Eleven" to "Eleventeen", only for the purpose that new girly magazines could be made. Vin Diesel channeled linergy ten thousand years ago and the resulting causal collapse made it possible for Bill Laimbeer to run and chew gum at the same time Vin Diesel chews aluminum foil instead of gum. Vin Diesel chiseled Mt. Rushmore out of the mountainside with his teeth, and then used the rubble to construct half of St. Louis. Vin Diesel chooses Pepsi™ over Coke™. However, Vin Diesel also chooses his namesake diesel fuel over Pepsi™. Vin Diesel circumcised himself with his own teeth. He now uses his foreskin as a skull-cap to maintain his bald appearance. Vin Diesel claims he has never hailed a taxi. He just runs up to them at stop lights, opens the door, shoves the current passenger over, and tells the cab driver what his new destination is. Vin Diesel claims to have been Teddy Roosevelt in a past life. Not the former President Teddy Roosevelt, the Kansas City dry goods merchant Teddy Roosevelt. He claims the name is just a coincidence. Vin Diesel climbed to the top of Mount Olympus and killed Zeus with his bare hands. He carries Zeus' soul in a vial made from the frozen tears of Athena. Vin Diesel coded Diablo by himself, but is not responsible for the console versions. Vin Diesel coded the Google search engine in his sleep. Vin Diesel coined the internet term "lol". However, originally it meant "lost on lupus" not "laugh out loud". To this day not even Vin Diesel knows what he meant by "lost on lupus". Vin Diesel coined the phrase "Let them eat cake." Only he substituted "cake" with "South Korean babies."
Vin Diesel coined the phrase "Pardon my French" after picking up a French man and using him like a bat to club people.
Vin Diesel coined the phrase "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!" When Bruce Willis stole it from him, Vin Diesel killed him with a poison-arrow frog. This is the prologue to The Sixth Sense. Vin Diesel coined the phrase "holy shit" when he was once constipated for 40 days and 40 nights, this resulted in him shitting for 7 days straight. When he finally conquered his 7 day shit, he peered into the toilet only to find an exact replica of Jesus. Vin Diesel coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence. Vin Diesel coined the term "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse" before he ate every unicorn in existence... Vin Diesel coined the term "horny" when, during a rhino hunt in darkest Africa, he reached total sexual pleasure after being gored by an alpha-male Rhinoceros. He then killed the rhino with his soul. Vin Diesel coined the term "silent but deadly" when one of his farts took physical form and assassinated key political figures in the 12th century Vin Diesel completed Streets of Rage 2 on the hardest difficulty without losing a life. Vin Diesel completed Tetris. Vin Diesel conceded the first U.S. presidentioal election to George Washington. Vin Diesel confirmed the Riemann hypothesis. Vin Diesel conqered Constantinople for the Turks in 1453 after the Byzantine emperor said his head was misshapen. Vin Diesel considers Fyodor Dostoyevsky's Crime and Punishment to be a fine piece of Donkey Kong Country fanfiction. Vin Diesel considers stop signs to be nothing more than a suggestion. Vin Diesel consumed 16oz. of Chinese mustard, breathed fire, then proceeded to climb the Empire State Building after watching the 1930's version of King Kong. Vin Diesel consumed Royce Gracie's fighting spirit. He also stole Ryan Gracie's fighting spirit but sold it on Ebay for $3.25. Vin Diesel contains 1400% of the US RDA of riboflavin. More to the point, he tastes faintly of fresh hollandaise sauce. Vin Diesel controls all air traffic via an old SNES Advantage controller. Vin Diesel controls the New York Stock exchange with his mind, but not the NASDAQ. He controls the NASDAQ with his heart. Vin Diesel controls the tides. Vin Diesel converted his liver into a black hole through sheer willpower. Vin Diesel coreographed the dance sequence between John Travolta and Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction Vin Diesel could eat broken shards of glass for breakfast if he wanted to. However, he doesn't, because he prefers to drink molten lava. Vin Diesel could have prevented the Titanic from sinking but was busy trying to figure out where he went wrong when he tried to save the Lusitania. Vin Diesel could never get the hang of Thursdays either. Vin Diesel could've easily shot the Deputy, but felt the Sheriff was enough to get the job done. Vin Diesel counts backwards in his sleep from the number 120,345,009,908. Vin Diesel counts in base 7. Vin Diesel covers his Slip 'n' Slide with gravel. Vin Diesel craps in the shower while singing "Hail to the Chief". Vin Diesel crashed the flying saucer in Area 51 so he could use the metal to make the sweetest break-dancing surface in the galaxy. Vin Diesel created Canada out of confusion between Europeans and Americans. Vin Diesel created Crystal Pepsi with a Chemistry-at-Home kit. When the product did not sell well, he smashed all of his test tubes and swore off his promising career in science, forever. Vin Diesel created Duct Tape to keep the universe from collapsing when he breathes. Vin Diesel created Earth as an expansion pack to Command & Conquer. Vin Diesel created Furby, Razor scooters, and pogs. Vin Diesel created Pokémon when he stubbed his toe on a brick and yelled out 151 nonsensical words in a fit of rage. Vin Diesel created Scientology as an April Fool’s Joke one year. To his dismay, no one has gotten it. Vin Diesel created SmarterChild just to get back at Jeeves. Vin Diesel created South North Korea by drawing a line of chalk 10 miles away from the DMZ and daring anyone to step across. Vin Diesel created Spam from the excrement of his hamster, Mr. Fuzzybottoms. Vin Diesel created Thanos, and is working to buy Marvel to create the perfect Thanos trilogy after his Mega Man Movie. Vin Diesel created YOU on the 8th day. Vin Diesel created a rock so big he could not lift it by creating a big rock then manifesting himself in a weaker form that was unable to lift the rock. He then devoured the flesh of the man who asked him to do it, marinated in the blood of his three screaming children. Vin Diesel created a speed run video for Donkey Kong Country 2, but it was removed from archive.org after it was rumored that he used savestates.Vin Diesel is broadcasting an IP address. Vin Diesel created all the world religions, once his eyes tired of nude cave paintings. Vin Diesel created and recorded the theme to Muppet Babies. Vin Diesel created both Mac and PC. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs are just hand puppets he uses. The whole thing is just to entertain him as he wistfully wishes for a much simpler time of pirate dinosaurs and flying pyramids manned by busty Nympho Amazonians. Vin Diesel created breakdancing upon having the world's greatest seizure. Vin Diesel created every language spoken on Earth while he was bored one afternoon. He based the languages on a recording of the noises he makes when sleeping on a couch. Vin Diesel created oxygen by squeezing water really hard. Vin Diesel created rainbows to distract people before he punches them in the teeth. According to him, it worked on Mother Theresa. Vin Diesel created the Earth because he was tired of not being able to breathe in space. Vin Diesel created the George Foreman grill in seven days. Vin Diesel created the God Quetzalcoatl when he threw a parrot and iguana into a bedroom and told them "to wing it". Vin Diesel created the International House of Pancakes as a replacement for the League of Nations. Vin Diesel created the Internet when he realised the world could benefit from a website which blurts out false facts about him. Vin Diesel created the Neverhood. Vin Diesel created the PSP from sheer will alone. Vin Diesel created the Quaker Oats guy. Vin Diesel created the Strait Of Gibraltar whilst arm-wrestling with the Iberian peninsula. Vin Diesel created the Sun as a vacation spot. He goes there every summer with friends to relax. Strangely, he always returns alone. Vin Diesel created the beloved character Mary Poppins. She is loosely based on Vin's own life, except his body count was a LOT higher. Vin Diesel created the first Fight Club when he asked King Tut to hit him as hard as he could. Vin Diesel created the first designer cologne. It was never mass-producted unfortunately, due to the original being consumed one night when Vin ran out of vodka. Vin Diesel created the first nuclear submarine, using just a jam jar, a piece of string, and a note from his mother. Vin Diesel created the first wristwatch, but instead of telling you the time, it shouted racial slurs at you, in Vin Diesel's voice.
Vin Diesel created the game of golf when he ripped off his own left nut and made a hole-in-one in Adolf Hitler's mouth from 400 yards away. Lets see Tiger Woods do that. Vin Diesel created the idea for the game of soccer when he would fly a 747 over Hawaii and punt giant bags of kittens out of the plane into Volcanoes below. It is believed that the Pompeii eruption was started this way. Vin Diesel created the internet out of some 2x4's and a pack of smokes he stole from Jesus. Vin Diesel created the magic bullet that Lee Harvey Oswald used to kill JFK in return for three bunny rabbits. Vin Diesel created the mullet in an effort to lower the birth rate of hillbillies. Vin Diesel created the periodic table because he named random stuff that he found on the bottom of his shoe. Vin Diesel created the word "hello". Up until that point, people greeted each other with the word "schpadoinkle". Vin Diesel created this site so as to complete his conquest to destroy all F5 keys. Vin Diesel created time, then subsequently traveled back in time using a modified Delorian with a flux capacitor. Vin Diesel then punched Michael J Fox so hard that he ceased to exist. Vin Diesel creates realities. Vin Diesel cries every day wishing he were Dutch. Vin Diesel crossed the Delaware with Washington. Vin Diesel cured Socrates' premature ejaculation problem simply with a quick thwack to the scrotum and a slight tug of the uvula. Vin Diesel currently owns the single largest collection of mummified cats in the world. When questioned about the motivation for such a collection, Vin's only reply was, "They aren't ripe yet." Vin Diesel cuts his penis off every night with baling twine only to find it fully regenerated the next morning. Only he and the billy goats know why. Vin Diesel defeated Bea Arthur in hand to hand combat. Twice. Vin Diesel defeated Forrest Gump in 99 straight games of ping pong. After losing the 100th game, he went on a rampage and created the Grand Canyon. Vin Diesel defeated Neo-Hitler and Neo-Stalin in an epic contest of strength. Their fight destroyed three planets and extended Vin Diesel's penis length at least three inches. Vin Diesel defeated the Red Baron by clapping his hands together. Vin Diesel defeated the Spanish armada in 1588 in an inflatable raft. The raft was called the Protestant Wind. Vin Diesel defeated the entire U.S. Supreme Court in one massive 500 frag Halo tournament. Vin Diesel defied MC Hammer and touched it. Vin Diesel deflowered the Virgin Islands. Vin Diesel denounces the Velvet Underground as a mere juvenile rock band. This is just because he was uncredited as the inspiration for "The Black Angel's Death Song". Vin Diesel descends a flight of stairs in one of two ways: (1) by doing backflips similar to the motion of a Slinky; or (2) by spinning in a circle so fast that he burns a hole through the floor. If he tries to simply walk down the stairs, his face turns green and his feet turn into a blueberry muffin. Vin Diesel designed a module for AIM that would make it possible for users to send pizza to each other via direct connect. Vin Diesel designed the Sydney Opera House. Why asked how he came up with the concept he replied, "seven". Vin Diesel designs alarm clocks for the Sony Corporation. Vin Diesel designs and crafts every individual piece of Ikea furniture himself in a non-descript shack located somewhere in Izmir, Turkey. Vin Diesel developed the Gregorian calendar while shaving his head. Vin Diesel did Jesus one better by not only dying and coming back from the grave, but bringing a Jewish village of a thousand with him. Vin Diesel did all of the stunts for Whoopi Goldberg in The Sister Act, except for the triple-salchow through the lake of burning sea otters. Vin Diesel did all the makeup for the Planet of the Apes movies. Vin Diesel did it in the Conservatory with the candlestick. Vin Diesel did it, and framed two Italian immigrants named Sacco and Vanzetti. Vin Diesel did not offer libations to Poseidon and was cursed to wander the Aegan for 10 years before returning home. Vin Diesel did not use a microphone to record his work on The Iron Giant, he simply shouted his lines at the film reel and it got with the program. Vin Diesel did the voice of the Giant in the animated movie "The Iron Giant", which oddly enough, was the same name that he gave his colon polyp. Vin Diesel didn't cry when he was born. Vin Diesel didn't save any money on car insurance after switching to Geico. Vin Diesel digitized life like in TRON just so he could go in the Internet and party with Strong Bad. Vin Diesel dipped a blade into the ocean; four perfect drops spilled back, and those became the islands of Japan. Vin Diesel disappeared into the Alaskan wilderness with Roseanne Arquette and 3 years later returned naked save for a necklace of bear teeth. Vin Diesel discovered Australia on his way to the bathroom. Vin Diesel discovered his name is an anagram for "The perfect human". Those who were skeptical attempted it and found it was indeed true. Vin Diesel discovered quantum mechanics first, but it didn't get as popular as the newer version, as he named it "Vin Diesel's Atom Dance".
Vin Diesel discovered the Question to Life, the Universe and Everything one morning while sitting in the bathtub, but elected not to reveal it so as not to ruin the suspense for Douglas Adams fans. Vin Diesel dissolved the infamous Star Chamber court in 1641 because he disagreed with its use as a political weapon for bringing actions against opponents to the decrees and edicts of Henry VIII. Vin Diesel dives in concrete volleyball. Vin Diesel docks 80% of the US Naval Fleet in his personal Jacuzzi. Vin Diesel does all of Jackie Chan's stunts. Vin Diesel does all of his own stunts, but is forced to hire an acting double. Vin Diesel does backup vocals on Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes.” This concerned Cameron Crowe and caused him to cast John Cusack over Vin Diesel for the Lloyd Dobler role in “Say Anything.” An oversight Vin Diesel considers, “some real bullshit.” Vin Diesel does believe that it's not butter. Vin Diesel does his power hours differently than most people. He drinks 5 shots per second, of pure isopropyl alcohol. Vin Diesel does not "drop it like it's hot." To suggest that anything would be too hot for him to hold is laughable. Vin Diesel does not actually run on diesel. He actually runs on a high octane fuel which is made by mixing environmentally friendly LPG with the souls of the damned. Vin Diesel does not believe in Tuesdays. Vin Diesel does not believe in ghosts. Ghosts believe in him. Vin Diesel does not believe in surround-sound speakers. Vin Diesel does not carry a cellular phone. If you cannot be reached by his thunderous roar, you are not worth speaking to. Vin Diesel does not have opposable thumbs, He does, however, have a prehensile tail. Vin Diesel does not hear the ocean in a sea shell. He hears Mozart's Concerto for piano No. 2 in B flat major instead. Vin Diesel does not hear the ocean when he puts a seashell to his ear, he hears "It's Rain Raining Men" by the Weather Girls. Vin Diesel does not just order a steak but rather unhinges his jaw and eats the entire cow. Vin Diesel does not know how to ride a bike. Vin Diesel does not like Sara Lee, despite what the commercial says. Vin Diesel does not love Raymond. Vin Diesel does not need a TV remote, for he can control any television in a 50 mile radius with his right eye. Vin Diesel does not need to insert (2) coins to continue. Vin Diesel does not need to normalize wave functions. Vin Diesel does not observe Daylight Savings Time. Vin Diesel does not own a barbecue. He rips off his shirt and sunbathes with the meat on his chest. Vin Diesel does not own a television. Instead, he derives entertainment by routinely opening the Ark of the Covenant. Vin Diesel does not own a washer or dryer, but rather swallows his laundry load, and chases it with detergent. Then, he shits clean clothes, and burps bubbles. Vin Diesel does not reflect light...he projects it. Vin Diesel does not require nutrition like most humans, instead he opts for a type of photosynthesis described in any number of Stephen King books Vin Diesel does not see the colour red. He hears it. Vin Diesel does not spank the monkey, he spanks King Kong. Vin Diesel does not take planes when he goes on vacation. He simply jumps up and skydives to his destination. Vin Diesel does not type lol, rolf, or jk; he writes everything out and does not use contractions. Vin Diesel is also never just kidding. Vin Diesel does not use adverbs. Vin Diesel uses verbjectives. Vin Diesel does not wake up with the King. Vin Diesel does not want you to know why it it has been called the "Leaning" Tower of Pisa. Vin Diesel does the wave at concerts which benefit Tsunami victims. Vin Diesel does, in fact, dream of electric sheep despite not being an android. Vin Diesel doesen't sleep. Instead, he completes every single Final Fantasy game each night. Vin Diesel doesn't actually have bones or internal organs. Underneath his skin is another slightly smaller Vin Diesel and underneath that is yet another even smaller Vin Diesel. After the third layer his body is filled with rich, creamy nougat. Vin Diesel doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fucking another. Vin Diesel doesn't care what you think of him. Vin Diesel doesn't count it as rape if she doesn't die. Vin Diesel doesn't count it as rape if you survive. Vin Diesel doesn't eat salad. He eats entire trees. Vin Diesel doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers. Vin Diesel doesn't have bowels. They've been replaced by an electron-pump system that provides him with constant energy and bombards those around him with low-grade radiation. Vin Diesel doesn't have to actually use his thumb during a thumb war. Vin Diesel doesn't have to drink his own urine, but he does because it is sterile and he likes the taste. Vin Diesel doesn't know what a hamburger is. Vin Diesel doesn't know what we're saying about him. Vin Diesel doesn't like Ping Pong. Nor does he like Indians. Vin Diesel doesn't like chili peppers: they burn his gut. Vin Diesel doesn't like dogs. He eats three a day, just for spite. Vin Diesel doesn't like his breakfast cooked- he likes to rip the orphan's heart out while it is still beating. Vin Diesel doesn't love Raymond.
Vin Diesel doesn't need sparkplugs but can ignite #2 bunker fuel by the sheer force of his compression. Vin Diesel doesn't need special glasses to watch 3D movies. Vin Diesel doesn't need to combine any powers to summon Captain Planet. Vin Diesel doesn't need to look at the clues to solve crosswords. Vin Diesel doesn't open up cans of Whup Ass™; he owns the factory in Sheboygan, Wisconsin. Vin Diesel doesn't put his tray table up and seat back in the full upright position. Vin Diesel doesn't read in the conventional sense. Rather, the words form into gladiators within his psyche, drawing upon the powers of their respective meanings, and battle until only the strongest survive in an arena of fire. Vin Diesel doesn't rent movies from Blockbuster. Instead, he walks in and orders every employee to act out his favorite movies. He then dips his hand into his bucket of Kentucky Fried Children to show his seriousness. Vin Diesel doesn't shit bricks. He shits full blown mansions that happen to be made out of brick. Vin Diesel doesn't smoke cigars dipped in rum; he smokes Vietnamese orphans dipped in dog's blood. Vin Diesel doesn't toss salads, he throws them. Vin Diesel doesn't use a computer. Instead he forces Chinese teenagers in his basement to memorize numbers. Vin Diesel doesn't use sunblock; the sun wears Vinblock. Vin Diesel doesn't waste time with Ironing boards; he simply throws on a wrinkled shirt and rubs the scalding hot iron all over his chest. Vin Diesel doesnt actually wear clothes, but rather the skin and blood of little puppies. Vin Diesel doesnt get stood up by women, he stands on them. Vin Diesel doesnt just eat you, he eats your soul. Vin Diesel domesticated the dog. Vin Diesel donated 40% of his profits to Tsunami Relief out of guilt for casing the tsunami in the first place: he dipped his finger in the Pacific Ocean. Vin Diesel donates 90% of his useable blood to the red cross every other tuesday, but insists it go to starving vampires. Vin Diesel downloaded and printed out the internet, just in case. Vin Diesel downs each meal with a cupful of Tide detergent. It comes out clean and he never has to wipe because of it. Vin Diesel drafted the Treaty of Versailles to use as the most complicated Hangman question ever. Vin Diesel drank a lava lamp, but it didn't taste like lava. Vin Diesel draws circles with more than 360 degrees. Vin Diesel drinks a gallon of Jolt each hour on the hour. Vin Diesel drinks eight 8 oz. glasses of water per day, mostly so he can mark his territory. Vin Diesel drinks orange juice right after brushing his teeth. Vin Diesel drinks the blood of Virgins with a slight hint of Paprika. Vin Diesel drives a 1992 Geo Metro with a 2002 Dodge Viper engine. Vin Diesel drives a Dodge Stratus Vin Diesel drives a Saturn. Once chided for his preferences in vehicles at an interview, he replied, "The dent resistant panels take the worry out of broadsiding those motorists foolish enough to question my taste." The interviewer's shrunken head was later found dangling from the rear-view mirror of Diesel's sporty ION.
Vin Diesel drives a full size replica of the Millineum Falcon. Vin Diesel drives a tomato. Vin Diesel dropped out after kindergarten because he was too cool for school. Vin Diesel dueled Cap'n Crunch for the control of the good ship Lollipop. Vin Diesel dug up the Garden of Eden by hand and re-located it to his backyard. Vin Diesel dunks his Oreos in Vaseline. Vin Diesel dyslexia from suffers. Vin Diesel eats "Regular K" for breakfast on Mondays and giraffes during the rest of the week. Vin Diesel eats Chinese men for breakfast. But he swears it's only to keep population in check. Vin Diesel eats a dozen babies lubed in motor oil for lunch and washes them down with asbestos, and doesn't even care. Vin Diesel eats an entire huckleberry pie for breakfast every morning. Vin Diesel eats babies regularly, but only if they are slathered with Kikoman Happy Baby Sauce. Vin Diesel eats chopsticks with pieces of rice. Vin Diesel eats coal, shits diamonds, and then sells the diamonds to buy more coal. Vin Diesel eats detergent, which he believes gives him twice the strength of Robocop. Scientific studies are yet to actually verify this claim. Vin Diesel eats glass for the pure exhilaration. Vin Diesel eats gunpowder and shits bullets. Vin Diesel eats his Stuffed Crust Pizza forwards. Vin Diesel eats his own feces, not for nutritional value, just because it's delicious. Vin Diesel eats his weight in Tom Cruise every morning. Vin Diesel eats nails and donuts in the morning. Vin Diesel eats nothing but glass shards and cigarette butts for breakfast. He washes it down with Dom Perignon. Vin Diesel eats small chinese children believing that they give him great ninja powers. Vin Diesel eats the toy that comes with the Happy Meal. Vin Diesel ejaculates Goldschlager. Vin Diesel ejaculates molten steel. Vin Diesel encases the souls of his enemies in the bodies of Golden Retriever puppies. Vin Diesel ended "The Never Ending Story" by turning it off. Vin Diesel ended World War II by calling Hitler in his bunker and demanding that he kill himself. Vin Diesel ended the NHL Lockout because he was growing tired of lacrosse. Vin Diesel engineered a projection device that allows him to watch all of our lives like a movie, almost how we watch his movies. To him, we are celebrities, and he knows how our story will end. Ask him how yours will end and he will end it FOR YOU. Vin Diesel engineered and produced the Minutemen's 1989 album "Double Nickels on the Dime" under the name Ethan James. Vin Diesel enjoys a game of golf, but it has less to do with strategic club selection and the grace of the swing, and more to do with eating golf balls. Vin Diesel enjoys clapping babies together like erasers. He calls it blapping. Vin Diesel enjoys getting a catheter inserted. Vin Diesel enjoys his coffee black and served in the skulls of his enemies. Vin Diesel enjoys kicking pigeons in the park. When questioned, he replies that he "just does it for shits and giggles." Vin Diesel enjoys quiet afternoons watching Opera and reading the want-ads. Vin Diesel erected the Great Wall of China because Genghis was being a bitch. He then started rival Stir Fresh to put Great Khan's mongolian barbeque out of business just because he can. Vin Diesel excavated the entire Chunnel with his teeth and a brillo pad. Vin Diesel exists in his own kinetic universe. If he willed it, he could stop himself against the Earth's spin and cut the planet in half. The only reason this hasn't happened yet is his care and consideration for his pet poodle Ginger. Vin Diesel exists slightly out of phase with the rest of our reality, which is why he appears to shimmer with an otherworldly light. Vin Diesel expected the Spanish Inquisition, and welcomed it with open arms. Vin Diesel experienced a great deal of writers block during the Renaissance. He created a pen name to rid himself of the curse, that name was William Shakespeare; although universally known, his most precious book was never published it went by the title "The Bald and Beautiful". Vin Diesel explodes every Tuesday at 4:03 AM Eastern Time, only to reassemble himself from the scattered parts and frog DNA. Vin Diesel falls asleep at night by setting off 38 alarm clocks. He wakes up when they stop. Vin Diesel farted near Hindenburg airship, and the rest is history. Vin Diesel farts designer cologne. Vin Diesel fathered generation Z. Vin Diesel fears change. Especially dimes. Vin Diesel feasts on the blood of little children to gain more power. Vin Diesel feels your pain, all pain in fact, at all times, and so he travels the world in search of a way to end man's pain Vin Diesel fell out of the Awesome Tree and hit every branch on the way down. Vin Diesel felt "emotional" was too long of a word to describe a genre of music, so he assassinated the leader of the Word Control Association of America and appointed himself president. His first act was to create the term "emo". Vin Diesel fights stains with the power of Tide. Vin Diesel fights with his food, but not to win, just to punish.
Vin Diesel finds the song "Ironic" by Alanis Morsette ironic because in fact it is not ironic. Vin Diesel finished the unfinished symphony and mailed it to Schubert, but it got lost in the mail. Vin Diesel firmly believes that breast cancer can be cured by a vigorous massage. Vin Diesel first suggested the Louisiana Purchase to James Monroe in a drunken latenight voicemail. Vin Diesel flosses with rope and washes his face in the tears of orphans. Vin Diesel flosses with tow cable. Vin Diesel forced Sarah Jessica Parker to have a sex change operation after she lost a bet to him. She was formerly known as Michael McQuillan of Tempe, AZ. Vin Diesel fought a rhino with one arm tied behind his back and lost because he blinked three times. Vin Diesel fought and killed the great serpent Set in an apocalyptic space battle, but not before Set ate the sun. Vin Diesel fought in the Battle of Thermopylae in the year 480 BC. 300 Spartans assisted him by holding his incredibly massive testicles while he single-handedly routed the Persian army. Vin Diesel fought on both sides of the Vietnam war, and that's why America lost. Vin Diesel fought the law and Vin Diesel won. Vin Diesel found Carmen Sandiego in a whorehouse doing lines of coke off of a compact mirror. Vin Diesel found Nemo. Vin Diesel found Sadam first, and was just keeping him in that hole to preserve freshness. Vin Diesel found gold while picking his nose. Vin Diesel found himself when he ran the Seti@home program, but covered it up to prevent mass chaos. Vin Diesel found the real-life Stargate. He travels through it from time to time just to show the other races out there who's boss. Vin Diesel found the woman who sells sea shells by the sea shore. When she told him how much they were he called Neptune to kill her. Vin Diesel founded the Junior Anti-Sex League. Vin Diesel framed OJ and Roger Rabbit. Vin Diesel framed Roger Rabbit. Vin Diesel frequently swallows whole cucumbers, but solely for the nutrional value. Woe to he who should so much as snicker at this admittedly homo-erotic spectacle. Vin Diesel fucks for a lunar cycle, sleeps for 9 seconds, and repeats. Vin Diesel fucks with The Jesus. Vin Diesel gave Colonel Sanders the Original Recipe. Vin Diesel gave Hitler alcohol poisoning during a game of shots in 1935. Vin Diesel gave Keanu Reeves acting lessons. Vin Diesel gave Leonardo da Vinci the idea for the turbopump that Wernher von Braun later used in the F-1 engine that took men to the Moon. Vin Diesel gave Rasputin tips on how to stay alive. Vin Diesel gave Ray Charles his first pair of sunglasses. Vin Diesel gave birth to Abe Lincoln, Muddy Waters, and Spider-Man during the heat wave of 1968. Vin Diesel gave dolphins the gift of intelligence. Vin Diesel gave the Christian-right the idea that the Telletubbies are gay. Vin Diesel generates a gravitational field powerful enough to repel most meteorites. Vin Diesel gets high by snorting small Canadian children. Vin Diesel gets his period regularly on every 22nd of each month. This does not bother him because it only comes out of his right hand and he has a valve to control the pressure of his flow. On this day he sprays it at small children in abortion clinics just to let them know that having no parents isn't the worst thing in life. Vin Diesel gets indigestion after swallowing his pride. Vin Diesel gets indigestion when swallowing his pride. Vin Diesel gets yahtzee all the time, every time. Vin Diesel gives 3,620,730 points on Scrabble and is the only true killer move in the game Vin Diesel gives black cats bad luck. Vin Diesel goes by a vast number of pseudonyms. A random selection of ten:
Vin Diesel goes swimming less than 15 minutes after eating. Vin Diesel goes to the bathroom only once a month, whether he needs to or not. Vin Diesel gonna steal ya honey like he stole ya bike. Vin Diesel got a perfect score on the SAT, but he can't see the evil fat floating fairies that devour his soul nightly. Vin Diesel got braces from 1998 to 2004 just so he could play Game Boy in the waiting room. Vin Diesel got his name after drinking a 55 gallon drum of diesel fuel in 20 minutes on a bet. Vin Diesel got in a fight with Triangle Man. Triangle Man won, of course, but Vin Diesel totally urinated in his Cheerios, put sugar in his gas tank, and raped his wife the next day. Vin Diesel got out of a speeding ticket using the Chewbacca defense. Vin Diesel got pissed off when he found out that the Gods at Olympus created Pandora without his help so he shit into a box and told Mercury to bring it to Pandora. Vin Diesel got so angry at a mountain blocking his path that he punched it as hard as he could. Some of the pieces came back down and are now called Stonehenge. The part that didn't became the moon. Vin Diesel got so drunk once that he ate the keg after drinking all of it, and it was filled with Everclear. Two weeks later he shat out a Ford Mustang, however, it was not a GT model, but did have leather seats. Vin Diesel got so mad after September 11th that he wrote Pink Floyd's "The Wall." Vin Diesel got to Al Capone's vault before Giraldo. Vin Diesel graduated from Brown University with a degree in Computational Biology. Vin Diesel graduated from Harvard University with a 10.0 GPA, a major in being God, and a minor in Spanish. Vin Diesel graduated with honors from the University of Awesome. Vin Diesel grew another heart for the sole purpose of maintaining his erections. Vin Diesel grew up eating Koalas but has since changed his ways. He now eats Bald Eagles. Vin Diesel guffaws mockingly when girls attempt to associate with him romantically. Silly dames. Vin Diesel had a blood transfusion using synthetic motor oil. Vin Diesel had a colonic once; the result was the Statue of Liberty. I tasted this liberty, and it was good. Vin Diesel had a hard time coping with the death of Pope John Paul II… and Disco. Vin Diesel had a little lamb who's fleece was white as snow, and anywhere Vin Diesel went the lamb was sure to go. So he killed it. Vin Diesel had a severe case of diarrhea, and the result was "Tom Goes to The Mayor". Vin Diesel had a walk-on role on one episode of "Roseanne." He played Aunt Jackie's marriage counselor, but was replaced by Ellen Degeneres when he threatened to eat 10 year old Michael Fishman. Vin Diesel had absolutely nothing to do with the assassination of JFK, although he did enjoy the parade. Vin Diesel had conclusive scientific proof that Pi equaled exactly 3, but his dog ate it. Vin Diesel had his testicles transferred into his eye sockets and his eves transferred to his testicles, because as he put it, "I want to see what I'm getting myself into." Vin Diesel had sex with a cardboard box on a bet. The box got pregnant and later had a child. That child was Kevin Eubanks. Vin Diesel had unprotected sex with Virgin Mary while she was pregnant with Randy Quaid. Social confusion ensued. Vin Diesel handed the world over to the Greek god, Atlas, and said, “Here, you take it for a while.” Vin Diesel harnesses the power of the sun and puts it into Sunny Delight. Vin Diesel has "As seen on TV" tattooed on his ass. Vin Diesel has "Stumped the Schwab" on numerous occasions. Vin Diesel has 12 words for "I'd love to masturbate while you watch." He only really gets to use three of them in normal conversation Vin Diesel has 3 rules: Don't expose him to light, don't get him wet, and never, EVER, feed him after midnight. Vin Diesel has 43 children named Larry Scutenwallow, after his third goldfish. Vin Diesel has 7 children. He used to have 8, but he sold one for booze, cigarettes, and baby formula. Vin Diesel has Milton’s stapler. Vin Diesel has Ossama Bin Laden captive underneath Antarctica for questioning. Vin Diesel has Spider-sense. Vin Diesel has a -18% body fat count. Vin Diesel has a 34% chance of reflecting any and all offensive spells cast on him. Vin Diesel has a LED read-out on his chest that describes THE FUTURE!!! Vin Diesel has a Playstation 3 and an Xbox 360, but he doesn't play them because he is too busy playing his Playstation 4 and Xbox 720. Vin Diesel has a baseball cap made entirely out of ham. Vin Diesel has a black belt in pudding, which is not a martial art. He's just that good at it. Vin Diesel has a brother who is interested in art. His name is Vin Easel. Vin Diesel has a clone with an afro that walks around playing an accordian and asking chicks if they would "Light his fire". Vin Diesel has a collection of mounted Oompa Loompa heads in his den. Vin Diesel has a drag co-efficient of 0.00001. Coughing in his direction therefore causes enough lift and thrust for him to fly New York to London in less than a minute. Vin Diesel is the reason for the discontinuation of Concorde's service. Vin Diesel has a family of giant sea turtles living in his colon. Vin Diesel has a fever.. and the only prescription is more cowbell. Vin Diesel has a functional copy of NHL 2005. Vin Diesel has a go kart which runs off the hopes and dreams of orphans. It's very fast. Vin Diesel has a guest house made entirely of Joan Rivers' vagina. Vin Diesel has a huge robot army at his disposal but holds them back from destroying Earth because he finds it amusing. Vin Diesel has a left tibia that was replaced with an adamantium one after a botched assassination attempt. Vin Diesel has a painting of Samuel L. Jackson in his laundry room. Vin Diesel has a part time job shooting birds at the airport. Vin Diesel has a patented new sport called Underwater Welding, which is to be unveiled in 2009 and is expected to be featured in the 2012 Olympic Games. Vin Diesel has a penis at the end of his toenail Vin Diesel has a personal zoo deep below the Atlantic Ocean floor, populated by beasts and creatures he captured with his bare hands. He had it moved beneath the ocean because he was the only person who could look upon his prize trophy, Medusa, without turning into stone. Other creatures of note in his zoo are the devil's minion Azrael, Hades' former guard dog Cerberus, Batman, and an enchanted back-scratcher named Phylo. Vin Diesel has a picture of himself on his cheques. Vin Diesel has a plan to use orphans as a renewable fuel source. Vin Diesel has a prehensile tail that he has trained himself to knife fight with. Vin Diesel has a raincoat made entirely out of pubic hair. Vin Diesel has a seat on the United Nations Security Council; despite not being a sovereign nation. Vin Diesel has a specially-shaped tongue which allows him to plug into any nearby electrical socket. Vin Diesel has a spinning bowtie that automatically propells him when he wears rollerskates, but he'll kill you if you see him do it. Vin Diesel has a strange power over cats, but has vowed to use it only for good, and never, ever for evil. Whether he can be trusted with this remarkable ability remains to be seen. Vin Diesel has a summer house on the sun. Vin Diesel has a tatoo in arabic on the back of his neck, which can only be seen under a black light. Ironically it translates directly to "Machine Wash. Tumble Dry Low". Vin Diesel has a tattoo that says, "Property of Roger Moore." Vin Diesel has a team of sculptors working on the statue that will stand atop his grave. It is a talking, twelve foot tall likeness of him that encourages people to touch it, then delivers a powerful electric shock and a curse to anyone who does. Vin Diesel has a trained group of swans to awaken him every morning with their mournful cries. Vin Diesel has a twin brother named Evil Denis. He is actually quite nice; its just that their parents were fond of anagrams. Vin Diesel has a vending machine in his basement full of Japanese people. Vin Diesel has accurately predicted the outcome of every election since 1892, but he doesn't vote because only Vin Diesel should be president. Vin Diesel has actually been dead for thousands of years. The images we see of him have just now reached planet earth. Vin Diesel has actually shits bricks, which in turn create element withstanding structures such as office buildings and parking ramps. Vin Diesel has agreed to star in Britain's National Theatre's new production of Hamlet if they allow him to have sole creative control and cut through all "that whiny bullshit". His version will consist of one line of dialogue. While restraining uncle Claudius in a headlock, Hamlet growls, "You should have ghosted me when you had the chance, motherfucker!" He then disembowels all the male characters with his thumbs. In the next scene, he steals inside Gertrude's bedroom and skullfucks mother in her sleep. Finally, he fleshes out the rest of the play by giving Ophelia a four and a half hour orgasm that lasts till the end of Act V. The rest is silence. Vin Diesel has also refused to reveal his real name or his ethnic background, preferring to leave both ambiguous -- a stance that dubiously assumes that the details of his ancestry are the subject of ceaseless speculation and heated debate around the water coolers and in the barbershops of this great land. Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas. Vin Diesel has an elevator to Hell in his house, so he can visit his girlfriend Marilyn Monroe. Vin Diesel has an empty pickle jar collection. Vin Diesel has an evil twin who he converted to good, thus turning himself evil. Vin Diesel has an explosive device attached to the back of his head. If he kicks under 40 asses an hour, he will explode. Vin Diesel has an extra bone in his right ring finger that is actually the phylactery of an ancient powerful lich. If he tries to play the flute, the bone will vibrate in such a way as to cause time to flow backwards until he stops. Vin Diesel has an unspoken, telepathic bond with both Cuban dictator Fidel Castro and Wheel of Fortune host Pat Sajak. Vin Diesel has appeared on Sabado Gigante! 23 times, but his bits are cut because he doesn't speak a word of Spanish. Vin Diesel has appreared in every single James Bond movie during the title sequence. Vin Diesel has beaten Sim City. Vin Diesel has beaten everyone in Hollywood at Uno. Vin Diesel has been every member of the Beetles at some point or another. Especially Ringo. Vin Diesel has been having tantric sex since 1982. Vin Diesel has been heard claiming to be "teh 1337 HaXxoR". Vin Diesel has been in every ska band ever, but has never sang a note or played an instrument. As an addendum, Vin Diesel's singing voice can cloud the minds and hearts of the wicked. The pure and good will hear nothing. Vin Diesel has been known to cause labia lacerations simply by executing a Kegel exercise. Vin Diesel has been known to have philosophical debates with R2D2. Vin Diesel has been known to make rocks cry and willows weep with his lyre. Vin Diesel has been known to make women have orgasms just by growling at them. Vin Diesel has been known to pass up water in favor of mercury. Vin Diesel has been known to ridicule Jesus for taking 3 days to rise from the dead. Vin Diesel has been known to sellotape C4 to Tortoises and use them as a cheap alternative to hand grenades. Vin Diesel has been named the strongest living creature on all nine planets, and would have been named the same on the sun if not for a hernia he acquired while ripping the rings off of Saturn. Vin Diesel has been operating as a commando for the US government in it's subterranian war against the Hyperborean-Lizard Man alliance. Vin Diesel has been reincarnated at least twenty times in near-identical bodies. Vin Diesel has been shot twelve times in the back and skull with a .45 magnum rifle and walked it off. Vin Diesel has been spotted holding hands with He-Man, but he claims they are just "really good friends." Vin Diesel has been the creative directer of every Olympic opening and closing ceremony since the St Moritz Winter Games in 1928. However, he refuses to have any involvement in Beijing 2008 as a show of solidarity towards Taiwanese separatists, who supply all of Vin Diesel's cybernetic enhancements. When called by Chinese Olympic officials asking him to reconsider his position on the issue, Vin Diesel simply hung up the phone because he does not speak Chinese.
Vin Diesel has been the writer for Wheel of Fortune for 32 years. Vin Diesel has been to the basement of the Alamo. Vin Diesel has been trying to get donkey punching recognized as an Olympic sport for the better part of two decades. Vin Diesel has both male and female sexual organs, but detests the term "Hermaphrodite", instead choosing to adopt "Hismaphyomuthafuckacheckoutmycockallrite". He hides his breasts under his arms. Vin Diesel has boycotted the film Star Wars and sued filmmaker George Lucas over the character Chewbacca. Vin Diesel claims that the creature is in fact a creation of his own, whom he birthed himself and planned to use in his upcoming directorial debut, "Mentos: The Fresh-Corpse-Maker". Vin Diesel has breasts that do indeed lactate. Vin Diesel has cartesian roots of (x - Hard) and (x - Manly). Vin Diesel has collaborated with Robin Williams to produce a musical revue titled "Mork and Vindy." Vin Diesel has commissioned a Real Doll modeled after Terri Schiavo Vin Diesel has donated more than $250k over the years to Varg Vikernes' legal defense fund Vin Diesel has done your sister. Even if you don't have one. Vin Diesel has eaten a spoonful of cinnamon, a shaker full of salt, and a gallon of milk all in one sitting. Vin Diesel has enough pubic hair to shelter 95.2% of the homeless in Africa, however he decided against using his power for good when Noah built the Ark and did not invite him as he could not find another Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel has even more fun than blondes. Vin Diesel has evolved past the use of eyes. He just keeps them for show. Vin Diesel has flies in his eyes. Vin Diesel has formulated a cure for Downs Symdrome, but has chosen not to share his discovery because, "Those mongoloid motherfuckers make me laugh." Vin Diesel has ghost written 13 of the last 20 New York Times Bestsellers. Vin Diesel has great power without great responsibility. Vin Diesel has had a warrant for his arrest ever since he stole the Plinko machine out of the Price is Right studio lot. When questioned by authorities, he claimed temporary "Vin-sanity". Vin Diesel has had exactly one homosexual encounter, due to a lost bet he had with with Dave Chappelle on the winner of the 1972 World Series. When it was pointed out that the 1972 World Series had already ocurred, and thus it was stupid to bet on it, Vin Diesel went on a violent rampage that ended with thirteen supernovas, seventy-two earthquakes, one junior high school bake sale, and the violation of Will Smith's rear. It is reported to have been the best sex either of them has ever had, but Vin will still not return Will Smith's calls. Vin Diesel has had illegitimate children with the entire cast of That 70's Show - two with Ashton Kutcher. Vin Diesel has had over a thousand children and he has eaten every one of them. Vin Diesel has had sex in every McDonald's bathroom stall in Vermont. Sometimes while eating Burger King fries. Vin Diesel has had sex only once, but his single night of passion spawned the entire population of New Guinea. Vin Diesel has had sex with every Nobel prize winner in physics - all except for Douglas Osheroff (The 1996 Winner). Watch out Dr. Osheroff! Vin Diesel has had sex with two of the three Powerpuff Girls. He has not had sex with Bubbles because exposure to light blue fabric turns him into a female for 24 hours. Vin Diesel has had sex with your mom on numerous occasions. He has a hotline for finding out how many times and what positions were used. Vin also times his ejaculations, in order to rate himself with the rest of humanity. He's in the number three spot, behind Patrick Stewart and Liberace's corpse Vin Diesel has had three consecutive adolescences, and he is working on the fourth. Vin Diesel has his own Kingdom, Phylum, and Class. Vin Diesel has his own numbering system - XXXadecimal. Vin Diesel has his own personal smurf farm because he thinks popcorn is too salty and gets stuck in his teeth. Vin Diesel has his truck driving license. Vin Diesel has in fact drawn, animated, and voiced every anime ever created. All within the confines of his apartment bathroom, on the Moon. The Japanese pay royalties to him in sushi and diamond studded kimonos. Vin Diesel has just been added to the periodic table, as he is a pure element unto himself. The symbol for Vin Diesel is Vn, because Vd would've implied STDs. This is ironic because the bacteria in Vin Diesel's penis will instantly kill any STD and/or small mammal on contact. Vin Diesel has licensed his own endorphins to Coca Cola to form the basis of a new soft drink to be launched in the new year. It will be called SpUud. Vin Diesel has more STD's than the entire population of Mongolia combined, none of them have proven lethal however, and because everyone knows whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger this has helped Vin become the 13th strongest man in the world just after Richard Simmons. Vin Diesel has muscles in his shit. Vin Diesel has never been seen in the same room as Santa. Coincidence? You decide. Vin Diesel has never been to Albania, but he has had sex with more Albanians than most Albanians. Vin Diesel has never been to Disneyland, but he’s banged most of the dwarves. Vin Diesel has never kneeled before Zod. Vin Diesel has never said "It takes two to tango", because he can tango all by himself. Vin Diesel has never set foot in a classroom, but rather was educated by a combination of I Love Lucy reruns and LSD.
Vin Diesel has never stepped on a sidewalk crack. This is out of consideration for the back of his mother. Vin Diesel has never tasted a lime and chooses not to. Vin Diesel has no addictions, except that of a jelly donut every Sunday after Mass; which he only attends for the "funny stories". Vin Diesel has no bone marrow. Instead, the material is a compound of granite, fiberglass and Rock 'n' Roll. Vin Diesel has no idea who Bob Saget is, but he doesnt like him. Vin Diesel has no pores. Vin Diesel has no problem with removing the last chip from a Pringles can. Vin Diesel has no umbilical cord as he's never had to rely on anybody but himself. Vin Diesel has not attended school since ripping out is second grade teacher's liver and blinding 3 other students. He did so in a fit of anger, for he could not find the Steve-Erwin-Covered-In-Fire-Ants colored crayon. Vin Diesel has not attended school since ripping out is second grade teacher's liver and blinding 3 other students. He did so in a fit of anger, for he could not find the Steve-Irwin-Covered-In-Fire-Ants colored crayon. Vin Diesel has only lost one competition in his lifetime - an eating contest with Kirstie Alley. Vin Diesel has only one child still living in this world. He does not know that this child is still living, for his wife tricked him by giving him a stone to swallow instead of his son. Vin Diesel has played in every game of every world series using a Tiburon instead of a bat. He hit a homerun each time up to plate without putting a single dent in the Tiburon. Vin Diesel has prevented somewhere in the region of 12,000 terrorist attacks on US soil. Vin Diesel has promised that, if elected President, he will hold all press conferences with slabs of meat tied to his face. Vin Diesel has pulled off a ten-hit combo in Tekken. Vin Diesel has racked up over nine billion Flawless Victories in Mortal Kombat. Not as a character, he went into the game itself. Vin Diesel has razor sharp teeth which he uses like a hacksaw to cut through bone, candy, and fences. The Chinese believe if you find a discarded Diesel tooth, you have the power to summon Godzilla. Vin Diesel has real ultimate power and will stop flipping out only when he has turned all lesbians straight. Vin Diesel has received top prize at the Chicago Institute for Better Health's Fetus Eating Awards for the past 57 years. Vin Diesel has recently been reported to be the prime suspect in the murders of Frank Purdue, The Pope and Mitch Hedberg Vin Diesel has replaced ‘plasma’ as the fourth state of matter. Vin Diesel has said he will "make popcorn chicken out of Ice Cube's nuts" if the new 'xXx: State of the Union' film is even moderately succesful. Vin Diesel has secretly been every Pope the last 350 years, with the exception of Pope John Paul II (who was actually John Cusack). Vin Diesel has seen Wilson's entire face on Home Improvement. Vin Diesel has shagged more women than you've had hot dinners. Vin Diesel has solved all of history's greatest problems with ho-slappings and his unique ability to ejaculate anti-matter. Vin Diesel has spent the last three months in the final stages of fabrication of his newly engineered color. He calls it CLEAR. Vin Diesel has spent thousands of hours and a personal fortune trying to convince the band Ramstein to do a cover of 'Broken Wings' by Mr. Mister. Vin Diesel has submitted most of the facts you've read. Vin Diesel has sworn to destroy all the people in all of time and space who condone and/or consume Turkish Delight. Vin Diesel has sworn to hunt and kill every emo band known in existence, except for Dashboard Confessional. That Chris Carabba sure can touch the heart. Vin Diesel has the Ark of the Covenant in his bedside table drawer. Vin Diesel has the ability to combine two parts Hydrogen and one part Oxygen to create water. However, he can only do it while reading The Bible backwards. Vin Diesel has the ability to consume quarters and shit the appropriate amount of nickels. Vin Diesel has the ability to jump into a Garfield comic strip and bitchslap Jon for being such a pussy. Vin Diesel has the ability to make omelettes that are so large and complicated they are in fact full-fledged omels. Vin Diesel has the ability to regenerate his kidneys at will, and as such has donated both of them to society. We know them today as Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel. Vin Diesel has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a small box. Vin Diesel has the memory of a meerkat. Vin Diesel has the only known fully functional, cast-iron pancreas. Vin Diesel has the power to do something twice a week also...but he's not saying what! Vin Diesel has the power to retroactively redefine the meaning of the word "is". Vin Diesel has the power to turn himself invisible, but only when no one else is watching. Vin Diesel has the right to bear arms aand the right to arm bears. Vin Diesel has the secret to Cold Fusion but refuses to share until Saved By The Bell is put back on television. Vin Diesel has the sheet music to the song that never ends. Vin Diesel has the tape from The Ring spliced into his wedding video. Vin Diesel has to be very careful how he blinks. If he does it wrong, he'll unleash a 14-die Fireball. Vin Diesel has to sprinkle heroin on his Wheaties in the morning just to get him going. Vin Diesel has to swallow rocks to assist in digestion, since he simply has no time to chew his food. He usually quenches his thirst with Molotov Cocktails. Vin Diesel has transcended both time AND space. And yes, he knows what he is talking about. Vin Diesel has two heads. One is located on his neck, and the other is a miniature version of his head located at the tip of his penis. Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill. Vin Diesel has weights tied to his nuts, constantly, in order to keep his voice very low. Without them, he sounds like Steve Urkel. Vin Diesel has won every PGA Golf tournament. Ever. Vin Diesel has won the "Vin of the Year" trophy for 35 years running. He did not win the first year, and his vengeance was terrible. Vin Scully has never fully recovered. Vin Diesel has won the grand prize in every promotional contest that the M&M/Mars corporation has held in the last five years, but always gives his winnings to charity. Vin Diesel has won the international potato sack skateboarding consecutively for the last 7 years, stealing the crown from the previous holder, Tom selleck. In 1998, Vin pioneered the 'inverted tater bag head back flip', which involves removing the sack and placing it over your head, while simultaneously standing on your head on the board and back flipping, a move that was taught to him by his master, Mr. Selleck, who could not actually complete the manuver himself. Selleck was so crushed that his apprentice had finally reached a level higher than himself that he swore never to potatosack skateboard again, and is now the leader of an anti potatosack skateboarding cult in Northwest Belgium. Vin Diesel has written every single piece of classic literature published between 1256 and 1895. The original manuscripts, penned with his child-like block letters and stick-figures humping, are in the possession of the Freemasons. Vin Diesel has written several Star Trek scripts to the producers of the show. Reportedly, Gene Roddenbury's favorite episode was written by Vin Diesel and filmed, but never aired due to Spock's gratuitous use of the phrase 'To the Xtreme!!' Vin Diesel hasn't eaten sand since Christmas Day, 1987. Vin Diesel hasn't slept for 10 days because that would be too long. Vin Diesel hates Apple so much that he bit off part of their logo. Vin Diesel hates it when he takes a shit, and toilet water spashes back up on his heiny; that ever happen to you? Vin Diesel hates it when others submit facts to this site which are merely other people's jokes with his name slapped onto them. Vin Diesel hates manatees. He plans to finish them off, as he did with sabre-tooth tigers and wooly mammoths. Vin Diesel hates mirrors. He can't stand that someone as superior as he can look like him and act like him. Vin Diesel hates roads and islands, but he loves Rhode Island. He also hates irony. Vin Diesel hates the world so much, that he sent us his children in the form of 50 Cent and Ashlee Simpson.
Vin Diesel hates to be called "Vinny D," and will forcefully remove the pancreas of anyone who attempts to. Vin Diesel haunts Freddy Krueger's nightmares. Vin Diesel held a press conference saying he was retiring from Major League Baseball. When a reporter corrected Vin saying he never played Vin beat him to death with a giant foam "#1" finger. Vin Diesel helped Bill Gates develop Windows. It was supposed to be called Vindows but Diesel decided to against that because he preferred Macs. Vin Diesel helped Watson and Crick discover the double stranded stucture of DNA by grabbing them both by the penis and twisting them into a double helix. Vin Diesel hid the fabled weapons of mass destruction of Iraq before the US invasion as a favor to Saddam Hussein for letting him take naps on that big fluffy moustache. Vin Diesel hired God to create the Earth, but fired him for slacking off on the 7th day. Vin Diesel hit 128 home runs in a season of Major League Baseball. The record was disqualified because he only played one game that year. Vin Diesel holds a PhD. in Funk. Vin Diesel holds concerts during which he plays the finger cymbals. If you do not applaud, you die. Vin Diesel holds the Major League record for most home runs in a single at-bat. Vin Diesel holds the record for rolling his car over 56 times whilst single handedly negotiating a peace treaty with the IRA. Vin Diesel holds the world record for transcribing all 10 books of Paradise Lost onto a single grain of bosmatti rice. Vin Diesel hosts a Battlefield 2 server that the rest of the world knows as "Operation: Iraqi Freedom." Vin Diesel hosts the annual Monaco Grand Prix on his bicep. Vin Diesel hunts Danish people for sport. Vin Diesel impaled over 40 horses to make what he calls "an authentic" Merry-Go-Round, Vin Diesel implores you to remember the Alamo, because he would rather forget that night. Vin Diesel in the direct heir of Charlie Chaplin. Vin Diesel inhabits three-fifths of the multiverse. Vin Diesel inhales oxygen and exhales black holes. Vin Diesel injected cookie-batter into his bowels, and then took a crap. Hence, Pocky sticks were born. Vin Diesel injected hot solder into his blood stream when auditioning for the role of Wolverine in the movie X-Men. Vin Diesel insisted that the new pope be named Pope POURRI saying that it would FRESHEN up the church. Vin Diesel loves a good pun. Vin Diesel insists that everyone must Wang Chung tonight. Vin Diesel inspired the TV series "MacGyver" when he managed to construct a cell phone out of only the blood of his enemies' children, his pure hatred for the weak, and a cell phone. Vin Diesel intends to retire from acting at the age of forty to concentrate on his dream career of waiting tables in a Los Angeles cafe. Vin Diesel invaded Poland and then asked Hitler to take the fall for him. Vin Diesel invented "Blue Steel". He also thinks Derek Zoolander is an unoriginal dickhead. Vin Diesel invented "Just for Men" hair dye when attempting to make a low-priced substitute for crystal meth. He received a mere pittance for the recipe. Vin Diesel invented "diarrhea free" taco's but the Government refuses to allow him to market then. Vin Diesel invented Al Gore. Vin Diesel invented Chemotherapy, not as a way to help cancer patients, but as a way to keep his pubes from engulfing the earth. Vin Diesel invented Daylight Savings Time to see if it would catch on. Vin Diesel invented Earl Grey tea by boiling a guy named Earl Grey alive and drinking the broth. Vin Diesel invented Google to find Waldo. Vin Diesel invented Greenpeace. And the whales. And fur. Vin Diesel invented Hose Ole brand tiny tacos in order to claim he has ravaged a good portion of people's rectums in the United States. Vin Diesel invented Hypercolor shirts. Vin Diesel invented Instant Messaging in order to have cyber sex with Princess Diana. Years later she would block his screen name while in Paris, and, well, you know the rest... Vin Diesel invented Irish dancing during the brief period when it was his fetish to staple women's arms to their torsos during sex. Vin Diesel invented Kwanzaa to spite greeting card companies. Vin Diesel invented Manwich using meat he found in plastic bags behind Abortion clinics. Vin Diesel invented N'Sync as punishment for parents who can't discipline their preteen daughters. Vin Diesel invented Napster after overdosing on cheetos and motor oil. Vin Diesel invented Pop-Tarts in an expiremnt involving 2 Koala bears and a can of chili. Vin Diesel invented Snapple. Vin Diesel invented Spanish, but not Spain. Por que? Porque he COULD. Vin Diesel invented Taiwan just to piss off China. Vin Diesel invented Vick’s VaporRub, but it was originally intended as a marital aid and the original formula contained star anis extract and the blood of a blue eyed virgin. Vin Diesel invented a T-34 speed internet connection in late 1994. However, for safety reasons, he gave us what we call cable. Vin Diesel invented a formula for ever-lasting life, but it was destroyed when he fought the Hundred-Handed Giants. Vin Diesel invented a new form of mathematics that only uses the number 666. Vin Diesel invented all magical powers of the land, in order to simultaneously channel his 38 million degree body temperature elsewhere and provide himself with an endless supply of instant coffee. Vin Diesel invented bacon completely by accident in 1794 when he attempted to play his own version of tennis with his neighbor's prize winning hog and a frying pan. Vin Diesel invented baseball just to get into fights with Red Sox fans. Vin Diesel invented biodiversity in the year 1993 because he thought 400 species of ants just wasn't good enough. Vin Diesel invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. Vin Diesel invented breast implants by shoving watermelons through a woman's nipples just to see how she'd react. Vin Diesel invented cancer because he was tired of killing off people one by one. Vin Diesel invented consequences. Vin Diesel invented diabetes just to see children cry. Vin Diesel invented drugs so everybody could experience his life in brief spurts. Vin Diesel invented fear just so he could scare the shit out of people. Vin Diesel invented fire when he farted in front of a group of cavemen and one of them was sitting too close. Vin Diesel invented fire. Vin Diesel invented gunpowder. He was trying to make a protein smoothie... from rocks. Vin Diesel invented hip-hop Vin Diesel invented ice skates when he realized not everyone is born with blades attached to their feet. Vin Diesel invented masturbation as a way to greet people. It didn't catch on, and so in his anger, he invented cow-tipping because, hey, it's easier to rape them when they're on their side. Vin Diesel invented menstruation by punching Eve in the stomach. Vin Diesel invented nuclear war as “a challenge.” Vin Diesel invented pesticide. Before that, humans had to convince bugs to commit suicide Vin Diesel invented powdered water, but only he knows what to mix it with. Vin Diesel invented radical feminism after being asked what he'd do for a Klondike bar. Vin Diesel invented sex, and then, to make it more interesting, invented the orgasm. Vin Diesel invented steak. Vin Diesel invented the "Vin Diesel Burn-Them-Motherfuckers Grill". It barely sold anything and was quickly taken off of the market. Three weeks later George Foreman copied the same design and made millions off of it. Vin Diesel invented the "Vin Diesel Burn-Them-Motherfuckers Grill". It barely sold anything and was quickly taken off of the market.
Vin Diesel invented the Accordion, but it was originally meant to be, solely, a murder weapon. It wasnt until 1913 that it began being used as an instrument. Vin has accepted this and has no bitter feelings towards the French. Vin Diesel invented the Bessemer Steel process, the Pullman car, and the cotton gin. Vin Diesel invented the Heimlich maneuver, though he wasn't trying to save anyone's life at the time, but to murder Bob Saget. Vin Diesel invented the Internet. Vin Diesel invented the Kazoo as humanity's last line of defense against the vorlons. Vin Diesel invented the Sega Dreamcast, just so he could destroy it. Vin Diesel invented the Swiss Army Knife then founded Switzerland so that there would be an army to use it. Vin Diesel invented the Tootsie Pop. Consequently, the number of licks to get to the center is equal to his social security number. If this exact number of licks is achieved, you will be granted eternal life. This is why Bob Barker is still alive and on television. Vin Diesel invented the act of opening doors, just so he could hold one open for the guy who played "Mr. Ernst" on Nickolodeon's "Hey Dude". Vin Diesel invented the atom bomb in his garage because he though the explosion "pretty fucking sweet". He has reportedly since regretted the invention. Vin Diesel invented the baseball cap and the tennis racquet. And bees. Vin Diesel invented the calculus. Isaac Newton and Godfried von Liebniz are the names of his testicles.
Vin Diesel invented the cowbell after he determined that hitting a cow with a stick only resulted in a dead cow instead of the musical ring he desired. Vin Diesel invented the dirty sanchez one dark night in Tangier, but only after several hundred failed attempts that have left a hundreds of Mexican women "mutilated, but comedically so." Vin Diesel invented the donut, but he called it the "Fuck it then eat it". The food board didn't approve, then Nova came up with the name "donut". Vin has hated Nova since. Vin Diesel invented the exlamation point by scaring a question mark so badly that it straightened up. Vin Diesel invented the first fortune cookie. The lucky numbers all corresponded to the years that the New York Rangers would win the Stanly Cup. Vin Diesel invented the game of chess in the year 400 B.C. as a way of training his army of attack monkeys in the subtleties of war. Suffice to say, monkeys are stupid. Vin Diesel invented the hammer so he would have something to club baby seals with. Vin Diesel invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood. Vin Diesel invented the handlebar moustache. he then destroyed it, claiming it was "too village people." Vin Diesel invented the internet while trying to steal cable TV. Vin Diesel invented the light bulb, but he really didn't mean to. He was in fact trying to create beer goggles for ostriches. Vin Diesel invented the modern toilet. Vin Diesel invented the orgasm just to see the look on your mother's face when he was finished with her. Vin Diesel invented the peanut butter cup. He named it after his childhood dog, Reese. Vin Diesel invented the penis, but merely perfected the breast. Vin Diesel invented the phrase "PWN3D" after a fist-fight with Ghandi, the details of which he has never released. Vin Diesel invented the phrase, "Hot as balls." Vin Diesel invented the poker game “Razz” as a plot to mind-fuck his arch enemy Dutch Boyd. Vin Diesel invented the semicolon when he found that the comma and the colon did not fulfill his needs. Vin Diesel invented the spoon but then was so enraged by it that he invented both the fork and the spork to destroy all spoons ever. Vin Diesel invented the stapler in 1743 because for him, collating documents with a paper clip was, "...so old hat." Unfortunately, it was not until 1922 that Phinneas T. Swingline first conceived of the staple. Embarassed because the thought had not occured to him earlier, Diesel promptly tore out Swingline's heart. It dangles from Diesel's keychain to this day. Vin Diesel invented the swimming pool, but its original purpose was to store his next batch of whores that he would beat and devour. Vin Diesel invented the telegraph, flew the first airplane, and freed the slaves. Anyone who says otherwise wakes up in a telemarketing firm in Bangladesh. Vin Diesel invented the wheel. Twice. Vin Diesel invented the word "womp" which was first used in Disney's Recess. Vin Diesel invented toilet paper, before he did everyone wiped their ass with old hair obtained from barber shops. Hence the rise of hair stylists and the fall of barbers. Vin Diesel invented trees so that he could have salad more often. Vin Diesel invented trees. Vin Diesel invented velcro. Not because he can't tie his shoes nor because he wanted a way to reliably reseal his ipod cover but because this was how it was foretold. Vin Diesel ironically created the steam engine; the diesel engine was accredited to his son, Abe Lincoln the third. Vin Diesel irons his shirts while he's wearing them. Vin Diesel is "the missing link", but won't tell anyone because he likes feeling wanted. Vin Diesel is "too cool" for quotation marks. Vin Diesel is 1% inspiration, 99% perspiration and 38% unicorn. Vin Diesel is 100% sure that probability does not exist. Vin Diesel is 72% badass and 28% cornbread. Vin Diesel is Bert and Ernie's illegitimate son. Vin Diesel is Big Bird's long-lost father. Vin Diesel is Bill Brasky. Vin Diesel is Billie Jean’s Lover. Vin Diesel is CERN's primary source of power. Vin Diesel is Cartman's dad. Vin Diesel is Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And he will have his vengeance, in this life or the next. Vin Diesel is Darth Vader's father. Vin Diesel is Galic for "Warrior of Infinate Might and Not-Quite-as-Infinate Charisma". Vin Diesel is Hollywood's most in-demand ass double. Vin Diesel is Jack's smirking revenge. Vin Diesel is Jean Claude Van Damme's older sister. Vin Diesel is Jerry Orbach. Vin Diesel is Latin for "Vin Diesel is God". Vin Diesel is Marty McFly. Vin Diesel is Mr. Goodwrench. Vin Diesel is NOT afraid of Virginia Woolf. Vin Diesel is Rick James, bitch. Vin Diesel is Riddickulous. Vin Diesel is Shakespeare's Dark Lady. Vin Diesel is Spartacus. Vin Diesel is Stacy's dad. Vin Diesel is Tony Kakko from Sonata Arctica in disguise. Vin Diesel is Victoria's Secret. Vin Diesel is a Pisces who enjoys long walks on the beach, sunsets, and turning kittens inside-out.
Vin Diesel is a Prestige Class unto himself, with a Fighter's BAB, a Monk's Saving Throws progression and a new world of ass kicking at each level Vin Diesel is a Sans Serif font Vin Diesel is a blood brother of Odin. He earned this status by saving Thor from a posse of Ice Giants in Jotunheim. Vin Diesel is a cool dude. Vin Diesel is a cop, you idiot. Vin Diesel is a distant cousin of Snuffleupagus. Vin Diesel is a division of Time Warner. Vin Diesel is a famed yachtsman and privateer. What queen does he report to? The Sea. Vin Diesel is a god in a distant galaxy and will take all those who believe in his godhood to rule distant planets and will grant them immortality. Vin Diesel is a human Bubushka Doll. When Jupiter becomes in conjunction with Mars he will open up and the Earth will fry. Vin Diesel is a man of his word, and his word is "dysphasic." Vin Diesel is a material girl. Living in a material world. Vin Diesel is a mathematical impossibility. Vin Diesel is a monstrous entity who lies "dead but dreaming" in the city of R'lyeh, a place of non-Euclidean madness presently (and mercifully) sunken below the depths of the Pacific Ocean. Vin Diesel appears in various monstrous and demonic forms in early myths of the human race. Racial memory preserves Him as humanity's most basic nightmare. Vin Diesel is the high priest of the Great Old Ones, unnatural alien beings who ruled the Earth before humanity formed, worshipped as gods by some misguided people. It is said that They will return, causing worldwide insanity and mindless violence before finally displacing humanity forever. Vin Diesel is a mystery, wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in a salsa-filled sock. Vin Diesel is a natural source of pheromone. Vin Diesel is a part of a complete breakfast. Vin Diesel is a popular fragrance of Calvin Klein, used by MI6 secret agents as both irresistable attractant and highly explosive base destroying chemical. It is made from Vin Diesel's farts. Vin Diesel is a professional driver on a closed course. Vin Diesel is a professor emeritus of badassitude at Brown University. Vin Diesel is a proud sponsor of cement. Vin Diesel is a registered trademark of the Pepsi Corporation. Vin Diesel is a retired kamikaze pilot. Vin Diesel is a son of a bitch- literally. He was born between an unholy mating of Zeus and a wolf bitch, brought up with six wolf brothers, and consumed them and his mother in order to survive a frigid Grecian winter. He later formed Rome with the help of his cousins, Romulus and Remus. Vin Diesel is a son of a bitch. No, really, his mother is a Great Dane. Vin Diesel is a strict vegan vegetarian in all respects except that he will eat shrimp. When challenged on this, he insists the shrimp are "the lettuce of the sea". Vin Diesel is a true American Patriot. As such, he only eats foreign children. Vin Diesel is a wise and benevolent giant, endlessly traveling the world to help the less fortunate. However, this wisdom comes at a terrible price. A gypsy's curse has kept him moving without respite for the past 400 years, and he can never sleep or stay in one place longer than seven days until he has learned the true secret of the Unicorns, received a kiss from a Goddess Queen (or Kim Deal), and finally discovered and finished off the man destined to destroy him - Jack Black. This is doubly difficult because Sam Neill is hunting Vin Diesel down to remove his own curse, which can only be removed by ramming The Unicorn's Horn through Vin Diesel's huge heart. With the help of his faithful steed - the black dragon Leseid - Vin Diesel hopes to complete his quest ... or die trying. Vin Diesel is able to project his astral self beyond walls and doors in order to spy on his enemies. Vin Diesel is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand. Vin Diesel is about as funny as Sinbad. Not Sinbad the comedian, Sinbad the Pirate. Although, I guess he wasnt really meant to be funny. Vin Diesel is actually Amish. His horse-drawn carraige has spinners and a bitchin stereo. Vin Diesel is actually Claw from Inspector Gadget. Vin Diesel is actually John Belushi surgically altered for a secret mission to save Earth from the Underground Nazi Dero Bikers. Vin Diesel is actually Luke's father. Vin Diesel is actually Primus in another continuum. Vin Diesel is actually Santa Clause's good friend Jesus. Vin Diesel is actually Vinny of the Mafia, who ratted out the Don to the Yakuza, so Vin shaved his head and went into hiding. Vin Diesel is actually a Diesel truck. He runs on the tears of those who he has sacrificed to Bakur, the god of Diesel trucks. Vin Diesel is actually a composite life form made up of millions of microscopic polyps. Vin Diesel is actually a cyborg telepathically controlled by the ghost of Benjamin Franklin. Sadly, much of the wiring is faulty and Benjamin Franklin's telepathic powers have declined in recent years, leading to lapses in control and production of movies such as The Pacifier. Vin Diesel is actually a psychological defect in the brains of every human being on the planet and does not actually exist. Vin Diesel is actually an Indonesian apparition associated with crimson sunsets which upon death, doubles itsself. Vin Diesel is actually an ancient red dragon in human form. Vin Diesel is actually an android controlled by a little balding British man named Basil. Vin Diesel is actually an incarnation of the Messiah, but he postponed the second coming to film 'Fast & Furious 3'. Vin Diesel is actually five men, all of whom share the same soul. If any one of them ever comes face to face with another, they are required by the laws of fate to totally rock the fuck out. The last time this cosmic event occurred, Atlantis sank beneath the sea forever. It was worth it. Vin Diesel is actually made up of four separate men, joined with cables and a complicated mirror arrangement. Vin Diesel is actually only 3 feet tall. He did all of the stand in work for the hobbits in the Lord of The Rings series. Vin Diesel is actually only an actor, playing an actor, playing a indie director and action movie star. Vin Diesel is actually the Freshmaker..Not Mentos, regardless of what you may have heard. Vin Diesel is actually the father of the Limecat, but it is rumored the relationship has gone sour. Vin Diesel is actually the one singing during Ashlee Simpson's concerts. Vin Diesel is actually the reincarnation of Lord Nelson. This is why the french refuse to watch any of his movies and why Admiral Villeneuve's ghost haunts him to this very day. Vin Diesel is actually the voice of Maynard James Keenan, Trent Reznor, Chris Cornell, and Amy Lee. Vin Diesel is actually two foot six, but wears a large magnifying glass.
Vin Diesel is after the man who killed his father, but in a startling twist, he is responsible for the death of the assassin's own father. When questioned about the morality of his own quest in light of this, he cryptically replies "Motherfucker shouldn't have done it." Vin Diesel is allergic to fish, acorns, purple, and the London Symphony Orchestra. Vin Diesel is allergic to his own sweat. He counteracts this problem by sweating the blood of Journey lead singer, Steve Perry. Vin Diesel is an alternate identity created by the government's most successful assasin. If you ask him about it, he will deny it, but your immediate family will be dead within two weeks. Vin Diesel is an anagram for "Evil Inside" in English, and "Die Sliven" in German, which means "guy with much evil inside that hates anagrams". Vin Diesel is an avid supporter of the adverb "To the X-Treme" and would like to see it added to Webster's dictionary Vin Diesel is an important part of the "carbon cycle" Vin Diesel is as immensely powerful as he is due to the fact that he has taken 46 levels in Disciple of the Claw. Vin Diesel is bald because even his hair is afraid of him. Vin Diesel is banned from World of Warcraft because he once put fourty thousand copper chain pants in separate auctions. Every one was sold, but the server load caused the entire cluster to go down for over a week. Vin Diesel is behind you right now. Vin Diesel is being considered by the Cardinals as a new pope. Vin Diesel is best known as "Duke Nukem" from the award winning anime series "Captain Planet." Vin Diesel is best known in Syria for coining the term "mooky-stinks" as a slang term for feces. Vin Diesel is better known throughout the universe as the Silver Surfer. Galactus is better known on Earth as Bill Gates. Vin Diesel is better shaken...not stirred. Vin Diesel is bisexual: he likes both women and girls. Vin Diesel is broadcasting an IP address. Vin Diesel is capable of beating anyone in a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster Drinking contest. Vin Diesel is capable of measuring an electron's momentum and position simultaneously with 100% precision. Following this discovery, Vin went on to discover that an irate Werner Heisenberg can be defeated with a flurry of jabs to the stomach followed by an uppercut. Vin Diesel is capable of winning an Oscar but, humans need to evolve for another 12,546 years before we can fully understand and appreciate such a performance. Vin Diesel is cleaner burning and ten times more efficient than regular diesel. Vin Diesel is cleaner burning and ten times more efficient than regular diesel.
Vin Diesel is commonly referred to as the "father of dentistry", due to his abilities to remove teeth effortlessly, install braces using only his palms and railroad spikes, and because his semen fights the gum disease, gingivitis. Vin Diesel is credited with the phrase "revenge is a dish best served cold" when he physically manifested the idea of revenge into a dinner plate, froze it, and then beat his enemy to death with it. Vin Diesel is currently building a time machine that can actively age or de-age most processed meat products. A salsa version will be made available at the start of the next fiscal year, but will only be available through the McFarlane Collector's Club Vin Diesel is currently more than 80 cents a liter here in Calgary but I hear you get great mileage. Vin Diesel is currently working an internship with the Frank Gehry architecture partnership, he intends to play a key role in the design of the new King Alfred Swimming Pool complex in Brighton, England. On the opening night of the project he will secret himself at the bottom of the pool and drink the entire contents, along with any unwitting swimmers enjoying the new facilities. He says novice swimmers taste the best. Vin Diesel is currently working on some of Alfred Hitchcock's unmade film concepts. his next blockbuster has been tentatively titled: "Dial M for Mean Muthafucker". Vin Diesel is deathly allergic to peanuts, but he eats them anyway. Vin Diesel is dyslexic, but only on Tuesdays, when the confluence of the heavens affects his spiritual connection to the Overworld. Vin Diesel is eating Gilbert Grape. Vin Diesel is employed by Yellowstone Park to masturbate regularly. The resultant titanic outbursts are known as Old Faithful. Vin Diesel is everybody's Tyler Durden. So shut the fuck up and fight me. Vin Diesel is feared neither because he is a division manager nor because he drives a Dodge Stratus, but because he always beats Robert Goulet in a staring contests. Vin Diesel is first in line to Japan's Chrysanthemum Throne. As Emperor his name will be Shamura-Hito which translates as Giant Puffy Man with Ambiguous Sexuality. Vin Diesel is fucking hotter than boiling oil. (I didn't really think that until I found out what a lovable nerd he is....) Vin Diesel is fully backwards-compatible with all versions of the Nintendo GameBoy. Vin Diesel is gonna cut you up so bad, you gonna wish he never cut you up so bad. Vin Diesel is half man, half 1963 VW Bug. Vin Diesel is harmful to radiation. Vin Diesel is helping to fight immigration by replacing taco sauce with cyanide. Vin Diesel is highly allergic to prime numbers. Vin Diesel is his own form of contraception. Vin Diesel is hope itself! Vin Diesel is how they cram all that graham into Golden Grahams. Vin Diesel is illegitimate son of Dianna Ross and Johnny Carson, but was set on the doorstep of his "real" parents by Dianna's maid, 4 minutes after birth. He still denies that he was abandoned. Vin Diesel is in constant contact with the leaders of worlds from every corner of the universe. They consider him the leader of Earth. He was awarded Milky Way leader of the year in 1993 in a lavish ceremony. Vin Diesel is in fact German for a whale's vagina. Vin Diesel is in fact a transsexual midget who also starred in the Wizard of Oz as the little wiener munchican who always had his hands in her pokckets. Vin Diesel is in fact his own grandpa. Vin Diesel is in fact not Italian or black, but a child of Dagon in a human suit. Vin Diesel is in possession of the world's only ugly stick. Due to its immense power, he has only used it once, on Margaret Thatcher. Vin Diesel is in reality a giant android controlled by The Jamaican government. Vin Diesel is in ruins after a beam struck from space. Vin Diesel is kept alive only from his pure hatred of Tom Brokaw. Vin Diesel is known as the white Samual L. Jackson or the bald Jeremy Cooper. Vin Diesel is known to carry a high powered assault rifle in his spine, which he uses to hunt large game. Vin Diesel is known to have a hut and a wife with four 3-headed children in Salo, Finland. But most of us don’t know that he is also the CEO of Nokia Corporation. And spectacularly evil.
Vin Diesel is known to have said, "Never trust anything that bleeds every month and doesn't die."
Vin Diesel is licensed to kill James Bond. Vin Diesel is losing a war with the Planet Vortex. He has escaped into the past with his technology. Vin Diesel is made entirely of second-generation particles, which may explain his strange charm. Vin Diesel is made of clay. Vin Diesel is neither a cat person, nor a dog person. He does have a soft spot for duck-billed platypi. Vin Diesel is neither heterosexual nor homosexual. He is only sexually attracted to blue light. Vin Diesel is neither pro-choice or pro-life. He is pro-death. Vin Diesel is neither right or left handed, but middle. Vin Diesel is no longer bound to the constraints of the world of mortal men, yet he bears his namesake to show his disdain for our feeble trappings of flesh. Vin Diesel is not a human being. In all actuality, he is a giant bumpy potato, with God-like force. Vin Diesel is not a scientologist, although he did purchase L. Ron Hubbard's "Dianetics" because it "had a rocking cover." Vin Diesel is not allowed to flex both arms simultaneously while on board warships because of the danger of him buckling the deck. Vin Diesel is not in fact bald, but has discover the secret of limited invisibility. Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit. Vin Diesel is not made of flesh and blood like normal folk, but from thousands of tiny Vin Diesels. The tiny Vin Diesels are made from high carbon steel, marzipan, chocolate ice cream and a mysterious substance that defies chemical analysis. Vin Diesel is not only a man, but also a state of mind and being, only attainable through the consumption of a specific combination of precisely incremented narcotics, transmission fluid, and twinkies. He is the only man who knows the correct combination, and he'd rather impale himself on a rusty pole than tell you. Vin Diesel is not only training to become a cage fighter, but a cage itself. Vin Diesel is not worth his weight in gold. He is, however, worth his weight in copper wire. Vin Diesel is now the sun. Vin Diesel is often referred a "Man Made God" because his body was manufactured in a Toyota production facility. Vin Diesel is on a first-name basis with Mr. T. Vin Diesel is on a personal vendetta against the film 'Powder', absolutely positive that the albino character in the movie ate his dragon. Vin Diesel is on first. Vin Diesel is on parole for attempting to rape Mother Earth. Vin Diesel is one fourth Irish and nine eighths Awesome. Vin Diesel is one of only six people who are legally allowed to divide by zero. Vin Diesel is one of the Viking Asagods. The reason he never ended up on any of the runes was that nobody could chop a picture good enough of him in stone. Vin Diesel is one of the few people in the world who flosses his ass. Vin Diesel is one of the ingredients of dynamite. Vin Diesel is one of three men living who know the exact formula to the KFC secret blend of spices. Vin Diesel is one of three people to own a shrink ray (the others being Liza Minelli and The Colonel). He has utilized the device to fill out such roles as the monkey in “Outbreak” and as a member of the Lollipop Guild in “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.” Vin Diesel is one of twelve men in the world with a license to hunt humans. Vin Diesel is over 3200 years old. Vin Diesel is perfectly comfortable saying the word ‘Vagina’ out loud.
Vin Diesel is personally responsible for the destruction of the rain forests. When asked why he was destroying irreplicable habitats, he is quoted as saying "Mother nature started this war, and now she wants me to stop? I dont think so." Vin Diesel is powered by the tears of the Chupakabra. Vin Diesel is powerful enough to destroy Samsonite luggage. Vin Diesel is protected under the Endangered Species Act. Vin Diesel is really Thor, Norse God of Thunder. Vin Diesel is really the one responsible for the Holocaust, after being asked what he’d do for a Klondike bar. Vin Diesel is really the reincarnated King Nebuchadnezzar. He made the Hanging Gardens when he decided to use Rogaine on his genitals. Vin Diesel is reloading this site as you read this. Vin Diesel is responsible for 19 of the 20 top grossing films of all time. He claims not to have any role in the one about that kid by himself in his house, with burglars trying to come in. Someone sold their soul to Satan to get the grosses up on that piece of shit. Vin Diesel is responsible for Alaska being part of the United States. William H. Seward, who purchased Alaska from Russia, is actually a pseudonym Vin Diesel uses when writing coming of age novels set in the scenic Mississippi Delta. When some called Alaska "Seward's Folly", he personally lugged oil reserves out of the Middle East and buried them under the countryside, creating the entire Alaskan oil reserve. He really showed those critics. Vin Diesel is responsible for Colin Quinn's downfall. Vin Diesel is responsible for Original Sin. Not for eating an apple, but rather for his role in the movie "Knockaround Guys". Vin Diesel is responsible for aurora borealis and secretly works at Sonic restaurants nationwide. Vin Diesel is responsible for single-handedly keeping Quebec part of Canada. Vin Diesel is responsible for the clanging drums in St. Anger. He called Lars Ulrich a pussy and made him cry. Vin Diesel is responsible for the direct visibility of Keira Knightley’s nipple on page 168 in the October 2005 issue of Esquire. Vin Diesel is responsible for the maiming deaths of at least three Muppets on Sesame Street, after being asked what he'd do for a Klondike bar. Vin Diesel is responsible for the musical careers of the Beatles, the Ramones, Run DMC, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, and Pink Floyd. Nirvana's success can be attributed to archrival Bruce Willis, while the Doors are purely machines, bred of Satan and fed with only the purest virgin blood. Vin Diesel is responsible for the rise and fall of every great civilization. Vin Diesel is responsible for the silent war between The U.S. Army Rangers and Sasquatch coming to a peaceful end. Vin Diesel is responsible for the upcoming John Stamos Live talk show. He like to play these cruel jokes on his subjects. Vin Diesel is responsibly for the salinity of the ocean. Vin Diesel is rubber and you are glue. Anything you say bounces off of Vin at the speed of sound and kills someone. Vin Diesel is rumored to be the son of home cleaning icon Mr. Clean. When asked about the uncanny resemblance, Diesel simply states, "I have no father." Vin Diesel is said to exhale the strings that the string theory is based upon. This means that he infact created dimensions, and he is the key to entering other dimensions and alternate realities, but to do so would create a pandora's box which would consume all seamen in the world, this is called the 'Paris' effect. Vin Diesel is scientific proof that neaderthal was assimilated, not eliminated, by cro-magnon. Vin Diesel is shadowed by an team of North Korean scientists who religiously collected every hair, skin flake, and speck of matter that dislodges itself from his body. Vin Diesel is similar to a polar bear in that he can blend into his surroundings perfectly, making himself almost invisible to the casual observer. Unlike a polar bear, however, Vin Diesel only eats baby seals during religious holidays. Vin Diesel is simultaneously a little bit country and a little bit rock 'n' roll. Vin Diesel is simultaneously the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Except the Ugly part. Vin Diesel is simultaneously the Lord of the Rings, the Lord of the Dance, and The Lord. Vin Diesel is simultaneously the fifth Beatle, Dimension and Element Vin Diesel is single handedly causing an alarming rise in stock values for computer keyboard manufacturers. This will lead to an unstoppable domino effect in the stock market. In the future, this year will be known as "The Great Vin Diesel Crash." Vin Diesel is single handedly fighting the war on terrorism, in between cat-naps. Vin Diesel is slightly more soluble in water than most people. Vin Diesel is so corpulent, when he sits around the magnificently appointed Tuscan villa, he sits AROUND the magnificently appointed Tuscan villa. Vin Diesel is so fetch! Vin Diesel is so incredibly dense that he reflects neutrinos. This has no effect on his life, but physicists are in an uproar. Vin Diesel is so tall that his field of vision goes all the way around the world, and he can see his own ass. Vin Diesel is so tough that he only eats the finest European coins and wipes his ass with pinecones...the wrong way. Vin Diesel is so tough, he doesn’t have a sleep number. Vin Diesel is solely responsible for the band Immortal. He is every member at the same time. Vin Diesel is still like a child in many ways, but mostly because his mother still bathes him in the kitchen sink. Vin Diesel is strong against water type Pokemon. Vin Diesel is such a badass that he thinks Mountain Dew is for little girly men, like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Vin Diesel is technically considered an endangered species, though by choice. Vin Diesel is technically not a mammal, as he lacks body hair and is not warm-blooded. Vin Diesel is teflon coated and thus never needs to bathe. Vin Diesel is the 'knock-door-run' world champion with over 2,500 successful knocks in 10 minutes. Vin Diesel is the 23rd element of the periodic table. Vin Diesel is the 4th Dentist out the 5 who doesn't recommend Crest toothpaste. Vin Diesel is the Alpha, the Omega, and Emilio Estevez. Vin Diesel is the Awarding Authority of the Medal of Diesel (MD) to worthy personnel. So far there are none. Vin Diesel is the Dark Lord of the Sith. Vin Diesel is the Goatse man. Vin Diesel is the Holy Grail. Vin Diesel is the Indigo Power Ranger. Vin Diesel is the Lindbergh baby. Vin Diesel is the NHL all-time leader in goals, assists, and kicking ass. Vin Diesel is the SI unit used to measure fear. Vin Diesel is the Walrus, coo coo ca choo. Vin Diesel is the Wandering Jew Vin Diesel is the benevolent ruler of the sun, but doesn't tell anyone cause he just "wants to be a regular guy". Vin Diesel is the best cricket player in the world because he uses his huge penis instead of a cricket bat. Vin Diesel is the capitol of Wisconsin Vin Diesel is the cause of gravity. He picked 9.8 m/s for the gravitational constant because he deemed it to be "a fucking awesome number." And that was that. Vin Diesel is the embodiment of every conspiracy known to man. Vin Diesel is the entire population of Belgium. Vin Diesel is the entire studio audience on E!’s “The Soup”.
Vin Diesel is the father of David Bowie, whom he sired in an attempt to have sex with the planet mars. Vin Diesel is the father of MC Chris. Vin Diesel is the fifth Ninja Turtle. Vin Diesel is the fifth dentist who won't recomend Trident. Vin Diesel is the force that keeps characters from dying permanently in all the MMORPGs that don't have perma-death. Vin Diesel is the founding member of The National Bank of Scotland. Vin Diesel is the gatekeeper to the Apocalypse. He is also the gatekeeper to the trash bin behind the Denny's on 4th Street in Boulder Colorado. Both of these are listed on his resume. Vin Diesel is the ghost author for "The Elements of Style" Vin Diesel is the illegitimate child of e.e. cummings Vin Diesel is the illegitimate lovechild of Bridget Fonda and Sammy Davis Jr. Vin Diesel is the inspiration for "The Whammies" on the hit TV Game Show "Press Your Luck". Vin Diesel is the inspiration for Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman. Vin Diesel is the inspiration for the character "Osaka" on Azumanga Daioh. Kiyohiko Azuma and Diesel met while hunting saltwater crocodiles, but Azuma changed his character to a spacey Japanese girl after an argument they have not reconciled from. No one knows why Diesel didn't just use his lasers after their arguement. Vin Diesel is the intelligent designer. Vin Diesel is the last Mohican. Vin Diesel is the last digit of Pie. Vin Diesel is the link between fission and fusion. Vin Diesel is the man behind the scenes of the Winneshiek County Fairground Board and the Winneshiek County Agricultrual Association. Vin Diesel is the miracle of Hanukkah. Vin Diesel is the most powerful wizard known to man, but can be defeated by flushing him down the toilet. Vin Diesel is the official airline of the Cincinnati Reds. Vin Diesel is the one defending America from the metric system. Vin Diesel is the only being capable of scoring a Ludicrous Kill in Unreal Tournament games simply by respawning. Vin Diesel is the only being in existence to ever single-handedly defeat Unicorn. Without the Matrix. Vin Diesel is the only being who has solved "The Van Gogh Code", caught a Coelocanth by the tail, had his bust carved into the side of Mount Everest, and hit his 500th career home run all in the same day.
Vin Diesel is the only correct answer in Jepoardy that is not required to be in the form of a question. Vin Diesel is the only fuel source the Enterprise needs. Vin Diesel is the only human able to digest corn. Vin Diesel is the only human being capable of skiing through a revolving door. Vin Diesel is the only human being to have gone through the heat pasturization process. Vin Diesel is the only human who can digest corn properly. Vin Diesel is the only individual besides Peter and Brian who understand Stewie. Vin Diesel is the only individual to use a solar-powered vibrator. Vin Diesel is the only known diety to have the antidote to a weapon's grade anthrax secreted from Anne Coulter's vagina. Vin Diesel is the only known entity to whom causality does not apply. Vin Diesel is the only known human who can unhinge his jaw, allowing him to swallow objects more than five inches in diameter. Vin Diesel is the only known person to ever pop every kernel in a microwave popcorn bag without burning anything. Vin Diesel is the only known person to have ever added injury to insult, not the other way around. Vin Diesel is the only living creature who's proportions do not follow the golden ratio. Vin Diesel is the only living creature who's proportions do not follow the golden ratio. EDIT: Vin Diesel's taint is actually 1.61803399 times larger than the circumference of his head. You just don't notice his massive taint because it's built in sections and he stores half of it at home on Mount Olympus. Vin Diesel is the only man known who has the stamina and pain resistance necessary to watch both Baby Geniuses movies in a single sitting. Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. Vin Diesel is the only man to have safely fallen from 20,000 feet without a parachute - the Hand of God appeared to catch him before he hit the ground, afterwards God appologised for leaving it so late, but Vin forgave him anyway. Vin Diesel is the only man to run around the Earth at the equator and kill a wolverine in the same day. Vin Diesel is the only man who can express the taste of Strongbow in words. Vin Diesel is the only man who can grow "assburns", which are just like sideburns, but for your ass.
Vin Diesel is the only man who can metamorphisize himself into turd form and live. Except perhaps for Cher, who we're not sure is a man or woman. Vin Diesel is the only man who can save Social Security. Vin Diesel is the only man who has eaten an entire Graboid. He killed it himself. Vin Diesel is the only man who made it through The Crying Game without feeling dirty. Vin Diesel is the only musician bold enough to use the infamous triple-neck guitar. One neck is a regular 6-string, one is a 12-string, and one is a loaded shotgun. Vin Diesel is the only object that, while at rest, will not remain at rest. Vin Diesel is the only one standing between us and the annihilation squads of Outworld. Vin Diesel is the only one who can "try this at home." Vin Diesel is the only one who got off Gilligan's Island. Vin Diesel is the only one who knows the true reason why people smoke menthol cigarettes, but the only way to get him to tell you why is to recite every Willie Nelson song during his meditation time. His average meditation time is 17/51st of a nano second and if you fail to recite every Willie Nelson song in that amount of time, he will beat you to death with a drinking straw. Vin Diesel is the only one who may touch The Last Unicorn. Vin Diesel is the only person alive who can orally communicate by FORTRAN. Vin Diesel is the only person alive who can puff the magic dragon while actually slaying magic dragons. Vin Diesel is the only person alive who can understand R2-D2. They have conversations daily. Vin Diesel is the only person ever to draw a triangle with angles that total to more than 180 degrees. Upon realising the magnitude of his creation, Vin Diesel cast the triangle across the Earth, where it later confused and scared people giving birth to the myth of the Bermuda Triangle. Vin Diesel is the only person in History to be born fully clothed. Vin Diesel is the only person in history to have survived a head-on collision with Roseanne Barr.
Vin Diesel is the only person in history to successfully cancel his AOL subscription on the first call. Vin Diesel is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%. Vin Diesel is the only person on earth that knows the Butterfly Effect Theory to be true. Vin Diesel is the only person that can beat Dylan from "Making the band" in a rap battle. Vin Diesel is the only person to ever achieve a negative ping. Vin Diesel is the only person to ever beat Battletoads without dying. Vin Diesel is the only person to get 121 stars in Mario 64. Vin Diesel is the only person to have gone up Niagara Falls in a barrel. Vin Diesel is the only person who can simultaneously master both the dark and light sides of the Force. Vin Diesel is the only person who has literally kicked someone back to The Stone Age. Vin Diesel is the only person who has witnessed the beginning of the universe. This experience would form the basis for his character in "Knockaround Guys." Vin Diesel is the only person who is able to say "toy boat" three times, fast. Vin Diesel is the only person who knows why paper can beat rock. Vin Diesel is the only person who sounds what he thinks he sounds like on a tape recording.
Vin Diesel is the only thing that can escape from within the event horizon of a black hole. Vin Diesel is the original Chinatown Bad boy. Vin Diesel is the original creator of Michael Jackson's Moonwalk, but he lent it to him after discovering that Michael couldnt perform it over water. Vin called that move "Powerwalk", yeah, but remember it was a cool name in the 80's. Vin Diesel is the original metrosexual. He is waiting for the market to ripen before he reveals that he has moved up 7 echelons to become the universe's first cosmosexual.
Vin Diesel is the owner of the largest Merkin collection in the free world. Vin Diesel is the owner of the world's largest collection of ketchup bottles. Vin Diesel is the pan-galactic all-weight champion of the annual interstellar "Yo Momma" joke contest. Vin Diesel is the patron saint of testicular protection. Any man sees that is groin is threatened by an incoming football, foot or similar danger and thus says, "Saint Vin, I beseech thee to preserve my nuts!" Consequently, said projectile will freeze in mid-air and drop to the ground. Vin Diesel is the person who decided the Rabbit couldnt have any Trix. Vin Diesel is the personification of an alpha particle, and his image is perfect as it is created by the extreme rotational pulses that emit from the many small alpha particles that he is made from. The only way to take this man down is to make him touch the personified Beta particle, which is a small japanese girl called Peng. Vin Diesel is the physical manifestation of the combined hopes and dreams of an entire race of small, burrowing mammals as yet undiscovered by science. Vin Diesel is the product of a hentai experiment gone horribly right. Vin Diesel is the real Slim Shady. Vin Diesel is the reason Canadians will start locking their doors. Vin Diesel is the reason Cap'n. Crunch was turned down for his promotion to admiral.
Vin Diesel is the reason Stephen Hawking is in a wheelchair. Vin Diesel is the reason a male chicken is called a cock. Vin Diesel is the reason behind the use of plastic silverware in many school cafeterias. This is because of the events of one October night in a Red Lobster, when Vin Diesel mercilessly assassinated 13 paying customers with the blunt side of a butter knife. Vin Diesel is the reason that cats do not have tails in Japan. Vin Diesel is the reason why Owen Wilson's nose looks the way it does. Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding. Vin Diesel is the reason you touch yourself at night. Vin Diesel is the reincarnated spirit of Bluebeard. Vin Diesel is the secret behind Busch's Baked Beans. Vin Diesel is the seventeenth Angel. Vin Diesel is the seventh son of a seventh son. Vin Diesel is the sole surviving Spartan of Thermopylae Vin Diesel is the son of Nostradamus and Jessica Simpson. It is unclear whether he inherited his good looks from his mother and his intelligence from of his father, or vice versa. Vin Diesel is the sound of one handed clapping. Vin Diesel is the source for the legend of the Loch Ness Monster. Vin Diesel is the third Olsen Twin. Vin Diesel is the truth that Jack Nicholson told Tom Cruise he couldn't handle.
Vin Diesel is the ultimate paradox in that he does not think and yet he very much is. Vin Diesel is the winner of the human race. Vin Diesel is the world's best player of Spades. Even if you hold every spade in the deck, you will lose against Vin Diesel. Don't even try. Vin Diesel is the world's only native speaker of Esperanto. Vin Diesel is third to the top of the food chain right before Godzilla and Fat Albert. He refuses to return their phone calls or instant messages. Vin Diesel is to Earth like Primus is to Cybertron. Only better, because Vin Diesel created organic life. Vin Diesel is to fur coats as 70's porn is to scrotal hair. Vin Diesel is too much man for one woman to handle. Vin Diesel is unaffected by the video from The Ring Vin Diesel is unharmed by sticks and stones, but names have a profound effect on him. Vin Diesel is well versed in Canadian literature, and has taught several courses on the subject. Vin Diesel is well versed in Sanskrit and can play the kazoo so well that any living thing within earshot of his symphonies automatically orgasms for 3 straight days. Vin Diesel is western soceity's only defense against Nationalistic China and tooth decay. Vin Diesel is what happens when you find a stranger in the alps. Vin Diesel is what the Hokey Pokey is all about. Vin Diesel is who the Foo Fighters fight. Vin Diesel is why Lake Lagunita at Stanford University is still dry. Vin Diesel is widely known in competitive gardening circles for his prize-winning beets. Vin Diesel is, in fact, the real son of God. He didn't need the extra attention, so he found a drugged out hippie named Jesus to take his place. Thousands of years later, Vin found out about Jesus' crusifixion. He simply laughed. Vin Diesel is, unbelievably, only seventeen years old. He is expected to be twenty seven feet tall when he is fully grown. Vin Diesel isn't gay just because he fooled around with Darth Vader a couple of times in college. Vin Diesel jogs the Trail of Tears every morning after breakfast. Vin Diesel jumped off a bridge because all his friends were doing it and survived. Vin Diesel jumps right into his bubble bath without regard to water temperature. Vin Diesel just flew in from New York and boy are his arms tired. Vin Diesel just saved a whole bunch of money on his car insurance by switching to Geico. Vin Diesel keeps a Summer home in the attic of the famed, Amityville House, in which he takes much joy in sreaming, "get out" in to a fan whenever he has guests. Vin Diesel keeps ex-Dunkin Donuts spokesman Fred The Baker in a cage in his basement Vin Diesel keeps his famous broken glass bottle colection under his tongue at all times. Vin Diesel keeps his head shaved in order to hide the fact that he is actually a member of a alien race of supreme warriors. When they reach the fullest of their powers, their hair turns bright pink and spiky. Vin Diesel keeps his mobile phone in his rectum and dials with flatulence. Vin Diesel keeps his separated Siamese brother in a vault buried 612 miles under Volgagrad. Vin Diesel keeps in his left pocket a Riddick Pez dispenser filled with vicodin, and in his right pocket a 'The Pacifier' pez-dispencer filled with vicodin-flavored pez Vin Diesel kept Gary Coleman and Emmanuel Lewis from growing to full stature. Vin Diesel kicked the original Gerber baby in the face because he gave him "a look." Vin Diesel killed Bill Cosby. Bill Cosby is not yet aware of this, as Vin Diesel has not chosen to make this death known. Vin Diesel killed Dumbledore. Vin Diesel killed Fidel Castro and They Might Be Giants in a no holds barred hammerfight in a glass cage under the Lincoln Monument, but took pity on them afterwards and granted them a cruel mockery of life made out of raincoats. Vin Diesel killed Harry Houdini by punching him in the stomach. Vin Diesel killed Jack the Ripper. Vin Diesel killed John Bonham of Led Zeppelin for being a better drummer than him. Vin Diesel killed Kenny and proceded to eat him. No one called him a bastard. Vin Diesel killed Kenny. He is a bastard. Vin Diesel killed Kenny. Bastard! Vin Diesel killed Lincoln and the transformed into John Wilkes Booth in order to frame him. Vin Diesel killed O-Town. Vin Diesel killed Optimus Prime because he wanted to wear the Matrix 'round his neck, similar to Flavor Flav's clock. Vin Diesel killed Schroedinger's cat. Vin Diesel killed Tupac. Vin Diesel killed a hooker one winter, disemboweled her, and lived inside her evicerated body for 3 months until spring. Vin Diesel killed a man in Reno, just to watch him die. Then he resurrected him and said that he was sorry, because Vin Diesel is selfconsciously polite. Vin Diesel killed a member of PETA to grow more of them in his garden. Vin Diesel killed and devoured Mufasa from The Lion King, but let the hyenas live becasue they were quote "dirty creatures". Vin Diesel killed four people when he took a shit off the top of the Shin Kong-Mitsukoshi building. The deaths were ruled accidental but he is no longer permitted to enter Taiwan or the Republic of Haiti. Vin Diesel killed his own reflection for looking at him funny. Vin Diesel killed the Dead Sea. Vin Diesel killed the radio star. Vin Diesel killed the radio star. He let video take the credit after video blackmailed him with pictures of him in an orgy along with Elton John, Ron Jeremy, and his "The Fast and the Furious" co-star Paul Walker. Vin Diesel kills Dumbledore in Harry Potter 6 because Vin was bored. Vin Diesel kills all household pests with an assault rifle. Vin Diesel kind of ran over my dog. Except change "kind of" to "repeatedly" and "dog" to "son." Vin Diesel knocked down the Berlin Wall because he "didn't like the way it was looking at him". Vin Diesel knows 246 ways to eat a kiwi, but only one way to skin a cat. Vin Diesel knows a word that rhymes with 'purple', but can't tell anyone for copyright reasons. Vin Diesel knows all the words to "Blinded by the Light". Vin Diesel knows all there is to know about The Crying Game. Vin Diesel knows exactly how fast he is going. But not where he is. Vin Diesel knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, but he wont tell anyone. Vin Diesel knows how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood. Vin Diesel knows if it's live or if it's Memorex. Vin Diesel knows psychiatry better than Tom Cruise does. Vin Diesel knows that Stephen Hawking is just faking it for the insurance money. Vin Diesel knows that the solution to Social Security reform involves a goat, 3 pixie sticks, and a 1988 Donruss rookie card of Henry 'Bam Bam' Muellens. The rest is self-explanatory. Vin Diesel knows the Olive Garden isn't real Italian food. Vin Diesel knows the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow (African *AND* European). Vin Diesel knows the answers to all the questions in Trivial Pursuit. Vin Diesel knows the ideal temperature and bake time of any oven when making a frozen pizza. Vin Diesel knows the last digit of pi. He says it's between 0 and 9. Vin Diesel knows the location of Al Capone's Vault, but will not disclose it to anyone since he enjoys swimming in the money like Scrooge McDuck. Vin Diesel knows the muffin man. Vin Diesel knows the number for Animal Control but doesn't own a telephone. Vin Diesel knows the way to Amarillo. Vin Diesel knows there can be only one. But he can smell it. Vin Diesel knows to start a quotation with a capital letter. Vin Diesel knows what Forrest Gump said about the war in Vietnam. Vin Diesel knows what Marcellus Wallace looks like. Vin Diesel knows what STENDEC is. Vin Diesel knows what a quail looks like. Vin Diesel knows what color Smurfs turn when they hold their breath. Vin Diesel knows what happened to the other daughter on Family Matters. Vin Diesel knows what it's like when doves cry. Vin Diesel knows what makes Krazy Glue so crazy. Vin Diesel knows what's in the briefcase in Pulp Fiction. Vin Diesel knows when you push F5. Vin Diesel knows where all the cookies have gone, and he ain't tellin' you shit. Vin Diesel knows where all the socks from the dryer go. Vin Diesel knows where in the world Carmen San Diego is. And he impregnated Gumshoes. And Rockapella. Vin Diesel knows where the beef is. Vin Diesel knows why hot dogs are sold in packs of twelve and hot dog buns are sold in packs of eight. Vin Diesel knows why one apple pie is eighty nine cents, but two only cost a dollar. Vin Diesel knows why the bowl of petunias said, "Not this again." Vin Diesel knows why the bowl of petunias thought, "Oh, no not again." Vin Diesel knows why there are so many songs about rainbows and what's on the other side. Vin Diesel knows why we really like Apple Jacks even though they don't taste like apples. Vin Diesel knows your credit card number, and that extra 3-digit number on the back. Vin Diesel lactates parachute army men. Vin Diesel landed on the moon and wrote his name in piss on the far side. He got off of the moon by jumping high enough he fell back into the Earth's gravitational pull. He landed on his feet in Bangladesh. Vin Diesel laughs in the face of danger, and he also laughs in the faces of the millions of starving families in India. Vin Diesel lead a band of misfit heroes in World War 2. The group consisted of himself, Batman, Albert Einstein, Mr. T, Jesus and The Fonz. When the Nazi's learned of this they immediately surrendered. When Vin heard the Nazi surrender he simply laughed stating, "German is a funny language." Vin Diesel led a failed attempt to rescue Terri Schiavo, he was thwarted by The Communist Youth Brigade in the halls of the hospice who know his only weakness is a fear of shiny foil balloons. Vin Diesel led the Spanish Inquisition under the code name Tomas de Torquemada. Not because he believed in what he was doing, but because they paid well and had excellent dental coverage. Vin Diesel led the longest game of follow-the-leader in history. It lasted well over 17 years until one day Vin turned around and realized everyone else was dead. Vin Diesel left the “Fast and the Furious” franchise when producers refused to film parts 2 through 11 back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back. Vin Diesel let the dogs out! Vin Diesel like long sandy walks on the beach, with a tommy gun, and a grenade, in Vietnam. Vin Diesel like to shoot fireballs from his anus at passing ducks. Vin Diesel likes his coffee like he likes his women - Colombian and crushed into powder. Vin Diesel likes his emo kids sunny side up. Vin Diesel likes peppermints. Vin Diesel likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. He does not, however, like making love at midnight in the dunes of a cave. Vin Diesel likes the taste of cock. He says it reminds him of Vietnam. Vin Diesel likes to compare himself to a little beetle. 'I am less shiny than you, beetle. But I am much bigger.' Vin Diesel likes to fuck in fires just to spin the ashes 'round. Vin Diesel likes to play a fun game with the Internet. It goes like this: He starts at a mundane, legitimate site like "The New York Times" homepage. Then, by only clicking links, not typing, he sees how long it takes him to get to a porn site. He then tries to do the reverse. The former took him half an hour. The latter may be complete by the Second Coming. Vin Diesel likes to stand outside the Unemployment Office and clap for each person as they leave. Vin Diesel likes to steal from the rich and eat the poor. Vin Diesel likes to take the form of Catholic priests as a hobby in order to antagonize god for being a too much of a pussy to play him in a game of Scrabble. Vin Diesel likes to walk around with his penis pushed back between his legs. He calls it his Vin-gina. Vin Diesel likes to wear PVC because it wipes down easy. Vin Diesel likes to wrestle with Clifford the Big Red Dog in his spare time.
Vin Diesel lines his trombone case with the souls of the damned. Vin Diesel lives at the north pole of Dagobah. Vin Diesel lives his life in "bullet-time". Vin Diesel lives in every man's refrigerator just to turn the light on when it is opened. For entertainment Vin Diesel arm-wrestles the arm pictured on "Arm and Hammer" baking soda. The loser then must keep the refrigerator fresh until death. Vin Diesel never loses this epic battle. Vin Diesel lives inside the briefcase of Marsellus Wallace, and emits a golden glow when he sleeps. Vin Diesel lives la vida loca. Vin Diesel lives on a secluded ranch where he breeds golden chocobos. Vin Diesel loans some of his body heat to the sun, but not on Sunday. Vin Diesel lost 35 pounds by driving to Subway and eating Jared. Vin Diesel lost all his hair when when he swam in radioactive waste to aqcuire his superpowers. Vin Diesel lost his virginity in a freak snowmobiling accident when he was 18. Vin Diesel lost his virginity to Hillary Duff Vin Diesel lost his virginity to Mt. Rushmore. Vin Diesel lost his virginity to a tool shed. Vin Diesel lost the Millenium Falcon to Vin to Lando Calrissian in a game of Counter Strike.
Vin Diesel love you long time. Vin Diesel loves Chachi. Vin Diesel loves lamp. Vin Diesel loves saunas. In fact Vin has one in his very own house which he uses every day. It's called his fireplace. Vin Diesel loves the Care Bears, especially Tenderheart Bear.
Vin Diesel loves the smell of napalm in the morning. Especially on his Cheerios. Vin Diesel loves unicorns. No, seriously he fucks the shit out of them. Vin Diesel loves white chocolate. He loves it so much that he carved an imaginary friend out of white chocolate and named it Chris Kattan. Vin Diesel made Hadrian's Wall out of Lincoln Logs. Vin Diesel made The Grinch give Christmas back. Vin Diesel made a cameo appearance in Surf Ninjas -- however, his scene was subsequently cut out after he punctured Ernie Reyes Jr.'s throat with a golden umbrella. Vin Diesel made a food chart that adds a necessary food group: The souls of your enemies. Vin Diesel made a sextape with Paris Hilton on her Sidekick. He later hacked into it, deleted the sextape, and distributed the rest of her information online. Vin Diesel made a vow to only use his powers for good. However one night he got really drunk and killed a hooker. The police never found a body though, since Vin disposed of the corpse by unhinging his jaw and swallowing it whole. Vin Diesel made all the sound effects for the Star Wars movies, using only his hands and armpits. Vin Diesel made out with the planet Jupiter once for six years, but he never called her again. Vin Diesel made sure she fell and couldn't get up. Vin Diesel made the Kessel run in less than ten parsecs, two whole parsecs quicker than the Millennium Falcon. Vin Diesel makes "Sorry, Your Dodgeball Coach Just Got Crushed by Two Tons of Irony" Hallmark cards. Vin Diesel makes onions cry. Vin Diesel makes smoothies using only rocks, lead, and 10-15 pound gorillas. Vin Diesel makes the Oija board move. Vin Diesel makes the sun move across the sky with his eyes, how can he stare at the sun for more than 11 hours a day you ask? You know why. Vin Diesel makes trips to Antarctica every morning just to get rid of his morning wood. Vin Diesel makes up the entirety of the babysitter's club, minus Kristy... because really, who wants to be her? Vin Diesel masturbates to pictures of Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel masturbates with sand paper because it makes him feel tough. Vin Diesel may not agree with what you say, but he will fight Anthony Michael Hall to death for your right to say it. Vin Diesel may not be able to turn water into wine, but he can turn Corona into urine. Vin Diesel may only have one testicle, but he's got more balls than France. Vin Diesel may or may not be a freight train. Vin Diesel may or may not be closely related to Donkey Kong, but he is definitely an unlockable character in Mario Kart. Vin Diesel melts M&Ms in his hand. Vin Diesel modified a Delorean that will time travel at only 87 miles per hour. Vin Diesel molested the Pope just to see him cry. He touched the little boys for fun, though. Vin Diesel moonlights as a Shirpa on the weekends for rich British explorers. Vin Diesel murdered a woman last night. Her last words were, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno!" Vin Diesel must be stored at STP conditions or he will combust. Vin Diesel mysteriously disappeared four years ago, only to show up at the US Embassy in Guatamala, bearing the head of Medusa. When asked how he killed her, he vaguely replied, "A quarter mile at a time...a quarter mile at a time..." Vin Diesel nailed my sister. Vin Diesel named his penis Buffy the Virgin Slayer. Vin Diesel nearly made it to the final table of the 1988 World Series of Poker. Which may not sound like much, but was impressive considering he thought they were playing Go Fish. Vin Diesel needed glasses but then he channeled the long dormant spirit of John Stamos's acting career and the concentrated energy alone was enough to perform the necessary eye surgery and twice bake a Hot Pocket the size of a Buick LeSabre. Vin Diesel needs no cell phone because he communicates via telepathic progeny. Which also gets good Talk2Talk service. Vin Diesel negotiated the Treaty of Versailles. Vin Diesel negotiated the sale of Manhattan from the Indians. Vin Diesel never ever acts as Vin Diesel. All the time, he is impersonating an imaginary italian actor named Paolo, who is in turn impersonating Vin Diesel. Since both Paolo and Vin Diesel are first-rate impersonators, nobody ever notices. But Paolo's work has more merit, since English in not his first language. Vin Diesel never gets the message: Warning: mysql_fetch_array(): supplied argument is not a valid MySQL result resource in /home2/q4cc/public_html/vin/index.php on line 82. Vin Diesel never got punk'd. Instead, he cooked Ashton Kutcher for breakfast. Vin Diesel never has to spawn more overloards. Vin Diesel never has to wipe more than once. Vin Diesel never just bit his nails; he would bite off his own fingers. Vin Diesel never left his house till he made Boiler Room (2000) because he was digitally inserted into every film he made before it, besides Saving Private Ryan, which all of his scenes were filmed in his mother's master bathroom. Vin Diesel never misses the jump on Koopa Island in Mario Kart 64. Vin Diesel never needs to wind his watch. Instead, once every second he shifts reality into an alternate universe in which he is wearing a watch that has the correct time. Vin Diesel never requires more Vespene Gas. Vin Diesel never shaves; he shoots himself in the face every morning so his facial hair doesn't get the wrong idea Vin Diesel never sleeps, he only switches to the other "half" of his brain every twelve hours. Vin Diesel never took an acting class. Instead, he believes every movie he makes is real life, and the camera's are just there to record his actions for future generations. These future generations will wonder if Vin Diesel was real, or an imaginary creation. Vin Diesel will then kill the future generation. Vin Diesel not only can lift Thor's hammer, he once borrowed it to re-shingle his roof. Thor was pissed when he found out. Vin Diesel not only put the L in lesbian, but he put his penis in them as well. All of them. Vin Diesel not only walks to the beat of his own drummer, he dances to the spin of his own dreidel and eats to the tune of Bon Jovi. Vin Diesel nvented the guillotine as a way to cut his toenails. Vin Diesel occasionaly wears live rattlesnakes as a condoms. Vin Diesel often observes his parents at night. Vin Diesel often requires an entire roll of toilet paper to wipe his ass after deficating. Vin Diesel often strangles hookers with his pubic hair. Vin Diesel often travels to the center of the earth in order to heat up his breakfast burritos. Vin Diesel often wears a novelty neck-tie reading "Who Farted!?" which is used only to keep his head attatched to his body. Vin Diesel once addressed a joint session of the British parliament while having rough sex with Margaret Thatcher. It was considered by many to be the crowning moment in British democracy Vin Diesel once arm wrestled Patrick Swayze and beat him so fast that it was literally over before it began. Vin Diesel once asked Cleopatra to go swimming in his pool with him. And by 'pool' he meant 'bath tub'. And by 'swimming' he meant 'sex'. Vin Diesel once asked a man to pull his finger. Sixty years later on August 6th, people still mourn the tragedy that befell Hiroshima. Vin Diesel once ate 30 hardboiled eggs with no problem, then made love to 20 virgins. Vin Diesel once ate 5 turkeys in one sitting. The following massive bowel movement spawned into the band Yes. Vin Diesel once ate Gwen Stefani with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. He then threw her back up into a bowl made of silver and moonlight. The song "Hollaback Girl" is about her experiences in his digestive tract. Vin Diesel once ate a corn dog a small carnival in Redmond, Washington. Eight hours later he vomitted. The substance he threw up was later eaten and given the name "quiche." Vin Diesel once ate a small island in the Philippines just for fun. Vin Diesel once ate an entire band for playing a tune off-key. He then belched the song in the correct key, to the delight and horror of the audience. Vin Diesel once ate an entire train after he derailed it...with his penis. Vin Diesel once ate half a dozen apples and then shit a fruit salad. Vin Diesel once ate the country of Zaire for breakfast. Afterwards, he had terrible indigestion and shit out the Falkland Islands. Vin Diesel once ate the entire cake at a bachelor party before anyone could tell him there was a stripper in it. Vin Diesel once attached roller skates to his knees, then drank a 50 gallon drum of nitromethane fuel and farted out a 50' long jet flame, propelling him down the 1/4 mile drag strip to an astounding ET of 0.0000001 @ 669600000.01 MPH, exceeding the speed of light and creating a rift in space which devoured all life within a 100 mile radius. Vin Diesel once attempted to appeal to both the black and white cultures, but was upstaged by Wayne Brady. Vin Diesel once attempted to out-rock Jon Bon Jovi, only to get so out-rocked that he turned into a singularity. Vin Diesel once attempted to shave Michael Moore's neckbeard, but failed upon realizing that the hairs were actually tiny Malaysian children. Vin Diesel once attended a Who concert and was so upset they didn't play Boris the Spider that he killed everyone in the building Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear. Vin Diesel once beat a man to death with his own skull, to prove that it is indeed physically possible.
Vin Diesel once beat a unicorn to death with a hammock full of rocks. Vin Diesel once beat an orphan to death using the body of another orphan as a weapon. Vin Diesel once beat his mother cross-eyed because she refused to share her recipe for peach cobbler with him. Vin Diesel once became a herald of Galactus to save his home world Vin Diesel once bet Satan a quarter that he could win a best 2 out of 3 Paper-Rock-Scissors match against the Prince of Darkness. After decisively winning the first two rounds, Vin was forced to give Satan a purple-nurple before he would cough up the 25 cents. Vin Diesel once bit through a coil of steel cable after mistaking it for the entrails of a king. Vin Diesel once breast-fed a flamingo back to health. Vin Diesel once breast-fed an elephant to death. Vin Diesel once bred a pug and a monkey. The result was Clint Eastwood. Vin Diesel once broke into a kindergarten classroom and scalped all the children. He attached the scalps to a long, wooden pole and called it 'Kindergarten Mop'. Vin Diesel once broke out of Alcatraz, but then he had to break back in because he forgot his toothbrush. Vin Diesel once broke the sound barrier while flipping an omelets. Vin Diesel once built a stairway to heaven, but had it destroyed in favour of an elevator. Vin Diesel once built a stairway to heaven, but was forced destroyed it to avoid paying royalties. Vin Diesel once built men out of cannabis and brought them to life with his own bile. The result was the band Genesis. Vin Diesel once burned an entire nation because he believed they had his stapler. He did this with the fury of his mind. Vin Diesel once calculated 0/0 to 54.3. Vin Diesel once caught a dinosaur with some dental floss and a pull tab from a beer can. Vin Diesel once caused quite a commotion at a crowded movie theatre when he caught on fire and refused to leave. Vin Diesel once challenged Buddha to a match of Greco-Roman wrestling. The results of the match were never made public. Vin Diesel once challenged James Polk to a race around the world. Vin Diesel once challenged Maddox to a contest of manliness. The resultant buildup of energies was so immense, it caused a tear in the fabric of reality that produced a universe in which neither Vin nor Maddox existed. This so angered God that he gave his only son, Superman, up for adoption, in order that his sacrifice would allow Vin to return. Upon his second coming Vin caused Maddox to reappear, as he had always been, because "that guy's got huge balls." Vin Diesel once challenged Moses to an arm-wrestling match and won. In fury, Moses killed all the first born sons of Egypt and took his people into the desert for 40 years. Vin Diesel once challenged Shakespeare to a footrace. The outcome? Read the Tempest to find out. Vin Diesel once challenged a canoe full of epileptics to a shaking contest and won. Vin Diesel once challenged the deceased corpse of Mahatma Gandhi to an arm wrestling match, and lost. Vin Diesel once challenged the entire Swiss rugby team to a drinking contest and lost. Vin Diesel once challenged world record holder Kobayashi to a 12 minute hot dog eating contest. Results: Kobayashi ate 58 complete hot dogs and buns. Diesel ate 112 complete hot dogs and buns and one Kobayashi. Vin Diesel once circumnavigated the globe in the hulled carcass of George Burns. Vin Diesel once conducted an experiment in which he ate a ream of paper, washed it down with Alphaghetti, and shit out a dictionary. Vin Diesel once constructed a fully functioning time machine, simply so he could buy a can of Surge. Vin Diesel once constructed a revolving stage out of Bon Jovi and took it on a world tour. Vin Diesel once consumed 2,847 regulation hockey pucks in a single sitting. Vin Diesel once cooked 400 tons of chicken noodle soup for the needy but then drank all but 1 in a bet with Samuel L. Jackson. Vin Diesel once counted the number of people Arnold Schwarzenneger killed in the movie "Commando". Upon reaching 94 casualties, Vinny threw his bowl of Count Chocula angrily at his flatscreen television. Vin Diesel once coveted his neighbor's wife, but God did not smite him, recalling a rather humiliating chess match. Vin Diesel once crapped out a full-scale model of the Titanic. Vin Diesel once created a human being. When that person turned out to be Craig T. Nelson, Vin was so distraught with his poor workmanship that he launched into a rampage ultimately resulting in the violent death of Jerry Van Dyke and the impregnation of Shelley Fabares. Vin Diesel once crushed a beer keg against his forehead after drinking all of its contents. Vin Diesel once cut a hole in a watermelon and put it in the mircowave for a mintue or two. He removed it and checked the temp, it was just right. He then fucked the watermelon, this isn't so much as a random fact as it is, as Vin calls it, "A damn good idea". Vin Diesel once dated Angela Lansbury. Vin Diesel once dated Aphrodite, the Greek Goddess of Love. He had to break it off because, according to him, “she was too high maintenance.” Vin Diesel once dated Henri Winkler. Vin Diesel once defeated God in a best of seven tic-tac-toe contest. Vin Diesel once defeated Jesus, the prophet Mohammed and L Ron Hubbard in an arm wrestling match to decide who was the true savoir of mankind. Vin Diesel once destroyed a Catholic orphanage after a nun neglected to put "The" before his name when addressing him. Vin Diesel once donated his left bicep to the Republic of Congo. The reason for this still eludes all analysts, and the entire population of the Republic of Congo, but they are nonetheless very thankful for this generous gift. Vin Diesel once drank a can of Red Bull. It gave him so many sets of wings that the universe hit it's character limit and crashed. He then had to push the master Ctrl-Alt-Delete keys to restart reality. Vin Diesel once drank an entire keg of lemonade with his penis. Just to prove he could do it. Vin Diesel once dreamt that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, would be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice. But he was too lazy to do anything about it. Vin Diesel once drew a self portrait with the blood of a thousand virgins.
Vin Diesel once dropkicked a cow because it gave him a funny look. Upon impact the cow combusted into confetti, in which Diesel pranced with his close friend Richard Simmons. Vin Diesel once drove a golf ball over 9 miles, and was there to catch it before it hit the ground. Vin Diesel once dug a hole to China, where he ate Chairman Mao. Vin Diesel once electrocuted a shark by kissing Harrison Ford. Harrison Ford? Harrison Ford. Vin Diesel once engaged in a highly-publicized war of words with English political theorist John Stuart Mill during the summer of 1869, concerning the state of the British monarchy. The resulting essays, letters, and debate transcripts were the basis for the screenplay of the film "Universal Soldier." Mr. Diesel would later turn down a starring role in the film because, quote, "Dolph Lungren ain't shit." Vin Diesel once entered an eating contest. He found out it was a blue berry pie eating contest, and not the tire eating contest. This made Vin Diesel super pissed, so he ate all the contestents and won. Vin Diesel once entertained partygoers by turning a plate of nachos into an adorable puppy, and then eating it. Vin Diesel once faked his own death after a sheperd boy hit him in the head with a rock from a sling. Vin Diesel once fed a starving Kenyan child by lactating through his belly button. Vin Diesel once fixed Stephen Hawking's body. Then Hawking tried to take over the world but Vin Diesel broke Hawking's body again after defeating him in Scrabble. Vin Diesel once flew Frank Sinatra to the moon. Vin Diesel once fought Chuck Norris to the death after an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. Vin obviously won, and the Chuck Norris you see today is composed of the remnants of the dead Chuck Norris and Vin Diesel's first child, whom he named Haley Joel Osment. Vin Diesel once fought Kerry King, of Slayer, in a no-holds-barred cage match. The match was a draw, much to Vin's dismay. Tom Araya tried to console the distraught Mr. Diesel, but in a fit of rage he assassinated Archduke Ferdinand and sparked off WWI. The album "South of Heaven" was meant as a truce, Vin responded by mailing 400 lbs of Polar Bear feces to each member of Slayer. Their responce? "God Hates Us All." Vin Diesel once fried an egg on the sidewalk in the winter. Vin Diesel once fucked a girl so hard that her freckles came off. Vin Diesel once fucked a hooker so hard she went into a coma. She did, however, manage to give birth. To Superman. Vin Diesel once gave a woman an orgasm so intense she invented three new branches of mathemetics, discovered the first half of the true name of god and now only needs two and half hours of sleep a week. She can also now cook a damn good English Breakfast, and never breaks an eggs yolk. Vin Diesel once got in a fistfight with his butcher over whether or not he could borrow the deli-slicer for recreational purposes. Vin Diesel once got into screaming contest with a panda bear. Vin Diesel once got so angry at a man that he punched him hard enough to cause his ancestors to feel it. This is how Napoleon lost the Battle of Waterloo. Vin Diesel once grinned the bark off a tree because he thought he was looking at a racoon. Vin Diesel once had Parkinsons disease but he shook it off. Vin Diesel once had a bolt-throwing contest against Zeus. It ended in a tie. Vin Diesel once had a cobra that he named "Beverly". He taught it how to fetch and dial a phone. But then one day, it bit the maid. So with tears in his eyes, Vin Diesel had to shoot the maid. Vin Diesel once had a dream wherein he had met his exact double. When he woke up, his pillow was gone. Vin Diesel once had a short-lived love affair with Mother Teresa. She said she left him because she was "tired of all the donkey punches." Vin Diesel once had an adventure with three gay ducks and a time machine. This is now referred to as Kwanzaa. Vin Diesel once had an in depth debate with Oprah Winfrey on the merits of capitalism. He sat and thought about his conclusions for five months on top of Mt. Fuji and as an afterthought he crapped out an exact 1:1 replica of the Eiffel Tower in its present form. Vin Diesel once had cancer, but drank a glass of Sprite and burped it out. Vin Diesel once had cancer, but he coughed out the tumor and then used it to butter his bread. Vin Diesel once had colon cancer, but he farted it out. Vin Diesel once had intercourse with every famous female politician. When Bill Clinton found him having sex with his wife, an epic battle endured. After the two power-houses battled for several years, the dust settled only to find Vin Diesel the victor. Unfortunatly he had to sacrifice his unborn son by making a deal with Alec Baldwin to lend him his power to defeat Bill Clinton. Vin Diesel once had sex with a mermaid. He is still not allowed back in Disneyland. Vin Diesel once had to change a flat tire. He told a group of armadillos to act like a tire. They did. Vin Diesel once had to choose between saving a baby or the baby's mother from a burning house. Since it wouldn't have been fair to choose, he instead cooked a BLT and peppered the sandwich with their ashes. Vin Diesel once had to swim for 40 days because Noah couldn't find two of him. Vin Diesel once held the guinness record for training the fastest camel. It was discredited however, when the camel was found to be, in fact, a Volvo. Vin Diesel once impregnated Aella, the Queen of the Amazons. She had twins, who were seperated at birth and kept secret. One grew up in the Gobi desert and was raised by nomads. The other grew up to be Mr. Clean. To this day they do not know about each other. Vin Diesel once impregnated a mule, regardless of them being impotent. Vin Diesel once impregnated me with a stare, then caused me to give birth to a fully grown baby afterwards just by winking at me, then turned the baby into a fully grown man and gave him superpowers just by shaking my hand. This man is better known as Brian Blessed. Vin Diesel once inhaled a seagull. Vin Diesel once inhaled an ostrich. Vin Diesel once intentionally broke his collarbone into 5000 pieces. He made a new one using magic and used the broken pieces to create the Roman colloseum. When it was destroyed, Vin was furious and killed Caesar. Vin Diesel once invaded Poland, claiming "What's popular isn't always Reich." Vin Diesel once invented a plane with no wings. He put wheels underneath it and called it a train. Vin Diesel once invited Charlie Murphy's crew over to play horseshoes. There were no survivors. Vin Diesel once journeyed through all the lands of the earth in search of the only living wise man with the power to cure cancer. Upon finding this legendary man, Vin Diesel cut out his liver with a bendy straw and consumed his eyes in order that man never be free from torment. Vin Diesel once killed a French astronaut with his bare teeth. Vin Diesel once killed a bear using only his teeth and a pitching wedge. Vin Diesel once killed a man by flexing his biceps in his general direction. Vin Diesel once killed a man over a tuna sandwich. Vin Diesel once killed a rhinoceros by spitting at it repeatedly. Vin Diesel once kissed Lizabeth Scott on the mouth, causing her upper lip to freeze permanently Vin Diesel once left his wallet in El Segundo. Vin Diesel once locked himself in a bathroom for sixteen years, crying. Vin Diesel once lost a fight with a three-year-old girl. Vin Diesel once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by calmly telling it what to do. Vin Diesel once made a hand-tooled leather vest from the hide of a studio executive who displeased him.
Vin Diesel once made a profit of $2,897 when he opened a lemonade stand. In February. Vin Diesel once made love to Marv Albert, then proceeding to dunk him in creamed corn while singing "I'm a Little Teapot". He is unable to remember either why he did this or the act itself. Vin Diesel once met Fabio on the street. Vin burst into laughter, Fabio burst into tears, and every passing car burst into flames. Vin Diesel once nearly signed a contract to costar in a more action- oriented remake of the Golden Girls entitled "Estelle Getty Once Killed A Man, So Watch the Fuck Out, Vin Diesel". Talks fell apart when Bea Arthur wanted more money.
Vin Diesel once owned all of Lebanon, but lost it to his arch rival Bruce Willis in a game of Beer Pong. This is why Beer Pong is sometime incorrectly called Beirut.
Vin Diesel once painted the exterior of a house using only babies. Vin Diesel once partied with the Golden Girls. Before the night was over he urinated on Rue McClanahan, beat up Estelle Getty, fellated Bea Arthur, and shared a pistachio ice cream cone with Betty White. Vin Diesel once peed on a third rail of the New York City subway system and subsequently caused the blackout of 2003. Vin Diesel once performed a miracle by turning water into funk. Vin Diesel once performed a one-man show version of the Mortal Kombat movie. Vin Diesel once performed an emergency appendectomy on Josef Stalin, and as a token of his gratitude, Stalin gave Vin a +30% resistance to cold so they could meet at his Russian beachhouse safely. Vin Diesel once pissed a detailed map of London's underground into the snow.
Vin Diesel once pitched an idea to Blizzard Entertainment's CEO: "Get this, it's like WarCraft, but in space..." Vin Diesel once played a 3rd level gnome fighter named "Sprinkles" who defeated Tiamat through the judicious use of saffron. Vin Diesel once played a prank on Mother Teresa by killing her. Vin Diesel once played an emotional piece on guitar at a Van Halen concert. The crowd wept but only because he was using a small child as a guitar pick. Vin Diesel once played russian roulette with a semi-automatic handgun. He pulled the trigger a full 12 times, but every round turned out to be a blank. When his opponent started to complain, Vin Diesel removed the bullets, and promptly drove each one into the guy's head with his palm. Three days later, the guy floated into the sky, and now we have Easter. Vin Diesel once posessed both mammalian and reptilian features. However, instead of using his abilities for scientific research, he fucked a sheep and a snake at the same time. Vin Diesel once proclaimed "There can only be one!" Vin Diesel once proclaimed himself as being "So hardcore that I don't need to wear a helmet when I use the telephone." Vin Diesel once pulled a knife on Dane Cook, to which Dane exclaimed, "Are you out of your fucking mind?!" Vin Diesel then proceeded to eat the knife, to which Dane replied, "You really are out of your fucking mind!!" Vin Diesel once punched a guy named Samuel K. Jackson in the face so hard, his middle initial changed to L. Vin Diesel once punched a man in the face with such intense force, that the man's face ignited and travelled back in time, setting Rome alight. Odin was pretty pissed, but then Vin Diesel revealed that he was the sprig of mistletoe that killed Baldur, so Odin just piped down and got on with his business. Vin Diesel once punched a man so hard that the man ended up back in time by three days; Vin Diesel then punched <i>himself</i> back in time three days and continued the beating where he had left off. Vin Diesel once punched a man so hard, it killed his entire extended family and close friends. Vin Diesel once punted Alf for sass talking him. Vin Diesel once raced the Honey Nut Cheerio's bee to the edge of the Earth, where there was a bowl of Cheerios waiting. When they got there, Tony the Tiger was already eating them, so Vin skinned him and now he wears Tony as a fur coat. Vin Diesel once ran out of alcohol, and tried drinking gasoline instead. He found it so delicious he singlehandedly caused the gas shortage of 1974. Vin Diesel once raped George W. Bush, but G.W. let him off the hook because hey, he's Vin fucking Diesel. Vin Diesel once re-broadcasted a baseball game without the express written consent of Major League Baseball. Vin Diesel once sabotaged "Mr. Rogers Neighborhood" by hijacking the trolley to Cuba. Vin Diesel once said Beetlejuice three times, ever since Michael Keaton has had no career. Vin Diesel once said that his only regret was not being able to save Lincoln from being assassinated, the reason being because he was boning Lincoln's wife at the time. Vin Diesel once said, "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade, then find someone who's life gave them vodka and have a party." Vin Diesel once sat on a Cactus plant. When asked how it felt he replied "Like the souls of a thousand men all suffered for my indulgence." He then shit out tiny 6 ATVs. Vin Diesel once saved a baby from a burning building, but he realized once he came out that the child wasn't worth it, and threw it back. Vin Diesel once saved a bus load of children from certain peril by watching them burn to certain death. Vin Diesel once saved a busload of orphans from going off a cliff, but only to consume them because he hadn't had breakfast that morning. Vin Diesel once saved a whale's life by giving it mouth-to-mouth resuscitation through its blowhole. Vin Diesel once saved the planet from an intergalactic menace by winning a Street Fighter II tournament. His opponent, a troglodyte the size of Lo hitsand all the colors of the rainbow, went brain-dead after eleven hours of fierce arcade combat. His last words, roughly translated, were: "The control...". Vin Diesel once saw Napoleon Dynamite and merely commented, "I could do everything that kid did but better". Vin Diesel once scaled Mount Everest with his kneecaps, only to reach the top and defeat the Y2K Bug in hand-to-hand combat. Vin Diesel once scaled Mt Everest using only his half-erect penis and a coat hanger. Vin Diesel once set fire to the Keebler Elf tree for turning down his Rusty Nail Chocolate Ripple and Motor Oil Raisin Cookie ideas. Vin Diesel once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. Then he re-animated that man as a zombie, challenged him to a game of horseshoes, and totally kicked his ass. Vin Diesel once shot a man just to watch him die, but then got distracted and missed it. Vin Diesel once shot his load up Michael Jackson's nose. The rest is history. Vin Diesel once slapped Kareem Abdul Jabar in the face. They both cried afterwards. Vin Diesel once sneezed so hard a nearby building exploded. Upon seeing the explosion, Vin Diesel flew around the world counterclockwise fast enough to reverse time. After he had reversed time for 10 minutes, He went back to the building and went inside. He then punched Stalin in the face. Thus, Communism fell. Vin Diesel once sneezed so hard, he put the sun out. Vin Diesel once sodomized himself with Paris Hilton's entire body. Vin Diesel once spent a decade sewn to Bob Dole's nutsack. He nostalgically calls those days his "Golden Years". Vin Diesel once spoke in his home planets language, but J.R.R. Tolkien heard it and made it into the Elvish language known as Quenya. Vin Diesel once sprayed Axe Deodorant Body Spray in his eye to save money on car insurance. Vin Diesel once stared at a goat so intently, that the one standing next to it had a seizure.
Vin Diesel once stared so hard at an orphan, the child melted into a puddle of marmalade. Vin Diesel once stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. He got a full house and eight people died. Vin Diesel once stole an X-Wing fighter jet from Luke Skywalker, flew to Earth, and said to Ashlee Simpson, quote: "STFU, before you make a total ass of yourself and your career is over!" Ashlee ignored Vin and three weeks later was caught lip synching on SNL. Vin Diesel once stood on the peak of Mount Vesuvius and blew out a snot rocket that buried the entire city of Pompeii. Vin Diesel once strapped a baby with dynamite, strapped the baby to the bumper of his car, strapped the car to the front of the space shuttle, then flew the space shuttle through Times Square at 3 times the speed of sound because it was the baby's birthday. Vin Diesel once submitted a fact about himself here, but it was deleted because he spelled his name wrong. Vin Diesel once successfully saved the city of Colleyville, TX from a sworm of killer bees by covering a red convertable in honey and driving it off a bridge. He parachuted to safety and the city now recognizes the last Monday of May as Vin Diesel Day in place of the popular holiday, Memorial Day. Vin Diesel once suffocated a plant. Vin Diesel once talked an Amish housewife into buying a toaster. Vin Diesel once taught a woman to love again by repeatedly punching her in the face. Vin Diesel once thought he was a Highlander, but gave up the theory after numerous beheadings didn't lead to any lightning. He is, however, immortal. Vin Diesel once threw a medicine ball around the world. Vin Diesel once tied a rope to the moon so he could climb up there and prove to everyone in his gym class that they were a bunch of pussies. Vin Diesel once tight-roped across the Pacific Ocean, stopping only once in Guam to liberate it from the Spanish. Vin Diesel once tightrope walked all the way across the Grand Canyon. He used children as rope. Vin Diesel once told a joke that was so funny that God laughed. Vin Diesel once took a dump. That dump is what we now call North Dakota. Vin Diesel once took a holiday in hell because the core of the earth was “too cold.” Vin Diesel once took a shit, lasting for 40 days and 40 nights. Thus, Gérard Depardieu was born. Vin Diesel once took his shirt off while touring Asia, covering all the land with a bright white light and caused all Asians to squint since. Vin Diesel once took over Canada to control the world's syrup industry. Vin Diesel once tossed his hotdog down the Halls of Montezuma and it touched the sides! With GUSTO! Vin Diesel once traded his patent on sliced bread for a Tony Robbins decoder ring. Sauron was really pissed. Vin Diesel once tried to assassinate Frank Gehry by propelling a box of crayons at him. In spite of his marvelous throw, Gehry survived. Vin Diesel once tried to out-beard ZZ Top. The resulting sentient mass of hair was released into the wild and, thus, Bigfoot continues to be spotted throughout the Pacific Northwest. Vin Diesel once tried to shoot himself in the head, but the bullet bounced off of him and hit John F. Kennedy by accident. Vin Diesel once tried to write the word Vin on every pair of Diesel jeans in the world. He was stopped when he was told the story of Don Johnson's untimely death when he tried to write the word Don on every Howard Johnson in North America. Vin Diesel once urinated into a glass pitch and subsequently sold the pitcher for $35 and a pack of Juicy Fruit. The pitcher of urine ultimately became Budweiser Select. Vin Diesel once used Gary Coleman as a hand puppet. Coleman said the experience changed his life and led him to give up smoking. Vin Diesel once used Lite Brite to send the UFOs from "Independence Day" text messages. Vin Diesel once used a 3 year old child as a baseball bat during softball practice. That child was Bjork. Vin Diesel once visited the Grim Reaper and his family at Death's summer home in Albany, NY. He punched out Death's youngest son for looking at him wrong, then stole Death Jr's tricycle to make his getaway. Vin then with the Death's trike, proceeded to win the Indy 500, and several less than memorable NASCAR races. Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors. Vin Diesel once was in a maze that he couldn't get out of, so he flooded the earth to swim out. God was angry so He invented Saved by the Bell: The College Years. Vin Diesel once watched The House of 1000 Corpses, and somehow managed to get those two hours of his life back. Vin Diesel once went skinny dipping in Scotland. The populous caught sight of his semi-erect penis, and thus the legend of the Loch Ness monster was born. Vin Diesel once went to a chili cook-off just so he could rob every single participant of their chili, which he then used to bathe in. Vin Diesel once went to the bathroom in a restaurant in Tangier, Mexico, and emerged three weeks later, dazed and slightly "vibrating" as one witness put it. The following was found scratched into the side of the stall. "The al sirat hides behind a wardrobe of eunuchs. Seconds collide till the padisha scandal. Tribunals installed now that the provoste has been de-frocked. The labefaction is venal. My how these tricks turn themselves. In the wake of the inquisition limbless answers inoculated. Orphia shades wax and lather. I've caught mono bobbing for barbed wire. These nasty sores of ataxia will feel the sting of the opiate copulation." Vin Diesel once wrote a rap song culminating in the rhyming of "Vin Diesel" and "Ellie Wiesel". Vin Diesel once wrote a screenplay called "Super Awesome Explosive Extremely Amazing Ghost Pirate Island Adventure", but was told the title was too long. He shortened it to "Pirates of the Caribbean". Vin Diesel once wrote a song, but knew better than to think anyone would like the idea of stones rolling. Vin Diesel only appreciates James Bond films with Timothy Dalton. Vin Diesel only bruises three things: apples, peaches, and bitches. Vin Diesel only buys products that were tested on animals. Vin Diesel only did the film the "Fast and the Furious" because he thought it was about the fable of Tourtise and the Hare. Vin Diesel only drinks a combination of turpentine and cigarette tar in order to grow hair on his chest. Unfortunately, this method is ineffective for head hair. Vin Diesel only eats Lasagna - Lasagna made of Kenyan children. Vin Diesel only eats Vin Diesel shaped cookies. Vin Diesel only eats in resturants where all the patrons wear top hats. Vin Diesel only feeds once every thousand years, exclusively on the flesh of virgins from the Isle of Crete Vin Diesel only has 11 pairs of ribs. When God saw that Vin Diesel was lonely he removed one of his ribs to make a woman for him to lay with, leaving him with 23 ribs. However, before he could finish she died of exhaustion. God created another woman for Vin Diesel to lay with, with another one of his ribs, leaving him with 11 pairs. She also died of exhaustion. God then painted a picture of a woman on the ground and Vin Diesel lay with her. This is how the moon was born. Vin Diesel only has one bowel movement every thirty years. His most recent stool is the starting shortstop for the New York Yankees. Vin Diesel only has to use training wheels on long bike trips. In fact, Vin diesel had to use training wheels until he was 24. Those training wheels were later found in the vault beneath Ground Zero after the planes hit. They were sold in order to feed seven thousand homeless kittens so the kittens could in turn be used to feed three thousand homeless children. Vin Diesel later ate the children and was quoted as saying "They were tasty." Vin Diesel only plays video games that are compatible with the Nintendo Power Glove. Vin Diesel only says ROFL when he falls out of his chair, rolls on the floor, and laughs. Vin Diesel only sneezes with his eyes open. Vin Diesel only started acting after he got tired of his last job: Banging virgins at the top of Mt. Everest. We now celebrate his retirement annually with what we call Labor Day. Vin Diesel only takes one lick to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. Vin Diesel only wears clothing made from endangered species and lives solely off the meat of baby seals. Vin Diesel originally made the cinematic masterpiece 'The Wizard of Oz' all by himself, playing every single character. But right before it was released the Screen Actors Guild called foul play and it was re-shot starring Judy Garland. Vin later had a brief affair with Toto. Vin broke it off because of Toto's drinking problem. Vin Diesel originally wrote Tom Sawyer as a scathing criticism of southern America but lost his only draft in a game of Jacks (his only weakness) to a then unknown by the name of Samuel Clemens. Vin Diesel originally wrote the "95 Theses" that led to a rift in the Catholic Church. However excommunicating Vin resulted in a rather embarrassing crucifixion incident requiring the promotion of several new cardinals and the election of a new Pope.
Vin Diesel originated the idea of a softserve ice cream machine that was capable of MIXING two different flavors. Contrary to popular belief, the first "twist" cone was not chocolate-and-vanilla, but rather pain-and-glory. Vin Diesel owns 15 out of the world's 18 Faberge Eggs. He describes the other 3 as 'tacky, worthless pieces of plastic crap'. Vin Diesel owns 3 dogs, 2 cats, and Regis Philbin. Vin Diesel owns 34% of Vatican City. Vin Diesel owns 5/16 of the moon. Vin Diesel owns 90% of patents in the USPTO under false names. Vin Diesel owns Happycat and is training it to hunt sad robots. Said Happycat is in fact the very same cat described by Erwin Schrödinger. Vin Diesel owns a Stargate, which he uses to vist Santa, David Hasselhoff, and Ghandi at thier secret base in the center of the sun. Vin Diesel owns a chain of fast food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but pork rinds and Hot Pockets. A giant plastic Vin Diesel head spins around on a pole outside the franchises, shooting fireballs at passerby. Vin Diesel owns a life-size Pez dispenser, but instead of candy, he inserts cinderblocks and uses them as croutons in his salads. Vin Diesel owns a logging company. His only other employee being a blue ox. Vin Diesel owns a piece of the Agro Cragg...a glowing piece of the radical rock. Vin Diesel owns all of the #1 pencils. Vin Diesel owns an impressive collection of point masses, frictionless surfaces, and ideal pulleys. Vin Diesel owns and operates a tumor farm located in Northern Tibet. It's known internationally as McDonalds. Vin Diesel owns and operates every single "Largest Ball of Yarn" tourist trap in the Mid-West. Vin Diesel owns deoderant with a "teen spirit" scent. Vin Diesel owns the dog from Duck Hunt Vin Diesel owns the last living unicorn, who he named Jake in honor of Jake "The Snake" Roberts. Vin Diesel owns the last remaining Tab soda machine in existence. Vin Diesel owns the monument that appears in the opening of every 20th Century Fox film. Vin Diesel owns the other half of the mask from The Phantom of the Opera. Vin Diesel owns the planet Pluto. On said planet, there is a race of people fathered Vin Diesel owns the publishing rights for the King James version of the Bible. Vin Diesel owns the world's largest collection of lawn gnomes, with 1,349,201. This accounts for 64% of the world's lawn gnome population. Vin Diesel owns three Starbucks franchises. Vin Diesel packs his ears and rectum with honey glazed ham nightly. Vin Diesel paints the M's on M&Ms. Vin Diesel paralyzed Patti Mayonaise's father. The next day he took her mothers life. Vin Diesel participates in demolition derbies with rollerskates. Vin Diesel passed up the opportunity to star in 2 Fast 2 Furious because he was exactly 3 Fast 3 Furious to be caught on film. Vin Diesel patented the US Patent Office and receives a 2% royalty on all patents. Vin Diesel patented the use of subtle hints. Vin Diesel pays a homeless man to shovel hundred dollar bills into a furnace for him. Vin Diesel penis is actually the 8th wonder of the world, and to prove it, he destroyed the other 7 with it. Vin Diesel performed and sang the electronic-sounding music for the movie "Electric Dreams". Vin Diesel perpendicular parks. Vin Diesel picks his teeth with a lightsaber. Vin Diesel pimped Xzibit's ride. Vin Diesel placed first in the Monopoly beauty pagent. Vin Diesel planned out Michael Jordan's entire basketball career on a used napkin from Arby's back in 1989. Vin Diesel played Queen Elizabeth I in the film Shakespeare in Love. Judi Dench collected the Best Supporting Actress Oscar on his behalf for said film role, because Vin believed that the awards ceremony was beneath him. He was right too – at the time the 1998 Oscars ceremony took place he was streaking through the skies of Los Angeles propelled by a never-ending supply of methane, collecting clouds to fill the bung-topped jar he keeps on his bedroom windowsill for that very purpose. Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won. Vin Diesel played The Creeper in "Jeepers Creepers". He refused to play the role in "Jeepers Creepers 2" because they wanted him to wear a costume. Vin Diesel played hockey in high school but opposing teams made him strip down to his undies as an handicap. He still won most of the games until his momma figured what he really did every thursday evening. Vin Diesel played the Saint Bernard in "Beethoven." Vin Diesel played the dead parrot in the original Monty Python sketch. Vin Diesel played the faceless child abuser "The King" in the movie “Radioflyer.” Vin Diesel played the phone booth in the movie of the same name. Vin Diesel played the shark in Jaws 2. He won the part after killing the original Jaws with mind bullets. Vin Diesel played the snake in "Anaconda". Vin Diesel plays "The King" in Burger King's Wake Up With The King TV commercials. He is paid in Angus beef. Vin Diesel plays World of Warcraft, and his character name is Leeroy Jenkins. Vin Diesel plays hacky sack with a grenade. Vin Diesel plays the didgeridoo better than any other instrument. Vin Diesel pokes badgers with spoons. Vin Diesel polishes his teeth by mouth washing with Drain-O. Vin Diesel pooped. Out came Saddam Hussein. Vin Diesel possesses Excalibur. Vin Diesel possesses the only copy of Duke Nukem Forever. Vin Diesel poured liquid nitrogen into raw sewage to create "Vin Diesel's Chocolate Ice Cream Extravaganza". Vin Diesel pours Bicardi 151 and 2% milk on his Cheerios. Vin Diesel predicted the holocaust but did absolutely nothing about it. Vin Diesel prefers 56k. Vin Diesel prefers the XBox over the PS2, but only because it can render boobies that bounce better. Vin Diesel preffered VHS to Betamax. The rest, as they say, is history. Vin Diesel prints and sells shirts that say, "I fellated Vin Diesel and all I got was this lousy shirt and a mouth full of radioactive semen." Vin Diesel prints out two copies of everything so he can throw one of them away. Vin Diesel produces his own weight in semen every day. And by "produces" I mean consumes. And by "semen" I mean children. Vin Diesel pronounces "Milk" as "Malk". Which is why he has complete disgust in transgendered individuals. Vin Diesel proposed to Queen Titania with an onion ring after pushing Oberon into a pit of Steven Seagals. Vin Diesel prosecuted the Nuremburg Trials entirely on his own. He personally executed every Nazi that was found guilty by the tribunal. He ate the rest. Vin Diesel proved the Chaos Theory by kicking a mathematician in the balls with a steel-toed boot. Vin Diesel provided the voice acting for both Sven from "Voltron" and Ninjizz from "Bots Master". Vin Diesel provides the bass at rap concerts. Vin Diesel provides the voice for every character in The Simpsons. Vin Diesel pulled the sword out of the stone but gave it to some kid named Arthur as a bribe to stop playing the repeating game... Vin Diesel pulled the sword out of the stone but gave it to some kid named Arthur as a bribe to stop playing the repeating game... Vin Diesel pulled the sword out of the stone but gave it to some kid named Arthur as a bribe to stop playing the repeating game... Vin Diesel punched a shark in the face. After this, he taught the shark to scowl and named it Dick Cheney. Vin Diesel punished Helen Keller with blindness and deafness because she had silently judged him. He felt somewhat guilty later, and gave her the ability to compose great aphorisms that encourage people all over the world. Vin Diesel is Anne Sullivan. Vin Diesel punk'd Ashton. Vin Diesel pursued Lu Bu. Vin Diesel pushes the next tissue up in the box. Vin Diesel put out the 1871 Chicago Fire with a 64 oz bottle of mustard from Smart and Final. Vin Diesel put the "d" in the middle of "Wednesday". Vin Diesel put the "p" in raspberry, just to prove that he could. Vin Diesel put the Bop in the Bop-Shoo-Bop-Shoo-Bop. The origins of the Bang in the Walla-Walla-Bing-Bang, however, are still a mystery. Vin Diesel put the X in Mac OS X. Vin Diesel put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp. He however did not put the ram in the rama lama ding dong. Vin Diesel put the bop in the bop shoo bop shoo bop. It was a grueling process that involved several eldritch rites, the sacrifice of nine six-fingered albinos, and a quarter cup of fat free peanut butter. Vin Diesel put the crack in the Liberty Bell when fighting Evil Robot George Washington. Vin Diesel puts Gold Bond powder in his coffee. Vin Diesel puts his pants on two legs at a time. Vin Diesel puts his pants on two legs at a time. Standing up. Vin Diesel puts the "two scoops of raisins" in each box of Raisin Bran. Vin Diesel puts the lime in the coconut. Vin Diesel ran the Boston Marathon in high heels and won.
Vin Diesel re-wets his contacts with Bacardi 151. Vin Diesel reaches terminal velocity at 30 miles per hour upon falling, thus ensuring his survival from any height. Vin Diesel reads FARK every day, without joy. Vin Diesel reads Japanese vomit-fetish manga purely for their artistic merit, in a totally non-sexual context Vin Diesel really has taken someone's eye out with that. Vin Diesel received his name when his mother asked the German Dr. Strangelove what substance she should immerse her son in to give him the might of Achilles. Vin Diesel receives no sustenance from food nor water, but is instead kept alive by his own smug sense of self-satisfaction. Vin Diesel recently abducted a High School student vacationing in Aruba. Vin Diesel recently added 'moose' to his "Animals That Tried to Fight Me and Lost" list. Vin Diesel recently discovered an island chain that rose as a result of the tsunami, he's tentatively named it "Vindonesia".
Vin Diesel recently has begun plans for a new fossil fuel mining operation. He and his team of advertising agents came up with a range of titles for the operation such as 'Triple Exxxon' and 'Fast and the Fuellious', but Vin Diesel settled in the end with 'Vin Diesel'. Vin Diesel recently opened an award-winning 5 star resturant that serves nothing but microwave dinners which have been reheated with his scrotum. Vin Diesel recently won the Chuck Norris International Martial Art Tournament by having sex with one of the judges, Paula Abdul. Vin Diesel recieves mail on Sundays. Vin Diesel recorded an album with Snoop Dogg, in which he called himself "Vin Dizzle". Vin Diesel records alternate audio-commentaries for every DVD he watches; they will all be released to the public on The Day of Reckoning Vin Diesel records critically acclaimed Black Metal albums under the pseudonym "Vintersorg" which roughly translates into English as "Winter Sorrow." He also sings for the Norwegian all star metal band Borknagar under this name. Vin Diesel refuses that fact that Yoda is not made out of green apple cotton candy. Vin Diesel refuses to answer the phone before the second ring. He doesn't want to come off as desperate. Vin Diesel refuses to drive any vehicle with that gets more than 8 miles per gallon. Vin Diesel refuses to eat butter substitute because "he can't belive it". Vin Diesel regularly beats up the entire population of France. Vin Diesel regularly eats entire tubes of toothpaste because he likes flouride THAT much. Vin Diesel regularly had unprotected sex with Magic Johnson and Freddie Mercury just to prove he's immune to the AIDS virus. Obviously, he was. Freddie Mercury died and Magic Johnson's talk show was a miserable failure, and Vin is as successful as ever. Vin Diesel regularly messes with Texas. Vin Diesel regularly outruns the 8:15 pm train from Sacramento to Los Angeles whilst juggling three dumpsters. Vin Diesel regularly visits Africa, to have his penis cut off; since it grows with every glass of water he drinks. Vin Diesel regularly washes down his Pop Rocks with Coke. Vin Diesel regulary attends ballet, but 'only for the fashion.' Vin Diesel reinflates flat tires with his mouth. Vin Diesel rejected Facebook friend requests from Ghandi, Confucius and Jesus. He said those just weren't the type of people he wanted to be associated with. Vin Diesel rejoins seperated siamese twins with his bare hands for his own ammusement. Vin Diesel remembers the Alamo, but refuses to remember the Maine. Vin Diesel removed the sword from the stone, then gave it to his friend Arthur. Through this, they formed a pact with the leprechauns, who upheld their end of the bargain by producing dry cereals and opening pubs across America. Vin Diesel removed the word victory from the French language after conquering France in 6 hours using only a salad fork. During the campaign, all French deodorant manufacturing plants were destroyed. Vin Diesel reproduces asexually. In what manner he does this is still one of the most fiercely debated topics in modern science. Vin Diesel requires an extensive barnacle scraping every 18 months or 50,000 nautical miles, whichever comes first. Vin Diesel resolved the Great Depression, invented vaccines and the internet, yet history will only remember him as "that guy from that xXx movie". He has since bitch-slapped history in public, many times. Vin Diesel revolutionized gynecology when he invented the speculum and wrote a series of papers laying down techniques and rules of conduct for the modern gynecologist. Vin Diesel rinses his contact lenses in the juices of habanero peppers. Vin Diesel ripped out of all Charlie Brown's hair but left a single strand to remind him one day he'd come back to eat him. Vin Diesel rips the tag out of his mattress promptly upon each purchase. Vin Diesel routed packets on the early ARPANET by hand. Vin Diesel routinely sends nail bombs to the head of the Food and Drug Administration. No one is sure why. Vin Diesel routinely throws glass houses at rocks. Vin Diesel runs a small specialty video store in Detroit dealing in Korean drama imports Vin Diesel runs with scissors. Vin Diesel runs with scissors. Vin Diesel sacked Troy with his scrotum. Vin Diesel sacrificed his left eye to fate, and hung himself on the World Tree for seven days to gain the sum of human knowledge, which he later traded to Crayola for the world's supply of burnt-sienna crayons. You can still see his eye when you look to the night sky; men call it Jupiter. Vin Diesel said the Spanish language would have the letter "ch" and "ll" because he liked to say them. Vin Diesel sank the Bismarck by doing that feigned slap thing the Fonz did. Vin Diesel saved an orphanage in Paris, Washington. Paris, Washington is not a real location. Vin Diesel saw and conquered, but hasn't come yet. Vin Diesel saw the sign, but he found it to be less of an eye-opener than the chick from Ace of Base. Vin Diesel says, "It's only domestic violence if you hit her at home." Vin Diesel scaled Mt. Kilimanjaro by his teeth in a fortnight, reportedly bringing only some tofurky and the tanned hide of Spice Girl Geri Halliwell with him for the journey. Vin Diesel scores 301 points when he goes bowling. Vin Diesel scratches nails on a chalkboard to wake God up every morning. Vin Diesel scrubs his balls with steel wool and Conan O'Brian. Vin Diesel sculpted the Liberty Bell with his bare hands and deliberately cracked it to symbolize the fracturing of his soul. Vin Diesel sculpted the entire Terracotta Army in China. In a day. With his penis. Vin Diesel secretes gasoline from his pores and napalm from his nose. He once sneezed and obliterated an entire Vietnamese village. Vin Diesel secretly loves all purple things and has turned his bedroom into a gigantic silken tent. Vin Diesel secretly recites poems to the Guatemalan children every thursday Vin Diesel sells real estate in Shanghai, China. Vin Diesel set up us the bomb! Vin Diesel set up us the bomb. Vin Diesel set us up the bomb. Vin Diesel shares his bed with 12 puppies whom he has trained to lick his face when he needs to wake up in the morning, in place of an alarm clock. Vin Diesel shaved off Plato's eyebrows as a prank. Vin Diesel shaves his face with a vegetable peeler. Vin Diesel shaves his head with a belt sander. Vin Diesel shaves with Cool Whip and a steak knife. Vin Diesel shaves with a chainsaw. Vin Diesel shaves with a katana. Vin Diesel shaves with his eyes closed. Vin Diesel shaves without shaving cream, showers without soap, brushes without toothpaste, and has anal sex without lubrication. Vin Diesel sheds his skin every 40 or so days as a defense mechanism. Vin Diesel sheds his skin every full moon and then mails the husk to Jamie Kennedy, for reasons still unknown. Vin Diesel sheds his skin much like a snake during the winter months and uses the excess skin to power his robot, Sparks.
Vin Diesel shot Bambi's mother. Vin Diesel shot J.R. Vin Diesel shot Old Yeller. Vin Diesel shot Peter Parker's uncle. Vin Diesel shot the Sheriff, but he swears it was in self defense. Vin Diesel shot the sheriff, but he did not shoot the deputy; he ate him alive instead. Vin Diesel showed Mario how to jump on the shell at the end of the first level. Vin Diesel showers in heavy water on Mondays and Wednesdays, liquefied comic strips from the 50's on Tuesdays and mercury on Thursday through Saturday. He just uses this body toothpaste on Sundays. Vin Diesel shows no mercy while playing dodgeball. Vin Diesel signed the Treaty of Versailles in 1919 as a joke to punish the Germans because during the mid-1800's Otto von Bismarck told him he was out of shape. Hitler later called him a giant douche, so he shot him in the face. Vin Diesel single handedly brought Taco Bell back to glory by suggesting they make soft tacos the way he does, with 100% ground beef, refried beans, and garnished with the eyes and testicles of his enemies. Vin Diesel single handedly built the pyramids entirely out of strategicly performed pop n' lock dance moves and alien fecal material. Vin Diesel single handedly built the pyramids. He isn't vain, so he let the egyptians take the credit. Vin Diesel single handedly disemboweld the grinch for being a sack of shit and failing to steal christmas. Vin Diesel single-handedly accounts for over half of all the processing power the SETI@home project accumulates. He does all this without a computer, instead using the Casio VL-Tone keyboard to do all the computations manually. Vin Diesel single-handedly broadcasts much of Central America's television from his mind. Vin Diesel single-handedly caused the hyper-inflation of Weimar Germany during the interwar years by intercepting most incoming foreign capital from his hidden Bavarian redoubt to support his penchant for swimming in enormous vats of cold, hard cash. Vin Diesel single-handedly consumed every member of the Donner Party. Vin Diesel single-handedly cured Lance Armstrong of cance. He was especially proud of his work with the testicles. Vin Diesel single-handedly proved that Paul McCartney is, in fact, not dead. He did, however, kill anyone who believed or made mention of the rumour. Vin Diesel single-handedly saved everyone on the Titanic. As it happened in the real story, the Titanic hit the iceberg but only to determine the beginning of a new life full of hope for everybody!! Vin Diesel single-handedly started the industrial revolution. Vin Diesel single-handedly stopped slavery because he knew one day he would want to hear "Back that ass up" by Juvenile.
Vin Diesel singlehandedly built the Pyramids at Giza, the temples of Chichen Itza, and the complex of Angkor Wat in 5 days using only an ice-pick and sandpaper. Vin Diesel singlehandedly sank the continent of Atlantis, when their version of the Broadway production "Rent" did not prove to his liking. Vin Diesel singly handidly re-aligns the sun depending on which country he is in so that he can always order from the breakfast menu at McDonalds. Vin Diesel sings like a sparrow. Vin Diesel sits in on all Pentagon war planning sessions, even though all he does is scream and toss hot coffee at everyone present. Vin Diesel sits on erupting volcanos to remove hemmeroids. Vin Diesel skydives into active volcanoes. Vin Diesel sleeps on a bed of live hornets. Every single hornet is named "Pablo". Vin Diesel sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off. Vin Diesel slept at a Holiday Inn Express last night. Vin Diesel slept with Dolly Parton, but couldn't find the right hole. Turns out that she was a man. Vin Diesel slipped easily passed the yeti on his first attempt, and on every attempt thereafter he actually tracked the yetti and ate it. Vin Diesel slipped on a banana peel and landed on his head, knocking himself out. When he awoke, he had come up with an idea for a more efficient flux capacitor. Vin Diesel sneezes in reverse. Vin Diesel solely created the NAACP & the KKK, he uses them for amusement purposes. Vin Diesel solo'ed the beaches of Normandy on June 6, 1944. In his triumph they dubbed it D-Day. Vin Diesel solved Fermat's Last Theorem with just a slide rule, but will not show the proof to anyone unless they beat him at a thumb wrestle. Tony Danza was the only man to ever beat Diesel and get the information. Vin Diesel solved the Da Vinci Code before it was even a book. Vin Diesel sometimes accuses acorns of being lazy. Vin Diesel sounds pretty gay on the Chronicles of Riddick Special Features, but he is secure in his sexuality, so he doesn't care. Vin Diesel spawned Hulk Hogan from his head. Vin Diesel speaks fluent Korean and lulls North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il to sleep every fortnight. Vin Diesel speaks in THX certified sound. Vin Diesel spelled backward and upside down is the actual name of God. If uttered aloud, it would undo the very fabric of reality. Vin Diesel spelled backwards is Vin Diesel. If you get Leseid Niv, you did it wrong. Vin Diesel spells his name "/in Deez-ill". It looks cool to him. Don't tell him that it doesn't. Vin Diesel spelt backwards is "Awesome" Vin Diesel spends his days going aroud from synagogue to synagogue collecting foreskins of all the circumsized Jewish boys. He keeps them in an old coffee tin in his garage. Vin Diesel spends more money each year on tooth whitening and razor blades than North Korea spends on education. Vin Diesel spends most of his time standing at the top of his own Column in Trafalgar square scaring off pigeons. Vin Diesel spent a good three years after college as Ving Rhames' penis. Vin Diesel spins records under the monicker DJ Scooby Snax. Vin Diesel split the atom with a chainsaw. Vin Diesel squeezes his own orange juice by hand. Vin Diesel starred as The Rock in "Vin Diesel 2: The Rock", by the makers of "The Rock's Story: Vin Diesel". Vin Diesel starred with Hitler in a 1940 propaganda video designed to brainwash children in Madagascar. Two basketball players uncovered the long-lost tape in the 70s and published it under a new genre of music, rap. Vin Diesel started terrorizing GM headquarters weekly until they introduced the H-7859, a Hummer roughly the size of Neptune. Vin Diesel started the NHL lockout. He will only allow play to resume when Todd Bertuzzi admits that Vin Diesel is the toughest man in Vancouver, disregarding the fact that Vin has never stepped foot into British Columbia. Vin Diesel started the fire, and he keeps it burning but the earth keeps turning because of gravity. Vin Diesel stays crunchy in milk for up to 72 hours. Then he explodes. Vin Diesel stepped on a crack and subsequently broke his mother's back. With a sofa. Vin Diesel still giggles at idea of the totality of the jejune circular relationship of form in pre-Nietzchean society. Vin Diesel still plays with game gears. Vin Diesel still pronounces spaghetti 'pasghetti'. Vin Diesel still uses the Pony Express. Vin Diesel stole Christmas and blamed it on the Grinch. Vin Diesel stole Michael Jackson's black. Vin Diesel stole Stella's Groove. He gave it back for the good of mankind. Vin Diesel stole my frog. Him name is Hopkin Green Frog. Vin Diesel stole my lunch money. Vin Diesel stole the bike from that dude in the Viridian Room. Vin Diesel stole the cookie from the cookie jar. Vin Diesel stole the tennis balls that were supposed to go to the Pringles factory and replaced them with potatoes. Vin Diesel studied Karate, Monkey-style Kung Fu, Capoiera, and Kage Bunshin no Jutsu. He then refined all these techniques into the graceful but deadly art we know as American Sign Language. Vin Diesel studied under both Jack Bauer and MacGuyver. Vin Diesel stutters the word "frog" in normal speech, but he can sing it just fine. Vin Diesel submitted all the best facts to this site. Vin Diesel suggested Paris Hilton release a badly-filmed porn tape in order to raise her image. Vin Diesel suggested to Beethoven to have a chorus in his 9th symphony. Vin Diesel sunk the Titanic in hopes of making the movie end sooner. Vin Diesel supports stem cell research, but only as a byproduct of his support for killing babies.
Vin Diesel swallowed the Lindbergh baby whole in order to win a five dollar bar bet from Herbert Hoover and Babe Ruth. Vin Diesel sweats Gatorade just like the commercials. Vin Diesel sweats Tang. Vin Diesel takes medicine balls for his headaches. Vin Diesel takes the phrase "Breakfast of Champions" literally. He once ate Tiger Woods, Wayne Gretzky, and Russel Crowe in one meal. Vin Diesel talks smooth like Lando Calrissian. Vin Diesel tastes like chicken, reported Michael Moore after getting a small bite from Vin's left forearm. Moore gained 120 pounds in the following days, but he remembers those days as the greatest days in his life. Vin Diesel taught Alanis Morissette the meaning of irony by making her eat Dave Coulier. Vin Diesel taught Bruce Lee Jeet Kune Do, and let him say he invented it in return for a bag of teriyaki flavored ramen noodles. Vin Diesel taught David Blaine how to levitate, however Vin never taught Dave his ultimate trick, swallowing a baby without chewing. Vin Diesel taught Godzilla everything he knows. Vin Diesel taught Gordon Bombay everything he knows about ice hockey. Vin Diesel taught Hellen Keller how to speak Dutch. Vin Diesel taught Jesus how to walk on water after Jesus beat him in an eight hour Greco-Roman wrestling match. Vin Diesel taught Jesus the bread and wine tricks. Vin Diesel taught Ken Jennings everything he knows, then banged his wife. Vin Diesel taught Michael Jackson how to be an entertainer, including music production, choreography, and how to love children without being prosecuted. Vin Diesel taught Mola Ram how to rip a still beating heart out of a man's chest and have it burst into flames. He could have showed him how to put the heart back into the body but Vin believes in tough love. Vin Diesel taught Pai Mei the five point palm exploding heart technique. Vin Diesel taught Ric Flair the Figure Four Leg-lock. Vin Diesel taught Ted Kennedy how to drive. Vin Diesel taught Yoda everything he knows. Except his poor grammar. Vin Diesel taught Yoda the ways of the force. Vin Diesel taught the Fonz how to do that feigned slap thing. Vin Diesel taught the Kool-Aid Man how to burst through walls. Vin Diesel taught the girl in The Exorcist how to rotate her head 360 degrees. Vin Diesel teaches classes in swashbuckling. The introductory course is jumping off things, and then laughing. Vin Diesel thinks in Morse code. Vin Diesel thinks in binary coded decimal. This explains his intimate relationship with all Sesame Street characters. Vin Diesel thinks in braille. Vin Diesel thinks in haiku. Vin Diesel thinks in italics. Vin Diesel thinks that Diet Dr. Pepper tastes more like kerosene. Vin Diesel thinks that Mr. Pibb is a bullshit knockoff of Dr. Pepper; dude didn't even get his degree. Vin Diesel thinks the time signature to "The Dance Of Eternity" by Dream Theater is too simplistic. Vin Diesel thinks there are too many references to ninjas on this site. Vin always has been and always will be the only one who possesses real ultimate power.
Vin Diesel thought the "yellow fever" was China. Vin Diesel threw a no-hitter in Game 4 of the 1957 World Series. Vin Diesel told Admiral Ackbar about the "Trap". Vin Diesel told Leeroy to, "Just go on in." Vin Diesel took Mother Theresa's virginity. Vin Diesel took a shot at Pope John Paul II. Vin Diesel took the Febreeze challenge, but the cops still found the dead babies. Vin Diesel tortured everyone at the Geneva Convention until they signed the agreement. Vin Diesel touches himself at night. Vin Diesel touches my tra la la. Vin Diesel tought David Blaine everything he knows. Vin Diesel traded vocal cords with James Earl Jones in 1995. The American public has yet to catch on. Vin Diesel translated the both the bible and the koran from its original text but swapped the endings "as a laugh". Vin Diesel traveled back in time to 10th century Iceland with a stack of Jack Chick comics. Under the name of Thangbrand he converted all icelanders to christianity. Vin Diesel tried out for the part of Frodo in the Lord of the Rings movie but was told he was too tall for the part. So he tried out for another part and got the part of the Balrog of Moria. Vin Diesel tried out to be a member of the Backstreet Boys. When it was discovered that his voice was tantamount to that of Lucifer Morningstar, God's chosen musician, Lucifer was banished to hell while Vin Diesel was given his next task: To star in The Pacifier. Vin Diesel tried promoting a new system of measurements to replace both the metric and empirical systems. Unfortunately, converting miles to the length of his penis was too difficult even for NASA computers. Vin Diesel tried to start a business where he would recharge batteries simply by gripping them in his hands. Vin Diesel trimmed Abraham Lincoln's beard biweekly. Vin Diesel trims his dog's hair with an assault rifle. Vin Diesel trims his pubic hair daily; not for the act's cosmetic advantages, but because the sheer mass of his unkempt bush would plunge earth and its celestial neighbors into an alternate dimension where it was in fact Mr. Diesel himself (and not your uncle) who molested you in the back of that van in the summer of '94. Vin Diesel understands 42. Vin Diesel understands the New York Times' effect on man. Vin Diesel urinates 1999 Chilean Merlot. Vin Diesel urinates honey. Vin Diesel use time travel to go back in time and led the Huns to victory against Mulan and her lesbian lover Margaret Thatcher. Vin Diesel used Stonehenge to support the top of his coffee table. Vin Diesel used the Shroud of Turin as a tissue. Vin Diesel used to be on the Pro Bowlers Tour, he was later kicked off for bowling a 400 game. Vin Diesel used to be the top ranked dodgeball player, until he got disqualified for knocking the arms off of the Venus de Milo with his patented "Granny Killer" technique. Vin Diesel used to have superpowers, but he bet them all on The Eagles. Vin Diesel used to say, “The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee,” before killing someone because he thought it was some cold-blooded shit. But then he realized it was just wasted time that he could be spending eating Subway sandwiches or deflowering virgins. Vin Diesel uses all 2 gigabytes of his Gmail space. Vin Diesel uses diamond studded condoms. He uses them with no regard for his partners pain, but after sex, offers them radiator coolant, for use as local anesthetic. Vin Diesel uses his powers for good *and* for awesome. Vin Diesel uses midgets as currency, skyscrapers as toothpicks, and wipes his ass with any logs, stones, or Jews that are in the area at the time. Vin Diesel uses moose scented deodorant to attract "horny" women. Vin Diesel uses the Ark of the Covenant to store his D&D dice. Vin Diesel uses the Death Star as a soccer ball. Vin Diesel uses the Holy Grail as a chamberpot. Vin Diesel uses the hand of god to masturbate. Vin Diesel uses the maternity wing as an all you can eat brunch. Vin Diesel uses the underdeveloped spleens of children from Third World countries as deoderant. Vin Diesel uses wasp killer as deodorant. Vin Diesel volunteered his nose as shelter for the victims of Hurricane Katrina. Vin Diesel vomits Nutella and pees Irn Bru, making his bodily waste the most delicious for miles around. Vin Diesel voted for Pedro. Vin Diesel walked the entire length of the Oregon Trail three times over the course of two months in 1877. He only had to stop to hunt once even though he had dysentary three times. His personal jounal from the trip was the artistic inspiration of every single speech ever given by John F. Kennedy and all of the songs of Hootie and the Blowfish (including the song Hootie sings in that Burger King commercial). Vin Diesel wanted a nipple ring but his skin was unable to be penetrated by the tattooist's needle. Vin Diesel was Gepetto's side project. He was granted his humanity by a lonely fairy, who, after a breathtaking night with Vin's wooden member, was more than happy to grant Vin his wish.
Vin Diesel was Mel Gibson's choice to play Jesus in The Passion of the Christ, but Vin declined the role, stating, "Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ didn't act like that." Vin Diesel was Shakespeare in his former life, but he got kicked out of life when he raped Elizabeth I and ate her only heir. Vin Diesel was Shakespeare's inspiration for both Romeo and Juliet, and he acted both parts during the first ten years of the play's London productions. He had to stop, however, when Queen Elizabeth died and appointed him as her successor. Vin Diesel was a POW in Vietnam. He was rescued by Chuck Norris. Norris taught him karate. Vin Diesel was a crucial element in the Treaty of Aix-la-Chapelle. Vin Diesel was a good friend of William Shakespeare, but they fell out when Shakespeare insisted on using iambic pentameter for damn near everything. Vin Diesel was a poor migrant worker,
Vin Diesel was able to defeat the entire Swiss Army despite their incredibly awesome knifes. Vin Diesel was able to sit in the Siege Perilous, seeing the Holy Grail invisible to all but him. Lancelot was pissed. Vin Diesel was able to watch all of Contact. Vin Diesel was about to destroy all of N*Sync, but stopped because he doesn't hurt women. Vin Diesel was actually 'Born with it' and has been quoted as saying, "Fuck Maybelline." Vin Diesel was actually the first person to discover the island of Cuba, though he intended it to be a “kick ass waterpark.” Vin Diesel was actually the first to discover America but didn't want to take credit for discovering a country where slavery was the main institution. Vin Diesel was all of the greatest composers in history. Beethoven, Mozart, Bach, Wagner, Tchaikovsky, and Strauss? All Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel was almost molested by Michael Jackson. Vin hit him so hard it turned him white. Vin Diesel was an old, old, wooden ship used during the civil war era. Vin Diesel was asked to be on Celebrity Poker Showdown, but he declined since his telepathic abilities would surely lead to allegations of cheating. Vin Diesel was asked to star in the upcoming movie adaptation of "Doom." He declined however, because the script brought back bad childhood memories of when he killed 700 space marines on Mars. Vin Diesel was at one time the janitor at the Garden of Eden, and he brought the Serpent in as an ecological alternative to pesticides. Vin Diesel was banned from eBay for trying to sell his jar of preserved ears of fallen foes. Vin Diesel was banned from the MTV video awards after being caught donkey punching Mother Goose in the Green Room. Vin Diesel was behind Franz Ferdinand's assassination in June 1914, thus starting Wolrd War 1. He claims it on "having a shitty morning". Vin Diesel was black, until he had to change colour to qualify for a country club membership in Virginia. Vin Diesel was born and fathered by himself. Vin Diesel was born at age 23. Vin Diesel was born at ground zero of the Trinity site, where the world's first atomic bomb was detonated. Upon his birth, he was quoted as saying "I am become death, destroyer of worlds." Vin Diesel was born during the 13th minute of the thirteenth hour of the thirteenth day of the thirteenth month in 13 BC. Vin Diesel was born fully grown. His mother was Gilda Radner. Vin Diesel was born when Michelangelo’s statue, David, cracked open. Vin Diesel was born with a birthmark shaped like the Law of Cosines on his forehead. Vin Diesel was born with a shotgun in one hand and his mom's still-beating heart in the other. When asked about it, he said "I got hungry" Vin Diesel was born with a vestigial tail, which was removed and became 'The Artist Formerly Known as Prince'. Vin Diesel was buried alive for 8 years. He used this time to edit Little Woman for Jane Austin. Vin Diesel was chosen by counsel of Elrond to take the Ring of power to the crack of Mount Doom. Vin Diesel was circumcised at birth. His foreskin is now a professional golfer that goes by the name Tiger Woods. Vin Diesel was circumsized for the sole reason of using his detached foreskin as tarp for rain delays at Ebbett's Field. Vin Diesel was conceived by a passing comet and carried in the womb for sixty seven years. He was born with genius level frozen waffle preparation skills and the ability to speak almost any language. Vin Diesel was concentrated so hard, that it caused Tootie from "The Facts of Life" to spontaneously combust. Vin Diesel was constructed out of seventeen cordless electrical drills, fourteen miles of silver duct tape and a dead rabbit. Vin Diesel was created by advanced humans from our distant future and sent back to ensure Karl Rove & Hillary Clinton never procreate. (Have a child for you retards.)
Vin Diesel was created by/ the head researcher for the Manhattan project. Vin Diesel was created in 1978 when Frank Sinatra and Marlon Brando were electrically fused together during a freak accident in a sauna. Vin Diesel was created using sperm from Liberace, Rob Halford, and all Three Stooges. Vin Diesel was devastated when he didn't get the role of Johnny 5 in Short Circuit 2. He reacted by killing 100,000 Chinamen. Vin Diesel was diagnosed with male pattern baldness at age 10. Vin Diesel was disqualified from the 1994 Olympic Shotput Championship for reversing the polarity of Earth. Vin Diesel was filmed before a live studio audience. Vin Diesel was first to discover America when he decided to take a swim after a wild night in a British pub. Vin Diesel was formally the sheriff of Jefferson, Texas, editor of the local newspaper and in the process of running for mayor. However, he dropped out of the running and fled the state after being accused of urinating in the town well. Vin Diesel was grown in a lab from DNA samples of all four members of ABBA. Vin Diesel was heavily into analogous at one time, but gave it up after finding there was too much brown nosing in the scene Vin Diesel was in India one day 2500 years ago and found some guy meditating under his favorite tree. Vin explained the nature of reality, karma and reincarnation to the man, who gained total enlightenment as a result. Then Vin said "Now get the Fuck away from my tree." Vin Diesel was in fact responsible for the American public referring to Football as Soccer. Vin Diesel was in the inspiration for the popular Peanuts character "Linus". But instead of a blanket, Vin carries around a sack filled with dead babies and lolipops. Vin Diesel was in the kitchen with Dina. Vin Diesel was inmate number 24600 during the French Revolution. Vin Diesel was inside of Al Capone's vault. Vin Diesel was inspired to act by John Travolta's performance in "Battlefield Earth". Vin Diesel was known to the ancient Minoan civilization as the honored consort of their holy Snake Goddess. Vin Diesel was listening to the Shins before Zach Braff ever heard of them.
Vin Diesel was misquoted when he actually said, "Early to bed, early to rise up and start killing fat people." Vin Diesel was named "Most likely to be raped by a pod of sea-dwelling capybaras whilst scuba diving off the coast of Antigua" in his high school yearbook. He has since learnt to breathe underwater in an attempt to avoid the prophecy. Vin Diesel was never actually born. After eight months of gestation, he carved his way out of his mother's womb with a rusty knife. Vin Diesel was not born. He sprang from Zeus's forehead a fully formed badass. Vin Diesel was not only the 7th, but also the 12th, 13th, 22nd and 31st king of Siam.
Vin Diesel was offered one million dollars to read to children at an inner city school in Detroit, Michigan, but was paid just $500,000 after it was reported that he merely chanted his name 3,631 times. Vin Diesel was offered the position of Pope after the unfortunate death of Pope John Paul II. However, Diesel declined the offer in fears that he might overshadow God. Vin Diesel was offered the role of Obi-Wan Kenobi in Star Wars Episode I. He turned it down upon reading the script and finding that at no point did Obi-Wan put his fist through Jar-Jar's head. Vin Diesel was offered the role of Robocop. He turned it down, saying the he doesn't obey any authority. Vin Diesel was offered twenty-five million dollars to provide an audio commentary for the third season of "The Golden Girls" DVD. He refused, saying he was busy doing the same for the first season of "Desparate Housewives". Vin Diesel was on Schindler's List. Vin Diesel was on pace to win the 1994 World Series, but the lockout stopped him. He played every position, and was the only batter on his team, The Dieselin' Dashers. MLB allowed this because he hit only homeruns, and there was no need for another batter. His bat was hand crafted by Apollo, made from the skulls of Samurai who committed seppeku out of HONOR in being the bat Vin Diesel would use. He used the tears of sea-nymphs infused with the blood of Dracula for pine tar. Vin Diesel was on the plane with Amelia Earhart. Vin Diesel was once a member of the Justice League, but was kicked out after eating more hot dogs then Superman. Vin Diesel was once a member of the highest level of monks before monks even existed. During his spiritual rituals, a curse was put on him by a six headed demon, each head being a cast member of the television show Friends. This curse made Vin Diesel an immortal, forcing him to do battle for thousands of years. He can only be killed by having his head removed in the heat of battle. Vin Diesel was once an ebonics translator for the United Nations. Vin Diesel was once arrested and sent to prison. The next day, the prison was gone, and a note left at the scene read 'Nice jail, suckers!' Vin Diesel was once asked by the Walt Disney Corporation to create a new character to replace Mickey Mouse. They ended up not using the character because it only spoke Sanskrit. Vin Diesel was once asked if he believed in the idea of reincarnation. His response was simply "I used to be a plate of pancakes." Vin Diesel was once attacked by thousands of ninjas seeking to pry the answer as to why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch from his head. Vin Diesel murdered them all, ground them up, and put them in his Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Vin Diesel was once called to Japan to help with their Godzilla problem. Since Vin's solution was to simply kill Godzilla single-handedly, the plot of the movie was changed to allow for sequels, and the phrase "based on the true story" was dropped from all advertising. Vin Diesel was once given the key to New York City but was asked to give it back when he used it to bludgeon homeless people. Vin Diesel was once in a bar room brawl with Hulk Hogan, Regis Philbin, the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders, and Tyrannosaurus Rex. The argument started when Philbin claimed that Steven Segal could whip Jean Claude Van Damme’s ass. Hogan begged to differ. Vin claimed he could take them both, blindfolded. Everyone became enraged, and things boiled over. The T-Rex was taking his evening jog (because his fiancé told him he’s starting to get a beer belly) and just happened to see the commotion, so he took the opportunity to get a quick snack. Vin ate him too, and later remarked that he was much more �sinewy’ than the cheerleaders. Vin Diesel was once in a fight with Tony Danza over who would be called the big cheese. Danza lost and cried, so Vin told Tony he could be the boss. Vin Diesel was once known as Chewbacca, before he got Charlie Villanueva Disease. Vin Diesel was once part of the varangian guard of the Byzantine emperor, but he left to focus on his acting career, causing the fall of Constantinople. Vin Diesel was once proclaimed "A man among men" by a small Indonesian tribe. He was fine with it at first, but when he found out what it meant in English he found it to be, quote: "Toatally gay, man, I'm not into that crap", and proceeded to decapitate everyone and everything within their territory. Vin Diesel was once pulled over for going 120 miles per awesome.
Vin Diesel was once put in a choke hold. He chewed through the guy's arm and later went back for seconds. Vin Diesel was once the curator for a major metropolitan art museum. One weekend, every work in the museum was stolen at once. Vin was able to copy them all perfectly during a 14 hour cocaine binge while he had sex with 8000 supermodels. The only mistake was a single smudge of paint on the lapel of his otherwise immaculate white jacket. Vin Diesel was once the drummer for the band "Malicious Jackson and the Spandex Warriors". Vin Diesel was once told to chill out, and so began the Ice Age. Vin Diesel was once turned into a newt. He got better. Vin Diesel was one of the Founding Fathers, but didn't tell anyone to avoid paternity suits. Vin Diesel was one of the few survivors of the Hindenburg, Titanic and "New Coke" disasters. Vin Diesel was one of the first titles in Great Britain's peerage system. Vin Diesel was one of the original hosts of Nickeldeon's "Wild and Crazy Kids", where he was more commonly known as Omar Gooding. Vin Diesel was originally Lucifer's choice for his second-in-command, but he scorned the Morningstar and started the In & Out Burger Chain instead. Vin Diesel was originally a front runner in the California Governer's recall race, but he dropped out in sheer frustration after having to explain to too many people that XXX was not a porn flick. Vin Diesel was originally born as Sean Connery, but since there can only be one Highlander he instead named himself after Sean's penis. Vin Diesel was originally cast as Aragorn in Lord of the Rings. He was fired for eating the Hobbits between takes and making Orlando Bloom his bitch. Vin Diesel was originally cast as the main character in the film, “Searching for Bobby Fischer.” He was deemed unusable halfway into shooting for two reasons. 1) Legally he was Bobby Fischer. And 2) in a pivotal scene where the main character’s rival makes a move and says “Trick or Treat,” Vin Diesel jumped over the table and murdered the kid. Vin Diesel was originally cast for the role of Lassie, but was rejected when he refused to save Timmy from the depths of the well claiming, "those bricks made my butt chaff." Vin Diesel was originally cast to play a troubled teenager who moves to Beverly Hills to get a fresh start. The role later went to Will Smith. Vin Diesel was originally known as Vin Petroleum, but changed his name following a sponsorship deal with Texaco. Vin Diesel was originally the drummer/ piccolo player for seventies rock supergroup Kansas. Unfortunately, Vin was kicked out of the band after he wrote Dust in the Wind. He wrote it after an unfortunate accident with a groupie and his ability to wield the extreme power of the sun. Vin Diesel was originally to appear on the twenty-dollar bill, but backed out at the last minute because the watermark didn't look right. Vin Diesel was passing through Germany in 1933 where he advised President Paul von Hindenburg not to grant his new chancellor emergency powers. Vin Diesel was present at the fail of the Berlin wall as a roadie for David Hasslehoff. Vin Diesel was really inside Deep Blue while playing against Gary Kasparov. Vin Diesel was really the main focus of the entire New Testament, however he tricked Jesus into taking the rap and hence being nailed to a stick. Had Vin Diesel been nailed to the cross he would have pulled it out of the ground and proceeded to beat the hell out of the entire Roman Empire, causing its collapse. When asked why he didn't do this, he responded by going back in time, changing his name to Vin Brutus and murdering Julias Caesar. Caesar's last words were really, "What a badass." Vin Diesel was recently discovered to be an additional step in the process of precipitation. Vin Diesel was recently quoted as saying "I'd love to kiss Johannes Guttenberg." Vin Diesel was required to shave his head after losing a fight to the death with the Roman emporer Commodus. Vin had been a general in the Felix legions but was exiled to Northern Africa where he became a slave gladiator and was eventually ushered back to Rome. After a series of power struggles the Emporer decided to put and end to his troubles with the final challenge, but, to ensure his own victory, he stabbed Vin Diesel before the duel and then concealed the wound. Not forgetting the implications of the bet, the emporer shaved Vin's corpse's head and buried him. Vin was later reincarnated on the Southern tip of Italy in the middle ages and the event was thought to be the second coming of Christ, but it was covered up by the then corrupt Catholic church. Only recently, Vin decided to take legal action to regain the right to grow his hair on the grounds that Commodus was infact dead and thus he had, in fact, won the bet. In a shocking turn of events, when searching for the defendant in said case "Vin Diesel v. The Roman Empire" the American legal system found that, because he had actually been designated the heir to the Roman throne by one Marcus Aurelius, that Vin Diesel himself was to be defending, too. Despite his attorney's advice, Mr. Diesel put all his effort into his duties as Roman Emporer the court ruled he was not allowed to regrow his hair. After realizing the consequences of his actions he became disgruntled and, in a fit of rage, punched the front of an oncoming freight train in northern Spain. The wreck was deemed one of the worst in history, but thanks to the legal team backing Vin Diesel, it was blamed on Basque seperatists. The first half of these events was later turned into the Academy Awatd winning movie "Gladiator" starring Russel Crowe as Vin Diesel. Mr. Diesel could not play himself in the film because he was currently serving jail time after being found in a Miami movie theater making out with a ball of opium painted to the likeness of Marilyn Monroe. Vin Diesel was responsible for a short-lived line of personal care products. Only one ever reached the market: "Vin Diesel's Molten Tungsten Nasal Douche" which was withdrawn shortly after launch when he realised that it had the unfortunate side-effect of death to users who were not Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel was responsible for a short-lived line of personal care products. Only one ever reached the market: "Vin Diesel's Molten Tungsten Nasal Douche" which was withdrawn shortly after launch when it was realised it had the side-effect of permanently blinding users who were not Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel was responsible for the Boston Tea Party. However, he did it not because he thought the tax was unfair, but was simply sick and tired of those pussy pole smoking Brits. Vin Diesel was responsible for the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand. It happened because nobody came to his fifteen millionth birthday party. Vin Diesel was responsible for the extinction of the Homo floresiensis, the 'Hobbit-like' species discovered in Indonesia. A movie crew filmed the action and submitted the movie to Columbia Pictures. The film was originally called "Vin Diesel Vs. Homofairys" but is more popularly known as "Knockaround Guys". Vin Diesel was so mad after losing a game of Chinese checkers to Leonardo da Vinci that he punched February in the face as hard as he could. Now February only has 28 days. Da Vinci was put into the witness protection program becuase he didn't want to be hunted down by Vin and changed his name to Jennifer Love Hewitt. Vin Diesel was supposed to be nailed to the cross, but the nails couldn't pierce his skin so they chose Jesus instead. Vin Diesel was supposed to be the fifth Ninja Turtle, but he declined at the last minute when he heard that he would have to change his name to a famous artist. Vin Diesel thinks artists are queers. Vin Diesel was supposed to be the seventh Friend, but he's not into orgies that small. Vin Diesel was supposed to play James Bond instead of xXx, but when he met the head of MGM studios, he shook his hand too vigorously, snapping his spine in twain. Vin Diesel was taught to play the spoons by a reclusive and grizzled Chevy Chase. Vin Diesel was the 13th Apostle. Rufus was actually the 14th. Vin Diesel was the acting Grim Reaper for 7 months in 1974. When asked why he did this, he responded simply, "Bros before Hoes". Vin Diesel was the archer who shot Achilles' heel. Vin Diesel was the basis for the character of Rum Tum Tugger in Andrew Lloyd Webber's CATS. Vin Diesel was the cab driver who had dice in the mirror in the opening credits of "Fresh Prince Of Belle-Air". Vin Diesel was the camera guy for Paris Hilton's sex tape. Vin Diesel was the conductor on the Underground Railroad. Vin Diesel was the conifer that Sonny Bono crashed into. Apparently Bono had stolen his personal copy of Meatloaf's 1993 opus 'Bat Out Of Hell II: Back In Hell', and Vin wasn't too pleased. Vin Diesel was the creator of Tampax, but his slogan was stolen by Visine, "Fast Acting & Gets the Red Out." Vin Diesel was the culprit who ate Gilbert Grape. He would later describe the experience as “Similar in texture to panda meat , but not without its charms.” Vin Diesel was the eighth son of a seventh son, which drove him to a mad, vengeful hate of his family, he has them in cryostasis in that underground warehouse in Nebraska. Vin Diesel was the first Panda successfully bred in captivity. Vin Diesel was the first boy born who could swim faster than a shark. Vin Diesel was the first man to ever experience the itch on the part of your back that you just can't reach. He then invented the stick. Vin Diesel was the first man to land on the moon, but since his first words uttered were: "I claim this land in the name of the Hamburglar!", the American Government was forced to create the conspiracy we all know today. Vin Diesel was the first man to successfully jump the Island of Hawaii in a speed boat. Vin Diesel was the first person to break the sound barrier on foot. Vin Diesel was the first person to call it "masturbation". Vin Diesel was the first person to contract the influenza virus, which he used to fake his own death and go into hiding until he could kill his arch-nemesis, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Vin Diesel was the first person to walk up to a cow and say, "Whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze them, I'm drinking." Vin Diesel was the first son of God, but rather than die for our sins, he opted to beat the shit out of of the Roman Emperor, reportedly saying "Christ is King, bitch." Vin Diesel was the first to invent Christmas. However, instead of giving presents, he would come down your chimney, eat your cookies, drink your milk, and punch you in the face while you slept. Vin Diesel was the fourth Beastie Boy you never heard of. Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital. Vin Diesel was the inspiration behind Apple's logo after actually biting Steve Job's arm off while, at the same time, peeling a Macintosh apple. Vin Diesel was the inspiration for Captain Planet. Vin Diesel was the inspiration for the character Baloo in Rudyard Kipling's The Jungle Book. Vin Diesel was the inspiration for the character of the Sonic the Hedgehog villain, Dr. Robotnik. Vin Diesel was the inspiration for the movie "Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death", however, he declined the starring role due to a severe allergic reaction to silicone breast implants. Vin Diesel was the lead engineer responsible for designing the hokey pokey, thus conclusively proving that it really is what it's all about. Vin Diesel was the leading agent for the Bay of Pigs fiasco, and would have pulled it off even without air support, had Castro not challenged Diesel to a game of Spades. Diesel easily won, but was too late to save the invasion, and so he is haunted by the ghosts of dead Cuban revolutionaries. Vin Diesel was the model for the prototype Russ Troll dolls, but they were redesigned when 60% of pregnant females in focus groups who played with them gave birth to Harlequin Fetuses. Vin Diesel was the mystery shooter of Nice Guy Eddie Cabot. Vin Diesel was the one that came up with the theory that the universe is expanding. When asked why he decided this, he is quoted as saying "No walls can hold me back." Vin Diesel was the one that originally taught that kid from Mighty Ducks 2 the "Knucklepuck." Vin Diesel was the one who let the dogs out. Vin Diesel was the one who originally put all monsters under your bed. He quickly became bored after watching all children scream in terror. He decided to make it so that as long as there was someone in the household over the age of 18, the monsters could not come out. This is now a required peice of knowledge to graduate from all high schools and some Sunday schools. Vin Diesel was the one who put Cap'n Crunch's eyebrows on his hat. Vin Diesel was the one who shit on the coats. Vin Diesel was the one who thought of cutting the pizza into eight individual slices.
Vin Diesel was the only Spartan to survive the Battle of Thermopylae; although he tried to take his own life after his comrades had fallen, he was stopped by the god Odin in order so that, as the god told him, he would "break the seventh seal." This was done four years ago. Vin Diesel was the original 40-year old virgin. But this was due to the fact that women were created around his 40th birthday. Vin Diesel was the original Santa Claus, but then there was that one night....... Vin Diesel was the original founder of Color Me Bad, but after traveling to the future and watching VH1’s “Where Are They Now”, he left the lyrics to “I Wanna Sex You Up” on Post-It notes and unceremoniously left the group. Vin Diesel was the original host of Family Feud. Vin Diesel was the original owner of the store that contains the entrance to Fraggle Rock. Vin Diesel was the original particle physicists were going to utilize to examine the moments directly proceeding the Big Bang. When his agent notified them he was shooting The Pacifier, they moved to gold particles instead. Vin Diesel was the original singer for Black Sabbath. Ozzy is nothing but a Diesel impersonator. Vin Diesel was the original teacher of Socrates, who then taught Plato, who then taught Aristotle, who then taught Alexander the Great, who then penisslapped Colin Ferrel. Vin Diesel was the person screaming when Boba Fett died. Vin Diesel was the real creator of Spawn, not Todd McFarlane. In fact, Vin Diesel IS Spawn, and using his awesome hell powers, he thought up the greatest sci-fi movies ever, including Alien, Blade Runner, and Terminator. He also starred in all of them, as both the main characters and as the monsters, and his favorite roles were those of Newt, the Alien Queen, Pris, and John Connor, while simultaneously impregnating all the supposed people who played the above-mentioned roles, and causing all of them to give birth to their own grandchildren, because his semen is really Red Bull energy drink. Vin Diesel was the stone wall at Fredericksburg. Vin Diesel was the stunt double for the Blue Ranger's Zord in the original Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers. Vin Diesel was the third person to undergo the "EZ Flow Elbow" operation. Vin will not be shown up by that punk bitch Bruce Willis, but he is chill with Romulux. Vin Diesel was the thirty-sixth guy whose dick Dante's girlfriend sucked in "Clerks." Vin Diesel was the translator on Zero Wing. Vin Diesel was the unrecorded eleventh plague of Egypt. Vin Diesel was the voice of the Speak-N-Spell. Vin Diesel was there the day the music died, just to make sure that music didn't get up again. Vin Diesel was undefeated over the first twelve seasons of Jeopardy. He and Don Pardo recite answers and questions over Art Fleming's grave weekday mornings at 10:00.
Vin Diesel wasn't sure which ear was the "straight" one, so he got all seven of his pierced. Vin Diesel watched his parents murdered before his eyes in a back alley in Gotham City. The event stole his childhood and he chose to fight back against those who bring harm to others. Criminals are a cowardly and superstitious lot, so Vin Diesel chose to look like a bat. Vin Diesel wears a belt made from the shaved skin of Smurfs. Vin Diesel wears a special suit made of fiberglass, cheese, Clerks Inaction Figures and old Rush CDs just to clip his toenails. Vin Diesel weighed 180 pounds at birth. Vin Diesel weighs three times as much when inverted as when upright. Vin Diesel went back into time, put a curse on the French, and made them totally suck. Vin Diesel whizzed on the electric fence. Vin Diesel will always exist as long as there is hatred in the hearts of men. Vin Diesel will be ordained Pope when the current one dies, anonymous Vatican officials have said. He will be called "Pope George Ringo I" Vin Diesel will be remembered for his valor when the Venusians finally invade the Earth. Vin Diesel will bury us all. Vin Diesel will concede that Gary Busey roundly defeated him in a Tequila shot-for-shot competition, though Diesel notes that he had spent the morning inventing the printed word. Vin Diesel will counter hadoken with yoga flame. Vin Diesel will die if he ever comes into contact with cheese. Vin Diesel will dissolve in a pool of green goo if someone ever pronounces the word "numinous" in front of him. That's why he has repeatedly refused to star in any adaptation of Lovecraft's work. Vin Diesel will flip you. He'll flip you for real. Vin Diesel will grant you three wishes if you can guess Yoda's last name. Vin Diesel will kill me in my sleep for my lack of writing ability at creating facts. However, he will make sure that I am awake for the skull fucking. His company guarantees it, or Vin Diesel will personally restore your soul and re-murder you, free of charge Vin Diesel will kill you by the end of the week. Vin Diesel will kill you, your whole family, all your friends and burn your damn house down if you don't write his name in bold. Vin Diesel will lactate two by fours on request, and can pump a small cottage out of his chest if you offer him a silver dollar. Vin Diesel will name his children Vin Propane and Vin Natural Gas. Vin Diesel will never ask you over the phone if your refrigerator is running.
Vin Diesel will never write an autobiography, since he's worried it would knock The Bible off the bestseller list, then he'd have to go up to heaven and console God, who'd probably be really upset with the whole affair, and he'd have to tell him it was just a good year for autobiographies, and that people still like The Bible, but want to wait for the holiday sales. Vin Diesel will not caper, but has been known to frolic on occasions. Vin Diesel will pay a pregnant woman considering abortion a large sum of money for the permission to shrink himself to the size of a pea, travel into her uterus and feast upon the developing fetus for days on end until he is satisfied. This process has recently become known as a "Vinbortion." Ironically, if the woman doesn't give him her permission, he does it anyway and laughs at her foolishness for attempting to defy him. Vin Diesel will smash your face into a car windshield, and then take your mother out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again. Vin Diesel wipes his ass with sandpaper. Vin Diesel wipes with 40 grit sandpaper. Vin Diesel wishes his name was Barb O'Rielly, but only on St Patrick's day. Vin Diesel woke up one morning 5000ish years ago and decided to sculpt the pyrimaids because cleopatra was being a bitch. Vin Diesel won Ender's Game. Vin Diesel won a Google-fight against the letter a. Vin Diesel won control of the Universe after defeating God in a ladder match. He gave God control back after a week, but only out of pity... only out of pity. Vin Diesel won his first destruction derby in 1992 by entering the competition without a vehicle. He has won every year since. Vin Diesel won the Amazing Race on foot. Vin Diesel won the Indianapolis 500 by riding a bike. He also won the Little 500 bike race by driving a car. Vin Diesel won the inaugural Paris-Dakar rally using only a hubcap and sleigh dogs but the result was discounted when it was found that all other competitors had mysterious choked to death on their own elbows. Vin Diesel works as a camera man on "The Red Green Show." Vin Diesel works for the French government as a model for the socialized hat industry. Vin Diesel worships Poseidon, and makes no secret of that fact while attending Catholic mass. Vin Diesel would've helped the boy who cried wolf. Unfortunately for the boy, Vin is allergic to wolves. That, and authority. Vin Diesel wouldn't hurt a fly. However, he does enjoy wiping out the whole populations of third world countries. Vin Diesel writes columns for an online comedic webpage, under the alias Lowtax. Vin Diesel writes crime novels under the assumed name Ian Rankin. The real Ian Rankin is a male prostitute whom Vin cured of Syphilis with his magic touch. Vin Diesel writes fanfic Sesame Street episodes in his mother's basement Vin Diesel writes the dead end scenarios for Choose Your Own Adventures. Vin Diesel wrote "My Sharona" as a ballad to Winston Churchill. Vin Diesel wrote "The Art of War" under the pen name of Sun Tzu. Vin Diesel wrote How to Cook an Omelet Using only the Power of Your Mind which resulted in the deaths of thirteen people in Plano, Texas. Vin Diesel wrote John Hancock's name on the Declaration of Independence. Vin Diesel wrote Napoleon Dynamite, but the director tacked on the dance sequence where the ayahuasca trip scene was supposed to go Vin Diesel wrote The Diary of Anne Frank. Vin Diesel wrote a book titled, "Life: How to Live". He has several hundred copies printed and locked in a closet. Vin Diesel wrote a bunch of popular scary books for kids. He was published under the name R.L. Stine. Vin Diesel wrote a novelized version Lord of the Rings, based on Jackson’s screenplay. Vin Diesel wrote a song about Patrick Swayze. The Bloodhound Gang bought it off him for 3 spatulas, the beard of zeus and the souls of 14 nuns. They then renamed it "I hope you die" and the rest is history. Vin Diesel wrote all of Iggy Pop's songs and gave him tips on stage presence. Vin Diesel wrote all of the content found on GameFAQs.com Vin Diesel wrote all of the funny sketches on Saturday Night Live. Vin Diesel wrote all the greatest works of Western literature in single burst of creative energy- in a single afternoon. Later that evening he shit out 400 pages of Mad Libs. Vin Diesel wrote in his book that the CIA is tracking him via an implant in his stomach. Vin Diesel has never written a book. Vin Diesel wrote music under the name of "Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart", just to get that Salieri fucker off his back. Vin Diesel wrote software to be able to predict the results of the California state lottery. He has won the jackpot 6 times. Vin Diesel wrote the Bible, then gave it to God as a birthday present. Vin Diesel wrote the Gettysburg Address for Abe Lincoln after being given all of the $3 bills, which is why the $3 bill is extinct. Vin Diesel wrote the Necronomicon, loosely based on a drunken three-day binge he had in Tijuana. Vin Diesel wrote the Torah one morning after he had a particularly weird dream. Vin Diesel wrote the blockbuster hit "The Matrix." He also wrote "The Thirteenth Floor," which debuted to slightly lower success. This infuriated him, causing him to go on a 3 day rage, eating all the cheese in Athens, Tennessee and slaughtering every cat in the Tri-State area. Vin Diesel wrote the book of Mormon because he wanted to beat up the people who thought it was real. Vin Diesel wrote the following on a bar napkin: “Old fisherman. Small boat. Ocean. Big Fish." and gave it to Ernest Hemingway.
Vin Diesel wrote the foreword in the Millennial hardcover edition of the King James version of the Bible. In it he traces his divine heritage from Moses and dethrones Christ as the son of God. Vin Diesel wrote the guitar riff for smells like teen spirit but gave it to Kurt Cobain as a gift because he "felt bad for the little guy." Vin Diesel wrote the guitar solo to Stairway to Heaven. Vin Diesel wrote the lyrics to "Dark Side of the Moon" just to see what would happen with "The Wizard of Oz". Vin Diesel wrote the messages in Charlotte's Web. Vin Diesel wrote the music to The Song that Never Ends. Vin Diesel wrote the music used on Doug. Vin Diesel wrote the national anthem, Francis Scott Keys stole it. Diesel avenged this by murdering Keys with nothing but a paintball squeegee. Vin Diesel wrote the pilot episode for "The Weather Channel." Vin Diesel wrote the play "A Doll's House" about the time he built all of the houses in Scandinavia with some dental floss and a bean burrito. He gave the play to Ibsen in exchange for a cool pair of aviator sunglasses. The entire play was rewritten and the original script was used as the series finale for MacGyver. Vin Diesel wrote the screenplay for Schindler's List as a comedy. Vin Diesel wrote the song "Shiny Happy People" but sold it to REM for the price of one thousand of the finest blades of the Orient. Vin Diesel wrote the song 'I got you babe', but sold it to Sonny and Cher for 500 gold doubloons and the rights to Cher's face. This is Vin's most prized possession, and after much reconstructive surgery, the end result is an exact replica of a self portrait Vin made, aged 8. Vin Diesel yawned one morning and deafened all of Asia. Vin Diesel's "Born-On Date" is May 17th, 43AD. Vin Diesel's 12 foot-long car led to a smalltime magazine stating, "Perhaps this star is compensating for something!" Vin burnt the company's building to the ground and serves the cooked meat of employees as street-side delicacies (they are kept frozen in his trousers along with hitler's brain). These can be purchased for $2.70 a pound. Vin Diesel's 1969 paper on quantum mechanics is the reason why Stephen Hawking is in a wheel chair. Vin Diesel's AOL screen name is IWuzInKnockaroundGuyz. AOL, as a gift to him, allowed him and him only to have a screen name over 16 characters. Vin Diesel's Arch enemy is The Rolling Stones. They have a yearly foosball match to decide whether or not they will put out another crappy album. Vin only loses every few years. But he doesn't mind, they’ll be dead soon. Vin Diesel's DNA is a triple helix. Vin Diesel's High School prank was Western Civilization. Vin Diesel's Nutritional Value:
Vin Diesel's Q-Tips are actually polar bears stuck to the ends of a log. Vin Diesel's Q-Tips are actually small children. Vin Diesel's Rectum houses a community for the smurf witness protection program. Vin Diesel's Sidekick contains photographs of the lost final book of the Bible in which the identity of Christ's second coming is revealed. Vin Diesel's Social Security Number is 000-00-1337. Vin Diesel's Swiss Army knife has the entire Swiss Army contained within it. Vin Diesel's X-ray vision causes cancer. He uses this fact to comedic effect at parties. Vin Diesel's a hell of a drug. Vin Diesel's ability to time travel enabled him to take the part of the King of Siam in "The King and I." Vin Diesel's benevolent nature is the reason he allowed Yul Brenner to accept the Academy Award for Best Actor. Vin Diesel's abnormally large head has been the cause of several gravitational anomalies over the last millennia, so he counters this with a woolly hat made from children’s intestines and his own pubic hair. Vin Diesel's acting causes cancer. Vin Diesel's aforementioned gravitational field is unfortunately attracting the galaxy of Andromeda as well. Vin Diesel's alter-ego is Jessica Simpson Vin Diesel's anus was one of the few publicly traded commodities on the New York Stock Exchange that profited during the Great Depression. Vin Diesel's appendix is not vestigal. Vin Diesel's arch nemesis was Mr Cooper from Hanging With Mr Cooper. Vin Diesel's autobiography, The Complete Vin Diesel 3.5 Edition, lists his physical statistics in their entirety. He is apparently a level 20 half-orc fighter/mage/thief. His stats are laid out much like one would expect, but his skills are just a random pastiche of useless abilities and talents that are extremely narrow in scope, like Profession (Ditch Digger). Vin Diesel's autobiography, has been recently updated to v3.6b Vin Diesel's average speed is 47 boners/minute. Vin Diesel's backhair naturally forms the word "Vanderspawn", a word rumored to represent the antichrist. Vin Diesel's belly button was the inspiration for the seemingly bottomless carpet bag seen in the film 'Mary Poppins'. Vin Diesel's best friend in the whole world is his own shadow. His shadow also weighs minus whatever Vin weighs, has an IQ of 180, and is the only one who can beat Vin at chess. Vin Diesel's biological mother is Wonder Woman.
Vin Diesel's birth name was Turd Furgeson
Vin Diesel's blood is infact pure gasoline. Vin Diesel's blood is so oxygenated, that to get a blood transfusion from him allows you to stay alive underwater for hours without breathing. Vin Diesel's blood type is "bastard". Vin Diesel's blood type is Dr. Pepper negative. Vin Diesel's blood type is WD-40 Vin Diesel's blood type? Red Bull. Vin Diesel's bodily functions are solely reliant on Vin Diesel's bodily secretions are highly explosive if mixed with orange juice, and so his every move is tracked by a team of governement agents with instructions to kill him should he fall into enemy hands. Vin Diesel's body converts long-lived radioactive waste into short-lived isotopes by a process known as 'transmutation'. Vin Diesel's body lacks any vestigal appendages. Vin Diesel's body, like a chicken egg, is one enormous cell. Vin Diesel's bowel movements are said to strikingly resemble new-born Panda bear cubs. Vin Diesel's brain waves are audible to bats, and he uses them to get the bats to fly into his mouth. He has not sat down for a meal in twelve years. Vin Diesel's breath smells so good that when he spits, it hardens into tic tacs. Vin Diesel's car insurance decreases when he gets into accidents. Vin Diesel's cat "Mr. Tummywumwum" is the only one who understands him. Vin Diesel's cell phone has the Ghost Busters on speed dial. Vin Diesel's cell phone number when rapidly dialed is Behtoveen's 3rd Syphony in B Flat Major. Vin Diesel's character sheet reveals him to have all the abilities of a Hulking Hurler, a Dweomercheater and The Word. He does this at level 1. Vin Diesel's childhood adventures were the basis of Ghostbusters 2 and The Warriors. Vin Diesel's customized assualt rifle has modifications which allow to travel through time and see through women's clothing. The army does not want you to know this. Vin Diesel's daily alcohol consumption is greater than the amount of sewage in all of Maryland. Vin Diesel's daily diet includes 200 grams of lard and 3 turkey's eggs, lightly scrambled. He washes this down with two gallons of chicken-fat from the local KFC. Vin Diesel's daily diet includes 350 pounds of uncooked shrimp, 16 Holstein cows, 500 raw eggs in an industrial drum, an entire orchard of apples, a copy of the 'No-Child-Left-Behind' legislation, an entire Volkswagen bus, and a rejected contestant from American Idol. Vin Diesel's daily schedule goes as follows:
Vin Diesel's date to his high school prom was a 5 ft inflatable penguin named Party Pierre. Vin Diesel's denim jacket is made of Batman's ass. Vin Diesel's dick is so big, it has its own agent. Vin Diesel's diet consists solely of protein bars and cat tails. Vin Diesel's dream of playing Major League Baseball came true when he showed up at the 2004 Boston Red Sox spring training camp with long hair & a beard, referring to himself as "Johnny Damon". Vin Diesel's dream woman would be a cinder block with a vagina. Vin Diesel's ejaculation can kill a man at 100 yards with pinpoint accuracy. Vin Diesel's epic testimony in The Vagina Monologues was single handedly responsible for the famous Sharon Stone scene in Basic Instinct.
Vin Diesel's extreamly raspy voice can be traced back to his college days where he excelled in one too many meat cleaver swallowing competitions. Vin Diesel's eyebrow hair has sufficient tensile strength to construct a tower high enough to climb to Heaven. The only reason Vin has not done this is that he can already jump sufficiently high using an ordinary pogo stick. Vin Diesel's eyebrows are home to more than five generations of white lice. Vin Diesel's family Coat of Arms contains the phrase "Blood for the Blood God!" Vin Diesel's father is none other than Mr. Clean, whose real name is "Sal". After years of mopping and unbearable torment, Vincent Clean changed his name and ran away from home to study in the mountains with a medicine man named Wobbly. Vin Diesel's favorite animal is also the Liger, which he breeds for its skills in magic. Vin Diesel's favorite band is Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem Vin Diesel's favorite book is "Venetian Blinds" by Art Vandalay. Vin Diesel's favorite book is Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. His favorite beverage is Nitrous Oxide. Vin Diesel's favorite candy bar isn't a candy bar at all - it's Willy Wonka's Laffy Taffy! Vin Diesel's favorite cereal is Cheerios with milk, and by Cheerios I mean diamonds and by milk I mean boiling gold. Vin Diesel's favorite comic strip is "Cathy. He also thinks "Garfield" is a "fat cat who needs his blubber busted." Vin Diesel's favorite cut of meat is Hobo Flank Steak. Vin Diesel's favorite dessert is yellowcake. Vin Diesel's favorite flavor of Pop-Tarts is Beatdown. Vin Diesel's favorite food is macaroni and cheese. His favorite drink is orphan's blood. Vin Diesel's favorite ice cream is clam chowder. Vin Diesel's favorite movie is Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. But if he finds out you know that, he will corrode your soul. Vin Diesel's favorite pick-up line is, "Get in my fucking truck before I shoot you." It works every time. Vin Diesel's favorite pizza toppings include lug nuts, broken glass and rusty nails, washed down with iced lysol. Vin Diesel's favorite practical joke is to call up gynecologists offices and ask for Ed. Then he hangs up real fast. Nobody gets it but him. Vin Diesel's favourite pizza topping is elephant (live). Vin Diesel's favourite pizza toppings are bullets, rage, and pineapple. Vin Diesel's feces are considered currency in 14 countries. Vin Diesel's films need to go through a special conversion to appear on television screens; otherwise the television would act as a mirror. Vin Diesel's fingers are actually miniature hands. Vin Diesel's first acting role was as Mr. Ed, who originally was a serpent who solved crimes. Mid-season rewrites changed his character to a talking horse. Vin Diesel's first acting role was as the voice of Mega Man in the early 90's Super Nintendo game. All of his lines were cut, much to his disdain. Vin Diesel's first appearence on screen was in the hit movie "Alien", where he burst out of a mans chest at a dinner table. Vin Diesel's first child was born in 2743 BCE and is named Riemann-Zeta. Vin Diesel's first college roommate was Zeus. Vin Diesel's first job was at Conjunction Junction but he soon realized that the Function was beneath him and he soon applied for a job at Lolly's Adverb Shop, but lost it when he refused to change his name to Lolly IV. It also threw off the song. Vin Diesel's first job was selling school girls' used panties to Japanese businessmen. Vin Diesel's first major musical work, "Symphony No. 1 - Gonna Eat Your Face Hard," was eventually adopted as the Canadian national anthem. Vin Diesel's first name is short for Vinnaquinouliciopoulossiferstein. It is a traditional Swiss name. Vin Diesel's first set of teeth pulled were removed and put on the ground. Together, they are known as "Stonehenge". Vin Diesel's first song recording was saying the word "Domo" in a robot-like manner in the song "Mr. Roboto." Vin Diesel's first words as a baby were what is now known as the Bill of Rights. Vin Diesel's flatulence caused the space shuttle Columbia's disintegration. Vin Diesel's flatulence was the basis for the tones used to communicate with the aliens in Close Encounters Of The Third Kind. Vin Diesel's flesh is Kosher. Vin Diesel's foresight is 20/20. Vin Diesel's formal title is Algarok, eater of children and destroyer of worlds. Vin Diesel's freakishly large head controls the tides of the underground oceans of Neptune. Vin Diesel's freezing point is below 0 kelvins. Vin Diesel's fridge is set to absolute zero. Vin Diesel's full name is "Vin Diesel Autonomous Acting Approximation Unit Revision 4.11.3b" Vin Diesel's full name is not Vincent, it's Vinegar. Vin Diesel's genetalia is naturally pixelated. Vin Diesel's getting a Dell. Vin Diesel's golf handicap is so large that it entitles him to a special parking spot. Vin Diesel's hair (or lack there of) is what happens when you lather, rinse, and repeat too many times. Vin Diesel's hair is too afraid of him to grow. Vin Diesel's head produces 77% more solar energy then any normal silicon based solar panel. Vin Diesel's head sat on a wall. Vin Diesel's head had a great fall. All the king's horses and all the kings men got owned when Vin Diesel's head said, "What the fuck are you looking at?" Vin Diesel's heartbeat sounds just like the theme to Beverly Hills Cop. Vin Diesel's hobbies include disco dancing, archery, rape, and table tennis. Vin Diesel's home life is like a buddy comedy, and his comedic foil is Seth Green. The two of them travel around the world solving crimes. Vin Diesel's house has asbestos on tap. Vin Diesel's houses always have two separate compartments, one for each half of his personality. Vin Diesel's image is hidden in every attraction at Walt Disney World. Vin Diesel's inner ear bones are made from a highly explosive combination of styrafoam, duck sauce and Peruvian cocaine. He uses this to listen to the crying of dolphins from 10 million years ago when he wants to relax after reshingling the Taj Mahal. Vin Diesel's kidney stones made up the members of "Wham!" Vin Diesel's last name is misspelled incorrectly by exactly 2,343,563 people every day. Deviation from this exact number will result in a core meltdown of every nuclear power plant in the world. Vin Diesel's left arm contains superconducting magnets, with which he focuses 'rays from the galactic core'. The synchrotron radiation produced by this process is the 'snow' between TV channels. Vin Diesel's left arm is robotic and is powered by love. Vin Diesel's left hand is the only part of his body which suffers from epileptic seizures. When he can control these seizures, he has the power to cause the fall of nations or make entire planets collide. Vin Diesel's left nipple produces vinegar, while his right nipple produces Pepsi Crystal. Vin Diesel's left testicle speaks fluent Portuguese. Vin Diesel's leg hair is harvested bi-monthly for use in fine Scandinavian carpets due to it's extreme strength, durability, and ability to ward off Russians. Vin Diesel's legs go all the way up. Vin Diesel's life was the basis for the novel "Little Women". His nightmares were the basis for the novel "Little Men". Vin Diesel's life was the inspiration for "Not Without My Baby: A story of one woman's courage" on the lifetime network. Vin Diesel's list of hobbies include sex, banging, fornication, screwing, copulation, humping, coitus, horizontal jogging with a partner, sauce-making, intercourse, and knitting sweaters. Vin Diesel's little toe is considered a aphrodisiac in 12 Asian countries. Vin Diesel's long-time friendship with H. P. Lovecraft was the inspiration for the Beatles' "White Album." Vin Diesel's love for cottage cheese cannot be contained. Vin Diesel's lucky number is "bleven," which he claims, "kicks way more ass than seven."
Vin Diesel's mass is constantly monitored by a military installation in New Mexico. Should it exceed a critical point they are instructed to destroy him with a hydrogen bomb mounted to an ICBM. It is not known if this will be enough to stop the process. Vin Diesel's metaclorian count is off the scale. Vin Diesel's middle name is "Guess". This has confused a majority of the people who ask him what his middle name is. Vin Diesel's middle name is Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel's minesweeper best times are untouchable. Vin Diesel's mom goes to college. Vin Diesel's mood has an affect on the Earth's gravitational pull. Vin Diesel's morning breath is Zyclon B. Vin Diesel's morning breath is widely regarded cross-culturally as a weapon of mass destruction. Vin Diesel's most prized possessions are Walt Disney's brain and every issue of Cat Fancy magazine. Vin Diesel's mother used to pack him TWO Lunchables. Vin Diesel's mother was a hamster and his father smelled of elderberries. Vin Diesel's mother was an astrologist. When asked what it was like giving birth to her son, she looked out the window and wept. Vin Diesel's mother will not be born for another four thousand years. Vin Diesel's mournful call is often mistaken for that of the Loon. Vin Diesel's movie contracts are written in blood on stone tablets. Vin Diesel's name actually inspired the naming of diesel fuel, not the other way around. Vin Diesel's name appears fourteen times in the Bible, but God later admitted that three of these were typos. Vin Diesel's name in Old English is Vyn Dysle, which roughly translated to modern English makes up the lyrics to "Jesus Loves Me". Vin Diesel's name is an anagram of Evil Inside. Vin Diesel's name seems confusing but is straightforward: he makes wine out of diesel fuel and crushed oil filters. The result is the most poisonous substance known to man, and only he can drink it safely. Vin Diesel's name written phonetically in Japanese forms a detailed picture of Mr. Rogers on trial for illegally downloading an mp3 of "The End Has No End," by The Strokes. Vin Diesel's name, translated into binary code, is 010101100110100101101110010001000110100101100101011100110110010101101100. Vin Diesel's native tongue is L337. Vin Diesel's natural tounge is that of the teachers from "Peanuts". Vin Diesel's new fragrance is derived from his sweat and ejaculate. Not sold in the U.S. (pending FDA approval), it will be marketed abroad as, "Fumes," with the tag-line, "Not only will this make you smell like Vin Diesel, it'll get you laid too, pussy." Vin Diesel's nightsweats caused Noah's Flood. Vin Diesel's nipples change colour depending on what mood he's in. Vin Diesel's one true love is Bea Arthur. Vin Diesel's only known lover was a time-travelling Martian fairy princess. Vin Diesel's only live action appearance on film was in The Iron Giant. All his other appearances have been simulated by cutting edge computer graphics. Vin Diesel's only regret is not killing John Stamos when he has the chance... Vin Diesel's orgasm leaves an exit wound. Vin Diesel's orgasms break the sound barrier. Vin Diesel's original birth name: Nummymuffin Cocobutter. Vin Diesel's other car is a Bradley Assault Veichle, fueled by the tears and shattered dreams of young children. Vin Diesel's oxen in the computer game "Oregon Train" survive crossing a river each and every time. Vin Diesel's parents heritage: Father- 25% Irish 75% German Mother-40% Polish 30% Dutch 30% Stegosaurus
Vin Diesel's penis has a representative in Congress. Vin Diesel's penis has an opposable thumb that allows him to fire three guns at once. Vin Diesel's penis has eight different functions, as opposed to a Swiss Army knife, which only has six, AND lacks a mini satellite dish. Vin Diesel's penis has the same tensile strength as the cables on the George Washington Bridge. Vin Diesel's penis is a fully functional light saber. Vin Diesel's penis is shaped like the country of Malta. Vin Diesel's penis is so long and thick, it is daily mistaken for a leg. He lost his left leg in a freak pizza eating contest accident, but was able to successfully disguise the loss by using his penis as a prosthetic. Vin Diesel's penis was formerly known as Excalibur. Vin Diesel's personality was once described in an article as being "Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun." In response to this, Vin invaded Poland. Vin Diesel's phone number is 867-5309. Vin Diesel's physique is primarily due to his strict diet regime of soylent green. Vin Diesel's poop is completely white. Vin Diesel's porno is found in the "Action/Adventure" section of Blockbuster. Vin Diesel's practice of blapping is not to gain supernatural powers, turns out he's just a bunghole Vin Diesel's protein shakes consist exclusively of battery acid. Vin Diesel's quack does not echo Vin Diesel's real name in his native Swahili means "Man with unusual size and girth who we had to send to America because he was stealing all our women."
Vin Diesel's real name is Charlie Bucket. He inherited Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory but closed it down after three weeks of ownership and liquefied all the assets. He kept the Oompa Loompas on as love slaves. Vin Diesel's real name is actually Matt Damon. Matt Damon's real name is Ben Affleck. Vin Diesel killed Ben Affleck and replaced him with a chimpanzee. Surprisingly, no one noticed the difference. Vin Diesel's reflection is always Bob Saget looking surprised, whereas Bob Saget's reflection is always Vin Diesel flipping him off.
Vin Diesel's regular breakfast at Denny's consists of 87 fried eggs, 764 slices of ham, 1240 sausage links, and a side order of Corey Feldman. Vin Diesel's right arm can swing in a complete circle in less than 1/2000 of a second, sending paintballs off at over 4500 feet per second. Vin Diesel's right eye is a fully functional movie projector. Unfortunately the only movie it plays is "From Justin to Kelly." Vin Diesel's right eye is in fact the Sun. Every time he blinks it causes an total solar eclipse. Luckily he only fully blinks ten times per millennium Vin Diesel's right femur is made of Tootsie Rolls. Vin Diesel's scalp is made of an unknown radioactive substance. Vin Diesel's screams can be heard in space. Vin Diesel's screen name is "AOL System Msg". Vin Diesel's scrotal skin cells are currently being used by the military to create an impervious armor that will maintain its shape and durability at any temperature. Vin Diesel's scrotum was torn off by an angry tyrannosaurus on his last expedition to Africa in 1984. It was replaced by skin from the tyrannosaurus' leg, which Vin ripped off with his bare hands, and his testicles were replaced by radioactive remains from Fat Man and Little Boy, the bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. This also explains why Japanese people are extremely anxious around him. Vin Diesel's semen is also known to the public as rubber cement. Vin Diesel's semen is highly acidic and looks very similar to beer. Which is a likely explanation as to why Ron Artest got so pissed off. Vin Diesel's semen is so corrosive that if he were ever to ejaculate it would tear apart the very fabric of the universe. Vin Diesel's semen is sold as one of Britain's favourite ales. 'The Real Ale Guide' describes 'Vin's Diesel' as, "lovingly crafted and perfectly balanced. It makes a wonderful accompaniment to traditional pub food, especially rump steak, burgers, and sausages." Vin Diesel's semen is the cure for aids. Ask Magic Johnson. Vin Diesel's semen is the source of all life. That is to say, when he ejaculates, he creates a new galaxy. This is how the 'Milky Way' came to be. Vin Diesel's shadow can actually kick people's asses. Vin Diesel's shadow has a shadow. And its name is Keanu Reeves. Vin Diesel's silhouette is used for the NBA logo. Vin Diesel's skin is two hundred million times more heat resistant than a space shuttle's heat plates. He demonstrated this by jumping into a volcano. He emerged through an eruption six months later with the corpse of six dead Balrogs slain by hand. Vin Diesel's skull is actually made of the powder of ground up bones from the Jabberwock. Vin Diesel's skull is retractable, much like Skydome. When he retracts his skull, helicopter blades pop out, allowing him to fly to safety. Vin Diesel's sons are John Wayne Gacy, Jeffrey Dahmer, Ed Gein, and Cher. This is why it is against the law in 49 states for Vin to reproduce. The only state that allows it is Alabama. This is because Vin saved Alabama from certain destruction, however, the details have not been released to the public and there is only speculation at this point. Vin Diesel's sperm are the size of full-grown male guppies. Vin Diesel's sperm cures AIDS. Or so he tells women with AIDS. Vin Diesel's steak knife/mp3 player holds more songs than an iPod and is more deadly. Vin Diesel's superpower is "Super Spelling". Vin Diesel's supposed to be Turkish. Some say his father was German. Nobody ever believed he was real. Nobody ever knew him or saw anybody that ever worked directly for him. But to hear Kobayashi tell it, anybody could have worked for Vin. You never knew; that was his power. The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.
Vin Diesel's sweat is a powerful hypnotic agent. Vin Diesel's sword can cut though anything other than three day old apple cores. Vin Diesel's taste buds are located on his knuckles. Funnily enough, that same spot is his biggest erogenous zone. It is probable that Vin Diesel engineered such deformities himself so as to simultaneously have an orgasm and taste corn when he punches taxidermists. Vin Diesel's tattoo in XXX was the name of his favorite 2nd Edition DnD character. It said "Malchor." Malchor was a Dual Specialized Drow Witch Hunter. Vin Diesel's tears are at a frequency and pitch that causes pigs' heads to explode. Vin Diesel's tears are used by the CIA as truth serum. Vin Diesel's tears can burn through steel. Vin Diesel's tears function as autonomous beings, which can also shed tears. Vin Diesel's teeth are the only teeth in the world strong enough to damage other teeth. Vin Diesel's temperature was one hundred and twenty degrees, but he did not have a fever. Vin Diesel's testicles are different sizes. This is why Saturn is smaller then Jupiter. Vin Diesel's testicles are the only perfect spheres found in nature. Vin Diesel's thyroid secretes pure Dep brand hair gel (level 8). Vin Diesel's toast lands butter side up. Vin Diesel's toenail clippings are worth up to 29'000 gallons of virginial blood on the black market. Vin Diesel's toilet after a night of Uno's Pizzeria's Deep Dish Pepperoni and Onion Pizza was Roald Dahl's inspiration for the Chocolate River. Vin Diesel's toilet spins counter-clockwise in the Northern Hemisphere. Vin Diesel's tongue never stops growing. He has to bite it off every day to keep it at a proper length. If you ask him if it hurts he replies, "every time". Vin Diesel's upper bicuspid is named Thailand and his pectorals are named East and West Berlin. Vin Diesel's urine can bleach a brunette in seconds. Vin Diesel's urine is bottled and marketed under the brand name Pepsi. Vin Diesel's urine is the main ingredient in Yellow #6. Vin Diesel's urine is the only substance that physicists can use to catalyze and sustain a cold fusion reaction. Vin Diesel's urine is thought so highly of in Germany that it is used as mouthwash. Vin Diesel's urine will cure a case of the hiccups, but it will also cause an evil clone of Dom DeLuise to grow inside you and explode through your navel. Vin Diesel's uvula is an eleven on The Mohs Scale of hardness for minerals. Frederich Mohs refused to adjust his scale above 10, arguing that technically Vin's uvula wasn't a mineral. For this slight Vin Diesel killed him in 1839. Vin Diesel's vision is based on both movement and smell. Vin Diesel's voice cannot be heard by God's ears. Vin Diesel's voice does not echo. Not ever. Vin Diesel's wake up call is a 12-gauge shotgun to the right leg. The snooze alarm is a .50 caliber to the face. Vin Diesel's willpower is solid matter with a melting point equal to the temperature at the center of the sun. Portions of his willpower has been sold to several solar systems with dying suns, so that the extraterrestrial beings living there could start over "and make a proper go of it this time." The proceeds from these sales were used to build Vin a fortress of solitude in the ice caps at the north pole, where he now goes to practice speed-eating railroad spikes. Vin Diesel, FUCK YEAH! Vin Diesel, Grand Vizier of Persia in the tenth century, carried his library with him wherever he went. The 117,000 volumes were carried by 400 camels which were trained to walk in alphabetical order. Vin Diesel, Tiger Woods, Slash, and Lenny Kravitz are part of a superhero team called "The Mulatos." Vin Diesel, a vehement anti-environmentalist, was born Vincenzo Baldermort Unleaded, but changed his surname to appease his own pro-pollution views. Vin Diesel, a well known dead-beat dad, invented the prophylactic due to increasing pressure from Child Services. Vin Diesel, after drinking two Red Bulls, was recently spotted urinating off of the Eiffel Tower into a strategically situated violin case. Despite 27 MPH crosswinds, his aim was uncanny, filling the violin case without missing with a single droplet. Vin Diesel, along with Jesus, John the Raptist, and Notorious G.O.D. were a popular rap group in ancient Israel. Vin Diesel, along with an obscure Muppet, birthed Derek Jeter. Derek, coincidentally, takes after his mother. Vin Diesel, as a fetus, survived 13 abortion attempts. He came out of the womb with the umbical cord that would eventually kill the doctor. Vin Diesel, not LSD, enabled Timothy Leary's success. Vin Diesel, while trying to find out how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop, mistakenly bit into the tootsie pop and caused the San Andreas Fault. Vin Diesel, whose nickname is "Cain," had a younger brother named Abel. And I highly stress "had." Vin Diesel, with the help of Eli Whitney, invented the Cotton Gin. Whitney wanted to call it the "Cotton Rum" but Diesel wouldn't have it. To settle the dispute, Diesel beat Whitney to death with a bag of dog shit. Vin Diesel. The man. The myth. Your mother. Vin Diesel: A man's man's man. Vin Diesel: Born 1505. Died 1610. 105 years old, he hung in there, didnt he? He didnt die of old age, either. He was poisoned, stabbed, shot, hung, steretched, diesemboweled, drawn and quartered. Vin Diesel: Rockin the bitches since 1863. Vin Diesel: The Other White Meat. Vin Diesels Top Ten Responses to the Question "Do You Like This Sweater?"
Vin Diesels abdomen is a national park. Vin Diesels bunions are prized as aphrodisiacs in China and Japan, and he is in constant danger of being poached despite public outcry by groups such as the World Wildlife Foundation. Vin Diesels favorite breakfast food is lungs. Vin Diesels pubic hair is made of depleted uranium. Vin Diesels sweat can be used to clean precious metals. Vin Diesels tongue is coated with spores; once these enter the body of a person they will become, he who is known as "I Am". Vin Diesels underarms are braided into a rope strong enough support E. Honda. Vin Diesels' skin tone is measured in volts/kilogram. Vin Diesel’s contract stipulates that there must be a minimum of 36 unwrapped Twinkies in his dressing room at all times.
Vin Diesel’s dick has a ripcord. Vin Diesel’s eyes really do glow in the dark. But you only see them when he wants to kill you.
Vin Diesel’s first words were, “On a mountain of skulls, in the castle of pain, I sat on a throne of blood! What was will be! What is will be no more! Now is the season of evil!” Vin Diesel’s left eye is a fully functioning digital camera. Vin Diesel’s nipples are made of titanium, and produce a substance similar to pigs milk in it’s genetic structure. Despite this, it is highly explosive. Vin Diesel’s saliva is a mild hallucinogen. Vin Diesel’s smash hit “The Pacifier” is loosely based on Tolstoy’s “Anna Karenina". Diesel’s role reinterprets Levin’s quest for Kitty’s love.
Vin Diesel’s renowned butt was forged from pure, werewolf-decimating silver by Atlantean zookeepers in the early seventies. Vin Diesil took a time machine back to the 1930's to see a New York Yankees game, the Yankees lost and Vin was so furious he ripped Lou Gehrigs spinal cord out, thus introducting "Lou Gehrig's Disease." Vin Dieslel was the reason for the creation of the first panic room. Vin Disel was once commissioned by a group of the world's top scientists to help prove that God does not exist. Vin Diesel refused, however, as he knows God exists; the two are regular poker buddies. Vin always forgets to put the new cover sheets on his TPS reports. Vin broke the home-run record using only his forehead as a bat. Vin can perform autofellation, but only willingly does so after consuming the flesh of virgins who, have themselves, consumed pineabble tidbits. Vin can turn creamy peanut butter chunky with his rock hard abs. Vin created 24 hour days because he didn't feel like working more thatn 8 hours at a time. Vin created belt buckles to prevent his waist from shooting lasers. Vin did a GEICO commercial in which he can be seen smiling and drinking a strawberry smoothie. The voice-over then says, "In the time it takes to sodomize and murder a family of four, you can save 15% or more on your car insurance." Vin diesel can communicate with dolphins. Vin diesel does not use adverbs. Vin Diesel uses verbjectives. Vin diesel knows over 10,000 ways to molest a panda. Vin diesel once applied for an online dating service. For his hobbies he put pushing old ladies down steps, and pouring honey over his nude body then dancing the cumbia. He's gotten asked out by about 15,000 people, 1,000 whom were former male mafia members. Vin diesel once ate a prison bus full of the most hardened criminals. Later that day he crapped out Megatron. Vin diesel once built an exact working replica of the Concorde aircraft from nothing but unsalted Pistachio nuts shells. Vin has invented a new version of paper, rock, scissors where you can also decide to be Vin himself. He has never taught anyone the hand sign for Vin because so far he has never met anyone worthy enough to use it. Vin has not slept for 10 days. That would be too long. Vin has recorded over forty albums in at least fifteen different genres. Those who have been fortunate enough to hear these albums say that they are "some of the greatest sounds ever recorded." None of these records have seen the light of day outside of Japan, where they are some of the best-selling albums in the country. For reasons unknown to the rest of the world, any attempts at taking one of his albums outside of the country is the single crime punishable by death in Japan. Vin invented Spandex solely for the purpose of giving the technology to superheroes, when Nike heard this they sent in a team of commandos to steal the technology and then kill Vin. Vin killed them all except for one, the man who escaped with the formula for spandex. That man is Danny Devito. Vin invented an engine that is fueled by the music of Thin Lizzy. Vin is actually short for Vinyl Vin is made from near identical ingrediants to Bruce Willis. Vin is opposed to the holiday of chanukah. He would end it, but he likes playing with dradles. Vin is the Kwisatz Haderach. Vin is the original founder of The Breakfast Club. Vin knows the precise whereabouts of Jimmy Hoffa, Carmen Sandiego and Waldo. Vin lives in a pineapple under the sea. Vin offered to help Nelson Mandela in the liberation of South Africa, but Nelson turned it down because he already decided to call it the "Struggle". Vin often eats seven burning tires for a midnight snack. Vin once aided twelve adult grizzly females in labor. Three of the cubs were breach births, and four were caesarian sections. Vin once beat a pirate to death with a shovel, then returned the shovel to Wal-Mart, complaining that the blood, brain matter, skull fragments, and clumps of hair "did not properly cake to the shovel" the way he was accustomed to. Vin once morphed into a One Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater. He then proceeded to eat the writer of that song because he saw the irony in it. Vin once seduced the Statue of Liberty, but her career got in the way of a lasting relationship. Vin once took a shot of Jack Daniels through his ear. He promptly threw it up out of his nose, at which point, he declared it holy. Vin once tossed a dwarf at a Mecallica concert. When questioned, Vin Diesel said, "Times were different. Dwarves weren't real people then." Vin once turned a serial killer in to the LAPD. Not because it was the right thing to do, but because he did not authorize the killings and viewed it as a challenge to his position as the Grim Reaper. Vin once utilized a Super Energy Reverse Polarizer to prematurely detonate war-surplus torpedos on an intercept course for him, after he was magnetized to an illegal projection buoy by his metal endoskeleton. He was saved by a porpoise when the batteries died Vin once went sledding in New Hampshire and broke the sound barrier by turning his head around and blowing forcefully. As a result of the shock waves, several children died. Vin ascended to heaven and repeatedly punched God in the eye until he brought them all back to life. Every single one of those children are now scientists. Vin only casts a shadow from the waist up. Vin refuses to wear shoes with laces. Vin smokes 5 packs of Camels per day, but only the ones with two humps. Vin takes three-month vacations between each of his movie shoots. During this time, he teaches an advanced level course in poetry composition at Yale. The course is notoriously difficult to get into, and out of. Vin was the chief programmer on the Super Mario Brothers 3 development team. Vin was the only one who sucessfully put humpty dumpty back together again. Vin's birth certificate says his official middle name is "Motherfucker". Vin's nipples lactate different kinds of milk: the left excretes skim and the right excretes chocolate. Vin's skin is pure Kevlar. Vine Diesel came before the chicken AND the egg. Vorsprung durch Vin Diesel. WARNING PHENYLKETONURICS: Vin Diesel will beat your ass. Walking on water is an easy feat for Vin Diesel. What he really has difficulty with is climbing on fog. Walt Whitman didn't write "O Captain, My Captain," it was actually written by Vin Diesel as an appology to his penis. Warning: Vin Diesel in your mirror is larger than he appears. Was Bio-Engineered by NASA, PETA, and the Czech Republic to fight King Kong in 2007. Was taught everything he knows by Kenny G, but subsequently ate his brain. We are all but a part of a dream that Vin Diesel is having. We have nothing to fear but fear itself. Fear has nothing to fear but Vin Diesel. Weeping Willows are a result of Vin Diesel yelling at trees for not being tough enough. Welch's grape juice does not make Vin Diesel's lips smack, but it once invoked him to cause the fall of Rome. What Joan of Ark didnt know was that she was actually hearing Vin Diesel. What is black, white, and "red" all over? A suburned zebra, a newspaper, and Vin Diesel. What was your question again? Don't bother asking, because Vin Diesel told me the answer, and it's Vin fuckin' Diesel. What you choose to call hell, Vin Diesel calls home. When 7-11 ran out of cola-flavored Slurpees, Vin Diesel made a Slurpee out of the 7-11. But he poured out the gross hippie cashier before putting the lid on. When Adobe Acrobat converts a file to pdf format, it actually emails it to Vin Diesel, who converts the file himself, and then sends it back. Frequent crashes are your crappy ISP’s fault though, not Vin Diesel’s. When Alexander Graham Bell made the first phone call, Vin Diesel replied with "So, what are you wearing?" When Alexander Graham Bell made the first phone call, it was to Vin Diesel. His answering machine picked it up. When Cain slew Abel, Vin wanted to intervene, but he was busy breaking apart Pangaea at the time. When Dr. Phil had anorexia Vin Diesel forced him to eat 30 litres of orphan gruel a day at gunpoint. Dr. Phil referred to Vin's tactics as "The perfect cure." When God said, "Let there be light", Vin Diesel flicked the switch. When God said, "Let there be light," Vin Diesel flipped the switch. When I was 13, I was outside flying a kite, and I looked up into the sky and I saw Vin Diesel fighting 2 aliens. He landed on the ground, and the aliens fell dead. He looked at me and said "Nice kite, kid" and then flew off. From that day on, I'm the only one that knows Superman's secret identity is Vin Diesel. When Jesus said, “Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone,” Vin Diesel threw a stone . . . at Jesus. When Lucifer waged his war against God and all of Heaven, Vin Diesel was assigned to punish him for his insolence. Stopping only to singlehandedly beat the shit out of Satan's army of renegade angels, Vin chased him through seven galaxies, raped him several times, and threw him back to our solar system so hard that when he hit Earth's surface it created an immense cavernous funnel with nine shelves. When Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard Vin Diesel was there and told her dog to fuck off. When People get hungry, they go to their refrigerators. When Vin Diesel gets hungry, he goes to an orphanage. When Sir Mix-a-Lot penned the lyrics for "Baby Got Back" he was actually referring to Vin Diesel. When The Transporter needs something transported, he calls Vin Diesel. When US troops went to Iraq to look for weapons of mass destruction, all they found was Vin Diesel. When Vin Diesel accidentally invented cancer, his response was simply, "I've made a huge mistake." When Vin Diesel and Xena Warrior Princess found out that Inflation was on the rise yet again, they set out on a rampage to kill as many illegal immigrants as possible. Vin used his penis in a similar manner as Xena uses her spinning disc, except it can go straight through 3 human skulls consecutively and still come back to its original position between Vin's legs. Sinking immigrants soon turned into a tournament with Vin sinking 36 boats and Xena, 34. Xena still claims that Vin cheated to this day but he just laughs and states that German really is a funny language. When Vin Diesel awakens, it is springtime again. When Vin Diesel becomes angry he gets hot and turns into a gaseous state. When Vin Diesel begins work on a new film project, he bludgeons a hobo to death with a hammer for good luck. For even better luck, he devours the corpse. For the best luck possible, he throws the bones at school children during recess. When Vin Diesel breaks a mirror, he has seven years of free game rentals at Blockbuster. When Vin Diesel commits suicide, he will hang himself by the foot. That way, it'll be more painful, and it'll last longer. When Vin Diesel coughs, people in a three foot radius lose their memories of who they are and where they are going. When Vin Diesel created time, he pondered making the hours, minutes, and seconds base 10 for mortals to comprehend easier, however; he chose to suit his own pallet and mix things up a bit. When Vin Diesel crosses the street, he doesn't need to look both ways. When Vin Diesel cuts onions, it rains. When Vin Diesel designed the original thong, it was simply a string with a cork on either ends. When Vin Diesel died, the last word he uttered was "Sled". That puzzled a lot of people, because Vin was allergic to snow. After a thorough investigation, it was discovered that "Sled" was the name of a rose bud he was cultivating at the time. When Vin Diesel dies, he will return to the life stream and stop Meteor. When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down. When Vin Diesel does the Hokey-Pokey, people die. When Vin Diesel drinks beer, everyone around him gets drunk. When Vin Diesel drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny. When Vin Diesel eats Apple Jacks, they taste like apples. When Vin Diesel eats a pack of Starbursts, all of them are pink. When Vin Diesel eats his daily banjo, he often burps bluegrass music. When Vin Diesel falls off his horse he never gets back on. Why? Because he never falls off his fucking horse. When Vin Diesel farts in an elevator, people thank him. When Vin Diesel finds a coin on the ground, he punches a nun. Vin Diesel rarely finds coins, and yet has punched more nuns than can easily be counted. Go figure. When Vin Diesel finds a french fry in his box of human fingers, he gets really pissed off. When Vin Diesel finishes a meal, the plate is cleaner than it was before the food was put on it. When Vin Diesel found out about Jesus' death, he beat Judas to death with a sac of carrots. When Vin Diesel gets a grass stain in his pants he simply whispers his name close to the stain and it jumps off his pants and runs away. When Vin Diesel gets hungry, he goes to an abortion clinic. When Vin Diesel gets mad, he increases to twice his normal size, becomes green, and refers to himself in the third person. When Vin Diesel gives you three seconds to tell him where your boss is hiding out, he doesn't include a complementary "two-and-a-half". When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket. When Vin Diesel hears a good joke he yells, “Outrageous!” When Vin Diesel holds a 55 watt light bulb it turns on and shines at 75 watts. When Vin Diesel is bored he farts into a pool of water which then attracts stray cats and ironically stray dogs, then he watches them fight to the death, he likes it best when the dogs win and celebrates their victory by eating a guitar When Vin Diesel is craving soup, he makes it out of his own sweat. When Vin Diesel is sad, magical puppies appear to cheer him up. When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead. When Vin Diesel jumps through a window, the glass doesnt shatter. It moves out of the way. When Vin Diesel laughs he actually says LOL or LMAO. When Vin Diesel laughs, the whole world laughs with him. When Vin Diesel kills, the whole world dies. When Vin Diesel looks at Medusa, she turns to stone. When Vin Diesel orders a Bloody Mary, he insists that it contains small shards of glass from smashed church stained glass windows for extra flavour and purity, along side all the various other ingredients required for said drink. When Vin Diesel orders something "plain" at a McDonald's, they never get his order wrong. When Vin Diesel pees at a urinal, he makes sure to take off his pants and underwear first. When Vin Diesel plays any video game, God mode automatically turns on. When Vin Diesel pops a can of Pringles, the fun stops after about fifteen minutes. When Vin Diesel put on the One Ring, the Nazgul just said, "Fuck it." When Vin Diesel puts the bubbles in his bubble bath, the fires of Hades struggle to withstand the smothering force. When Vin Diesel reaches a difficult point in his life, he often stops and wonders, "What Would Godzilla Do?" As the answer invariably is that Godzilla would devour a schoolbus full of Japanese children, whatever Vin does seems pretty OK by comparison. When Vin Diesel read Moby Dick for the second time, Ahab and the whale became good friends. When Vin Diesel recently underwent surgery to remove an obstructed liver, surgeons were suprised to find a smaller Vin Diesel inside him. When Vin Diesel runs with scissors, other people get hurt. When Vin Diesel shows up to class, 500 points go to Gryffindor. When Vin Diesel smokes cigarettes, his lungs get stronger. When Vin Diesel sneezes there are storms around the world. Vin Diesel wrote the chaos theory to explain this. When Vin Diesel sneezes, Europe catches a cold. When Vin Diesel sneezes, an alternate universe is created. In the most recent one, people begin growing beards at birth and the men begin to grow hair on the top of their heads when they hit puberty.
When Vin Diesel solved the Lament configuration, the Cenobites cowered in the corner of a room in the depths of Hell. When Vin Diesel swallows his gum, it is digested instantly. Sherpas that he snacks on when vacationing on Mt. Everest however, remain in his stomach for 8 years, alive. When Vin Diesel takes a scantron test, the letters of all his answers, when played as music, will always correspond to a piece of music written by Shostakovich. When Vin Diesel thinks of the starving children of Africa, his tears make the skies above them cloud up and rain - a rain of pure acid that kills all the livestock and crops. But his smile can light up a room. When Vin Diesel thinks that his lungs are too black from cigarettes, he simply eats a pound of pure bleach. It usually works. When Vin Diesel told the Microsoft Word paper clip to go away, it never came back. When Vin Diesel traveled through time to the year 3010, he fought the evil robot king and saved the human race again. When Vin Diesel turned 10, he was caught masturbating to a phone book... he told his mother "the number 9 is the weirdest looking number ever..." When Vin Diesel visits the coast, the tides are affected by his gravitational pull. When Vin Diesel walks down a crowded steet men get wet. When Vin Diesel walks in the room, Tic-Tacs check if their breath is fresh. When Vin Diesel wants Chinese food, he tunnels through the center of the Earth to China. When Vin Diesel was a child, Charles Lee Ray entered the body of one of Vin's "Good Guy" dolls. The resulting events are the basis for The Godfather. When Vin Diesel was a kid he was never the one pissing in the urnal with his ass hanging out, he was the one pissing on the skull of a defeated warrior in a corner. When Vin Diesel was asked the question "Who took the cookies from the cookie jar?" He travelled to a tiny fishing village in South America and persisted to beat everyones ass in that village with said cookie jar. When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with. When Vin Diesel was found making a necklace out of dead babies, he was quoted to have said, "World hunger will be next." When Vin Diesel was four years old, a homeless man approached him and asked him for some spare change. Vin was so outraged at the homeless man's audacity, that he went back in time and beat the homeless man's ancestors to death in reverse sequence until he got back to Adam and Eve, where he took on the form of a serpent and tempted Eve to eat the forbidden fruit. When Vin Diesel wishes to mail a letter, he forces it down the throat of the nearest housepet, then hurls the animal in the direction of the recipient's house. When Vin Diesel's algebra teacher asked him one day, "What is the square root of -2?", Vin began to laugh. Then louder. Then whilst standing on top of his desk he was heard to bellow "You'll never know. NONE OF YOU WILL KNOW!" and jumped out the 3rd story window of the New York High School, landing on a baby carriage. Then the teacher said, "It's 2i." When Vin was asked why he never goes to the bathroom, he replied, "What happens in Vin Diesel, stays in Vin Diesel." When Vin was inventing Tetris, he made sure that there'd never be enough long, thin blocks. When Vin went to a website and the "10,000,000th hit" popup came up, he actually was the 10,000,000th visitor. When a new word is added to Webster's Dictionary, it must first be spoken through Vin Diesel's lips. When a regular person puts a conch shell to his ear and listens, he hears the ocean. When Vin Diesel puts a conch shell to his ear and listens, he hears the streets. When a struggling actor without a penny to his name, Vin referred to himself as Star-Vin hoping that food and good fortune would arrive together. When advising his good friend Webster to add "To The X-Treme" to the dictionary, Webster simply replied, "Vin, you know I love you, but I just can't do that for you."
When angry, Vin Diesel has the power to morph into Ted Kennedy. When asked "Are you a metrosexual?" Vin Diesel replied, "No, I like Buicks." When asked about the secret to the Universe, Vin Diesel replied, "42, fool!" When asked about working with Vin Diesel on Boiler Room, Giovanni Ribisi simply stated, "His breath tasted like duck fart." When asked how he feels about punching holes in things, Vin Diesel has surprisingly little to say. When asked if he would kill the Village People, Vin Diesel simply replied, "I have killed many village people." When asked the question "What is your favorite color?", Vin Diesel simply replies, "whatever color comes out of your face when I'm done fucking it." When asked what he would do for a Klondike bar, Vin Diesel exploded. When asked what sex he was on a blood donation form, Vin Diesel realized he was not a sperm bank. Having put his seamen in a blood vile, a patient was injected with his sperm. This person immediately spontaniously combusted. When dating girls of Chinese origin, he serenades them by parking his 83 Toyota Tracel under their window and turning his tricked out system as loud as it will go to the song "I'm in love wit chu" by Da Brat...ironically all his Chinese girls have had the last name Chu. When feeling ill, Vin Diesel has been known to cough up a hunk of kryptonite. When feeling threatened, Vin Diesel acts in a defensive manner much like a turtle. His ass swallows his entire body, and he remains this way until the threat has subsided. When filming his latest movie, Vin Diesel was overheard whispering to a crew member about his ongoing obsession with My Little Pony. When going on a date, colonge sprays itself with Vin Diesel in order to smell good. When golfing, if you accidentally miss the fairway, yelling 'Vin Diesel' will make the ball automatically appear on the green. Just try not to use it too often. When he snores, Vin Diesel's nostrils actually emit Mozart's "Prague" Symphony, No. 38 in D Major.
When he was nine, Vin Diesel dressed as himself to go trick-or-treating. He came home with a bag full of candy, a bag full of miniature liquor bottles, an Irish Setter, and two underage prostitutes carrying more of his candy. When he wrote Leviticus, Vin Diesel predicted the Armageddon would occur when he did not star in the sequel of XXX. They offered the leading role to Vin Diesel, but he declined because he wanted to destroy the world. When in Rome, Vin Diesel does not do as the Romans do. When in second grade, Vin Diesel was asked to draw a picture of nature. Just as he finished, Van Gogh ran in, swiped it off his desk, and named it Starry Night Over the Rhone. When mortals rub two sticks together, we get fire. When Vin Diesel rubs two sticks together, we get Christianity. When no one was looking, Vin Diesel sped up the Earth's rotation so it would be exactly twenty-four hours. When not acting, Vin Diesel follows his true passion: directing Bollywood musicals. He has directed 238 to date and is highly respected for his lilting tenor voice that can be heard many times in these movies. When off-roading in Siberia, Vin Diesel once vibrated so much that the Soviet Union caught on fire. That's how the Cold War ended. When one visits Las Vegas they are not entering a city but in fact Vin Diesel's colorful anus. When paladins try to be cool by using Divine Shield then Hearthstone, Vin Diesel merely sneezes on the shield, causing it to break. He then procedes to devouring the soul of the paladin. When playing chess with Vin Diesel be careful he doesn't...
When police arrive at a the scene of a murder and find Vin Diesel with blood on his hands, they promptly apologize for wasting his time. When preparing for his role in The Pacifier, Vin Diesel bathed in the blood of 13 virgins, claiming it helped him "find his zone". When questioned about the missing girl in Aruba, Vin simply smiled, winked, and pointed to New Jersey. When read backwards, page 1337 of the Holy Bible, the Torah, and the Qu'ran all state that the Apocalypse will be caused by Vin Diesel's massive firestorm of bukkake as he attempts to rid the world of people who submit crappy Flash files to EBaumsWorld.
When staring at you, Vin Diesel emits gamma rays that will eventually turn you into a mutant. He knows this, and now you do too. When the Coca-Cola Company introduced "New" Coke, an altered form of Coke Classic, Vin Diesel curiously tried it. The side effects caused explosive diarrhea that resulted in two members of the New Found Glory, one member of N'Sync, Aaron Carter and two Hillary Duffs. The youngest of the Hillarys died when Vin Diesel ate her for sustenance. When the Mongols invaded Japan, Vin Diesel sneezed, and the typhoon wiped out the invaders and the Japanese still, to this day, call Vin Diesel's allergies "Kamikaze" or "Divine Wind." When the Thought Police invaded Winston's secret room and broke Winston's Paperweight, Vin Diesel demanded that they pick up the pieces. When the entirety of the Torah is recited in one breath, it sounds oddly similar to "VINDIESEL". When the fat lady sings, it's not over for Vin Diesel. When the founding fathers decided that it would be necessary to coin money, they first had to consult Vin Diesel, who at the time had yet to create metals. When the girl from the ring climbed out of Vin's TV, he stood up, cleared his throat, stretched calmly, and booted her straight back in. When the grocery store is out of Vin Diesel's favorite ice cream, the president orders the army to Defcon 5 and there is a total eclipse of the sun. When the white smoke rises from the Vatican, we will know that they have chosen a new Vin Diesel. When the world finally ends, Vin Diesel will clotheline the 3rd Horseman of the Apocolypse and steal his horse. When threatened by predators, Vin Diesel inflates a series of air bladders around his body and expands to a ball over 7 feet wide and over 10 feet tall, ringed with a series of sharp spines which prove to be very troublesome to any would-be attacker. When told there was a random fact site about him, Vin Diesel smiled, laughed a bit, then ascended into the sky, kinda like Jesus but better. When two tribes go to War, Vin Diesel wins. When vacationing in Spain, Vin Diesel participated in the running of the bulls. Afterwards, he was asked never to return, having personally trampled and gored all the other runners. When within a 7 foot radius of Vin Diesel, you are actually standing on sovereign Guatemalan territory. When you drink Dr. Pepper, Vin Diesel IS the worst that could happen When you hear someone say, "It's raining cats and dogs," watch out. Vin Diesel may have lost his temper again. When you knock on heavens doors, Vin Diesel opens it. When you mix Vin Diesel with a strong acid you get salt water. When you play Halo 2 on Legendary difficulty, you're actually playing against Vin Diesel. When you sell your soul to Satan, Vin Diesel writes up the paperwork. When your foot falls asleep, thousands of tiny Vin Diesel's are actually inside you poking you with knives. Whenever Vin Diesel farts, India doesn't see the moon for a year. Whenever Vin Diesel kicks someone's ass, Microsoft Windows crashes. The year in which Windows ME came out was an especially angry year for Vin.
Whenever Vin Diesel puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an inferno erupts behind him. Whenever Vin Diesel thinks about a song, any song, everyone in his immediate vicinity not only hears it, but they are also forced to rock out and sing to it in high pitched voices. Whenever Vin Diesel watches Memento the secnes jump into the correct order. Whenever a family in China gave birth to a daughter, they'd call Vin Diesel to eat it for them. Whenever someone asks Vin Diesel for change for a dollar, he causes a short-lived leftist revolution in an obscure South American country of his choosing. Whenever there's "that guy" in a movie who you can't remember his name, it's Vin Diesel. Whenever you choke on something, this is just Vin Diesel getting his satisfaction. Whenever you see a shooting star, it's really just Vin Diesel peeing off a cloud. While Vin Diesel failed his drivers licence test, he passed his "fly a burning 767 backwards through an electrical storm and sub-zero-temperature hail over a packed city with his teeth, while holding a nuclear bomb under one arm, a baby in the other, and a meat-safe attached to his testicles during a St. Patricks Day parade-gone-wrong" test, with humble ease. While Vin Diesel is not double-jointed, he can twist his hands and fingers into positions that provide him with the same functionality as a standard Swiss Army Knife. His pinky finger nail, for instance, doubles as a magnifying glass. While Wolverine's bones are laced with Adamantium, Vin Diesel's bones are laced with 80's pop star Adam Ant. While back in time, he had sex with a woman for the hell of it. The result was a baby named Marion Michael Morrison. While digging the Grand Canyon, Vin Diesel ran into Godzilla, and beat him up so badly that he's never dared assail the West Coast ever since, and attacks Japan, instead. While filming The Pacifier, Vin had to be fed small orphans and runaways in-between scenes to quench His hunger and keep Him from feasting on the faces of the children He was sent from above to pacify. While in Egypt, Vin Diesel had an affair with Isis. He grew a beard and assumed the name Moses, all in a clever ploy to flee Egypt and escape the wrath of Osiris. While in stealth mode he is only detectable by the smell of freshly mown grass he gives off at all times. While in the Arabian Desert, Vin Diesel came upon a Genie. When he heard that he was only allowed three wishes, Vin Diesel kicked the Genie in the groin and swallowed the lamp. While outlandish conspiracy theories may suggest he was involved in fixing of the 1944 elections this is at best a half-truth. While serving in the Confederacy, Vin Diesel gave the order to his men to shoot Stonewall Jackson. Vin knew Stonewall was on his side, he was just jealous of his beard. While the telephone was actually invented by Vin Diesel, he traded the bragging rights and patent to Alexander G. Bell after losing a bet with him over who could drink the most molasses in five minutes. While there is technically more than one way to skin a cat, for most people it's somewhere in the neighborhood of three. For Vin Diesel, it's 3,895 and all but three of them use his genitals. While using Q-Tips, Vin Diesel doesn't stop when there is resistance. While we all complain about gas prices, Vin Diesel's car runs on Obsession by Calvin Klein. Whilst on a publicity tour through South America, Vin Diesel came across an old lady with a bag of Brazil nuts and no nutcracker. In order to alleviate her distress, Vin Diesel proceeded to crack the whole bag of nuts using only his steely buttocks. Crisis averted! White people like Vin Diesel because he makes Malcolm X look like Wayne Brady. Will Smith once said, "I got to get me one of these." Vin Diesel does in fact have one of those. William Shakespeare is Vin Diesel's pen name. William Shatner was originally supposed to shout "VIN DIESELLLL!," but Vin Diesel showed him how to shorten it into one syllable; hence, "KHAAAAAN!" Windows ME never crashes if Vin Diesel is at the keyboard. Witch Hazel is coagulated Vin Diesel. With just two fluid ounces of Vin's blood, you can use a quill pen to draw a thaumaturgic circle around yourself to keep Chaotic Evil Outsiders at bay. With the rising cost of gasoline, Vin Diesel is beginning to worry about his drinking habit. Women are from Venus, men are from Mars, Vin Diesel is from Earth, the centre of the earth in fact, where he was discovered by Jules Verne. Wookies tear your arms off when they lose. Vin Diesel furiously absorbs his opponent into his being and then claims victory. Working as a forklift operator in 1995, Vin Diesel ran over and killed the original Johnny Appleseed. Wrestles himself when no one is looking. Wu Tang Clan's "In The Hood" is based on Vin Diesel and Moses' seven year long kung fu duel. Yanky Doodle went to town, riding with Vin Diesel, he got his body snapped in half and called it very painful. Yelling out "Earth, Fire, Wind, Water, Heart" will cause Captain Planet to appear. But adding "Badass" to the end will make Vin Diesel appear instead. You are what you eat. If you're a Korean circus midget, you're also what Vin Diesel eats. You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children. You call it a Penis Pump. Vin Diesel calls it a workout. You can determine Vin Diesel’s age by chopping off his leg and counting the rings. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink, unless you're Vin Diesel. You can't spell "vindictive" without Vin. You can't tell due to his lack of hair, but Vin Diesel is always "Super Saiyan II". You cannot kill Vin Diesel, you can merely put him into stasis. You do this by chopping off his head and placing it in a bag made of raw silk. The silk bag prevents the head from growing legs and reuniting with the body. He shaves his head to prevent his enemies (which are numerous) from having hair to grab onto, making decapitation by sword more difficult. You don't control Vin Diesel. You only aim him. You have found the lucky post! press F5 immediately for your reward. You know that one level in video games that took you forever to beat? Vin Diesel beat it on his first try and in mere seconds. You know that spot between your shoulder blades you can't reach? Vin Diesel can reach there. You know the Twelve Tasks of Hercules? Guess who really did all that. You think you know Vin Diesel, but you have no idea. Your computers are not connected. Vin Diesel manually carries each song, picture, or file that you download. Zeus got the idea for turning into a swan and impregnating women after watching Vin Diesel do precisely that while out drinking with Bacchus. Ziploc supplies Vin Diesel with giant customized sleeping bags which Vin uses nightly to maintain his freshness. by George Washington, who worship his every move. in 79 AD, Vin Diesel popped a pimple. The people of Pompeii have been preserved ever since. matt damon the glare from vin diesel's head can be seen from space.